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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Speak your mind? |
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| Serena |
| 03/02/04 at 19:45:47 |
| Dearest Brothers and Sisters in Islam, Assalam alaikum wa ramatullahi wa barakatuhu. I pray you are all well by the Grace of Allah ta’ala. :) What do you tend to lean towards – speaking your mind or holding it in? What if your words might sadden, upset or anger the recipient? I have a *very* short time span in which I could tell a few people around me some things I have on my mind. Things that have been pre-occupying my thoughts, and weighing heavily on me, for many a month now. I want to rest peacefully but I am afraid that I might cause some grievances if I do say some of them. I go each day with the words on the tip of my tongue, but fear of the unknown holds me back. ::) What do you think…are some things better left unsaid, and taken to the grave with you? Would it make a difference if what you wanted to say was good or bad? Or to whom? Would the (possible) outcome weigh heavily on your decision? Would you rather suffer by not saying anything, or suffer the consequences of your actions, but feel at peace within your heart for what you have said? (if that makes sense, lol ;D) Any advice would be appreciated. Wa’assalam, Serena :-) |
| Re: Speak your mind? |
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| theOriginal |
| 03/02/04 at 21:26:09 |
| [slm] A mon avis: Most things should be withheld, because patience is a forgotten virtue. But that doesn't mean that you keep getting hurt or that other people keep taking advantage of you. You have to protect yourself, as well, and ensure that when someone does something to hurt you, they know it. It's a judgement call. I think adulthood brings the ability of being able to make that judgement soundly. I don't know...do you have specifics about your scenario? Wasalaam. |
| Re: Speak your mind? |
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| timbuktu |
| 03/02/04 at 22:26:20 |
| [slm] I have held my peace, and I have given my piece of mind, too. On occasion I have regretted chosing one over the other, and on occasion it has worked. So, like sis JustOne said (aren't you curious about the choice of that name, and its implications, like "the Just One", "Just the odd One", or "Just One of many", or something like that :) ) "Just" said to lighten up your mood your circumstances, how much you can hold within you without damaging your heart or brain, etc., all these matter in taking a decision like that. if you think your health is being damaged by being quiet, then let out the steam, but be prepared to suffer the consequences. :) and it is always better to seek Allah's advice and help before that. how do you seek advice? istikhara - 2 rakaah and dua and help? two rakaah, and dua |
| 03/02/04 at 23:03:23 |
| timbuktu |
| Re: Speak your mind? |
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| paula |
| 03/02/04 at 22:48:12 |
| [slm] Smile … That's Sister JustOne.... [i]The[/i] JustOne (as in justice ;)) - she'll have to let us know... as I have always wondered - Kind of a hard one to address remotely Sister [quote]What do you tend to lean towards – speaking your mind or holding it in? What if your words might sadden, upset or anger the recipient?[/quote] I agree in most general terms on withholding as well … there’s a lot of wisdom in silence & patience…. 9x’s out of 10 maybe (is that kind of high ::)) However as already said … there are those moments that need to be addressed even & if it is bound to sadden, upset or anger the recipient…. Hmmm … the words that come to mind are something like… to ‘not’ make a decision is making a decision (something like that) … in some circumstances it is a responsibility to address things … I suppose the defining is the hard part. [quote]I have a *very* short time span in which I could tell a few people around me some things I have on my mind. Things that have been pre-occupying my thoughts, and weighing heavily on me, for many a month now. I want to rest peacefully but I am afraid that I might cause some grievances if I do say some of them. I go each day with the words on the tip of my tongue, but fear of the unknown holds me back. [/quote] hmmm…. Several months & you feel uncomfortable … fear holding you back I don’t know (remotely is a hard way to decipher something sister) … but being the time frame & the uncomfortable feeling inside… it might be something you need to address for ‘truths’ sake…. The outcome isn’t usually something that I use for a deciphering point anymore in the same sense I use to (if that makes any sense) … ‘fear’ is kind of a life lesson we wrestle with a little. If it’s true… if it’s tactful … it usually is the right thing to do regardless of fear or unforeseen (if you're really bothered inside about it )…. But I don’t know about your specific situation at all ?? & of course just a personal viewpoint. I agree with calling upon Allah(swt) as our brother suggested as well too. May Allah (swt) assist you & assist us all Sister… Ameen |
| 03/02/04 at 23:46:27 |
| paula |
| Re: Speak your mind? |
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| Kathy |
| 03/03/04 at 09:09:30 |
| [slm] :-[ Many people think of me as the type of person who 'tells it like it is...' ;)If they only knew what I really want to say.... :o |
| Re: Speak your mind? |
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| al-ajnabia |
| 03/03/04 at 12:57:19 |
| [slm] sis serina, if your still reading, I once met a man who knew he was dying, so he was going around saying all the true things he knew people would have hurt him for if he was going to live, and telling things to people becuase he chose them to tell it too and not for the political reasons he would have to consider if he was going to be living. If you think somone is going to need to nkow something, tell it, even if it will be troubling, unless it isnt that important after all. I wouldnt bother with telling people off, but if somona is hanging around you dont what to spend your time with, say what you need to say to make it so. Please take this for what its worth, Salaam, |
| Re: Speak your mind? |
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| theOriginal |
| 03/07/04 at 11:46:56 |
| [slm] Sis Serena, how did things work out? Sometimes it is not what you say, but how you say it that really counts :) I had been dying to confront this one person who is VERY close to me for various reasons about something which really bugged me. Something that I had to pay for in $$$ terms...money that doesn't even belong to me, it belongs to my parents. Anyway, after weeks of holding it in, I realized my attitude towards this person was totally changing, I was becoming ruder and less giving, and that is not something I like to see reflected in myself. So, finally, after eating my conscience, and holding back on anger, I just said it. I tried to be as calm as possible, Alhamdulillah. Anyway, so she just said "ohhhh I totally forgot, yeah let me write you a cheque". Man all that wasted frustration on nothing. Sometimes it's best to clear up misunderstandings. Wasalaam. P.S. It's not "THE just one." "Just one of the many" is closer to how I would interpret it. |
| 03/07/04 at 11:49:49 |
| theOriginal |
| Re: Speak your mind? |
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| timbuktu |
| 03/07/04 at 12:02:49 |
| [slm] sister Serena, you are in our duas. May Allah (swt) ease your pain and although you seem resigned to the end, Allah can and has done miracles. Will you please use zam zam water. did I write about Shah Waliullah. When he was near his death, people saw worry cross his face, and then his face became calm. and enquired about this. He replied that his sons were young, and he was worried about his future. Then he saw the prophet [saw] who said to him not to worry, and he (the prophet) would loomafter them. All his three sons grew to be great ulema. I pray that you children also are cared for by Allah (swt) in a manner most befitting of Him. aameen [quote author=JustOne link=board=madrasa;num=1078274747;start=0#6 date=03/07/04 at 11:46:56] ................ It's not "THE just one." "Just one of the many" is closer to how I would interpret it.[/quote] :) I thought so. To explain to those who may not have understood, it would indeed be wrong to use the word THE with Just or One. That applies to Allah (swt) only. |
| 03/07/04 at 12:10:40 |
| timbuktu |
| Re: Speak your mind? |
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| sohuman |
| 03/07/04 at 22:45:53 |
| [quote author=Serena link=board=madrasa;num=1078274747;start=0#0 date=03/02/04 at 19:45:47] What do you think…are some things better left unsaid, and taken to the grave with you? Would it make a difference if what you wanted to say was good or bad? Or to whom? Would the (possible) outcome weigh heavily on your decision? Would you rather suffer by not saying anything, or suffer the consequences of your actions, but feel at peace within your heart for what you have said?[/quote] I am one of those people who speaks what's in my mind if it is the Truth and have evidence to support this truth from the Qur'an and Sunna. I believe we are here on earth to be tested and each and every action of ours including what we say depends on what we believe, or on our level of eeman. So if there is something on your mind, you should say it, especially if you strongly feel this is supported by the Qur'an and Sunna. Don't know if I am making sense, but really I wouldn't like to go to my grave feeling I should have spoken up and made things clear to people how I felt. If you don't say anything, noone will ever know what's on your mind. You may be right about what is in your mind. You may be wrong. But you will not know unless you speak and let others know. Sure, that may result in criticism. People may feel offended. But don't let that stop you from saying what you want to say. We make mistakes. We live and we learn. And Allah is Oft-forgiving. [wlm] :-[ |
| Re: Speak your mind? |
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| paula |
| 03/07/04 at 22:58:52 |
| [slm] Astaghfir Allah …Thank-you kindly brother… Jazakum Allahu Khairan ... as my own post (the just one) could have come across different than I had intended … truly sorry sister Dearest Sister Serena... May Allah (swt) envelope you & yours in His Ultimate Undying Love which He bestows through his Infinite Wisdom & Mercy… May He make these days easier upon us all...Insha' Allah... Ameen [color=black]An Inspirational Du'a by Imam al-Ghazali (shared by a friend ... Subhan Allah) O Allah , of Grace I ask You its perfection ; & of protection its duration ; & of mercy its completion ; & of health its attainment. Of livelihood, I ask its comfort; & of life its happiness ; & of virtue its completion ; & of blessings its totality ; & of graciousness its sweetness ; & of benevolence the nearest. O Allah, terminate with happiness our final end & fulfill for us our hopes beyond expectations. Join with well-being & good health our early mornings & dusky evenings , & set Your mercy as our final end & outcome. Pour the abundance of Your Forgiveness upon our sins , & favour us with the removal of our faults. Give us piety as a provision & place our efforts in the strengthening of Your Religion. In You is our trust & upon You our dependence. O Allah , strengthen us on the road of sincerity & righteousness & protect us in this world from that which will be cause for regret on the Final Day. Lighten for us the burden of our sins & bestow upon us the blessings of those who live a life of Righteousness , & be sufficient for us & avert from us the evils of those who do evil. Free us & free our fathers & our mothers & our teachers from the fire of hell by the grace of Your Mercy. O most Mighty, most Merciful, most Generous; the Veiler (of faults) , the Gentle One , the Potent. O Allah...O Allah...O Allah...O Allah... O Merciful... O Merciful...O Merciful... O most Merciful of the Merciful... the First of the First & the Last of the Last. The Possessor of unshakable Power. The most Compassionate to the poor & the destitute. O most Merciful of the Merciful. "There is no God except You. Glory be to You. Indeed I am amongst those who have done wrong" (surah Anbiyaa :87) May the blessings of Allah be upon Muhammad , his family & all of his companions. & praise belongs to Allah alone, Lord of the worlds. [/color] [wlm] |
| 03/08/04 at 00:25:42 |
| paula |
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