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Internet Fitnah and thinking with ones middle part

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Internet Fitnah and thinking with ones middle part
BroHanif
03/06/04 at 19:29:29
Salaams,

This is a very personal experience so I guess I should limit it to mem only but heck I'm not too consistent with those terms so I'll let it flow...

Anyway enough of the rambling...

Today as part of my curricular activities we had the AGM at the mosque, it was kinda boring and nothing spectacular. I got chosen to help out on the marriage side of things and to authorise the nikahs, me and this other dude. Well last year I had a partner, someone who was a lot older than me I would say someone in their mid 40's. Yet this year when his name was read aloud he wasn't there, in fact he did an AWOL (Absent without leave) or perhaps his got too many things on his head right now. Anyway.. as they read out his name the chuckles and weary smiles started citing oh gosh man his married again so he won't be doing anyone's nikah! hahah. At first I didn't get it but then at the close of the meeting I asked one of the brothers about where Mr X was. The brother said hey you ain't heard he got married to some babe in America(shes under 21) and his now brought her over. My jaw I think dropped to the floor, the air winded from my lungs and I think my eyes must have popped out from their sockets. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Why? Because this guy has three lovely children and an adoring wife. Why did he get married, I simply could not understand.
The sad fact I hear, he didn't even tell wife number one that his off to the states to pop the hand at marriage again.

What a jerk I said to myself. Why do guys do this? Why do us guys think only with our middle part? Don't we understand  feelings and the hurt and grief that is going to cause to our present wives if we do get married?.  What about the children how can you explain to them that dads got married to someone whos a couple of years older than the eldest child.
This was a very close personal experience hence my reason for being so hurt.

And the irony of it all is he began chatting to her via Internet Chat rooms, more and more people are turning to this fitnah. I mean imagine someone in America and someone in Britain hitting it off! Forget love letters we now have instant lust available in seconds. Ya Allah save my emaan, Shaytaan is much stronger than we think at times.

Man it makes me angry.

Salaams,

Hanif
NS
03/06/04 at 19:31:59
BroHanif
Re: Internet Fitnah and thinking with ones middle
Kathy
03/06/04 at 20:00:19
[slm]

Wow... it is everywhere. The other day a woman who has bore her husband 8 children, given him the best years of her life, came into my 'office' crying.

I don't even know her well, but apparently my shoulders looked comfy and strong to her.

Her 53 year old hubby went back home and married a 24 year old girl. She only found out because apparently he had to divorce her, so he could bring her over.

After 23 years of marriage! And a Young Chickie Poo...

They are not well off at all, he brings home a chichen once or twice a week and seends his newest all of the money he makes, while his first wife and kids are hungry and in poor clothes.

You should have seen the hurt in her eyes as she told me about the gold he bought her, and she has never received on piece. Honestly I think she was more hurt about the betrayal and not about the money.

What was he thinking with?

I know most of you will not understand my next statement and personally I am tired of getting on that soap box; She just has no where to turn. Her husband has threatened her with death if she asks for help or goes to the Imam.

As I get older I understand why some scholors tell the women to be patient.

Re: Internet Fitnah and thinking with ones middle
onemuslimgirl
03/06/04 at 20:53:34
well, if he wants a divorce, she can give it to him. then he has child support to pay and alimony and all that good stuff. and if he doesnt want to pay, he gets a free trip to jail.....

I HATE MEN like that with a passion. They take advantage of their wife and twist her arm thinking that she can't do anything. I pray to Allah that he gets exactly what he deserves.

She has a lot of rights, and one of them is not divorcing him so that he can't bring his little wifey to America. or like i said previously, if he wants a civil divorce, she needs to ask for an Islamic divorce also. That way if she wants to get married again she can inshAllah. also, that way she can get on welfare adn get support from the government.

I am not saying this because I am against polygomy. I am saying this because he is not doing his job as husband. Islamically he needs to take care of her adn her kids and if he can't handle that, then he needs to just get out.

May Allah reward her patience and give her something even better inshAllah.
Re: Internet Fitnah and thinking with ones middle
al-ajnabia
03/06/04 at 21:12:36
[slm]
So often, in other religions, the story is after so many years he left his wife and so many kids for the little chicky.  
But it is hard for me to imagine that the little chickies dont have other prospects and these dirty olds arent just takeing advantage of young women's fears of being on their own, or their insecurites about their own good qualites or the wisdom of developing their characters and seeking in wilder pastures when they've got some years on.
You dont hear about it when the new wife is of the same generation.  Maybe these fifty soemthings realize that they only have a brief window when they have this chance of seeming fatherly to a scared girl and they go for it. Chances are they arent thinking any more about the welfare of the new wife than they do about the old wife's welfare.
But there could always be more under the bridge than meets the eye. More personal details than we will ever know.
Re: Internet Fitnah and thinking with ones middle
lala
03/06/04 at 22:41:09
[slm]
When people are weak they turn to what is easily accessible. I dont get it either, why some men/women dont consider the feelings of their respective wives/husbands. Isnt there anything as loyalty, or rather forget obligation..isnt there a thing called commitment, devotion...People forget what a marriage is..and yes meeting people through the internet via chat rooms, etc is a problem. I find myself to be a very liberal person (in comparison to some of you folks here on this board)..but I feel that for us to go and try to 'connect' with others through the internet is an easy way out. One- we are forgetting the importance of actually dealing with people face to face..working our problems out and being A MAN or a WOMAN.....We cant bear to have a conversation with someone..instead we resort to typing... But when we break all vows, and destroy a marriage..and totally screw up another persons life that is a problem...no consideration.

Upsets me too bro..very much so. But what can we do?? When there are so much muslim sites as well as non muslim that promote such 'meetings'..WE can fully blame the sites themselves...but its the people that venture into them..and their state of minds...why do they do it?

And what about the chicks that are on the side...or the latter ones. Dont they think about the feelings of the first woman the wife with the kids? They too are not innocent- again lacking any consideration and human dignity. This upsets me greatly...this stuff hits me in the heart.

Shaytan is indeed strong....and the internet is another crutch. Ya Allah!

peace
Re: Internet Fitnah and thinking with ones middle
Nomi
03/08/04 at 01:12:21
[slm]

Sis lala you took the words out of my mouth.

BTW. Do you guys know that there is a Muslim? country in Africa (forgot the name) where there is a tradition that the first wife goes ahead and selects second wife of her hubby. Second wife selects the third and third one selects the fourth one?

A guy who visited there told me that there were also cases where all four of them ran away!!!

hm... i stood first among 70 odd contestants in a sprint race during my national cadet course. They wont be able to run faster than me ::)

[slm]

Re: Internet Fitnah and thinking with ones middle
panjul
03/10/04 at 12:31:25
[slm]

Sis kathy, and all the muslim sisters out there, we need to start a muslim woman's help center or organization, where we can provide, moral, religious and legal support for women and help them be independent of their husbands and the imams that tell them their rewards in heaven, while their husbands theirs here.

I'm sorry, I dont agree with that line of thought that tells men "inshallah brother, you can get another wife, if you arent happy with your current one." and the woman, "sister, practive patience, Allah rewards the patience."

I'm sure Allah does reward the patience, but that doesnt mean that Muslim women should stand by and let someone take their rights away. They should fight back, just as hard.
Re: Internet Fitnah and thinking with ones middle
Nomi
03/10/04 at 12:51:49
[slm]

[quote author=panjul link=board=bebzi;num=1078619369;start=0#6 date=03/10/04 at 12:31:25]

Sis kathy, and all the muslim sisters out there, we need to start a muslim woman's help center or organization, where we can provide, moral, religious and legal support for women and help them be independent of their husbands.[/quote]

Why only sisters?

Count me and BroHanif in...

I'll prepare tea while you sisters set the path-forward.

Seriously, can desis join?

Any brothers wanna volunteer?

[slm]
Re: Internet Fitnah and thinking with ones middle
panjul
03/10/04 at 18:03:10
[slm]

I have an elaborate plan in my head, I have had it for years now for a muslim woman's center. No males will be allowed on the staff or on the grounds. ReasonP being, if you have just escaped your husband's beatings and come to the center, the last thing we need is for the angry husband to show up and do more damage, to either the staff or the woman seeking help. The last thing a battered woman wants to be around is a male she does not know, even if he is there to offer her help.

I want to give all the necessary privacy I can to the women who may seek help.

Brother can help by donating.

*sigh*
It's just a dream...

A convert muslim woman who was thrown out by her husband because the moher in law got a second wife from back home for her son was on the streets in houston. Allah provides. so now the sister is in good shape and on her own feet. May Allah protect her.

There are muslim woman on the streets with children, i read about it a long time ago from an islamic source, although I can't remember what.

Anyway, a friend of mine would have been on the streets too had it not been for her friends support, financial and legal.

A lot of times muslim families will even tell the women to be patient and live a life of misery, or they will blame the woman for the marriage that went wrong. That's not fair. Why do we have so much double standards?

We have muslim youths, girls and boys, (But girls are morre vuneralbe and need more physical protection i believe than boys), in Christian foster homes.

man.......what's with us muslims? We dont build our society. We dont build the social structures to help the less fortunate. We will pay $100 for an outfit (me included first) but we are not willing to give even $50 for a good cause.

So this is what we call life?

Oh and another way the muslims brothers can be of help is to approve social plans when they are brought up (rarely, and mostly by the women) at the mosques. They get beaten down by the brothers.

We muslims, most of us, are full of rhetoric. When it comes to actually *doing* something, we dont move a muscle or our tongues.

(None of this personally directed at anyone)

03/10/04 at 18:05:57
panjul
Re: Internet Fitnah and thinking with ones middle
BroHanif
03/10/04 at 18:27:50
Salaams,
[quote]man.......what's with us muslims? We dont build our society. We dont build the social structures to help the less fortunate. We will pay $100 for an outfit (me included first) but we are not willing to give even $50 for a good cause.

So this is what we call life?

Oh and another way the muslims brothers can be of help is to approve social plans when they are brought up (rarely, and mostly by the women) at the mosques. They get beaten down by the brothers.
We muslims, most of us, are full of rhetoric. When it comes to actually *doing* something, we dont move a muscle or our tongues.  [/quote]


wow!!!!!!!, ever thought of moving to the UK, we could do with more sisters like you, of course single ticket only for you and your husband!

Salaams,

Hanif

NS
Re: Internet Fitnah and thinking with ones middle
SA84
03/10/04 at 23:49:20
exactly, the Masjid is supposed to be the CENTRAL part of the Muslim society, yet now it's not so...most of them are just there to pray and go home...while if you look @ the ideal mosque, it should provide all sorts of resources like social support, homeless shelter, food bank, youth centre, anything which makes the place more friendlier and open to your problems.

this article from soundvision is exactly what was on my mind when reading the responses from this post: http://www.soundvision.com/Info/socialservice/masjids.asp
Re: Internet Fitnah and thinking with ones middle
Nomi
03/11/04 at 00:35:09
[slm]

[quote author=panjul link=board=bebzi;num=1078619369;start=0#8 date=03/10/04 at 18:03:10]

I have an elaborate plan in my head, I have had it for years now for a muslim woman's center. No males will be allowed on the staff or on the grounds. ReasonP being, if you have just escaped your husband's beatings and come to the center,[color=Yellow] the last thing we need is for the angry husband to show up and do more damage,[/color] to either the staff or the woman seeking help. The last thing a battered woman wants to be around is a male she does not know, even if he is there to offer her help.

I want to give all the necessary privacy I can to the women who may seek help.

[/quote]

Thats exactly why you need brother like me there. Here lemme sell my case to you...

(back in days)

1] I've beaten two guys single-handedly.

2] I got beaten by FOUR gangstaz who kicked me like a soccerball. Actually they were beating iffi, i thought i might be able to save my best buddy but ended up with my cool shirt torn apart.

See... if the mad husband shows up, i'll be able to help you "both ways". Secondly, i've got first hand experience of handling "two" such cases, although i sound childish here but i'm not always like that. T'rust me.

You gotta let some men in!

Lastly, just between you and me! Could it be that you add my sis and <ahem.. her> to your msn or yahoo messenger? I would appreciate sisters of your likes around here.

[slm]
Re: Internet Fitnah and thinking with ones middle
A_Stranger
03/12/04 at 10:23:10
[wlm]

No way!! I think I know who you're talking about, BroHanif..

But yeah...the world's gone crazy man. Even people who you think would *never* do such things, go ahead with it. Its a crazy world. The Muslim Womens' Centre thing sounds like a wicked idea...I think we have one here. Get together a bunch of women who speak a different lanugages and who understand different cultures to help out...cuz there's alot of women out there who face these problems but dont speak english..so there'll be communicaiton probs. Also, an on-site kids area would fit in perfectly. But I guess all that's obvious for a Muslim womens' centre, so y'all have thought of that already..hmm...if I get any other ideas...I'll let ya know, inshaAllaah.

Wassalaam.


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