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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
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| Nomi |
| 03/08/04 at 04:15:39 |
| [slm] Do you big sisters have any issues about being called "aunty"? Here is what happened recently. My sis (~21) and mother used to attend arabic classes. An aunty (of my mother's age, maybe older) got offended when my sibling addressed her using that word. Her point of view was that, since my sis is ummfatima so she can't call her aunty!! Last time when such a thing happened i asked my sis not to call any aunty 'aunty' no mater how old she is but she did it again!! I dont blame ummfatima though, as youngest sister of my mother is around 33 and of course we call her aunty. Like i have been playing "keeklee pakeeklee" with her coz shes just 7 years older than moi but still she doesn't mind us calling her aunty! How about you sisters? As for me, i think the moment i'll turn 25 i'll have no right of being called anything else than 'uncle'. What i dont get is that why sisters are so touchy about it! Any comments aunty Halima?, aunty azizah? aunty Kathy? :o .. aunty xyz ? [slm] ~me ps: We friends sometime refer to 'all' girls as aunties (you pakis might understand what i am talking about!). e.g. we go..., "hey watch out, an "aunty" is driving that car so she may well turn left although her indicator says otherwise" etc.. pps: What do you say about that '25 years' theory of mine? Would u sisters above 25 mind if we call you 'aunty' ?? |
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| gift |
| 03/08/04 at 05:15:45 |
| [slm] We call older ladies (well ladies older than my siblings and I) 'aunty' all the time. Just as a sign of respect I guess - why would the ladies be offended ??? mind you my sister told me once that she offered her seat on the bus to an old lady who was standing (cos there were no seats left) - you know what she said : [i] What do you think I am? an old woman?[/i] ;D |
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| Kathy |
| 03/08/04 at 09:12:13 |
| [slm] I must admit, when I first heard someone address me as aunti, as an American, I found it a bit odd. In my son's school all the kids used to call me Kathy. But I thought about it and realized that it would be beneficial to them if they learned that a certain degree of respect should be given, if by anthing, the prefix of a name. So I told the kids that I had a birthday and was now older. They should now call me Mrs. AJ. Well, they delighted in it and those that could pronounce my full name were pretty darn proud of it! Recently I noticed that many of the young Muslim kids are starting to call me aunty. It really really sounds wierd to my ears, but I am slightly pleased and warmed to know they are being more respectful now, than in the past years. As martha says: It is a good thing... |
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| rkhan |
| 03/09/04 at 00:06:34 |
| [slm] Yes, most women feel being called “Aunty” is kinda derogatory. But that’s because “Aunty”-ness is associated with a particular physical and mental state in the desi belt. Much like “behenji ”…which literally only means sister…but those from the subcontinent will know that it refers to an oiled-plaited-hair, thick-specs, un-smart stereotype of a girl. Speaking for myself, nobody calls me aunty…yet. (Possibly because I don’t look and act like one? I totally regress around youngsters) My assorted neices and nephews and my kids’ schoolfriends call me Chaachi Mama/ Chotti Mama/ Umm-so and so or Mrs.XXX respectively. Someone – a family friend’s teenaged son --- called my husband uncle a few days back tho…he seemed kind of traumatized about it… :) |
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| bismilla |
| 03/09/04 at 00:47:40 |
| [slm] :-) I have been thinking that this is really race / culture perculiar. For example, in South Africa, with the "Indian / Gujerati speaking" Community you would call your neighbour Aunty So-and-So. If you called her for example, Mrs. Seedat instead of Aunty Hawa, she might think you being snobbish or trying to be less than friendly and get offended!! On the other hand, with the "white" community, if you called your neighbour "Aunty So-and-So" you are told right away that they are not your aunty. They prefer Mrs/miss. So-and-So. Then again, if you called an Urdu speaking lady Anty Anybody, she will glare at you and remind you that she is to be called Khala/Marmie/Nanie etc. *sigh* With the "African" community, we call the older ladies "mama" which literally means "mother". However now-a-days ladies take offence to that too! I think the way to overcome it is to first see how THEY address other people or you could be straightfoward and direct about the whole thing and ask them how they would prefer to be addressed *shrug* So this is why i think this is race or culture specific. As Jannah says...when in Rome... :-) |
| 03/09/04 at 00:54:45 |
| bismilla |
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| faith |
| 03/09/04 at 05:23:36 |
| [slm] ok, my 2 cents now, in my country, being called Aunty to anyone who passes for your mum's age, as a sign of respect. If you are not sure of her age, then one calls her "elder sister" or if the one you are addressing someone younger than you, then its "younger sister". Unfortunately, there is no term for one of the same age as you, unless, you want to be formal, and address it as "ms/mrs/miss". The same applies to men. personally, I object to all the above, coz, I feel I am being judged on my age and/or my marital status (if its formal) ::). Hence, at work, I insist on people older/younger/whatever office pecking order to call me by my name only. unless, of course, if the kid is smaller than 7yrs, and could pass for my kid (if I had one), then I am thrilled to be called Aunty! :D salam, :-) p/s have you ever wondered why men are only referred to as "mr" but for women, her marital status needs to be known: "miss/mrs/ms"? these terms applies to the malay language too, hhmm... |
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| Halima |
| 03/09/04 at 10:46:45 |
| For me, it is an honour to be called "aunty" or "mama". I have no qualms about it. I actually am delighted. In my culture (Somali), any one older than you by even a year is an elder. And children don't call elders by their names. Every elder is either an aunty or an uncle. Yes, there are people who take offense even within my own community (which by the way is African). These are ladies and gentlemen (and yes, there are men too, who do not like to be called uncle) who fear age. They lash back fiercely. But it is a sign of respect culture wise. And hey, I am about to turn 43 on April 9. So, please do not be afraid to call me aunty if you feel like doing so. Ahmad on this board does. May we grow in wisdom and understanding. Halima |
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| theOriginal |
| 03/09/04 at 12:58:41 |
| [slm] When my sister was 15, this lady (much older) asked my sister "So you only have two children?" (she was referring to me and my little bro) ... Then when my sister was 20, my cousin was 14, and they were standing together, and this lady asked her "So this is your son?" It used to be aggravating to even witness this, because my sister has always been a source of public inquiry for our social circle. Alhamdulillah, I have never been called aunty...although recently my mom's cousin had a daughter (who is SO SO SO cute, mashaAllah), and his wife is intent on making the poor kid call me "Khala" (equivalent of mom's sister)....I understand her concern, because we have been friends for years...but I am technically a "Baji" (older sister type)....Anyway, when wifey isn't watching, I brainwash the little kid into thinking I'm a Baji. muahahah. Now, I seriously don't want people to call me aunty. It's awful. The word makes me cringe. I would prefer "Khala" or even my first name is fine. ooooooooooooh did I tell you guys about Zaynah? awww I'm in love with that kid, mashaAllah. Sha calls me "sha la". Isn't that cute? awww. I think I should go now. Wasalaam. |
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| superFOB |
| 03/10/04 at 08:23:33 |
| [slm] I absolutely despise this word, at least in the desi context. What happened to good ole khala (came to us from arabic), or aapa, or baji, or ukhti, or behen ji, or maasi even? And most desis are ignorant enough to believe that its a just a term of respect! Same goes for "uncle". - super "desi" FOB |
| 03/10/04 at 08:26:28 |
| superFOB |
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| Nomi |
| 03/11/04 at 03:30:32 |
| [slm] [tt][size=2] --me [quote] Assalamu Alaikum Aunty... Do you big sisters have any issues about being called "aunty"? [/quote] Thanks for your inputs Aunty Attia, Aunty Kathy, Aunty Rkhan, Aunty bimilla Aunty faith Aunty Halima Aunty sha la Aunty SuperFOB (lol) and last but not the least Aunty onemuslimgirl. I really appreciate your inputs. What i understood from your posts is that, ppl dont want to offend you when they call you "aunty". As they are just trying to show respect (most of the time), although i do know that many desi women use this word to tease other women but its all about how we think of others. I mean its all about 'husn-a-dhan' on our part right? And I think i better take my words back in case of siss rkhan, faith, JO and onemuslimgirl , i know supoerFOB likes that word so i'll let that stay! With all due respect, rest of you are aunties and you must admit that :) (no offense). [slm] Your Nephew![/size][/tt] |
| 03/14/04 at 00:42:20 |
| Nomi |
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| Kathy |
| 03/11/04 at 09:20:26 |
| [quote author=superFOB link=board=sis;num=1078737339;start=0#8 date=03/10/04 at 08:23:33]khala (came to us from arabic), or aapa, or baji, or ukhti, or behen ji, or maasi even? [/quote] Translations please... |
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| timbuktu |
| 03/11/04 at 09:46:06 |
| [slm] khala = ÎÇáå = mother's sister (in Arabic, Urdu) aapa = = one's older sister (in Urdu) The "aa" and "p" is not available on my naseej keyboard baji = ÈÇÌí = one's older sister in Urdu, younger sister in Punjabi as a sign of respect ukhti = ÇÎÊí = my sister (in Arabic) behen ji = Èåä Ìí = sister (in Urdu, Gujrati etc) maasi = ãÇÓí = mother's sister (in Gujrati), also household help in Urdu |
| 03/11/04 at 09:47:35 |
| timbuktu |
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| theOriginal |
| 03/11/04 at 14:50:32 |
| [slm] MashaAllah that's one cute kid. Thanks bro timbuktu, I was wondering about "maasi" :D Wasalaam. Sha La. |
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| Khariya |
| 03/11/04 at 22:25:32 |
| [slm] I find it really annoying when people use the word aunty for someone who is not their "real" aunt, cause its gets really confusing. my friend was telling me about her cousin who was marrying one of his "aunities" ( older second cousin in reality), and I was like WHAAAAT. And then she explained that the lady was not his real aunt but just an older cousin. [] Addressing elders using respectful terms is good, but an Aunt is Aunt, and a nephew is nephew. Others terms should be used to express respect. P.s I hope I didnt offend anyone. ;D |
| 03/11/04 at 22:26:10 |
| Khariya |
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| Arabian_Princess |
| 03/13/04 at 09:03:32 |
| [slm] tell me brother nomi, who is that cute kid....she looks just like my lil sis....and her name is Fatima! :) [slm] |
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| Nomi |
| 03/13/04 at 15:35:03 |
| [slm] She is my lil sis's daughter, her name is FATIMA :) I call her fatititima sometimes :) When you ask her to kiss you, she first kisses on your left cheek then your right one, then on your forehead then on both your eyes, all for herself!! awwwww shes sooo cute in everything that she does. She is a real indie-princess :P , and you guys haven't seen her while sleeping.... cuute.... masha'Allah.... masha'Allah Hey her mom will punch me if that kiddo catches any "bad eye", so, all say mashaAllah please :) [slm] |
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| Halima |
| 03/14/04 at 03:22:07 |
| Masha Allah! Beautiful girl! Now, Aunty in English may sound derogative but in anyone's mother tongue, it is really beautiful and full of respect. But I would not expect anybody who is not from my tribe to call me aunty in Somali. So for me, the English aunty will do just fine. Thanks, nephew Nomi for the honour! Age has got nothing to do with formal or respectful address. And respect is earned NOT bought. For someone to consider you as an aunty, they must have weighed their decision on how to address you. And that is NOT a small feat! Of course, there are those who just do it to rile you. In any case, we should be able to differetiate between a genuine 'aunty' address and a deragatory one. If it is deragatory, put the person in their place. But NOTE: maybe that is the whole point of the naughty ones! Just to rile and make you loose your cool. It is all a matter of perception. I have noticed that those who addressed me as 'aunty' to make feel old really take stock when I respond in kind. Now, I may not understand all the desi talks and meanings but I guess the majority here do because of the same cultural background. But in Somali, here is how we address aunties and uncles: Habaryar - maternal aunt Edho - paternal aunt Abti - maternal uncle Adheer - paternal uncle So, a child may address you in relation to what you are to either of their parents. Friends of parents are addressed in accordance with whose friend they were first, dad's or mum's. We have cousins in my language but most often, we address each other as brothers and sisters regardless. Explanations/qualification only arise when people realize that you are not realy siblings. May we all live with what is comfortable within our own definitions. Halima |
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| Twilight |
| 03/15/04 at 12:09:11 |
| [slm] Well as a Baji since the day Attia was born i have no probs with that one, i think i've said before even my grandfather used to call me baji and my parents still do as for aunty... The first time my cousins children called me Phuppo and Khalla (fathers sister / Mothers sister) it felt soooo good. Though i do have to admit i have an aunty (mums cousin) who is younger than me and i call her by her first name ::).....it seems strange to me calling someone younger than me aunty. What about you guys any of you have aunts uncles younger than you? how do you address them? [wlm] Baji |
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| Fozia |
| 03/19/04 at 11:12:09 |
| [slm] Anyone over 10 calling me aunty makes me wanna :'( :'( :'( . Which throws a spanner in the works as my husbands youngest nephew is I think 14, eldest being 19. I just get sooooo confused as my youngest sister is 18, plus I feel like a buddhi :'( :'( :'( on the upside hubbies neice told me that aunty doesn't suit moi, I'm more an appi :-* ;D BTW Br. Nomi is that Fatima??? Mashallah how beautiful... So basically don't call me aunty.... Dadaji ;) Wassalaam |
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