A R C H I V E S
Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| I object.. |
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| Nisa |
| 03/08/04 at 16:59:13 |
| [slm] Pray you are all in the best of health and ever-increasing eeman, Ameen. What would be the advice one should give to someone (a sister) who is interested in a particular marriage proposal, very interested, has prayed istikharah, the whole works...yet her parents are not happy and would prefer it if things didn't progress forwards? Their objections are extremely minor and something the girl does not consider to be important. JazakumAllah khairan. [wlm] |
| Re: I object.. |
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| timbuktu |
| 03/08/04 at 20:36:20 |
| [slm] what are their objections? are they about ethnicity, social status etc. and how strongly are they objecting? are they forbidding it, or only reluctant to do so, or are they just making it difficult for the other party so it gives up hope? a sister, or a family friend can convey the strength of the girl's feelings, if the girl is too shy, or the atmosphere at home isn't too conducive for this. |
| 03/08/04 at 21:17:08 |
| timbuktu |
| Re: I object.. |
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| Nisa |
| 03/08/04 at 22:57:03 |
| [slm] [quote author=timbuktu link=board=sis;num=1078783153;start=0#1 date=03/08/04 at 20:36:20] [slm] what are their objections?[/quote] Objections are the distance his family live (100 miles;2 hour journey by car), the boy's job (works in the police force - it's stable and well paying), the fact that he doesn't have a beard *yet* (has the intention inshaAllah) [quote]are they about ethnicity, social status etc.[/quote] Ethnicity, no..social status, they want something *special* (whatever that means) for the sister, whereas she is only concerned with the level of eeman within the home. [quote]and how strongly are they objecting? are they forbidding it, or only reluctant to do so, or are they just making it difficult for the other party so it gives up hope?[/quote] There has been one official meeting of families, the sister was hoping for a second one, but the parents aren't too keen on the idea. :( They'd like to look at other prospectives and take things from there. [wlm] |
| 03/08/04 at 22:58:30 |
| Nisa |
| Re: I object.. |
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| timbuktu |
| 03/09/04 at 00:05:14 |
| [slm] if I remember correctly, a Hadith says that when your ward (girl) has come of marriageable age, and you find some prospective match whose level of Islam pleases you (? or something to that effect), you should not delay the marriage, but get her married off - of course with the girl's consent. someone should communicate that Hadith to the parents. With the situation as it today, I do not think delays are good, but guardians do have a tendency to seek better. :) the sister should pray harder that what is good for her dunya and aakhira should take place. The best time you know for praying. and my dua for all sisters {and brothers too, :) } that may Allah (swt) give them the best in both worlds. aameen |
| Re: I object.. |
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| faisalsb |
| 03/09/04 at 03:33:38 |
| [slm] Well I don't know the religious ruling or fatwa regarding such the situation but what I have learned from my experience is that parents are not always right in such situations particularly if their objections have nothing to do with Islam and Iman. The situation might be worse if they look for all kind of other qualities in the proposal except religion. I think obeying our parents in such situations can ultimately hurt them also. Because if a man or woman marries the wrong person and it doesn't work latter on, both of them are going to suffer for sure but wouldn't their parents share the same suffering particularly when they were the ones who tied the knot? So eventually I think our obedience is turned into non-obedience in such cases but for sure such cases are mere exceptions. |
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