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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| On behalf of sis AK |
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| sohuman |
| 03/24/04 at 17:52:36 |
| [slm], I am posting a question on behalf of Sist. amkamb. She is doing her best to maintain ties of kinship. As it is forbidden to break ties with your parents. But what if the parents themselves want to break off ties with her becoz they hate islam and her firm belief in Allah? :o Your advice gonna be much appreciated. |
| Re: On behalf of sis AK |
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| Maliha |
| 03/24/04 at 19:15:46 |
| [slm] hmm....i am reminded of a story, a true one, that a dear close sister of mine went through. She reverted to Islam while she was travelling abroad, and you can imagine how shocked her parents were, when she came home in full hijab and announced her conversion. Her family is close knit, southern christian, and upper-middle class (more upper in this case). They were not going to lose their daughter to this alien religion. So they did all they could to dissuade her. it went from rebukes, to sarcasm, to threats, to tears, to even unleashing the dog on her while she was praying :o she has a twin sister, who kinda made things better, but still she suffered *a lot*. As she would tell me these stories and her frustration, in a calm, soft manner...I, infuriated, would ask her why she doesn't leave the house! I even volunteered to have her stay with me and my family (we were both unmarried at that time), or move out to live with her. She looked at me and said "no, that's my family, and I love them..please make duah for them will you?" I was amazed at her strength and her insistence on staying there. I was amazed that her love for them never ceased, and her politeness towards them was such a good example to me. Things didn't get better...when she met an amazing guy to marry, her family strongly objected cuz they thought what could have been a phase, would be no more, if she actually married one of "them". No one showed up to her wedding, save her twin sister (although she has 2 other sisters). You could see how much she glowed when she saw her sis, and introduced her to everyone in the community as her best friend since she was born (literally). it was really touching. Her family, got a chance to get to know her hubby, and now they are alwayz at each other's houses. They respect her a lot...actually *love* the guy, they even have a "special" meal for him and her during family get togethers. They store halal food for them...they love her, and are struggling to understand the madness. They haven't embraced Islam... She really taught me a lot. Even in the midst of the heat, she would never ever raise her voice, or get mad. She would buy gifts for her family, take her mother out, spend time with her dad gardening. Just many little random acts of kindnesses. In the midst of their hostility, she remained with them and now they actually feel bad and are trying to make up to her. i wonder how different things would have been, had she acted another way. Things would have been worse...she would have gained religion but lost a dear and valuable part of her. Islam doesn't require that...Allah actually commands us to honour our parents... I would ask your sis, to look at the ayahs of the Quran that insist even while your parents ask you to disobey Allah maintain your humility and kindness to them. That if they choose to cut ties, still keep in touch. Send notes, flowers, random phone calls....be there, caring, available, worried...that is the true spirit of Islam, the true meaning of keeping ties, not when things are nice and warm and fuzzy..but when they are hard..and you feel torn and you feel like walking away and shutting them out. families are a very important unit in Islam for many reasons. Our worst behavior tends to come out in our dealings with our very close ones, for whatever psychological complacencies or reasons. Yet in Islam, the insistence is to begin the kindness, the modesty,the humility in the house not outside in the face of strangers who know no better... Anywayz, i have written a lot..i hope this is somewhat useful. [wlm] |
| 03/24/04 at 19:19:40 |
| Maliha |
| Re: On behalf of sis AK |
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| sohuman |
| 03/24/04 at 23:43:58 |
| [quote author=Nur_al_Layl link=board=madrasa;num=1080168756;start=0#1 date=03/24/04 at 19:15:46] I would ask your sis, to look at the ayahs of the Quran that insist even while your parents ask you to disobey Allah maintain your humility and kindness to them. That if they choose to cut ties, still keep in touch. Send notes, flowers, random phone calls....be there, caring, available, worried...that is the true spirit of Islam, the true meaning of keeping ties, not when things are nice and warm and fuzzy..but when they are hard..and you feel torn and you feel like walking away and shutting them out. [/quote] Sist. nur al layl, thank you very much for your great advice! I personally love it! :-* Sist. amkamb wants to let you know your answer is beautiful. She sends you her warmest greetings of salam and prays that Allah will reward you handsomely. For the person who points to a good deed gets the same reward as the one who does it. :-* :) :-) |
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