A R C H I V E S
Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Do you HAVE to marry? |
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| Ember |
| 03/25/04 at 19:45:47 |
| [slm] I know that we are told to marry etc etc. If you find a compatible partner, good for you. If we don't find someone suitable, do we HAVE to settle for someone, anyway? I feel that it would just lead to one more unhappy marriage out there. Not that we don't have enough. I hear women complaining all the time about their marriages, and sometimes, on closer scrutiny I wonder if finding a more compatible husband would have helped. I am not telling everyone to be nit-picky about choosing a partner but, settling for what you don't feel much for seems wrong. Islam tells you to be respectful and dutiful to your husband etc but how could you outwardly show respect to a man you have no admiration for..? Even to be obedient etc you need to feel that he is worthy of such trust. I guess most sisters do it anyway, since you can't cry over spilt milk. I guess I just feel that settling leads to unhappy marriages and to a difficult time in carrying out your Islamic duties towards your husband (like giving respect etc.) :-) |
| Re: Do you HAVE to marry? |
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| al-ajnabia |
| 03/25/04 at 20:51:50 |
| [slm] I think marriage is supposed to be a good for people not a harm. that is one reason divorce is halal. I dont think mariage is actually required, however I think people are suposed to try very hard to get married because it is part of the Muslim way of life. I dont see how marriage could be required, because such a thing does require the cooperation of another person and we are only acountable for what we have control over. I think the best thing is to be honest and true to oneself. I think we sould spend time honestly assesing our real needs and our real compatablities and if you have a muslim relative that knows you it is always helpful to talk to them often too. Nobody can really see themselves clearly, but we can get to know ourselves better and when we know what we are bringing to the table we can better see what we probalby need for some one else to bring into the relationship. I think, anyway. |
| Re: Do you HAVE to marry? |
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| Ember |
| 03/25/04 at 21:34:40 |
| [slm] sounds good. So I guess if one is happy, without marrying, and has spent a reasonable time looking, one could be allowed to get on with life. |
| Re: Do you HAVE to marry? |
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| Trustworthy |
| 03/25/04 at 21:41:32 |
| [slm] Marraige is a great thing if both you and your spouse are Islamically compatible meaning you both feel that religion is important. If either you or your spouse is like say...somewhat religious and the other one is very religious and the somewhat religious one is set in his/her ways then it won't work out. I've seen many marriages fall apart that way. However, I've seen beautiful marraiges, arranged, where they've never known each other and grew to love only each other. Then I've seen marraiges, arranged for the wrong reasons become disasters. It's all in the Hands of Allah that's why He asks you to pray Istikhara before you decide. Ask for his guidance and insha-Allah, you shall receive. Don't be discouraged to not find that wonderful Muslim husband. Let him find you. Let Allah know that you need His guidance, mercy, and protection. I hope this helps you find the answer you're looking for. May Allah bless.... Ma-assalama.... |
| 03/25/04 at 21:43:33 |
| Trustworthy |
| Re: Do you HAVE to marry? |
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| Ember |
| 03/26/04 at 09:13:21 |
| [slm] Sounds quite nice and rather idealistic. I am sure that many people will learn or grow to love people in time, but that might be driven by the need to make the best of the situation presented to you. I mean, once you've settled for a man whom you have no admiration for, to fulfill your duties, you just HAVE to learn to love the man. There is no other way, to spend the next thirty odd years or so with someone whom you are indifferent to. I applaud all the sisters who marry people they do not know about, just based on the criteria that they are good muslims. I don't know how it works, but if it does, that is wonderful. Yet, I don't know if this will work for most of the sisters. Plus, it seems that many sisters do not have the absolute need for marriage of convenience or security these days, so the reason has become more for companionship, procreation, and religion. So, when they get married, I think their expectations are not low enough, or simple enough. When a sister like this settles for someone, I don't see a smooth ride ahead. So I feel that it is best to let Allah handle it, when and if , he feels like it and concentrate on all the wonderful things that sisters can do for themselves and the community etc. I think there is no reason for women to feel discouraged, unless they think that it is the be all and end all of their existance. It is not wrong to think this way, but I feel that you miss out on so many wonderful things in this world when all you think of is marriage. I know that those nagging relatives don't help but, if more sisters stood firm and did not do what their heart does not completely accept, even the social pressure would lighten. |
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