A R C H I V E S
Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| What Qualities : Partner for marriage [1/3] |
|---|
| bismilla |
| 03/30/04 at 00:07:15 |
| [slm] bismilla hir Rahman nir Raheem [u][color=blue]What Qualities to look for in a Partner for marriage ?- [PART 1 of 3] [/color][/u] [u]Importance of the Topic[/u] Making sure that Muslims are well-matched to their spouses is one of the most important and potentially difficult functions in Muslim society. The individual seeking marriage must have his/her priorities straight and be clear on what characteristics are most important to be sought in a spouse in order to have a successful marriage. There are many characteristics that are important in a husband or a wife but some are much more important than others. Overemphasizing the wrong qualities can lead to disaster down the road just as being neglectful of certain considerations can do likewise. When we come to understand the goals and priorities of marriage in Islam, we may be guided to the Islamic methodology of seeking marriage in Islam and stop blindly following those who have gone astray in their ignorant notions of the importance of "getting to know each other" and other such concepts which in reality contribute nothing to and more often sabotage a successful marriage. The Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) taught us in many hadith about the various characteristics which one looks for in a spouse and their relative importance and which ones determine success insha Allah and Allah's blessing on a marriage. Among those hadith: "Inna al-mar'ata tunkahu lideeniha wa maaliha wa jamaaliha fa 'alaika bi dhaati ad-deeni taribat yadaaka." "A woman is married for her deen, her wealth or her beauty. You must go for the one with deen, may your hands be in the dust! (if you fail to heed)" [Muslim] "Takhayyaroo li nutafikum fankihoo al-akfaa'u wa ankihoo ilaihim." "Choose carefully for your seed. Marry those who are equivalent (or "qualified") and give to them in marriage." [Ibn Majah] In the following sections, we will discuss insha Allah, some of the most important characteristics that can be found in the Qur'an and the sunnah when it come to choosing a good spouse. [u]Religion[/u] In the previous hadith, the Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) mentioned various characteristics that people, by their nature and custom, look for in a spouse. He did not advocate any of them, but merely stated them as facts of human nature except for the issue of "deen", i.e., a prospective spouses piety and practice of Islam - their fulfilling of the wajib and their avoidance of the haraam. About this characteristic, the Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) said "alaikum bi dhaati ad-deen" or "it is upon you to seek the one of piety". This is an order and quite different from the general statement at the beginning of the hadith which says "a woman IS MARRIED for..." and separates the issue of deen from the other mundane issues and puts it in a category by itself. Also, when the Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) says at the end of the hadith "may your hands be in the dust", invoking this negative outcome on those who disregard his order, it can only refer to the order to seen the spouse with piety, since that is the only order in the hadith. We must be careful not to be superficial in this issue. The mere wearing of hijab or keeping a beard and praying in the masjid, while obvious requirements of piety, do not by themselves guarantee it. There are many people who at first glance appear to be abiding by Islam, but upon closer inspection have a twisted understanding of Islam and their practice in reality may leave much to be desired. Umar(R.A.) once told someone who had testified to the goodness of a person by the fact that he had seen him in the masjid that he does not know him as long as he has not had dealings with him that involved money, had lived with him or travelled with him. The characteristic of piety applies to the groom just as much as to the bride. The guardian of the woman should make this his first and top priority just as the man looking for a wife should make it his. The Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) said: "Idhaa ataakum man tardhauna deenahu wa khuluqahu fa zawwijoohu. Illaa taf'aloo takun fitnatun fiy al-ardhi wa fasaadun kabeerun." - "If someone with whose piety and character you are satisfied with comes to you, marry to him. If you do not do so, there will be trials in the earth and a great deal of evil." [At-Tirmidhi] [u]Character and Behavior[/u] In the previous hadith addressed to those in charge of the marital affairs of Muslim women and girls, the Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) commanded them to facilitate their marriage when they are satisfied with two issues: the faith of the suitor and his character. Character is of extreme importance in Islam and goes hand in hand with faith and piety. The Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) has even described it as the purpose of his mission to mankind as we can see from the following hadith: "Innama bu'ithtu li utammima saliha al-akhlaaqi.""I have only been sent to complete good character." [Al-Hakim and others] "Anaa za'eemun bibaitin fiy a'laa al-jannati liman hassana khuluqahu." "I am a guarantor of a house in the highest part of Paradise for one who makes his character good." [Abu Daud] "Al-Birru husnu al-khuluqi." "Righteousness is good character." [Muslim] "Akmalu al-mu'mineen imaanan ahsanuhum khuluqan." "The believers with the most complete iman are those with the best character." [Abu Daud] In An-Noor verse 26, Allah establishes the relation of this issue to marriage: "Al-khabithaatu lilkhabitheena wa al-khabithoona lil-khabithaati wa at-tayyibaatu lil-tayyibeena wa at-tayyiboona lil-tayyibaati" -{Bad women are for bad men and bad men are for bad women. And good women are for good men and good men are for good women.} [An-Noor:26] The word khabith above means filthy, unclean and despicable. It is a very strong word. The word tayyib translated as good, connotes clean and pure as well as good. One of the important issues of character in the spouses is the quality of wudd. This means kindness and lovingness and compassion. The Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) said: "Tazawwajoo al-wadood al-walood fa inniy mukaathirun bikum al-umama yaum al-qiyama." "Marry the loving/friendly, the child-bearing for I shall outstrip the other nations with your numbers on Qiyama." [Ahmad, Abu Daud] Therefore, the prospective spouses must ask and find out about the other person's behavior and manners. It would be advisable to enquire about the character from business associates,travel associates, community leaders and next of kin etc of a potential spouse. As a sign also, one may look at the other person's family's manners and behavior and many times (but not always) the behavior of people of the same family are similar. In other words, some characteristics tend to run in some families whether they be good or bad characters such as anger, politeness, stinginess, generosity, lying, truthfulness and so forth. This is not always the case, with exceptions to this generalisation. By Jamal Zarabozo Courtesy: [u]www.everymuslim.com [/u] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- AL-ISLAAH PUBLICATIONS www.everymuslim.com e-mail: info@everymuslim.com |
| 03/30/04 at 00:12:22 |
| bismilla |
Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board |