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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board

Difficult time(eyes rolling) AGAIN
Caraj
04/04/04 at 19:20:28
I am going on a trip and will be checking in on the board and email. For those who I speak with instant chat Salem, Serena, Stephanie and others most libraries do not allow instant chat, please use the screen name via email, it is the same. Many times over the last two years I have had to dealt with issues and I so appreciate all of your prayers, dua, all of you have been most kind to me. May Allah reward you for all the kindness and compassion and friendship. I posted about my husband telling me he missed the bar and dancing scene a few months back, well even though I have considered a divorce I have continued to stick with it, although some days I came close to throwing in the towel. Well 2 days back my husband announced that not only did he not love me but he believes he never did and our marriage was wrong and to fast and we had met when he was in an emotional needy time.  :o After over 2 years of being a faithful and supportive wife during his deployments and all now he is retired and free and misses his single life. I am not without fault as I have made mistakes in this marriage also. But I have been 100% faithful during this war time and all. Even if you have problems with a spouse I cannot even begin to discribe the spirit within that dies with breath taking pain when someone tells you not only do they not love you but they never have. I need to get away and I am sure it is a small bout of depression due to circumstances but I have no idea what direction to take in my life. Everything I hoped and dreams and wanted all somewhat feel like nothing matters. I have no more hopes or dreams or goals. I have no idea what purpose my life has anymore or what I should do with it. I have gotten rid of all my animals and will travel on business. I'll check emails and the boards. Please pray for me, I feel so aimless at this point not only due to this but to all the last 3 years events. My heart and spirit are crushed to put it mildly and I just don't know about much of anything anymore. The day after he says he wants to work things out.maybe but he spoke words that crushed my inner being and I don't know what much to do other than just work. I could of handled being told,.......I don't love you anymore,  but the 'Looking back I never really loved you" was more than my heart and soul could bare after these last 3 years and all that went on in them. If I have offended anyone please forgive me, you will all be in my thoughts and prayer and please include me in yours. I will check in and let you know where I am and what wonderful sites I am visiting. I will be fine, thank you for allowing me to share this with you. Thank you for all your kindness.
04/04/04 at 19:22:12
Caraj

Re: Difficult time(eyes rolling) AGAIN
BroHanif
04/04/04 at 19:41:33
Once someone told me something like this...when I was was having a wee poor time. "Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it." (Similar to what Michael Jordan said) Never give up, always keep trying and reach for the stars. Hope things work out for the better, you know where we are... Hanif

Re: Difficult time(eyes rolling) AGAIN
onemuslimgirl
04/04/04 at 20:27:50
sr. Azizah, I am writing this through blurry eyes, and as tears  are rolling down my cheecks. As I was reading your post, it hit me, as if I was in your place. I wish I was next to you to give you a big hug, because I can feel your pain. No matter what though, hold on, and know that time heals all pain. GOD will reward you with something better inshAllah, just know that this is a test, adn you will get the reward for it. I won't write anymore, bc now is not the time for words, but know that you will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Re: Difficult time(eyes rolling) AGAIN
theOriginal
04/04/04 at 20:34:52
[slm] Dear sister Azizah, I pray that Allah ta'Ala makes this time easy on you, inshaAllah.  I, being less wise than you, can offer no words of advice or even solace.  All I can say is that you are definitely in my prayers.   Wasalaam.

Re: Difficult time(eyes rolling) AGAIN
Maliha
04/04/04 at 21:36:09
[slm] Sr. Azizah, you are an amazing lady, and wherever your hubby goes he will realize that no one can ever replace the largeness and awesomeness of who you are... {{{{{{{{{hugggggggssssssssssssssss}}}}}}}}}}}}} I don't know what to say:( this makes soo sad. and so mad at how mean and dispirited people can be:( Allah says in the Quran {94:5-6} "So, verily, with every difficulty, there is relief: Verily, with every difficulty there is relief". I pray that through your tears, struggle you see the rainbow hidden behind those cloudy days. May Allah ease your affairs, may He make you stronger, and bring you closer to Him in this life and the Hereafter (Amin). your sis, [wlm]

Re: Difficult time(eyes rolling) AGAIN
Caraj
04/04/04 at 21:48:13
I just feel like I may of wasted 3 years of my life. Waiting and being supportive. I had so many things I wanted to do and put them on hold. I didn't have to, he did not ask me to. You know, it's not like I haven't been fed up and wanted a divorce myself. But not cause I do not love him, it was at first cause I could not bare to love someone always away. I'm hard headed and hate middles, I would prefer 100% or none at all, I am not a 30% or 40% or 70% type person. Tis one of my personality flaws. I found out even though he had not said it prior (but has now) as he knew we on the board were pc friends, guess he was not happy I was on an Islamic site and talking with Muslims due to him being in the military and I can't figure it out as there are Muslims on his ship and in all the services. I mean was his 20 years defending religious freedom and freedom of speech? hmmmmm, Little does he know.........I am a Muslim now myself. Yes, you all read that right.  :) I just need to look back on these last 3 years and figure them out. Then move forward. I think depression has set in and tomorrow I'll begin vitimins and herbs. Truly I love horses, I want to run the Iditerod in 2006 or 2007 and I want to fly. I want my granddaughters to think their grandmother was amazing. Maybe that is wrong, prideful. I would like to finish what I started, a huge ranch, being a bush pilot and a midwife. All I started and never finished. I started my midwifery classes years ago. Then I get to thinking, But what does Allah want me to do??? What do I do to make him pleased with me? I do not know  :'( I just feel like I wasted so much time. I feel I should be somewhere in my life by now that I am not. Forgive me for rattling, but I feel I am amoung friends.
04/04/04 at 21:55:11
Caraj

Re: Difficult time(eyes rolling) AGAIN
timbuktu
04/04/04 at 21:50:20
[slm] When one's heart is broken, the pain is unbearable. but when you have time to reflect, ask yourself why should we love intensely and expect love from mere mortals? If we were to love Allah, if we were to have expectations only from Him, and if really submitted to Him, these worldly attachments, although necessary and desireable, would be in their proper place, much below our love for God. and with this realization comes a relief that soothes beyond description. So we love our families, our friends, but have expectations only from Him, and love Him more than anyone or anything, and we then do not suffer any more heartbreaks. I have had my heart broken a few times, and have broken a few in my turn, but the truth is what I have said above - the attachments in this world are to be minor, compared with from God. and everyone can see from his/her life how much God loves him/her. ___________ sister azizah, I just read your latest. mabrook. You said you are a muslim now. what better gift can you expect from Allah? take it easy, just reflect on Allah's love for you, what He has given you, and don't ever think any moment in your life was a waste, because it isn't. Do you remember my story, about how many years I thought had been wasted, but they wern't. So, don't think yours was wasted either.
04/06/04 at 10:59:31
timbuktu

Re: Difficult time(eyes rolling) AGAIN
nida
04/05/04 at 00:01:19
[slm] Nicely said, Brother timbuktu.   Here is something i want to add: "Allah SWT makes tests for us in this world. He makes things difficult for us. He wants to see if we will remember Him, if we will have faith in Him, and if we will trust in Him. These qualities are what is meant by "sabr". Allah SWT does not lose the work of anyone, ever (see Surah Ali Imran ayah 195). Even if it seems like nobody is paying attention to you or notices or appreciates good things that you do, Allah SWT has seen them, and He will not forget them. Even when it seems like the whole world is against you, Allah SWT is always there for you when you turn to Him. Remember this. Allah SWT always wants the best for us and in His wisdom He knows why each thing that happens to us is in fact best for us. When it seems like everything is going wrong and life is just one disaster after another, it is easy to forget this and to become bitter and skeptical. Yet we must remember always to have faith that Allah SWT knows best why He has willed this for us, and we must always ask Him only "Make me pleased with what You have willed for me". This world we live in, although it seems at times to be the only real thing, is actually fleeting compared to the Hereafter, which is better and more abiding. The trials of this world will seem as fleeting as a nightmare when seen from the Hereafter, and the pleasures of this world will also seem as fleeting as a dream when seen from the Hereafter. It's our happiness in the Hereafter that we should be most worried about attaining, because it is what will last forever; and it's our suffering in the Hereafter that we should be most worried about avoiding, because it also will last forever. Allah SWT has promised Jannah to those who remain steadfast in their faith in Him and who trust in Him. The more difficult it is for you to have sabr, the greater the reward for it. So what will it be? Ease in this world, and perhaps the eternal sufferings in Hell? Or difficulty in this world, and inshallah the eternal bliss of Jannah? Let's face it, the old cliches are true: there's no such thing as a free lunch and you can almost never have your cake and eat it too. We've all got to face difficulties some time. Better by far that they be in the world than in the Hereafter. Sometimes the future seems to stretch on forever and ever and you don't think you can make it that long. You want to give up before you even begin. So sometimes the best thing to do is to keep you mind focused on what is immediately at hand. Allah SWT will take care of the future. Ask Allah SWT to give you strength. Ask Him to make it easy for you. Ask Him to help you. He will, I swear it to you. He is always there for you when you turn to Him. Remember how much He has given you, how everything that you have, even your very existence, is due to Him. Remember that He deserves this from you. Remember the promise of Jannah. Remember that remaining patient and faithful through difficulty now may lead to Jannah, inshallah. Even if bad things happen, keep these thoughts in your mind. Don't worry about tomorrow. Just concentrate on getting through today, and leave tomorrow to Allah SWT until it gets here. [wlm] :-)

Re: Difficult time(eyes rolling) AGAIN
Mona
04/05/04 at 00:24:14
[slm] sis azizah, i am sad to hear about your ordeal. may Allah make it easy for you.   just remember your family here in the madina loves you and is making duas for you. take care wassalam Mona

Re: Difficult time(eyes rolling) AGAIN
UmmWafi
04/05/04 at 03:39:57
Dearest Sis Azizah Through all these years that we have been on this board, despite our distance, I feel that we have shared so much. Your courage in adversity, your love and concern for your sons, your heartbreak over your lil granddaughter's illness and finally your overwhelming happiness at her recovery.  What is more important is however, the fact that we share common dreams.  To be good people, to be able to look back at what we have done in our life and know that we have done our best to please God. Sweet sister, these last three years have not been a waste for you.  Believe me, despite what is happening NOW, you, my dear, have spent the last three years in loving and trusting somebody.  These are not qualities that are good because of the rewards they can reap.  These are qualities that are good in themselves, qualities that make you a better person.  YOU have been a better person because of your love and trust, regardless of how he reply in kind.  And best part is, YOU will be rewarded with the ultimate reward.  The knowledge that you can be proud of yourself.  Unfortunately, that is something he will never know...Astarghfirullah. My du'ahs for you because I cannot begin to imagine what you must be going through right now.  My respect for you because I know how you have persevered.  My hope for you because I know that you are stronger than what he or anyone can ever inflict on you. My hugs and kisses for you for being you. Take care and just know that we are here. Salaam

Re: Difficult time(eyes rolling) AGAIN
gift
04/05/04 at 04:09:39
[slm] I'm sooo sorry Azizah.  I hope you find some solace in your travels, I really don't know what else to say but give you a big cyber-hug. Please don't think you've wasted the last 3 years, after all, you've given us all the pleasure of becoming your brothers and sisters in Islam :-). Take care sis, and may Allah 'azza wa jall keep you safe, ease the pain in your heart, and give you something better in this world and the next. [wlm]

Re: Difficult time(eyes rolling) AGAIN
yumna
04/05/04 at 06:54:49
my dear sister im so sorry ..i want u to know u have reallly laid down ur life for Islam and im sure Allah is greatly pleased with u trully that is a great sacrifice and requires allot of patient bearing plz don't lose hope and hold fast to the rope of islam..u will inshAllah do great in ur future ...as for ur husband  >:(..well plz try ur best 2 forget abt it i know its really hurting i fully understand i thought that kind of stuff only happens in novels ..but ...anyway plz try to take  a new fresh  ..remember Allah knows wats best so it was for the best wat ever happens it was for the best Allah decides who's future lies with u and He will make everything easier for u ..inshAllah .i m praying 4 u ok?take care of urself

Re: Difficult time(eyes rolling) AGAIN
Twilight
04/05/04 at 08:47:25
[slm] Dearest Sister, first of all a huge huuuuuuuuug frm me sometimes this can help i only wish i were near you so i could give it in person. Although i am an infrequent poster on the boards (if i miss anything Attia keeps me up to date  :)) I always look forward to reading and learning from your experiences. All that happens does so for a reason..Allah Knows best, may he help you through your pain to the other side and may he make your heart easy. Lots of love frm ur sis Baji

Re: Difficult time(eyes rolling) AGAIN
lala
04/05/04 at 10:01:46
[slm] Hey sis, No matter where you go and no matter what you do remember you are never alone and Allah will never desert you. Also- as one of my friends recently mentioned to me... its always those closest to you that end up hurting us the most. That pain is torturous... But we cannot stop loving and giving. You are a very nice person with a strong and beautiful heart. Remember that and have faith. Lastly, I strongly believe that time was never wasted. It just passed...All our experiences no matter how stressful and miserable...make us who we are..and give us dimensions that can be used for some good etc. We're right here if you ever need anything! peace n love

Re: Difficult time(eyes rolling) AGAIN
sal
04/05/04 at 16:39:37
Sister Aziza  ;-) We have both  the words MARRIAGE  and DIVORCE  and they  both  take place when they are needed But we  usually try not to be pesimistic to excpect the  separation  but do we ever think of treating  our  spouse  bad because we  might  one day get separated ? I am saying this because what you have done for your  husband is a  part of  your  personality and conscience and  you should be proud of this because you could  do what  he couldnt What he said  about  not loving you  all this  last peroid  i think is not true .May be just he said that at a moment of anger or  teasing you but what ever it is dont focus  at this words at this time Remember when he  said sugary words  before this becasue they were atleast true  at  that time  ,then you will be even I WISH  YOU  HAPPY DAYS AND  TAKE CARE   :)

Re: Difficult time(eyes rolling) AGAIN
Marcie
04/05/04 at 17:17:54
[slm] Sister Azizah, Masha'Allah!!!!  Congratulations.  It truly is a blessing being a Muslim.  Insha'Allah you will be blessed with many wonderful and exciting years ahead of you.  To be honest I stopped reading after I read that you were Muslim.   Insha'Allah you will be blessed with someone better in your life.  Feeling like you have been kicked in the head is one of the worst feelings.  Maybe your Husband being so horrible to you will help you to move on faster with your life.  Many things have happened in my life and I have fought against them, but with time and distance I have understood the wisdom of Allah (swt).  Please be patient and hang in there.  This is the hardest part right now.  Insha'Allah one day you'll wake up and know that you will be okay and that you will make it past this too.     If by any chance you land in New Hampshire please stop by and visit.  You're in my thoughts and prayers and I wish you strength and patience in the upcoming days. [wlm] Marcie
04/05/04 at 17:20:25
Marcie

Re: Difficult time(eyes rolling) AGAIN
al-ajnabia
04/05/04 at 17:36:28
[slm] I have also had to liquidate the herd and move on but speaking as someone a few years down the road, you find new things to acumulate, built on different foundations. allah save us from easy lives.
04/05/04 at 17:37:08
al-ajnabia

Re: Difficult time(eyes rolling) AGAIN
Barr
04/05/04 at 19:11:18
[slm] Dear Sis Azizah, I can't begin to imagine the hurt that you are going through right now.:( Nevertheless, I do know that Allah tests His servants to the degree of their iman and to the degree of their strength - for them to realise a much sweeter antidote that would encompass all the pain their hearts have suffered. What Allah bestows, none can take it away, and what Allah takes away, none can bestow it. And Allah would never give what is not the best for us. Let your heart free by having the trust in Allah, for He never breaks a trust. May Allah, the Source of Peace, place the tranquility that you need and purify your heart through this ordeal. And may Allah make it easy for you towards the path of ultimate Bliss. InshaAllah, He is always with His servants who sincerely seek Him. And who is a better Companion than Him? Take care.. you're in my du'as. Your sister in Islam :::Barr::: P.S. Alhamdulillah for Allah has guided you to Islam. Congratulations :)
04/05/04 at 19:13:32
Barr

Re: Difficult time(eyes rolling) AGAIN
sal
04/06/04 at 15:44:38
SISTER  aziza I  HAVE BEEN  MAKING  DUAA  FOR  YOU ALL DAY YOU  REMEMBER YOUR PATEINCE  DONT YOU ? SO DONT WORRY ALLAH  IS WATCHING  ALL  THAT  IS GOING ON .JUST ENDORSE HIM INSHALLAHA ALLAH WILL  MAKE  EVERYTHING  EASY  FOR  YOU . your  big  brother  ;-)

Re: Difficult time(eyes rolling) AGAIN
rkhan
04/08/04 at 11:31:03
[slm] sis azizah we  don't know each other v. well and I honestly don't know your circumstances , I just want to say that when someone is patient when things go wrong and says the dua that the Prophet SAW taught us, that person will be blessed with something better. The dua is : Allaahummaa ‘jurnee fee museebatee, wakhluf lee khayrun minh. Roughly translated as: Our Allaah help me out in my time of difficulty and give me something better from it..... Umm Salamah, the wife of the Prophet SAW and the  narrator of this dua, loved her husband very much. When he died, she said: “I was firm to say the dua, but I thought to myself, how could I get anything better then Abu Salamah (her husband)? Allah answered my dua and I married the Messenger of Allah! And he is better than Abu Salamah.” May Allaah swt ease your affairs... many duas...
04/08/04 at 15:46:21
rkhan

Re: Difficult time(eyes rolling) AGAIN
Halima
04/11/04 at 04:07:47
[slm] Sis azizah, I feel your pain.  And I totally understand it. My money is on you.  You are a survivor.  It does not mean that you derserve the meaness and the pain.  It means there are no gurantees in life.  But you are a brave person.  Even when you bleed in pain, you reach out to people and share your agony.  Your are an example to us here constantly of what it means to be honest and human.  You will emerge the winner.  Allah's (SWT) guidance and mercy is immesurable. And you will be HAPPY again.  We are all in your corner.  In prayers, in duas and in moral support even through the net.   From around the world we shade tears with you.  You are part of us.  And you will triumph, INSHA-ALLAH.  May the ultimate victory be yours my dear sis.  And May you look back one these days and be thankful to Allah (SWT) and all those you who love you regardless. Thinking of you now and always. [wlm] Halima

Re: Difficult time(eyes rolling) AGAIN
Caraj
04/12/04 at 03:14:32
Thank you everyone for your responses, kind words, prayers and private messages. I would like to do an update, can someone tell me how one can do so, so that only members can see it? I thought Nomi in an old post mentioned it but I don't know if it was a joke of for real? Can someone tell me if it can be done and how? Thank you.

Re: Difficult time(eyes rolling) AGAIN
Barr
04/12/04 at 16:47:30
...
04/12/04 at 16:49:34
Barr

Re: Difficult time(eyes rolling) AGAIN
Anonymous
04/18/04 at 23:37:50
Hello!  I was just reading the thread and all about sis aziza's problems.  We all got our problems no? But really I think our personal problems should not be made public.  I mean no offense.   Especially what goes on between husband and wife.  You know? That is private and should be kept private. The brothers and sisters have been very kind and understanding about it.  But noone said that these things should not be told in public. I'm sorry if I said anything wrong.  This is just my point of view.

Re: Difficult time(eyes rolling) AGAIN
jannah
04/18/04 at 23:57:09
[slm] I didn't approve that anonymous post for a long time. But after thinking about it more I really want to respond because of the implications and hopefully so no one else thinks like this. It is fine to talk about your personal problems. What is not good to talk about Islamically are the intimate things that go on between a husband and wife (ie - sex) because that is something private and we should have haya' (modesty) with each other. BUT even in this case if we have problems in that area we should definitely seek out a counselor or someone who can help us privately. Telling people not to discuss the personal problems is not right. Where else can they go? This is the same type of attitude that allows all kinds of abuse and other things in our community because people feel this is a "private family problem" and no one does anything to stop it and the stigma always remains. What I discourage on the board is the posting of "severe psychiatric problems" because we are not qualified to address these, not the problems people go through every day especially when they just need advice and experience from other Muslims.

Re: Difficult time(eyes rolling) AGAIN
Caraj
04/19/04 at 20:18:24
To Sister or Brother Anon If I offended you by my post please forgive me, yet you equally have the right not to read things you feel are offensive to you. I thank Allah for my Medina Boards family. I came here to learn about Islam almost 3 years ago, (I think it was almost 3 years ago) and not only was given as much info as I requested, had my many questions answered, šbut have been befriended by many wonderful brothers and sisters on the board. I do not go associate much with people. I have a very limited social circle due to my own prefer. So I chose this circle of brothers and sister (friends) to be a part of and that is why I feel so comfortable coming here and being myself. The compassion and kindness shown here to me over the years in 2 words sums it is................AMAZES ME Many have felt the love, comfort, kindness and compassion shown by the members of this site through many a hard times, I have seen it, witness it. Is this not what the Prophet would of wanted? Brothers and sisters to come together to be encouraging and supportive of one another? Be it a good time/blessing to rejoice together in a a bad time to seek comfort and / or advice in? I don't know who you are or how long you have been on the boards, but I have seen all of us come together during times of illness, deaths, births, marriages(both happy and sad) those learning of Islam, time of anger when some of us needed to vent, time when we shared tears or joys and many other situations. I have yet to come across a more compassionate and encouraging enviroment. May Allah reward all who have shown such compassion and kindness. Also I feel, I actually know from private posts, my being open has helped others who were to shy to ask for help or advice or to talk when they were hurting. When a brother or sister on the baord shares something they are not only learning and sharing themselves, they are helping others to learn and share. Salaam
04/19/04 at 20:26:18
Caraj

Re: Difficult time(eyes rolling) AGAIN
crystal78
04/19/04 at 22:52:28
:'(Dear sis,I am one too going through termoial;a scholar told me today belive in allah and all will be well.My soul is going through pain unforseen i feel i have no need to be on earth.I judge your heart and i feel it on this paper.I am a zombie walking on earth.I pray allah will hear your prayers and mine!

Re: Difficult time(eyes rolling) AGAIN
sal
04/20/04 at 02:57:40
[quote author=Anonymous link=board=madrasa;num=1081120828;start=20#24 date=04/18/04 at 23:37:50]Hello!  I was just reading the thread and all about sis aziza's problems.  We all got our problems no? But really I think our personal problems should not be made public.  I mean no offense.   Especially what goes on between husband and wife.  You know? That is private and should be kept private. The brothers and sisters have been very kind and understanding about it.  But noone said that these things should not be told in public. I'm sorry if I said anything wrong.  This is just my point of view. [/quote] Dont worry .Sister aziza could post under ANON with out mentioning her  name  but she did  this  because she feels she  is among her  family and  that is all. But tell me?  why you are  bothered? there are  lots of posts talking about personal problems and no one has shown any objection. BY  the way ?would  you still react the same if this  topic was  under ANON? [quote]But really I think our personal problems should not be made public.  I mean no offense. [/quote] Dont you think you are contradicting yourself by  making such way of advice public? you could send her private message and i am sure  that would be appreciated Any way You  can  so easily not read the posts  you feel make irritation to you  but   most  of  us are interested I think I mean  NO OFFENSE  that was a point of view take care  ;)
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