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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| difficulties of getting pregnant |
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| siskohki |
| 04/13/04 at 09:40:51 |
| [slm]! This has been bothering me a while and i think it's time to let it out! I met my husband 2 years ago and we got married right away. I haven't been taking any birthcontrollers after that and I haven't got pregnant :(... My husband doesn't want to even talk about it cause he says it's not up to us... I'm very lonely with this situation, all of the sisters i know, has children... What Islam says about fertility treatments? Are they haram? [wlm] your sister in Islam, Sahar :-) p.s i have a hypothyreosis |
| 04/13/04 at 12:34:46 |
| siskohki |
| Re: difficulties of getting pregnant |
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| Kathy |
| 04/13/04 at 11:02:22 |
| [slm] From what I have read, you are getting advice from a Sis not a Scholar: it is ok to go the fertility way as long as you use your hubbies sperm and keep your awraah protected. If you are wondering if anyone is at 'fault'.. There are tests for BOTH of you. Ps. It really has to do with Allah swt. I never got pregnant with my first hubby, and took two years to get pregnant with hubby #2. Ironically my first hubby and I both had children within 9 months of each other! |
| 04/13/04 at 11:07:17 |
| Kathy |
| Re: difficulties of getting pregnant |
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| Ayaatee |
| 04/13/04 at 12:15:13 |
[slm] SisKhoki, there are a lot of factors to look at. Your age -- and/or do you have a family history of infertility, your birth control usage (for how long/what type?), your husband's age -- and/or does he have a family history of infertility... also stress and or anxiety. There are many more factors that a reproductive endocrinologist (basically a fertility specialist) will look at though, but I think those are the majors. If you've been trying to achieve for longer than 6 months consistently and your over 35, then you should go see a reproductive endocrinologist, Inshallah. If you're under 35, many reproductive endocrinologist won't see you until you've tried for at least a year to a year and a half UNLESS you have an ailment such as thyroid disease that is known to hender pregnancy. Also, if you are not taking vitamins/herbs and drinking lots of water... you should start. the herb -Chasteberry (Vitex) Folic Acid B6 B12 green tea Vitamin E Iron Zinc 64 oz water Those are all helpful for women who are trying to conceive, Inshallah. But remember the power of the dua, Inshallah. Allaahu Ta'ala has commanded the believers to call on Him. You and your husband can always ask Allaah for what ever it is you want. Islamqa.com should have some questions and answers from the ulemaa regarding which fertility treatments are halaal. For conceiving help and information try http://thelaboroflove.com/ Barakallahoo feekee |
| Re: difficulties of getting pregnant |
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| Trustworthy |
| 04/14/04 at 14:49:14 |
| [slm]... Don't be discouraged Sister. True story….. Once upon a time, 14 years ago, a couple was chosen to lead an entire community full of fertile couples. This community was more like a baby factory, literally. This community produced at least 2-5 babies per year. The most, I’ve ever counted was 10, yeah-not kidding you. However, there were couples who did have trouble producing babies. Some took 7 years, some 8, but usually it’s like your weeding and the next day, you’re pregnant. The couple that was chosen to lead the community was one of those that couldn’t produce. Instead, they cared for all of the community’s children and they always did it with a smile. One day, the wife was disheartened that she could not fertilize. Everyone kept asking her why she couldn’t produce a child either. Her husband, being the noble one, asked her to be patient because it is from Allah (SHT) and mentioned this as well in one of his Ta’leem to the community to be patient along with his wife, in so many words. Still, she had a name for her son to be and it was quite a name. It had 10 names not including the father’s name. The same for her daughter to be. Whom ever came first. So they tried fertility meds, nothing. So they quite using those meds and schedules which is legal in Islam. The only thing they did not quite on was praying to Allah (SHT) for a child. 14 years later, the wife had terrible pains in her chest like she was going to explode. They went to the ER and the doctor did some tests, urine and blood. Then the doctor told them that it was just heartburn due to her pregnancy. Course, they didn’t believe it so the husband told the doctor their story and that they must have the wrong patient. They rechecked the tests and it was still positive. He wanted to tell the whole world, but the wife said wait. Let’s let the people find out for themselves when they see my stomach grow. It will be a surprise for them as well. They were able to keep the secret from us because we were all patiently waiting for them to have a child too, but they couldn’t keep the great news from the rest of the world. One day, my cousin and I meet someone from the outside world and she asked us if we were taking care of the wife, feeding her, making sure she doesn’t do hard labor, stress free, etc. Course we were like, huh? So we all figured she would tell us when she was ready. Then one day, when we all went out to eat, she decided to give us a clue. We played it dumb and couldn’t figure it out. So she told us, and we all started crying joyful tears like their was a death in the family, in the restaurant, full of customers. 2 months before delivery, at a regular check up with an ultrasound, the technician said, uh-oh. They were frightened. The technician told them that there was another body hidden behind the other baby for the last 7 months. The father, caught himself before he fell off his chair and while in the room, on his cell phone, called us to inform us the exciting news. My cousin and I waited to see what last things she needed because everyone else had beat us to everything since everyone else knew about her expecting a baby boy before we did. Everyone knew of their struggle to have a baby so it was understandable. But we were the first to know that she was having twins. So right away, we went shopping for 2. It was loads of fun. The twins were born healthy in January. Mubashir and Muwadah Nouralayl. There’s more to those names, I just can’t remember the rest. Great story? Insha-Allah, Sister. Just be patient. May Allah Bless... Ma-assalamah.... |
| Re: difficulties of getting pregnant |
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| Dawn |
| 04/20/04 at 09:08:52 |
| [slm] Sis Sahar, If you want to talk about this whole infertility treatment thing with someone who has "been there, done that" (successfully!), please feel free to IM me. I apologize for not responding earlier, but between my three year old and 6.5 week old (who is still eating every 2 hours, day AND night), I haven't been reading regularly. (But I do read email regularly, and my account is set up so that I am notified via email if I have a new IM.) |
| Re: difficulties of getting pregnant |
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| Anonymous |
| 04/20/04 at 23:59:02 |
| = Dear Sister and sisters in the same situation, Assalamualaikum, May Allah make things easy for you. I have been in a similar situation.. been married for 3.5 years, stopped using contraception 9 months after marriage and was diagnosed with polycystic ovaries, which meant in my case that I was not ovulating at all(absent periods totally unless induced by progesterone, and/or the pill). It has been a very trying time for both myself, hubby and our families, with all our cousins and friends reproducing ma sha Allah left right and centre. But alhamdulillah, I think Allah SWT has ways of bringing us closer to Him. I realised during my journey how every helpless we are, and saw it as opportunity to beg Allah SWt continously for His mercy, reciting the same duas prophets in this position had made. (Zakaria, Ibrahim). Alhamdulillah, I took comfort in the fact that Allah has given us infertile couples a taste of the severe test Allah's chosen prophets have also gone through. Besides, I also feel if Allah had just given me everything immediately, perhaps I would never understand the pain and misery numerous infertile couple across the universe face. Insha Allah this experience will increase my shukur to Allah SWt...for Alhamdulilah after going through umerous trals of treatments and finally 3 cycles of ovulation induction through clomid, and absolutely mad mad mad duas, I have fallen pregnant just recently! I ask your duas for a successful pregnancy leading to the birth at full term of a healthy child who will grow up to be a pious mumin/mumina and be the coolness of our eyes as well as sadaqa jariya when my husband and i leave this world. Sister, may this also be at least one of the means through which you gain closeness to Allah. I can not overstate this: Make dua Make dua, make dua,,, and some more :-). Whenenever you feel down and hopeless and even when you are feeling okay just get up, make wudu and pray two rakaats, reminding yourself that Allah SWT is listening to you, as He is closer to you than your jugular vein, He is well aware of your needs, and He is the best to plan. Also, one thing I found that hepled me is get your intentions right: question why exactly you want a child? Is it to fulfil your maternal instincts, or to just be a mom like everyone else around you, or would you like to have offspring so that you can bring them up to be exemplary muslims, teach them quran and hadith and infact grow with them in your imaan and taqwa as well. Know that Allah SWT's bounty has no bounds. Learn the names of Allah swt and use the most appropriate ones to call on his mercy for help (e.g, Al-Bari, Al Musawwair, Al Khaliq, Al-wadud, Al-wahhab, Ar-Razzaq, etc etc). Most important of all do not give up, for to do so would be to lose hope in the creator. The specific duas in the Quran for infertiliy are: Al-Imran:38, Al-Anbiya:89. And also I found this helped me a lot as well: Al-Kahf:10 - as only Allah swt the supreme only knows what is the best solution to our problems regardless of what appears to us. Also, on the medical side, do educate yourself about your medical condition, read as widely as you can to understand the root cause of your problem and the possible ways of managing it. Again, may Allah help you through this journey and may He bless the wombs of you as well as all ther other sisters in islam in this most trying situation, Ameen. Wassalam. |
| Re: difficulties of getting pregnant |
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| Anonymous |
| 04/26/04 at 16:17:06 |
| asalam alayum wa rahmatu Allah wa barakatuh, as for your case you say you have hypothyroidism? well this in itself may cause a problem with your ovulation. for starters there is nothing haram in seeking aid-professional aid and the stand your husband has taken is rather passive and goes against the teaching of the prophet SAAWS. There is a hadith of the prophet which says specifically if you have a camel or any beast of burden tie it well else dont complain if it wanders, of course thats not the literal text but I am trying to write fast because I would like to help but am rather pressed for time. As Muslims we must rely on Allah but as Allah says in the hadith Qudsi, "if you come to me walking I will hasten towards you"--it must be us who start, you have to have the intention and God will ease the action, this goes for all we do in this life. The prophet says there is not an ailment but there is a medicine or cure for it except old age-you are not suffering old age(I hope) so there is a cure. Now for the medicine..:) firstly: you have given us no clue as to your age, weight and menstrual periods, all three play a major role in your fertility. the younger, the closer you are to being average in weight, the more regular your periods the better the chances you have. Your husband also plays a role in fertlity, male factors comprise about forty percent of the causes of infertility give or take a couple of percentages. the creation of a family is one of the aims of marriage and the creation of a Muslim family shouls be the goal of every Muslim and Muslimah, talk to your husband again and as a good Muslim I am sure he will understand the difference between tawakul(reliance on Allah but taking into account causative factors) and tawaakul which basically means just sitting there doing nothing and waiting for God to send you a baby from the heavens. please realise the difference and seek gynecological aid. There is a good chance your problem could be solved, the gynecologist may ask you for some hormonal tests and will probably ask your husband for two samples of semen to analyse usually a month and a half apart, read all you can there are plenty of sites on the web and if there is anything specific please dont hesitate to ask and I shall try to come here again and answer you. your sister in Islam(profession gynecologist) salam alaykum wa rahmatu Allah |
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| Yasser |
| 04/28/04 at 15:23:49 |
| [slm] How are you sister in Islam! I hope you would be fine I am a student here in QATAR, whatz going on with u there REPLY |
| Re: difficulties of getting pregnant |
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| siskohki |
| 04/29/04 at 07:19:38 |
| [slm] sisters and brothers! I'm going to see a specialist in two weeks, finally! And my husband agreed to come too MashaAllaah! Thanks everybody for their answers! [wlm] your sister in Islam |
| Re: difficulties of getting pregnant |
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| ltcorpest2 |
| 05/03/04 at 20:10:53 |
| In case your husband wants or needs a guys point of view, he can write me a note also. We went through infertility for 7 years and got pregnant through invitro. Twin boys born 2 years apart (how cool is that!). and oh what fun! mike |
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| jannah |
| 05/03/04 at 21:28:58 |
| wow now that's interesting mike.. are they identical or fraternal?.. imagine having quadruplet identical children all spaced throughout life.. crazy to think about !! :) anyway congrats to all of you who finally became parents after alot of hardship and patience. it's truly a miracle to have a healthy baby. |
| Re: difficulties of getting pregnant |
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| Shahida |
| 05/04/04 at 06:57:18 |
| [slm] May Allah make it easier for all the couples facing this particular trial...ameen! Mike, you confused me:) Twin boys born 2 years apart=meaning 4 kids, 2 sets of twins? or only 2 boys, which i *think* is possible as well (ok running to hide cuz i *passed* my final exams in obstetrics and gynaecology and should *know* for sure about fertility treatments and so on...) :) Wasalam Shahida :-) |
| Re: difficulties of getting pregnant |
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| ltcorpest2 |
| 05/04/04 at 11:25:37 |
| we had multiple embryos. We put 4 in originally and only one stuck 9not sure if that is the best term or not) and we froze 2 and then put those in 2 years later |
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