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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Boys will be boys, huh? |
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| Trustworthy |
| 04/19/04 at 19:02:20 |
| [slm]... I teach a group of adolescent boys from 10-12 years of age. I have about 11 students in that class and only 3 of them behave without me having to prompt them to, my nephew, a Desi boy, and another that I’ll talk about later. The others, well…they’re great kids, but they can get really rowdy during my time with a 1 on 1 session with a student. So my first question is, how do I get those boys to behave? We’ve went over etiquettes and rules and it’s like they only want to listen if I keep them busy all the time with work, but then they complain and whine about it. I volunteered to take that class because no one else wanted to teach them because of this. They’ve made teachers cry and lose their voices. I once walked out on them, myself. They’ve gotten better since that incident, Al-Hamdulillah, and threats to throw them out the window does not work nor a meeting with the principal or parents. The most misbehaved boy’s parents even told me that they can’t control him either. What am I supposed to do then? I don’t want to kick him out of school because he needs to learn Islam. Is this where the rod comes in? I was this “–“ close in bringing one in, but I keep on forgetting too. When they’re good, we have lots of fun and we learn a lot and get into discussions, but then the class clown has to disrupt. I kicked him out a few times, and he’ll be good when he returns then the next day, back again. Can I use the rod, please? Jazakh.... Ma-assalamah... |
| 04/19/04 at 19:04:26 |
| Trustworthy |
| Re: Boys will be boys, huh? |
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| Nabila |
| 04/20/04 at 10:30:57 |
| [slm] It must be tough trying to teach in such an environment. One thing I would check out is the possibility the boy may have a clinical disorder, like a low attention span coupled with hyperactivity which he does not get to vent off in other areas of his life. (Yeah, yeah, I know, nowadays nothing is anybody's fault - its all blamed on disorders and society! :-/ but you never know). From the sound of it, he may not be a 'bad' kid as such, but just attention-seeking. If the boy seems mature enough, it might work if you just spoke to him privately, and ask him his reasons for behaving the way he does. If he genuinely does have trouble concentrating, then it's possible he may not understand the work and so get bored easily? Does he have any learning disorders? Or maybe a promise of a class trip to a theme park or something at the end of the year contingent on their behaviour? I'm saying all this because the rod is a last resort, to my mind. Is it really as effective now as it used to be? You might just get a threat of a lawsuit of he's that kinda kid - it's been known to happen! ::) ma asalaamah and take care |
| Re: Boys will be boys, huh? |
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| Trustworthy |
| 04/21/04 at 01:08:48 |
| [slm]... Jazakh..for your response. I thought about that, but telling his parents that he's got a disorder is like opening up Pandora's box. That stuff is not talked about. You have to know my community to understand it. Heck...I still don't understand it. But that thought have crossed my mind and then I really haven't thought about it. But now I will and he runs befoer i can even say, I need to talk to you. He appearantly forgets by the end of the class that I wanted to speak to him. I really wasn't going to use the rod to beat them...just threaten them with it. I could never hurt them. They are good kids when they really want to be. And I've tried bribing them too with trips, but I'd have to be the one to drive them in my SUV cause no parent will volunteer to chaperone or be a driver. So I give parties to those who've done their memorizing. I'll keep trying Sr. Jazakh...again. Ma-assalamah.... |
| Re: Boys will be boys, huh? |
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| momineqbal |
| 04/21/04 at 01:32:38 |
| [slm], You are doing good. I doubt you will ever be able to "control" them fully. Ask any teacher from any generation ;) . You could keep them busy with making some handicrafts, holding a quiz etc. I am not sure if there is a way really. Whenever I complained about this, one brother always told me, go take a look at public school kids! I think its partly the american culture (tv, movies, parents never having time for kids etc. etc.). No teacher at our sunday school survives more than a semester, so when I lasted for one year, I was a hero! InshaAllah after I finish school, I am planning on going back. So I would continue trying to teach them in creative ways, ask for advice from people who have more experience etc. and hope that with age inshaAllah they mature Islamically and become great muslims, ameen. |
| Re: Boys will be boys, huh? |
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| UmmWafi |
| 04/21/04 at 04:49:56 |
| [slm] sis I teach ESN students every Saturday and like your boys, they have no clue what behaving is. I was initially strict and fierce with them but that only worked for a bit. Thank god my counselling experience came to the rescue. The rod is not going to work, in fact it will only isolate them further. To catch their interest you must first show them how YOU are different from the rest of the teachers who gave up. You must also show them that you WANT to teach them. Its hard but do-able :) I find that motivation is always better than punishment. Do u know that I actually buy happy faces and cutesy stickers to paste on the assignments (even if these are 16 year old boys) ? they actually like it !! Ohhh they will try to be all machismo abt it but well...u know how boys are ;) Another thing to do is to boost their morale. I find boys like these prefer to do than just listen so I adjust my lesson plans to make sure they learn by experience rather than just by listening. Yes they can be noisy when they are in groupwork but the result is priceless. Then you proudly show their handiwork to all the other children and watch these boys glow :) Emm..I also once in a while give the top scoring boy a bar of choccies 8) Well hope that helped. Good luck sis. Wassalam |
| Re: Boys will be boys, huh? |
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| Sara_R |
| 04/21/04 at 22:46:57 |
| [slm] Several things that work, no matter the age... -being postive. See the positives that they do. 75% or 80% things spoken to kids/people is negative. This really affects people psychologicically. Try to give positive commentary for each person. The skills I teach are different then yours, but if you see anything that went well name it and say it. -let them see your joy in them being there. If a kid or kids sense you like them as people that makes a difference. They feel you see them as an inidvidual. I teach and I am a strong disciplinarian but the reason it works is that the kids truly know that I like them as who they are, in of themselves. Especially at that age, peer pressure, social groups, having talents that get you something, often creates much self-doubt that they are worthy and good just as they are. Often a quiet postive moment goes along way. "I appreciate that you did x" if you are addressing their behavior. If they do have a learning disability and/or if they lack confidence/self esteem this will help them. -I've had some kids who have been hard to understand why they are the waythey are. And I'll just talk to them about various things, not related to my class. And you see the other sides to them. (And often why their behavior is the way it is.) And if you care they know that and they'll try harder. -talk to them with respect. Kids often are dismissed or feel dismissed. I try, no matter what age to talk to them in a tone that treats them as human beings. Especially these days kidsfeel very disrespected/dismissed (here in the west). You may not like the behavior but you like them as a person. -have joy in what you are doing. Enthusiam goes a long way. What excites YOU.. -change up the energy. Have more serious things in the begining and more light and fun at the end. Can you physically move them in some way? Are they at desks or such? Can you sit as a group in a circle? Be creative. -work to have the group be positive with each other? "What did Ali do well in such and such?" Bring the atmosphere to a positive one. Get them to be positive with each other. Those are a few general things. I hope this helps in some small way. :-X Peace Sara |
| Re: Boys will be boys, huh? |
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| superFOB |
| 04/22/04 at 02:39:29 |
| [slm] A couple of weeks back we went to meet some guys who conduct a quran recitation program in one of the masjids in LA (granada hills). Now these guys themselves were huffaaz and many of the kids there were either doing hifz or just nazirah. What impressed me was that I didn't hear a peep out of any single one of them and there were kids of all ages! Like there were some with missing milk-teeth and others with budding moustaches. And their general behavior was incredible, as they arrived for class all of them would come towards hafiz sahab, say salam to all of us and shake our hands with BOTH of their tiny little hands. Now these are NOT madressah kids, most of them are your ordinary public school kids who come to learn quran in the evening, everyday. So guys, I think you have some ingredient missing from the recipe, otherwise there would have been a STRONG correlation. |
| 04/22/04 at 02:40:48 |
| superFOB |
| Re: Boys will be boys, huh? |
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| Kathy |
| 04/22/04 at 07:19:26 |
| [slm] [quote]So my first question is, how do I get those boys to behave?[/quote] ;)duct tape...start with duct tape.... The time our kids behaved the best was when some college guys took over...seem like they had a whole new respect. Once, when doing the Hajj Experience with my puppet, the kids were talking talking.. Finally in the meanest voice i could muster, I looked straight into the ring leaders eyes and asked him if he wanted me to leave. You could see the look of horror the little ones around him gave him and he caved into peer pressure... no one said a peep after that...not even the adults. Respect. Somehow ya gotta get their respect.... and a little fear doesn't hurt! |
| Re: Boys will be boys, huh? |
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| jannah |
| 04/22/04 at 13:36:11 |
| [wlm] Definitely confront them when one of them disrespect you, because if the other boys see them do it and you let it go none of em will respect u!! And don't be afraid to bring up people they are scared of as threats... and ALWAYS follow through with your threats...especially in the beginning of the year as examples.. like if u say "if u talk again i will send you to the principal" and then do make sure you do it.. if you are weak.. ask the class "should we send him to the principal or let him stay" that way you're still seen as strong.. whatever u do don't give in and give him one more chance... One time these two kids were acting out and we were doing something fun on islamic calligraphy. So then I was like 'Do you guys want to do this or not because we can just go to the next lesson in our book..' and then one kid says 'yes yes let's go to the next lesson in the book' and the others laughed... so i said ok you can take your book and go downstairs and go over it with br djafar (our principal).. then it was 'no nooo please can i stay' anywayz.. how bout writing their name on the board if they misbehave and if they have three checks you give them some punishment like sending them out or making them do extra homework. usually after they see their name on the board they sober up real quick :) also after u notice some friendships make rules that certain boys can't sit next to each other or do it in alphabetical order... soooooo good luck and may the Force be with you :) btw superfob ur describing the good kids!! most kids in islamic weekend schools are sent by their parents that are not religious themselves so you have to contend with alot... |
| 04/22/04 at 13:40:29 |
| jannah |
| Re: Boys will be boys, huh? |
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| ltcorpest2 |
| 04/22/04 at 18:54:20 |
| Well, in my opinion, boys (probably should say some or most) are not wired to be in a classroom. Maybe have them run 10 miles to get them to calm down. It is too bad that beatings are not allowed because that is one of the only ways...fear. I was so brutal on teachers and I have 2 boys and i just know payback day is coming for me (especially the younger one). I do remember when it was all said and done is the teachers I feared the most is where I behaved the best. That is the best I can do for you whcih I am sure is no help at all. |
| Re: Boys will be boys, huh? |
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| bhaloo |
| 04/24/04 at 08:37:04 |
| [slm] I think Jannah's advice is very practical. I used to teach some kids after school. One was a pre algebra class for 10 and 11 year olds (only like 4 or 5 kids in this class), and the other was an SAT Math class for high school kids (there were about 30 kids in this class). Let me tell you something, those 10 and 11 year olds drkve me nuts, they were so out of control girls and the boy in the class. Now the highschool kids were really cool. They wanted to learn, and they wanted to talk to me about college and what its like and all sorts of stuff related to it. It was like I was a big brother to them. Another guy had no problem teaching the 10 and 11 year olds, and he did it through a rewards/punishment system. If the kids behaved well, they got to play some math games or some fun activities at the end of the week. And then if they answered questions right in class, they were rewarded with candy. You have to be realistic and think of it from their stand point. The high school students wanted to go to a good college, they had motivation to want to study and do well in class. The 10 and 11 year olds, didn't care, they were in there because their parents put them in there. They didn't have any motivation, as far as they were concerned this was some boring class. Its upto the teacher to motivate them, and make it interesting and fun for them. I remember back in the 7th grade, this one teacher I had, Mr. Schiel, said that if the whole class behaved well, monday through thursday, on friday we would be rewarded with free time, we could read magazines in class, socialize, play some board games, etc. And he was the most popular teacher in school |
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