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| Any pointers sisters? From a very nervous sister.. |
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| Sunnah_ |
| 04/19/04 at 18:25:28 |
| Salam sisters! I hope everyone is doing well. I don't know how many of you remember, but I am getting married soon (Fall). I am getting nerves about it! I will be moving away from my family, that is one things that is scaring me. Also, everyone keeps telling me how much hard work it is, and life will be completely different. I dunno really what my question is, but I'm just getting the jitters now and Inshallah you can offer some advice to a young sister preparing for marriage. I want to be content knowing that everything will be alright leaving my family that I am dearly attached to. Sis Sunnah_ |
| Re: Any pointers sisters? From a very nervous sist |
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| Trustworthy |
| 04/21/04 at 01:17:24 |
| [slm]... I thought you need some replies. I really don't know what to tell you cause it's not easy, but it's not that hard. It's part of life. Deal with it the way you'd deal with any blessing or triumph. Make a lot of du'as, keep up with your religion and just remember, your entire life is a test so treat this the same. Pass it insha-Allah. You're in my du'as. Ma-assalamah.... |
| Re: Any pointers sisters? From a very nervous sist |
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| UmmWafi |
| 04/21/04 at 01:46:32 |
| [wlm] Dearest Sis Sunnah In essence, marriage is a ni'mah from Allah SWT. In marriage, Allah SWT has Provided for us a partner in our travel towards Jannah, Inshaa Allah. In marriage, Allah SWT has Provided a halaal means for us to satisfy all our needs as a person, be it physical, mental or spiritual. In short, in marriage, Allah SWT has Provided us with a halaal mini private community of our own where we can and are allowed to grow in every aspect. However, like all good travels, marriage requires lots and lots of preparation. Before embarking on this journey, you should equip yourself with the directions you will be taking. Similarly, before entering into marriage, make sure you are well-prepared with the various aspects of it like rights and responsibilities etc. Know your partner because he will be the one who will be guiding you on this travel. Make sure he is an able guide and if he falls short, a'udzubillah, then together seek rectifications. No journey is without its problems. Similarly, the union of two very different individuals can either be an explosive mess or a euphoric experience. The keywords to making a marriage work are : COOPERATION, COMMUNICATION, RESPECT and FAITH. These are in random order. Have faith because faith is the most essential ingredient towards ensuring that the union will be carried out within the boundaries of Islaam. Faith also allows troubled couple to invest time and effort into making the marriage work and avoiding divorce. Cooperation is a must. Forget about the battle of the sexes. All of us are different. We must stop seeing the other as an impediment to our wants and needs but we must see our partner as the catalyst towards fulfilling our wants and needs. Please practise give and take. Communication is a must because most often perceptions and preconceptions will make us stew in our own ill-judged thoughts and suspicions. Effective communication is very important in a marriage because we none of us can read minds. Only by communicating can both partners know the other. Respect must be present for any union to work. Any partnership that is not based on respect will either degrade into a querulous kind of relationship or worse, one that is conducted without hayaa. After much has been said and done, despite its stresses and work, marriage is a whole new different platform for us to explore the different opportunities to serve Allah SWT as His 'abd. Imagine the rewards of doing solah with your husband as your imam compared to just praying alone or having a stranger as your imam in a masjid. The experience of kissing the hands of your imam and having him kiss your forehead after solah is one of the sweetest manifestation of Allah's Reward. Ever. So...stop worrying and producing all those zits and just concentrate on being a beautiful and radiant bride I am sure you will be :) May Allah SWT Ease your path and your heart and may He Bless on your union to make it an instrument of imaan and taqwa, on earth and in the Hereafter, amin. Wassalam |
| Re: Any pointers sisters? From a very nervous sist |
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| rkhan |
| 04/21/04 at 12:44:28 |
| [slm] When I was getting married I had butterflies and fainting spells...the works...until a friend's mom told me something which inshaAllah I'll pass on to my kids one day. She said: Getting married is like learning swimming. If you're standing on the shore and you see someone holding themselves afloat in the water, enjoying themselves you wonder how do they do it and whether you'll ever learn. But inshaAllaah it won't be long before you learn and then it'll come naturally to you. It's natural to fret about being away from your family...getting to know your future in laws and the kind of life they lead helps IMMENSELY. If you hv any specific worries...do ask...and hope you don't get dunked at the deep end :P many duas...n all the best wishes |
| Re: Any pointers sisters? From a very nervous sist |
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| pakiprncess |
| 04/30/04 at 17:26:34 |
| sis sunnah, im getting married on august 1, inshallah... and i feel just as nervous as you!!! (if not more so cuz mines only 3 months away and my fiancee - who ive met only 3 times - lives in another country :o ) back to consoling you.... hit me up in 3.5 months, girl... i will let you know EXACTLY how it feels... im considering writing memoirs... for all the awkward questions/scenarios i keep imagining that no one can quite remember.. or so they say (like how could you forget your wedding nite!) lotsa luv + duas your way, sis :) |
| pakiRe: Any pointers sisters? From a very nervous |
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| Sunnah_ |
| 05/06/04 at 13:51:14 |
| Salam, Thanks for the replies you guys. I feel better and I'm sure everything will be okay! Good luck to you pakiprincess..........you are in my duaa's as well....I will definitely be talkin to you after your wedding!!! Wow that must be difficult to be so far away and not to know eachother well.....I guess I shouldn't complain, my fiance lives 2 hours away and I see him at least once or twice a week. hmmmmmmmmmmmmm Thankyou Sis Sunnah_ |
| Re: Any pointers sisters? From a very nervous sist |
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| ltcorpest2 |
| 05/06/04 at 22:02:35 |
| you just have to rememeber that you have to be very firm in the begining. You have to let him know that it is his responsibility to do the dishes every night and that he learns to do his and your laundry correctly. If you can get him trained early it will be smoothe sailing. Good luck!!! |
| Re: Any pointers sisters? From a very nervous sist |
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| Savaira |
| 05/07/04 at 10:06:08 |
| [slm] haha, brother mike I wish someone would have given me such advise when I got married :) Well, I was trying to be so calm when I was getting married. At my wedding I am just sitting there and my brother in law just comes to me and he is like ok lets go time to go now, and my heart just jumped and I was like oh no, he was just joking, but after that I had this really tight feeling in my throat the whole time. I didn't like him very much for that. Its really hard in the begining, being away from everyone. InshaAllah I hope everything works out for the best for you. you'll be in my duas :) Take care. [wlm] |
| Re: Any pointers sisters? From a very nervous sist |
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| Zara |
| 05/09/04 at 16:52:40 |
| [slm] Well sis, what can I say? Try and relax... I am in a similar boat ;D - nerves etc - he is in a different country and I am going to see him in july insha'allah. The Nikah will be done in december but this will be the pre-nikah shopping trip. Khair, I am sure all will be fine. [wlm] |
| Re: Any pointers sisters? From a very nervous sist |
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| Sunnah_ |
| 05/25/04 at 16:49:37 |
| Salam sisters! Thanks for the replies, they did put me at ease a lil bit. I was just wondering if maybe there are certain things you that are married have done or those who will marry are doing to prepare yourselves mentally for this big change? I want to be prepared as much as possible. I am now learning to cook lolol, I have 4 months to do that. I am going to go back to the gym to keep my energy level up, try to sleep and eat properly......I hope this will help the stress of wedding planning and the anxiety that accompanies the stress. The other thing is that I am taking celexa and rivotril (anti-depressent) and the rivitrol is supposed to reduce the anxiety.......I was going to get off of them, but maybe it might be a good idea to continue on with them throughout the summer until after the wedding? I don't know if anyone can relate to that or not. Thank for listening, hope to hear from you guys soon. Sis Sunnah_ |
| Re: Any pointers sisters? From a very nervous sist |
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| Kathy |
| 05/26/04 at 09:16:46 |
| [quote author=Sunnah_ link=board=sis;num=1082438466;start=0#9 date=05/25/04 at 16:49:37] The other thing is that I am taking celexa and rivotril (anti-depressent) and the rivitrol is supposed to reduce the anxiety.......I was going to get off of them, but maybe it might be a good idea to continue on with them throughout the summer until after the wedding? [/quote] :-[[i] Check with the Doc to see if you are ready to come off the drugs,... my guess is now is not a good time. Also isn't rivotril used for epilepsy? I did a spot check on the internet and the site said it shouldn't be used for those who are depressed. Ask your Doc about this.[/i] |
| 05/26/04 at 09:23:26 |
| Kathy |
| Re: Any pointers sisters? From a very nervous sist |
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| Sunnah_ |
| 05/26/04 at 14:58:30 |
| Kathy, I will do another check on the Rivitrol because I think you are right, I know it's not for depression but I think he gave me it for reducing the anxiety which I experience a lot. What is a good site to look this up on? There are so many things on the internet. thanks Sis Sunnah_ |
| Re: Any pointers sisters? From a very nervous sist |
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| Sunnah_ |
| 05/26/04 at 18:13:46 |
| Kathy (did you find anything diff than this....this is what i found): (Klonopin is the same as Rivotril) Clonazepam ( Klonopin ) is an anticonvulsant primarily used in the treatment of seizure disorders. Clonazepam ( Klonopin ) is a member of a class of drug known as benzodiazepines. This drug may also be used as an antianxiety, for the short-term relief of mild to moderate anxiety. Clonazepam ( Klonopin ) may also be used to treat movement disorders ( e.g., Touette's Syndrome), panic disorder, drug-induced mania, to help resistant depression, nocturnal myoclonus, relieve trigeminal neuralgia, bipolar affective disorder, and to help control certain types of petit mal, atypical, akinetic, myoclonic, or absence seizures. |
| Re: Any pointers sisters? From a very nervous sist |
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| pakiprncess |
| 05/27/04 at 11:44:54 |
| sunnah, are you really that nervous? :( dont be, girl! i mean, hes happy to be getting married to you, and youre happy too, rite? so inshallah why wont everything go right? :P just enjoy this time, girly. the beginning of this relationship is the funnest and sweetest part! whenever i feel nervous about my fiancee and his adjustment to me, i talk to my bro and end up :D cuz he points out the funniest things about my fiancee i never noticed. so think about the upcoming good times and inshallah all will be well... |
| Re: Any pointers sisters? From a very nervous sist |
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| Kathy |
| 05/27/04 at 12:39:19 |
| Check your IM The only reason I pointed that out, is a couple of years ago my hubby was in the hospital. I went home and looked up the drugs they were giving him. One was for bipolar disease! Yep, the doc had made a mistake. |
| 05/27/04 at 12:41:02 |
| Kathy |
| Re: Any pointers sisters? From a very nervous sist |
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| jannah |
| 05/27/04 at 15:08:12 |
| [wlm] good job Kathy I read an article recently about hospitals making more and more mistakes in the wrong drugs, medications, surgeries and stuff because of the bureacracy, shortage of nurses etc. so it's important for people to double-check those things. |
| Re: Any pointers sisters? From a very nervous sist |
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| Sunnah_ |
| 05/27/04 at 18:08:15 |
| Hmmmm, now I am begging to get worried......how do u know what is the right stuff and the wrong stuff??? By the way just so u sisters know that the whole marriage thing is not the reason I am taking that medication......it was a whole other issue....I was already taking the medication at the time I became engaged. I'll be okay I think.....I just have a roller coster of emotions because so much is going to change :o ??? :-X :-/ :'( ::) :D :o :( >:( :) :'( :-[ [] :-[ Thanks for the replies and inshallah khair! And to the other sisters who posted that are getting married......GOODLUCK and you are all in my duaa's and plz keep me in yours. Sis Sunnah_ |
| Re: Any pointers sisters? From a very nervous sist |
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| Kathy |
| 05/27/04 at 22:36:37 |
| [slm] Communication with the doc is essential. Even tho most of us are not schooled in medicine we can still do a google search on the meds docs give us. There are many sites that speek in layman's terms. Be pro active on your care. I was a Nursing Staff manager before my marriage to hubby #2, I have seen tons and tons of pitfalls. Jannah is right~ nursing care is at a all time high shortage. They barely have time to give meds, much less check them. Recently my hubby got sick again and had to be admitted... due to my knowledge of staffing I refused to admit him on a Friday! I was also married to a doc... the horror stories... Before him, i thought Docs knew everything.... choke choke... never thought to question their judgement. So call your Doc... or if you are too shy... get a second opinion! Please keep in mind... they have a secret code of honor and will never admit another doc did you wrong. |
| Re: Any pointers sisters? From a very nervous sist |
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| Sunnah_ |
| 06/08/04 at 13:44:26 |
| Salam Kathy, Yes I think I am going to go back to my doctor and have a talk with him. Do you think it's wise to also go see another doctor as well?? Well I made an appointment to go back to see him in a couple weeks inshallah....................I was taking celexa because I went into a bit of a depressiona while ago.....I think I have over come that, but the anxiety is left....I don't know maybe that medicine isn't helping the anxiety........oh well ill talk to him about it and inshallah everything will be okay. Maybe there is something better for anxiety.......the only thing is that I heard so many things about anti-anxiety medicines turn you into a zombie! That's not what i want.......hmmmm...ill msg u after i talk to the doc |
| Re: Any pointers sisters? From a very nervous sist |
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| UmmWafi |
| 06/08/04 at 22:15:13 |
| [slm] sis Sunnah Most anxiety pills do not cause u to turn into zombies unless your anxiety is so severe its crippling. Often, when you reach that stage, it is when u are also depress. It is normally the depression pills that kinda make you feel woozy and lethargic. Way back then, when I was in my panic attacks and anxiety disorder period I was given a cocktail of xanax, tranxene and one more I cant remember. The xanax made me sleepy and lethargic and I was practically a drugged out zombie. Despite the fact that my anxiety intensified and I slipped into deep depression, not to mention the phobias (I had both claustro and agro phobias..go figure) I was kinda sick and tired of being a vegetable so I did a massive research on what I was suffering from. I braved a traumatic journey to the library (abt 5km away) and borrowed lotsa books on panic attacks and anxiety disorder. The more I know abt the disorder the more I was confident of what I should take or should not take and what I should do and wht I shouldn't do. Unless u have chemical imbalance or thyorid problems, most times anxiety is caused by coping disabilities in times of stress. U are obviously psyched up abt ur marriage so maybe the drugs can help. However, it is not wise to let urself think that u shd be on anxiety drugs forever because u don't have to. Despite the lousy attempts by my psychologists, I managed to figure out how to deal with anxiety. Inshaa Allah if u are interested, u can mail me. It has a lot to do with knowing who u are and what ur relationship is with the Creator. Anxiety is like any other illness. It doesnt go away totally but it needn't linger either. Like the flu, u just allow it to take its course and u rest and do whats necessary and u will be ok. I still have twinges of anxiety and panic but they are so very manageable now. LOL...but I keep a prescription kf nipazepam too. In case ;) Wassalam |
| 06/08/04 at 22:16:54 |
| UmmWafi |
| Re: Any pointers sisters? From a very nervous sist |
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| Sunnah_ |
| 06/11/04 at 21:26:35 |
| Okay.....I am setting some goals for myself... First of all I'm sorry ladies this turned form 'advice for marriage' to 'anxiety & medication' lol.........I just want all of u to know, it's not that i am debating the marriage, because it is 100% what I want and I know it's right for me and he is right for me. I have been struggling with this for about 6 months prior to meeting my fiance. I think I do need to do some major research....maybe I'll hit the library up sometime one afternoon and make some notes. I used to just get sick of reading info on anxiety and stuff and feel sick and then stop reading about it. I don't undertand it that well, I'm so lost on why I feel like this and why this is happening. So first thing: 1) Research the condition 2) Take meds for now, but not depend on them and cut down on the Rivitrol (even tho the doc says to take it when I feel lots of anxiety----ill try 2 deal on my own first) 3) Teach my self more on islam ( always thought I knew enough, but now I realize it's not enough at all....when I move after i get married, I think I might take an islamic course.....but till then I will try my best now and try to finish the Qur'an for the first time, almost done it, and try to gain knowledge on my own) 4) exercise daily....I did at one point and it did help, I just got so busy with work and planning the engagment party that I didn't have much time. 5) Get enough sleep 6) Sully on time :-[ I dunno, anyone want to add to the list ??? Thanks for listening. |
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