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| Fatwa Shopping... a must read. |
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| bedou |
| 04/22/04 at 01:01:40 |
| Fatwa Shopping by Faisal Akhtar A play in one act [Scene 1: Faisal, his Angel and his Shaitan are walking by a thrift mall with a billboard detailing the shops in the mall as 1) “Fatwa exchange: The one stop shop for all your Fatwa needs” 2) “Innovations': The modern Islam” 3) “Factions; When Fatwas don’t do the trick”. Faisal enters the mall] [Faisal stares at the “Fatwa Exchange“] Shaitan: Looks like an interesting place. Come on Faisal lets check it out. Angel: Wait a minute Faisal! What could you possibly want in such a place? Shaitan: Remember that BMW you have been trying to save up for? I can get it to you right now if you borrow legally and Islamically from a bank at a very low APR. There is a great new fatwa out. Angel: That’s Riba Faisal. Don’t do it. Shaitan: You need a car man. I mean how do you expect to commute to work everyday? Angel: A cheaper model will be just as reliable and will work just fine and the money you save you can either use to save up for higher education or even donate it for the sake of Allah. Shaitan: This guy just wants you to live like a pauper. Islam doesn’t require you to be poor. You can live a decent life. People will respect you if you own a BMW Angel: All respect is from Allah and living well does not require you to show off an expensive car. Use your money wisely. Shaitan: But don’t you remember the test drive? The acceleration of the car when you pressed down on the pedal? The feel of complete control when you turned the wheel? It comes fully loaded with all the latest gadgets. By the way, you will never get married if you drive a Toyota or something. Your car is a status symbol and people don’t want poor men for their daughters. [Faisal drools] Angel: Would you seriously consider marrying someone who judges you based on your car and not… Faisal [cuts him off]: I am convinced. I am going in. Angel: If you are then I am not going with you. Shaitan; Fine! Shaitan (addressing Faisal): Why do you hang out with that guy? Faisal: He has given me some good advice in the past. Shaitan: I got all the advice you need my friend. [Faisal and his Shaitan walk in the store. The store is neatly organized by isles ranging from “Permissible acts” to “Shirk and Kufr”] Shaitan: Hmmm… Now where would we find Riba? [Intentionally leads Faisal into another isle] Shaitan: Look! Reasons to Delay Prayer. Looks like an excellent fatwa and its cheap. Faisal: Who is the scholar and what are his credentials? Shaitan: Who cares? Aren’t you a little tired of leaving everything unfinished just for prayer? I mean these reasons are, after all, Islamically permissible. Faisal: No man! Lets just do what we came here to do and be done with it. Shaitan: Fine! lets do this your way. [Shaitan and Faisal walk up to the information counter. The clerk is handling a Customer] Customer: When I came to this store, I expected a wider selection. I have been looking for a fatwa banning Jihad for an hour but I can’t find anything. What kind of a store is this? Clerk: Sir, we are not a specialty store. We have tried producing such fatwas but the Quran is too clear on this matter. However, you might want to try the factions store right next door. They have a much wider selection and they specialize in fabrications and lies. Innovation is also an excellent store if you have such high demands. Customer: Ok thanks! Wait a minute! Are you allowed to endorse other stores like this? Won’t you get fired? Clerk: Innovations and Factions are our partner stores Sir. Customer: Thanks a lot! Clerk: You are welcome and please come again. Clerk [Addressing Faisal with a smile]: Hi and welcome to Fatwa Exchange, The one stop shop for all your fatwa needs. How might I help you? Faisal: I am looking for fatwas legalizing Riba? Which Isle is that? Clerk: That will be the major sins isle. Isle 12. Faisal: Thanks. [On the way to isle 12, the loud speakers announce] “Attention Shoppers. New at Fatwa Exchange, the one stop shop for all your fatwa needs. Newly discovered at an obscure internet website is the masturbation fatwa. That’s right, you can now enjoy solo-sex while having the contentment of mind that it is not haram. This fatwa is just $8.99 for a limited time only. Find it in the lewd and indecent acts isle. Fatwa Exchange! Your religion at wholesale prices!” Shaitan: Sounds interesting. Wanna check it out? Faisal: I am looking to get married here man and you are suggesting solo-sex? Shaitan: Alright, my bad. The temporary marriage fatwa is also in the same isle. Lets go! Faisal: Wait man, I haven’t even bought the Riba fatwa yet. Shaitan: Ok fine. Lets go to isle 12. [After purchasing the Riba fatwa] Shaitan: I can see it now Faisal. You and me in a brand new BMW, cruising down the highway, music blasting… Faisal: Wait a minute. I read that music is Haram. Shaitan: Man that’s you problem. You read way too much. Hold on one sec. [Runs two isles down and brings back the music fatwa] Shaitan: See! Problem solved. Makes music permissible, its just $2.99 and from a reputable scholar. Faisal: Where would I be without you!? Shaitan (Sneezes and speaks at the same time) Heaven! Faisal: What did you say? Shaitan: Lost! You would be lost. Now onto some other important fatwas. Faisal: Wait, I have no more money. Shaitan: Check your wallet. [Checks and finds some money] Shaitan: What about that? Faisal: That is Zakat money man. Shaitan: No problem! Hold on one second. [Runs to the factions store next door and brings back a book explaining how Zakat need not be paid] Faisal: Wait, you got no money. How did you get that book for free? Shaitan: The store owner knows me. We go way back. Now read. See! you don’t have to pay Zakat. [Faisal is a little confused but accepts and buys the fatwas] [At checkout] Clerk: Are you a member of our frequent shoppers reward program? Shaitan: Yes he is. Faisal: Am I? Shaitan: I took the liberty. Clerk: Please sign away your soul here. [Faisal signs] Clerk: Thank you and have a nice day. [Outside the mall, the Angel joins Faisal] Angel: I thought you just went to buy one fatwa, what’s in all those bags? Faisal: Nothing! Nothing! I am gonna go and buy me that BMW now. Angel (Chasing after him): Faisal Wait! [Curtain] [Scene 2: Faisal is driving down Turnpike in his new BMW, music is blasting and there is a woman in a mini skirt sitting in the front seat. The Shaitan is riding shotgun while the Angel is in the back seat] Shaitan (Yelling over the music): THIS IS AWSOME! IS THIS THE LIFE OR WHAT? Faisal: YEAH MAN! I THINK THIS CAR IS THE FASTEST CAR IN THE WORLD. Angel: Faisal. Turn off the music, put your seat-belt on and slow down. [His voice drowns in the music. "Oops I did it again..."] Faisal: I LOVE THIS PART! read the conclusion at [url=http://www.hidayaonline.com/archives/000079.html]Hidaya[/url] http://www.hidayaonline.com/archives/000079.html |
| Re: Fatwa Shopping... a must read. |
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| nida |
| 04/22/04 at 17:11:33 |
| slm, nice story...!! i really like it. [quote author=bedou link=board=library;num=1082610101;start=0#0 date=04/22/04 at 01:01:40] Faisal: Where would I be without you!? Shaitan (Sneezes and speaks at the same time) Heaven! [/quote] this part is funny!!! |
| 04/22/04 at 17:12:25 |
| nida |
| Re: Fatwa Shopping... a must read. |
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| Barr |
| 04/24/04 at 15:20:36 |
| [slm] Hmmm, I think this play may cause more confusion on some valid differences of opinions on various issues as well as attitudes towards them, instead of clarifying. Allahua'lam |
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