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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| What's the right process of exchanging rings...... |
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| Sunnah_ |
| 04/30/04 at 13:20:36 |
| Salam all! My fiance and I are a little confused as to how the ring process works. I don't know about everyone else's ceremonies, but we are Lebanese and there are kind of 3 steps........... Step1 : gather immediate family and recite El-Fatiha to make it kind of official (we did this about 2 months ago) Step2: Engagement party where most people sign the marriage papers when in fact we are actually married ( in 2 weeks! aaaaaaahhhh) Step3: Have the actually wedding party (October) Now, my question is.....at the Engagment party I know that the bride receives her ring............does the groom wear his ring at that time too.......or until the actually wedding party........because we will not actually live together until october. Some people even say I am supposed to wear the wedding band as well on the engagment day.................I don't know how many of you know anything about this.......if there is one islamic set way of doing it or maybe it's different in different cultures.......any input from anyone would be great! Thanks a lot (If someone Lebanese is reading this please respond if you know, it would be helpful...........but I would also love to know what the traditions of others are! so please share) Love Sis Sunnah_ |
| Re: What's the right process of exchanging rings.. |
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| Mossy |
| 04/30/04 at 13:48:31 |
| Wa salam sr Sunnah_, First off.. Congratulations! Now, onto random info spewing.. The exchanging of rings is not an Islamic custom, so you can do whatever you wish with regards to it, you can not wear it ever and it will have no effect before Allah (swt) when he bestows his barakah upon your marriage. It's nice as a sign that you're taken though ;) The meat of the marriage is basically the nikkah with the accompanying public announcement and happiness. Everything else is just extraneous - indeed, after the nikkah you are full wife and husband. There are some general guidelines laid down as to what the males ring can consist of (ie it is impermissable for them to wear gold, so only silver rings below a certain weight). So, do it however you want to if you want to, but don't think there's anything special about them :) Good luck! ws Mossy |
| Re: What's the right process of exchanging rings.. |
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| se7en |
| 04/30/04 at 13:57:47 |
as salaamu alaykum, [quote]So, do it however you want to if you want to, but don't think there's anything special about them [/quote] dude, it *is* special - it is a sign of the beautiful commitment and bond being forged between two people.. it just doesn't hold *religious* significance. :P wasalaamu alaykum :) |
| Re: What's the right process of exchanging rings.. |
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| Mossy |
| 04/30/04 at 14:22:20 |
| Ah, maybe I was unclear. The main objection from the ulema that I've read is that it becomes impermissable to follow this particular tradition if one begins to believe they are intrinsically special - ie taking it off will harm the marriage in itself, the marriage is wholly represented by it etc. Heck, some ulema even state is it makruh to wear one at all if you're not a ruler/governor (signet rings). Everything holds religious signficance - and what could be more religious than marraige? A marriage shouldn't have to be represented by a band of silver, it goes far beyond that - especially before the one who it is a covenant under. Still, s'all good iA. |
| Re: What's the right process of exchanging rings.. |
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| Sunnah_ |
| 04/30/04 at 14:23:41 |
| Salam again, We are definitely wearing the rings for sure, I just didn't know when you put the wedding band on (signing of papers, or actually wedding party) and if my husband should wear his on the signing of the papers (engagement) or until the wedding party. Thanks! Sis Sunnah_ |
| Re: What's the right process of exchanging rings.. |
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| Mossy |
| 04/30/04 at 14:28:57 |
| Wa salam Sunnah_, The answer as far as I can see is whatever makes you happy ;) There's nothing in Islam about it - but you are considered married after the nikkah, so you might want to put it on then - makes sense as that's when you're "officially" married. |
| Re: What's the right process of exchanging rings.. |
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| Sunnah_ |
| 04/30/04 at 14:31:06 |
| That's what I was leaning towards..............thanks for your input you guys Sis Sunnah_ |
| Re: What's the right process of exchanging rings.. |
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| se7en |
| 04/30/04 at 15:21:09 |
| as salaamu alaykum, [quote]Ah, maybe I was unclear. The main objection from the ulema that I've read is that it becomes impermissable to follow this particular tradition if one begins to believe they are intrinsically special - ie taking it off will harm the marriage in itself, the marriage is wholly represented by it etc. Heck, some ulema even state is it makruh to wear one at all if you're not a ruler/governor (signet rings). [/quote] oh, I thought you were referring to the opinion some people hold that it is a bid'ah. that's why I was saying, it would only be a bid'ah if one believes it has religious significance, if it's done with the objective of getting closer to Allah and with a devotional intent. Which is not usually the case, most people as far as I know wear them simply as a sign that they are married. wasalaam :) |
| 04/30/04 at 15:22:00 |
| se7en |
| Re: What's the right process of exchanging rings.. |
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| Kathy |
| 05/01/04 at 11:18:01 |
| [slm] I have gone back and forth on this issue in my life. I must admit I was rather shocked to hear that my hubby refused to wear a ring. In my culure it was rather disconcerning for a man not to wear one. I also could not help think of the single women at his work place who couldn't help but take notice of this good looking man who did not appear to be married. For the longest time I did not wear one, because Ali was playing with it...and we never saw it again.... Just recently I had two men inquire whether I was married or not. Must admit, it made me feel uncomfortable. In reality, they saw me in the masjid and at the restaurant... without a ring, how would they know? And I am not good looking or beautiful. It makes me wonder what kind of looks/advances my hubby gets at work. (yes, i know, the ring does not stop some kind of hoochies) Needless to say i just asked my hubby for a new one. In this society it is not only a symbol of marriage, but a sign to stay away. ... a ring is also a good dramatic piece of jewlrey to take off and throw...when she/he needs to know his/her behaviour needs to stop!! |
| Re: What's the right process of exchanging rings.. |
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| Marcie |
| 05/01/04 at 11:51:35 |
| [slm] To be honest the ring isn't that imporant. I got one two years later. It had belonged to his mother and was a present from his sister. We actually got my husband one from Walmart for ten bucks. He never wears it and I don't know where it is. In the grand scheme of things, as long as the marriage works that is more important than anything else. Someone could have the prettiest ring and the worst marriage. :'( Allah alim. [wlm] Marcie |
| Re: What's the right process of exchanging rings.. |
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| Barr |
| 05/01/04 at 11:52:16 |
| [slm] [quote]Needless to say i just asked my hubby for a new one. In this society it is not only a symbol of marriage, but a sign to stay away. [/quote] Alhamdulillah, I managed to influence my husband to wear one. 8) I got him a nice platinum, mashaAllah... I like it so much, I don't mind wearing it myself :) Seriously, many sisters do check out a man's finger to see if he might still be single. So, the ring is very purposeful, besides its other lovey dovey symbols. Back to the post: We had our nikah and walimah on the same day, and the ring was given after the aqad. The nikah means marriage, and not the waleemah, so any exhange of gifts, I'd prefer to be given during the nikah, since, waleemahs may be delayed. But... its really up to you, wotcha wanna do - since the ring exchange is just culture. Allahua'lam |
| Re: What's the right process of exchanging rings.. |
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| Rabia |
| 05/02/04 at 11:55:37 |
| [slm] I've always liked the idea of a ring. It doesn't have to be fancy; it could be a pewter band or a 1.8 carat princess cut solitaire set in platinum...oh! sorry about that! But really, it doesn't matter. I just get tired of every older Muslim male seeing me covered and then trying to marry me off to his son, nephew, cousin, whatever. I have a brass/copper/silver band that I bought many years ago that I've actually worn at times. I know that wearing rings is cultural, but can anyone tell me where the custom of wearing the bands on the right comes from. If it's not an Islamic tradition is it a Middle Eastern one ??? [quote author=Kathy link=board=madrasa;num=1083342036;start=0#8 date=05/01/04 at 11:18:01] ... a ring is also a good dramatic piece of jewlrey to take off and throw...when she/he needs to know his/her behaviour needs to stop!![/quote] :D :-/ :D :-/ |
| Re: What's the right process of exchanging rings.. |
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| tree |
| 05/07/04 at 11:41:58 |
| [slm] i've worn a silver and diamond ring on and off for the last three and a half years of marriage...mostly off though...hmm, i don't even know where it is...anyway, I have always thought that i *should* wear it to ward off the evil of men ;D so i sold the gold jewellery my mother-in-law gave me :o to get something more tasteful made. However, i noticed that even when i was wearing a ring I still had guys asking if i was married and sometimes other inappropriate questions :o...ahem! in fact, it's only ever happened when i have been wearing it....hmmm, maybe i should reconsider getting those rings made..... then there's the question of wearing the ring on the left hand on the right...i've always been told that the muslim custom is to wear it on the right, but of course the 'western' custom is to wear it on the left. one for each hand then? :P |
| Re: What's the right process of exchanging rings.. |
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| Trustworthy |
| 05/07/04 at 13:41:53 |
| [slm].... Is this like the funniest thread or what? Ok. Ok. I’ll shut up about it. Well…let me just share this with you anyhow seeing how we are sharing culture rituals. The older generation don’t where rings. The younger generation where the biggest and baddest. Stupid really only cause it’s more like a competition kind of thing and if there husband’s don’t get them the biggest and baddest they’ll go out and buy one themselves. Told you it was stupid. With this said, it truly is insignificant and has no meaning. Our older culture was, you’re marriage symbol was your dowry like a necklace, bracelet, ring or all three and you where that if you want to. Some people put it away for safe keeping. So here’s the logistics of it all with my culture: 1. Engagement party where only families are invited to talk and make fun of the couple. 2. Second engagement party where the dowry is given and wedding date is set. You must where your dowry if you accept then. 3. 3 day wedding with the Nikkah on the 1st night and beautification with henna and all. 2nd day is for showing off the bride. 3rd day is when the bride and groom meets to start off their life together. 4. (New) Couple goes out to get husband a ring (and wife gets one too if she did not get one for her dowry.) My opinion, I’ll where my ring if my husband prefer me too cause I really don’t like jewelry all that much. It’s just a nuisance. (Then I saw this diamond bracelet and necklace and was “oooooh” but can’t afford the necklace. Got myself the bracelet (which was 70% off it’s sale price and diamond replacement life warranty-what a bargain) and never wear it because it’s too shiny.) Anyways… I would prefer my husband to wear one too since knowing now a days that people do check out your fingers to see if you’re married and if not they tend to flirt with you which is more of a nuisance. I mean who wants to deal with that? I bought myself a $30 gold wedding band to wear when I go out so that I wouldn’t be bothered. It’s like my mahram….no really. I’m just in a good mood so I’ll stop before I get myself into trouble again. I’m all for the rings. Sis? It’s your marriage, create your own tradition if you want. If not, ask your parents or his how it works. [] Ma-assalamah.... |
| Re: What's the right process of exchanging rings.. |
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| Sunnah_ |
| 05/08/04 at 13:47:11 |
| Salam! Hey guys lol this did turn out to be a funny thread.......hahahah I think that the ring is important only to show that the person is 'taken'. I'm not all about fancy shmancy stuff. .....but I would like him to wear a ring cuz I want girls who look at him to know he's mine hehehhe Anyways, thanks for the replies, I have talked to our families and we worked it out. We will both exchange rings when we do the signing of the papers(1 week exactly!!!! ahhhhhhhhhhh) and we will have a wedding party in october. Thanks guys that was fun Sis Sunnah_ |
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