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| Hidden Tensions |
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| Kathy |
| 05/03/04 at 08:34:40 |
| As salaamu alaykum. My neice,who is in college, let me borrow her computer. I was reading her term paper and found it interesting...so I began reading other papers she has written. I was a bit shocked, on many levels, to come across this. I had no idea that she had even done any research on Islam, or that my reversion played on her mind. While many of her words are her perception, I found it a good read. I hope this helps other reverts out there. I thought a bit about wheter to post it or not, but my gut says to. Insha Allah, I am... and yes, I realize there are some actions in here that aren't favorable in my light...but reality of what many of us go thru. Just take it as a lesson that it will turn out in the end! Insha Allah! The struggles of immigrants and the reverts ties to family and christian holidays, the tensions and community diversity realities are all tied up in this one paper. I also found some of her perceptions, while in error, interesting. Hidden Tensions Behind the doors of the cabinet in my living room, there are about ten photo albums. Each of the albums has a theme; they range from births, to weddings, to birthdays, and family photos in general. There is this one old brown photo album, which holds all of our large family pictures. Hidden deep within the stiff and yellowed pages, is this photograph. The photograph was taken on Christmas Eve in 1993. It is a picture of my mother’s side of the family. The people that are included in the picture are me, my mother, father, sister, three of my aunts, three of my uncles, my grandfather, and his wife. The picture was taken in my grandfather’s house, in front of the fireplace. On the left there is a bookshelf, and in front of that are my Aunt Kathy and her husband Raed. Next to them are my Uncle Tom and his wife Andrea. Positioned in the middle of the photograph are my grandfather and his wife, Mary. Next to them are my Uncle Chuck, his wife Teresa, and her daughter, Ronnie. On the far right, stands my family. I am in the front, with my sister behind me, and my mother to the right of me. Behind my mother stands my father. There are decorations in the picture that signify it is Christmas time. There is an angel and a wreath above the fireplace, as well as red candles. There are also some Christmas lights on top of the fireplace that are woven through garland. In the foreground of the photograph, part of a table is seen. There are red and green plates, as well as a decorative table cloth, which has poinsettias on it. Next to my aunt Kathy’s foot there is a red bow, one that was probably attached to a present. In the bottom right corner, there is a stuffed animal, Barney. He is wearing a red and white candy cane stripped scarf, and part of his Santa hat can be seen. Also, everyone is dressed up in the photograph, which for my family signals a holiday. Almost everyone is wearing clothes geared towards cold wintry conditions, which is a given for Christmas time in New York. There are smiles on almost everyone’s face. My father and my uncle Chuck are the only ones without “teeth baring” smiles. This is typical of these two men, who liked to be thought of as tough and gruff. Also, my sister’s smile is not visible because most of her face is hidden behind my head. The question that can be asked here is, are the smiles genuine? Everyone looks happy; but are they? Are they only smiling because it is Christmas? What are the feelings that lie beneath the image of the photograph? Beneath every photograph there are stories to tell and lessons to learn. My family photograph is no different. There are issues of religious beliefs, and tension hidden within the smiles of the photograph. My family is Roman Catholic, on both my mother’s and father’s side. When I was about six, my aunt Kathy converted to the religion of Islam. Her decision to leave Christianity was in part due to a friend who was Muslim, and her curiosity in a very religious way of life. After learning about the culture and religion, she decided to slowly begin converting to Islam. My family was very oppositional towards her decision, since my family didn’t understand anything about the religion. Also at this time in the eighties it was unheard of, especially in smaller cities. In particular the men were against it the most. They only knew that the religion was of Middle Eastern descent, and that it has been linked to terrorism. This caused tension not only in my extended family, but in my nuclear family as well. Charles Haynes a writer for the Salt Lake Tribune illustrates the classic view of Muslims by some Americans; “The rapid growth of Islam in the United States in recent years has been accompanied by an escalation of hate and prejudice directed toward Muslims…. What's behind all this? Ignorance and fear. Many Americans know little or nothing about Islam, and what they do know is shaped by media stereotypes that make "Muslim" synonymous with "terrorist"” (paragraph 2). Haynes statement exemplifies the way my family felt in the beginning because they only associated the religion with terrorism and anti-American acts. Also, Islam was not a religion that had many Caucasians in its following, and my aunt was one of the first people in our community to convert. At the time she converted, there were very few white American Muslims. This made the situation more stressful within my family. There are aspects that are interesting regarding my Aunt Kathy and Uncle Raed in the family photograph. Traditionally Muslim women are required to cover, which means they have to wear a head covering, as well as cover their arms and legs. This is known as the hijab. In the photograph my aunt is not wearing a head covering, but her arms and legs are covered. When I was younger I remember my aunt not wearing her scarf, even in public when she had already converted to Islam. A young woman who also had converted to Islam said “I didn't understand the concept at first (of the hijab), so I didn't wear it in the beginning, but as time passed and I read more, I began to see the beauty of it” (Bearden 04). This was the feeling that my aunt had as well; at the beginning she was still discovering herself within the religion of Islam. When this picture was taken, my aunt and her second husband Raed had only been married for a year or two. The reason she was not wearing the head co vering or scarf was because she was in the presence of women or family members, and it is not required. Also the fact that she chose not to be covered while in the presence of family members helped ease the tension that resulted because of her conversion to Islam. Nearly ten years later, they are still married; and now my aunt has become a stricter Muslim who always covers in public and for pictures. Also wearing her hijab in the presence of family members is easier now because they have grown and learned to accept her religion. Perhaps the oddest aspect of the picture is the fact that there are two Muslims in a Christmas picture. Muslims do not celebrate Christmas. “Muslims believe that Jesus Christ was one of many prophets sent by God, beginning with Adam, and including Noah, Abraham, Ishmael, Isaac, Jacob, and Moses. According to Islam, Jesus was born of a virgin, but was not the Son of God, and did not die on the cross. He ascended to heaven without dying and will return some day to earth” (Christianity vs. Islam, paragraph 9). Thus, Muslims do not celebrate the birth of God’s Son, Jesus. There are a variety of reasons why they are at our family’s Christmas celebration. One was that my Uncle Raed was trying to impress my family, and be included, not isolated because of religious differences. At the early stage of their relationship it was important that he be a part of family socials, in order to truly become a member of the family. It also had to be during Christian holidays because that wa s one of the few times a year my family truly got together. The other main reason that they were at the Christmas celebration was the fact that my Aunt Kathy had been a part of these gatherings for over ten years; and it was an important part of our extended family bonding. There is an aspect to consider in the positioning of the people in the photograph. My Aunt Kathy and my father are at opposite ends of the photograph. This symbolizes the tension between them, as well as the separation of old friends. My father knew my aunt before he knew my mother. He and my aunt worked at a local hospital and became friends. They used to party together; and my aunt introduced my mother and father to each other. Eventually the three of them lived together in an apartment in their early twenties. They all got along well, and enjoyed each other’s company. Things changed when my aunt converted to Islam. My father was perhaps one of the most oppositional. He was raised as a devout Catholic. He felt that my aunt was turning her back on Catholicism and shouldn’t embrace a different culture. He didn’t want my aunt to change her beliefs. He had a hard time dealing with change, and diversity. From the time that my aunt decided to convert, there has been tension between my father and her. My father has learned to accept her decision, so the tension has lessened over the years, yet it still exists. Historically diversity has caused tension, whether between countries, families, or friends. My Uncle Raed symbolizes diversity in the photograph. In the photograph he is hidden behind my aunt. This symbolizes his position in our family. At this time he still has not been completely embraced, yet he has not been isolated. He is just slowly emerging into our family’s history, which can be symbolized through him just letting his head show around the side of my aunt in the picture. He illustrates diversity in the photograph because he is the only person who is not a white American. He is from Jordan. He represents a completely different culture, that my family was forced to accept by their marriage. It was controversial in my family when my aunt and Raed got married. They had somewhat of an arranged marriage. It is traditional for marriages to be fixed through the mosque (place of worship); and my aunt had only met him a couple times before they were married. My grandfa ther was strictly against it; he did not want his daughter marrying a ‘stranger’. Their unique marriage added to the tension within the family. It was different for my family not to know someone’s fiancé before the marriage. So when they met Raed on the day that he married my aunt, he was immediately thrust into our family and it made for an uncomfortable situation. We were forced to get to know someone who was not only a ‘stranger’ but someone who also came from a completely different culture. This uncomfortable situation led to tension because many of my family members had no idea on how to proceed to get to know Raed. Though it took longer than it normally would, my family learned more about his culture, which led to an understanding and allowed him to be embraced by most members of our family. This photograph was taken nearly ten years ago, and things have changed. Not only have things changed within my family itself, but as well as in the Islamic world as a whole. “Islam is considered one of the fastest-growing religions in the United States today” (Islam in the United States, paragraph 1). My community is now full of both white American Muslims, and immigrant Muslims. Now Islam is an integrated part of not only the United States, but also my family’s community. Daniel Pipes wrote in the National Review, “…Americans who have converted to Islam-plus their descendants- probably total about one million. This makes them by far the largest convert population of Muslims in the Western world…” (01). This illustrates the surging population of Muslim converts in the United States specifically. The fact that my family has been a part of this transition from a very few white American Muslims, to a rising population of them; makes the whole experience more intimate. W e can look at the religion with a view that many Christian Americans can not. We have already experienced and learned what many Americans are just beginning to understand through my aunt’s conversion, and then her marriage to an immigrant Muslim. Beneath every photograph there are controversies, tensions, or secrets. My family’s photograph illustrates the tension that can exist within a seemingly happy family. We had to deal with issues of religion, and race. This photograph represents a time when my family had to deal with controversy and uncomfortable situations. It is important that we have learned from the ideologies that existed beneath the people in the photograph. My family has been able to work past cultural and religious differences, and learn from them. This has enabled us to better understand the present situations regarding the religion of Islam, and realize the ignorance and fear we had in the past. It is not to say that no tension exists in the present, but the people who stand in the photograph taken on Christmas Eve in 1993 have evolved because of the issues that lie beneath the smiles. |
| Re: Hidden Tensions |
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| jannah |
| 05/03/04 at 16:01:23 |
| [wlm] It's very interesting Kathy and sad to hear about the tensions. Most of us have no idea what goes on when someone decides to become Muslim and how difficult it is within a family. May Allah bless you all and make it easier inshaAllah :) |
| Re: Hidden Tensions |
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| AyeshaZ |
| 05/03/04 at 18:23:27 |
[wlm] subhan'Allah kathy.. i have tears in my eyes after reading this and it's so amazing the way your neice wrote it. wassalam |
| Re: Hidden Tensions |
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| timbuktu |
| 05/03/04 at 22:34:14 |
| [slm] It is beautiful, and illustrates that your niece has the ability to look underneath the visible. |
| 05/06/04 at 05:18:39 |
| timbuktu |
| Re: Hidden Tensions |
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| sal |
| 05/05/04 at 17:16:35 |
| [slm] [quote] and sad to hear about the tensions. Most of us have no idea what goes on when someone decides to become Muslim and how difficult it is within a family[/quote] Yes I want to say the same but congratulation for the BIG REWARD you will earn in jannah for all you have faced Sis. Kathy I feel you are very lucky woman .ALLAH LOVES YOU SO MUCH because you have passed through hard exams to please ALLAH and i think you are doing a lot [wlm] :) |
| Re: Hidden Tensions |
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| rkhan |
| 05/06/04 at 03:33:26 |
| [slm] someone very very close to me is a revert too, and I've seen for myself the unspoken tension when she visits her family...when it's time for salaah and she brings out her sujjaada...when it's dinnertime and they're all eating veggies cooked specially for her...when a visitor drops in and they hv to introduce this hijaab clad woman as their sister and watch jaws drop... May Allaah strengthen every revert to Islaam with the sweetness of certain belief and grant every Muslim sensitivity and compassion |
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