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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Dua request for a brother |
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| Caraj |
| 05/08/04 at 15:28:19 |
| There is a brother whose wife has been diagnosed with suger diabetes. This was three years ago. But he is beginning to feel fed up. He is so concerned for her and as his mother lost her leg due to this same condition so you can see why he is way concerned. She is not taking care of herself, not getting exercise and will not stop eatting sweets and will not listen to the doctor or her husband. He has even asked her to at least think of their 11 y/o child. He says even his son has told her to stop sneaking treats when she is caught. He is getting fed up, thinks she does not care and he would like prayer for him and his wife and son. Thank you |
| 05/09/04 at 23:23:39 |
| Caraj |
| Re: Dua request for a brother |
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| Angelic |
| 05/09/04 at 09:25:14 |
| I feel for this brother, I am too a diabetic, it can be very depressing sometimes but the worst thing he can do is nag at her about it, I watched my mother nag my father, he got to the point of being fed up and didn't care either, he eventually passed away 2 years ago. If you need any advice, you can pm me. |
| Re: Dua request for a brother |
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| onemuslimgirl |
| 05/09/04 at 15:29:11 |
| i agree with angelic, the worst thing a person can do is to nag the person who needs to stop doing something. it brings attention to it. for example, if u tell someone to think about anything they want in the world, but they cant think about elephants. what do you think they will be thinking of? elephants... he has to become a little sneaky and nutrition wise. a person who has diabetes does not automatically stop eating all sweets. they just have to portion it. he can buy some books on cooking for diabetics, then try several dishes, and desserts. he doesnt need to tell her they are special recipes. plus if he follows a certain guideline for eating, without telling her, he will find her following it too. he and his son gotta do some planning when she is not around and just give the situation some time. if she is got eating something tell them not to react...just to ignore it. it will make a difference... |
| Re: Dua request for a brother |
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| Caraj |
| 05/09/04 at 23:26:50 |
| Thank you both for your advice. He is not a member of the board, but I would like to request not only prayer/duas but advice and also encouragement from the brothers and sisters on the board and I will invite him to come read. Bro's what would you do if this was your wife? Angelic, I am so sorry you are having to deal with this condition, can you, would you mind give this brother more advice? Some insight as to how his wife many be feeling about this whole thing? If this is not to private of thing to ask. Cause it may help others, not just this one brother. Thank you everyone |
| 05/09/04 at 23:27:56 |
| Caraj |
| assalamu alaykumRe: Dua request for a brother |
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| Angelic |
| 05/10/04 at 08:22:05 |
| assalamu alaykum I can say that having the diabetes has been difficult and trial for me too. I think if I was left alone from the beginning I might have felt more comfortable about it and have educated myself a lot more than I have todate. I know very little about the brother's wife but I wonder if she maybe rejecting the fact that she has been diagnosed as having diabetes? I've been depressed about it, I think I became more depressed when my mother kept nagging at me to take my blood sugar day in and day out, she wanted to know what it was, as for me, I didn't care at all. This is what she did with my Dad and he used to get so stressed out by it, you could just see how he used to shake when he couldn't take it anymore. Most times when she nagged me about it I would turn the phone away from my ear so as not to hear her, since we are in different countries it was quite easy to do it. I haven't really talked about my diabetes to anyone but I do know that everyone is different, the diets vary from person to person so it's really hard to find a custom made dietary plan in the market. Last year I visited with a diabetic nutrionist who helped me to find ways to control my blood sugar level through out the day. I've done my best to follow what I can but I haven't seen any improvement, in fact my blood sugar in the last few months has just got worse and I've put that down to work stress, so I get even more depressed knowing that I am trying but not really getting anywhere. My environment really isn't the best for a diabetic but I'm going to be leaving it in 2 months so hopefully it will improve. I can imagine too that the brother's wife doesn't want to talk about it, I suppose it doesn't help her much knowing she has to prepare the meals for the family and she might be lost herself as to what she should be feeding them, and she might feel like having to prepare 2 different meals, one for her and one for her family. But one thing I know is that having diabetes really doesn't effect one's ability to do anything, although if it's not controlled it could effect some organs in the latter part of one's life so starting to control it now is the best. I would like to give some suggestions though. The brother really seems like he wants to help his wife, but the most loving way is not to nag but in a subtle way he could try to educate himself. He could buy some books or magazines about it, read them and leave them lying around, on the bedside table or coffee table or kitchen bench or something like that so when he leaves for work maybe she might have a peak. I think once she becomes interested though she might reduce her habit of eating too many sweets although having the sweets really isn't all that harmful to her but then I don't know how much she really is indulging. My nutrionist said that to regularly have a piece of chocolate if I can't get my hands on something more nourishing but a diabetic shouldn't have 3 meals a day, they should have at least 6 small meals throughout the day plus some snacks, those snacks can be a handful of raw almonds, a chocolate, a banana or some low glycemic crackers. I don't know where the brother is residing but in Australia, food packages have to list everything in them and now they are starting to advertise on the products if they are diabetic friendly or not by letting you know the glycemic index. It probably depresses his wife anymore when she has to prepare meals, so even though it might hurt the brother for a while but maybe he could do the cooking most days, give her a break from it. I know that preparation of meals just for me is rather depressing. A lot of people including myself do suffer from depression when being diagnosed, of course there are those who are just saddened by it and can eventually get themselves out of it, but then if you become clinically depressed you need professional help, however, I know the only one can get professional help is one realises it themselves. The bro sending his wife off just because he thinks she needs help is not really going to fix the problem. I don't know if I've been of any help, but it may take time for her to accept it but the brother must be patient with her, take her out for walks so that she gets some exercise, try to get her to see the Doctor once a month or so to make sure she is alright (if he can do that). There is one thing that's always in the back of my mind and that's the consequences if one doesn't take control of it. It's really hard to say this but it can effect your internal organs and such deteriorations can be so adverse, including amputations. But I think the best solution is for the brother to educate himself, know what foods are good and which ones are not and try to stock up the fridge with those items. I'm wondering too that maybe his wife his very much afraid, and the only way she is able to cope is be someone who doesn't care. For anyone who suffers from depression, a lot of the time it's done in silence. You have no way of knowing really how that person is feeling so although it might be demanding for the brother to tread carefully, he will not understand but at least he can just be patient and like I said I think it would be great if he tried to educate himself about it. I don't know their lifestyle but someone who falls into depression needs a lot of reminding about their priorities, however, again I must say that it is the one who is depressed who should keep reminding themselves instead of others but I'm sure there are always subtle ways. I have learnt during this hard time for me that everything is a trial and one person said to me once that Allah gives more hardships and trials to the ones he really loves. So I try to remember that just because I have diabetes, doesn't mean I should be complacent about it but Allah is testing to see how I will find solutions also, by taking some kind of action I feel I'm taking one little step to being more positive about it. But maybe the bro and his wife can start having Quran discussions together and he can find some verses that might help her through this. I'm sorry I think I've written so much here. |
| Re: Dua request for a brother |
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| Caraj |
| 05/10/04 at 10:51:20 |
| It wasn't to long at all and thank you, that must of been tough re-thinking about all you've dealt with during this hard time. May Allah reward you for your kindness and overcoming your own feelings to help another. I am going to ask him to come to the boards to read this thread in hopes it will give him some insight how to deal better with his wife. I think the brother if feeling helpless as he wants the best for her and she is not listening to him. He can do many things for his wife, but he cannot make her take care of herself and he cannot make this illness go away. Thank you Angelic And thank you Onemuslimgirl, cool tactics. :-) Bro's if you were in this brothers place how would you deal with this? |
| 05/10/04 at 10:53:37 |
| Caraj |
| Re: Dua request for a brother |
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| Angelic |
| 05/11/04 at 09:57:01 |
| I meant to mention that I was diagnosed 2 years ago. I noted you said that the bros wife has had it for 3 years, that's only 1 year longer so even though 3 years seems long enough to get used to it, it's been 2 years for me and I still get down about it. Sometimes also the words of a child can make a parent sit up and listen. Has their son ever said anything to his mother? maybe he could just say that he's worried about his mummy to her. |
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