A R C H I V E S
Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Major Decision To Make |
|---|
| CAMuslimGirl |
| 05/23/04 at 03:32:11 |
| [slm] ??? Sisters, I need your help. Today, my husband dropped a bomb on me after 2 years of marriage. We had planned that we would stay here in US after graduation, but today he told me that he is going back to UAE at the end of summer, for good, and I have to decide if I will go with him. I love him, no question, but I am not sure I want to go. I have my whole family here, and I just am not sure I want to leave. I am scared to leave everything I have ever known behind. Please give me your opinions on the matter. :-) [wlm] |
| Re: Major Decision To Make |
|---|
| onemuslimgirl |
| 05/23/04 at 07:13:11 |
| asalaam alakum sr. Please make istikhara prayers. Think about going on a trail basis. I heard that UAE is a beautiful country and has even better facilities than here in the us. I know of people who are dieing to get a job there (ehm, ehm, myself included)... plus, alot of people who try going back home "for good" end up coming back within a few months...trust me, my family tried it last summer, we didn't even last the summer, we were ready to come back within a few short weeks....thats not to say thats whats going to happen with ur husband, but it is a possiblity just make istikhara prayers inshAllah... |
| Re: Major Decision To Make |
|---|
| CAMuslimGirl |
| 05/23/04 at 14:25:49 |
| i will do that today, jazak Allah khair |
| Re: Major Decision To Make |
|---|
| jannah |
| 05/23/04 at 15:09:24 |
| wlm, after you travel for a bit, you realize how small the world really is and how interconnected everything is. definitely do istakharah, learn about UAE and life there especially from people who live there living in a foreign country is really not that bad. and a trial basis of a year is a good idea inshallah... you might like it.. you might hate it.. but at least you tried it ;) |
| Re: Major Decision To Make |
|---|
| Sunnah_ |
| 05/25/04 at 15:17:24 |
| Salam, I think that you have to way out the pros and cons and see what would be best for yourself. UAE is the most beautiful place I have been to so far in my life. You might just like it better. I understand that you dont' want to leave your family.....even though I am not moving as far as you are moving from your family when I get married in 4 months, but it might be good to give it a try. Can you try it out and if you don't like it, can you move back? Just weigh things out, do it on paper, it might be more helpful. While your doing it, have a [].......I usually do when I take time to ponder things lol.... Sis Sunnah_ |
| Re: Major Decision To Make |
|---|
| FajR |
| 05/25/04 at 16:06:14 |
| [slm] CA may Allah guide u in your decision , i know its kinda traumatic to change yr plan of action especially when one is not ready to. He's yr husband, so i understand how it is. I was born and raised in UAE , then my family moved here (US) when i was around 16. Anyways, UAE is beautiful place, the ppl r diverse and its a great combination of all the positives of the east and the west. i may sound biased, since all my childhood memories are associated with dubai, but most people agree with me. Being a muslim society with liberty, its a great to raise kids. The ppl there r diverse, arabs, desis, americans and many bristish expatriates have moved there. i dont know whay u plan to do further in life, if u want to continue schooling , there are american and australian universities that u can fond out about. And American BS degree graduates are given great jobs too. feel free to IM me with any questions that u may have... (ps: if there was anything that i could change about UAE is the weather.....June and July are really really hot.) |
| Re: Major Decision To Make |
|---|
| Sparrow |
| 05/25/04 at 19:33:45 |
| Hi: My parents are non-Muslim Americans and they *love* the UAE. They have vacationed there often. Sparrow |
| Re: Major Decision To Make |
|---|
| ltcorpest2 |
| 05/25/04 at 20:13:24 |
| i know i should never come into the girls place, but here i am. The one thing that really struck me was he told you that he was doing soemthing without even a discusion about it. The tone about whether you decide to stay or go is very strange to me for a husband who loves his wife. I do not think i could ever make a unilateral decision that affects her without discussing it with my wife first. I think it is great setting up a new life with anyone going to anywhere in the world is, but it came across as if you go fine and if you don't....then what happens? If you go enjoy your new life!!! I hope I do not sound harsh or judgemental in what I just posted. Take care mike |
| Re: Major Decision To Make |
|---|
| al-ajnabia |
| 05/25/04 at 21:15:36 |
| [slm] Whenever I find that my Gramps has started quoteing Gene Simmons, I must believe he is talking backwards, ::) so translating: I think he feels it is a better life there for a woman, but it is just something to get used to. And not something to half do without thinking it through. If you dicide to take this step, just prepare yourself. |
| Re: Major Decision To Make |
|---|
| Caraj |
| 05/26/04 at 01:22:48 |
| Your post says, he said he was going back. (if I read that right) Did he even ask you what you wanted or how you felt? Mike's response seems like that of a loving husband. My advice would be, don't rule it out as it may be a wonderful place to live, however if I were you I would majorly educate myself on the country, it's laws and traditions. Some countries like Saudi Arabia do not allow woman to drive nor can they travel without their husbands permission, etc. Just educate yourself on their laws so you are not stuck in a mess should you try living there and wish to return to the US at a later date. Also I would never want to encourage anyone in a negative manor about their marriage, however leaving family and being told he is going (without asking and discussing it with you) I would take a serious look at the marriage and relationship, on top of speaking with family and also educating oneself on the country. Has anything happened in your lives that made him choose to do this? |
| 05/26/04 at 01:25:57 |
| Caraj |
| Re: Major Decision To Make |
|---|
| CAMuslimGirl |
| 05/26/04 at 03:14:23 |
| [slm] To answer your questions, there are many reasons that he decided that he wanted to go back. One of the biggest is that he just graduated and is very worried about the prospect of finding a job here, especially since his friend, who graduated from the same school with the same major is in his 5th year looking without finding a job. My husband went to the engineering career fair on campus last month and was very disheartened by it...I think the pessimism started there. :( Another major reason why he wants to go back is that he wants a fresh start. Since coming to USA in 1997, he has (in his words) made many mistakes, which included getting involved with the wrong friends, which led him to smoke marijuana and drink alcohol. He was actually arrested for possession once, and DUI another time. We got married after that incident, and he has never consumed either product since then. He feels like this record is like a black cloud floating over his head all the time, and he says he just wants to run away from his mistakes and start over. There are other reasons as well, such as homesickness, but those are the major two reasons. I think that he just feels like he is suffocated here or something, and has to get away in order to survive. But I think I may have made the frasing of it sound much worse than it really was. His actual words were that he had been thinking about moving back home as soon as he finishes classes this summer, and that he had decided that this was the best thing for him. Then he mentioned his reasons. Then he said that he wanted me to go with him. The whole question of whether or not I would go was all from me. I was really (am) freaking out about the whole thing, and started thinking that maybe I should not go. But I am feeling a bit better about it now, although if I am totally honest, I don't want to leave my home here. (It's not that I don't want to go to UAE, its just that I don't want to leave Sacramento.) :-) |
| Re: Major Decision To Make |
|---|
| Caraj |
| 05/26/04 at 03:24:27 |
| Well, it seems like you have some major life changes coming up and that is always nerve racking. I pray the path will be made easy for you. Maybe if you two can afford it you can make a brief visit there so you have an idea of what it's like. (or have you ever been there before) I can really sympathize with you, I was around my family every week and now that I moved I have only seen them 2 times in 3 months and this is just a few hours away, I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like a world away. Maybe you can begin to look at this as a new adventure. Is what you are studying for, something you can do over there? Has he family there? and if so have you met them? I also can sympathize with your husband, as a past sometimes can be an awful shadow, just following you around. I wish you both the very best. |
| Re: Major Decision To Make |
|---|
| Kathy |
| 05/26/04 at 09:10:43 |
| [slm] My first response is a wife should go with her hubby, My real life advice, for my situation only, is I would not go with my hubby. He grew up in the UAE. He is a good husband and father, but when he is around his own people/family, he changes and has admitted that. One red flag. UAE is very protective of its residents. My husband's family is originally from Palestine. Just a couple of years ago they did a house cleaning of elderly non residents and asked them to leave. Unfortunately his father lost his store that he worked a life time building. |
| Re: Major Decision To Make |
|---|
| CAMuslimGirl |
| 05/26/04 at 20:57:14 |
| [slm] azizah I am currently corresponding with the dean of the college of education at UAE university, because I am studying elementary ed., to see if I can finish my studies there. That is something that I could do if we go. His whole family is living there, that is where he is from. I have never met them. I am hoping that they will accept me. (We are calling them on Saturday to tell them that we are married :o....no, they don't know yet, and yes, I realize what a bad idea that was.) Inshallah khair. |
Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board |