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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Alone in a Gathering of Muslims |
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| bismilla |
| 05/24/04 at 11:39:53 |
| [slm] On Sunday we attended a function (my mum-in-laws sister's). This is an event which we have attended annually for the last 10 years. This was however the first time that i had worn my niqaab. I have never felt more alone in a gathering full of Muslims than i did on Sunday. First off i was the only one there with the niqaab. I am used to that because where i work i am the only Mulsim anyway. I supose i did not expect to feel so isolated as i had because these were fellow muslims..right? When i took the decision to wear the niqaab, I fully expected and prepaperd myself for isolation from colleagues and people around where i work, but i got a few curious quetions otherwise we all carry on as normal. With this function i was just ignored outright...it just seemed that everyone was afraid to talk to / approach me yesterday. It's not in any way going to break my resolve to continue wearing the niqaab, it's just that i am so dissapointed. Funnily enough, there was a program on Channel Islam that discussed Hijab that very morning. The one point made was that whereas a non-Muslim will afford you the courtesy of allowing you to pass through without any fuss, a Muslim Brother would usually make sure you ask him if he can excuse you to pass through. |
| Re: Alone in a Gathering of Muslims |
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| jannah |
| 05/24/04 at 13:32:05 |
| [wlm] I noticed that my sis-in-law who wears niqab makes an effort never to wear black and always makes an extra effort to be friendly and talkative to people. Otherwise they do ignore her. I think if you wear niqab you need to make the extra effort to be friendly to people. Because niqab is very intimidating to muslims and nonmuslims. Imagine sitting next to someone where you cannot see any facial expression at all and they are all wrapped up in black or something, down to gloves even sometimes. It's a physical barrier that is hard to interact naturally with. But I think if you make the first approach and stuff, they'll open up to you inshaAllah :) |
| Re: Alone in a Gathering of Muslims |
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| al-ajnabia |
| 05/24/04 at 20:35:55 |
| [slm] it is sort of odd that non-muslims get used to the niqab pretty fast but muslims continue to make a big deal of it. sometimes, if I am with a group of other muslims at a restuarant or something I will flip my niqab back, while we are seated at the table and flip it back down again when we get up to leave, but I have noticed, and people think I'm joking around but I'm not, people dont worry about me and their husbands when they cant see my face but when my face is visible I can almost feel it from them,and I know they well I dont know what they are thinking really. For me I feel it does make things easier because I have to talk to men, I cant realistically avoid it. with my face covered and my voice business like I think I avoid a lot of what could be said about me, but not all of it. I never really understood why all the sisters seemd weird around me, but one very beautiful niqabi sister makes a point of letting me know that she is confident about her own beauty and isnt woried about me in the least. I think this is so strange. I cover a lot more than the other sisters due to this, but if they just had more understanding of their own beauty they would not feel that I was any kind of threat to them. But now that I have started I still wear the niqab, for hte simple reason that I dont like people to see my face, because when they can see it, I have to be careful about the way I react to them in a way I dont have to worry about now. Maybe the other muslims are woried that they will be made to wear the niqab too, and that is why they were so stand offish. some people just dont undertand what a support and a good relief it is. |
| Re: Alone in a Gathering of Muslims |
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| Kathy |
| 05/25/04 at 09:09:25 |
| [slm] I just find it hard to communicate with a woman in niqab and it really is a wierd feeling trying to figure out who you are even talking to! Unless you are friends who get together and you recognize them, I know in my case I spend the first few minutes trying to figure out whom I am talking to! |
| Re: Alone in a Gathering of Muslims |
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| Shahida |
| 05/25/04 at 09:11:09 |
| [slm] Sis Bismilla...I am so sorry that you had such an awful experience:( May Allah make things easy for you! Well, I don't really have any advice. I agree with Jannah, you have to make a conscious *effort* to almost be OVERfriendly in order for other ppl to realise that you're a normal person, with a friendly personality and a good sense of humour, only diff is you cover your face! Easier said than done I know. It almost seems to bad that you have to go out of your way, cuz it should be normal for Muslims esp to accept one another without another word... ::) Anyway, try changing colours...see if that works. Although most women here wear black, I find white to be so much more welcoming, . Was this function a mixed gathering? If there are only women, make sure you take your niqaab off, as it is quite offensive to keep it on if there are only women around, besides, it is not necessary anyway to cover from them right? I have seen many women keep their niqaabs on in ladies only places, and thats just weird, and adds to alienate ppl... Dont take it so personally...maybe they just need to get used to the new you:) Khair inshaAllah. Salam Shahida:-) |
| 05/25/04 at 09:12:34 |
| Shahida |
| Re: Alone in a Gathering of Muslims |
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| al-ajnabia |
| 05/25/04 at 09:48:42 |
| I sometimes have to keep my niqab down bcause my hijab is too slippy. But people justfy thier behavior however they can. I find it ipossible to believe that people dont talk to me because they dont know who I am. I've never had problems recognizing niqabis so I dont understand that one. People are just people and I quess they will justify rejection of personal religious expression no matter where you are. Have you been through the one where they get up and move away everytime youtake the initiative to sit near them, or they always have something over there that just must be done right now? Or how bour when they make a point of brow beating you into coming to a function and then they all refuse to talk with you? whats up with that? anyway, this meeting strange women stuff is new in Islam anyway, and well brought up ladies have often concealed themselves from strange women as well as men. It is wrong for women to discribe a niqabi she has seen uncovered, but not everyone was brought up to know that. |
| Re: Alone in a Gathering of Muslims |
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| Khariya |
| 05/25/04 at 17:49:05 |
| [slm] Congrats on your niqab sis. Don't be worried about what others think about you. I don't want to generalize but I think muslims from other countries really tend to freak out around someone with niqab on and are really snotty.Converts are usually more inquisitive even if they are intimidated. At my school about half the muslimah's are niqabi's. niqab is soo cool . people tend to group niqabi's as being ultra religious,consevative and thus intimidating, lol alhumdulilah while they may be religious they are definitely not all conservative. some of the sisters I know are totally wild, they dye their hair punk red,have rings in their nose, and wear gothic punk pants, but on first glance you would think " ah mashallah what a sweet sister". ;D |
| 05/25/04 at 17:51:03 |
| Khariya |
| Re: Alone in a Gathering of Muslims |
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| bismilla |
| 05/26/04 at 02:00:18 |
| [slm] Jazak Allah for the replies. [quote]Was this function a mixed gathering? If there are only women, make sure you take your niqaab off,[/quote] The ladies were seperated from the men but when i walked into the ladies hall i had my sleeping 5 year old son on one shoulder and his shoes in my other hand so i could not take the niqaab off. I did however take it off when i eventually sat down. When the meal was served at the end of the function i saw quiet a few male arriving to serve the food, that's when i put it on again. At the end of the meal everyone were meeting & greeting each other in the lobby so i left it on. [quote]I noticed that my sis-in-law who wears niqab makes an effort never to wear black[/quote] [quote]Anyway, try changing colours...see if that works. Although most women here wear black, I find white to be so much more welcoming, [/quote] Yes, good idea Jazak Allah. I think i should try another color, unfortunately they not easy to come by in the shops...will make extra effort to get a dress maker to sew me some Insha Allah. [quote]I don't want to generalize but I think muslims from other countries really tend to freak out around someone with niqab on and are really snotty.[/quote] ;D ya, people tend to think that if you are a niqaabi you are not allowed to do this that and the other, when in the mean time, those rules would apply to all Muslim women ANYWAY :-/ And most important thing of all is that we are REGULAR people too. :-* [quote]I just find it hard to communicate with a woman in niqab and it really is a wierd feeling trying to figure out who you are even talking to![/quote] Yup i agree. I make an effort to lift my niqaab when approached or being introduced to a female (i was pretty isolated by this time anyway lol). Nah! this is gonna be a great adventure, i can just see it!!!! Really appreciate the replies, Jazak Allah. :-* |
| Re: Alone in a Gathering of Muslims |
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| Shahida |
| 05/26/04 at 02:12:54 |
| [slm] A simple niqaab is really easy to sew yourself, you just need a sample...so use one of your black ones, and cut the other material according to it...voila! I made some for my friend as well, some time ago. They are not fancy but they serve the purpose. Also, those half niqaabs are really really eezy-peezy sis:) Either with ties, or with elastic... If you want the professional Saudi/Gulf type three layer goodies, well then me can't be of much help:( :-* Good luck. Salam Shahida :-) |
| Re: Alone in a Gathering of Muslims |
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| bismilla |
| 05/26/04 at 02:23:32 |
| [slm] Jazak Allah Sis, but needles and i just don't gel. I rather do the plumbing LOL. BUT..there is hope....Sister Fazila from www.gharam.co.za is prepared to do the custom sewing for me Insha Allah :-* I like those 3 layer ones because they don't slip up (above the eyebrows) when you flip them up hehe. First i could not stand it because it got in my way all the time. Now i can't live without it LOL Winter is coming up and i saw these gorgeous Indian shawls last week. Next mission is to learn how to successfully tie those up and hijaab and niqaab in one!! Insha Allah |
| Re: Alone in a Gathering of Muslims |
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| your_sister |
| 05/27/04 at 09:08:48 |
| Assalamu alaikum I am sorry to hear of your difficult experience. I do find it a bit difficult to talk to women in niqab but that should not be a justification for not doing so. I think that those that wear hijab and niqab need to be as open and sociable as possible, but it is up to us all to welcome our guests and make everyone feel comfortable. If you were the only one in niqab then I am sorry that you people did not make more of an effort with you. If there was a room full of people in niqab then I would wish they would make more of an effort with the person on their own. It works both ways. I know that some muslims who do not cover see the hijab and niqab as a symbol of arrogance etc. I am sad that they see us that way. wa alaikum assalam |
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