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| A problem ! |
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| yumna |
| 06/02/04 at 08:31:59 |
| this is about my mother ..she gets so nervous and scared over the slightest matters ...i get soo angry i mean there is nothing to b scared about but she ......and those things r also not like islamic matters specificly she takes tention over matters like ..wat will the ppl say? wat about our prestige and wat will the family members say when some thing goes wrong ..she takes so much tention that she starts losing weight :o :o :obut its not that she's not worried about islam and all infact she is very strict with me and my sisters in matters of islam and stuff ..wat im really scared about is my mom's health when she takes tention she cries so much ..and she talks soooooooooooooooooooooooo much i get soo irritated + she eats nothing and it = to me irritated ,angry and sad and the house overall in complete tention ..how can get her to stop getting nervous and scared over petty issues ,and things that r of no importance in the hereafter ............this has become soo frequent these days that i started become rude alil very slightly rude to my mom and later i would regret soo bad ..wat can be done how can i also b patient and more "parent loving" and caring ... |
| Re: A problem ! |
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| Trustworthy |
| 06/03/04 at 00:06:18 |
| [slm]... Baby sister, mom will never stop. Instead of getting upset with her cause then that just makes it worse and make her worry more, be patient, even though that's hard to do. I know, my mums the same way. She's 65 and still at it. Same ol, same old like your mom. She's calmed down a l ittle because I tell her to watch her blood pressure and I started doing things with her like reading Qur'an, praying together, taking walks in the neighborhood, shopping, etc. When you're mom knows what you are doing and how you do them, she will get a little better. But Mums are Mums and they don't what else to do but worry about you. Never be cross with your mom. You'll regret it later. If you find yourself, getting upset, sit down next to her, breath in deeply, look at her and just talk. Not argue, just talk. Ma-asalaamah... |
| Re: A problem ! |
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| lucid9 |
| 06/03/04 at 07:03:25 |
| [slm] This maternal worryitis is usually because moms are bored and don't have that much to do. So they think about this kind of stuff all day. If they were active in the community, participating in the women's issues-type activities, then they wouldn't have such narrow minds. My best friend's mom is like that. She insists that he talk to her everyday. And so she knows the contents of his stomach just as well as if he were living at home and not 6000 miles away. Such doting mothers, with nothing to do other than worry about their children, often go too far -- worry too much. They worry about everything. They get stressed out when the kid has a cold. They get stressed out about what the relatives are saying. They get stressed about who the kid is going to marry, about their yet unborn grandchildren, and whether they will be fair or dark, or dumb or stupid! Yikes! For example, my friend's mother is so overfussed that her number one criteria for her son's choice of wife is that the girl he marries be very fair and beautiful so that she can prove to the relatives that her son has married well. She told me "what will everybody think if is she is dark?!" Whether the girl is a bimbo is of secondary importance. And this is from a mother who wears hijab, who is quite religious, and is married to a big time tablighi!! She is extremely distrought that my friend is trying to marry a very clever but not drop-dead gorgeous girl from say...Harvard.... And because of all this she is almost bedridden with sorrow!! All of this is because she is a bored housewife with grown up children, whose thoughts extend only to what her husband is going to eat tonight, when to clean the house. And so it is not surprising that her outlook is so narrow. There are many other mothers who are just as domestically active, but who with grown up children now participate in the wider community. Many women are active in building a girls' school, or setting up an islamic school. Others run charity shops for women. Others are active in a soup kitchen. Others become politically active. Others participate in action committess to keep the community clean, the streets clean, the lawns mowed, etc. If you want your mothers to be less petty and have wider outlooks, you must make sure that things beside their immediate family are important to them. You must get them to participate in the wider community so their worries are much broader and extend beyond petty familial worries. Sorry for the lecture... |
| 06/03/04 at 07:08:04 |
| lucid9 |
| Re: A problem ! |
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| yumna |
| 06/03/04 at 07:58:46 |
| ... :Dwat lecture i rather enjoyed it thanks guys i needed that yesterday nite was the same and i cried soo much ..it wasn't that i was getting scolding or anything its just arguments which i couldn't stand ..and it wasted soo much of my time that i had to stay awake till 1 to complete my homework |
| Re: A problem ! |
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| jaihoon |
| 06/03/04 at 08:16:45 |
| [slm] LOve for parents, especually mom can become at times the 'biggest' form of reward. Pleasing one's parents (in ways permitted) can bring a lot of 'sukoon' to one's own self. Our youthful fervor may not always premit it. But try harder... although it is easily said than done. regards Jaihoon |
| Re: A problem ! |
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| pakiprncess |
| 06/03/04 at 11:46:18 |
| [slm] yumna, my mom (and most others i know) are similar. at first i thought it was just a desi thing... then my non-desi friends said the same about their moms, so i figured its just a muslim thing... then i talked to my non-muslim friends and their moms do the same thing too!! so i guess its a universal heartache :'( but as others have suggested, just give your momma some peace of mind by answering her questions and concerns as calmly and nicely as possible. i know sometimes i get upset when my mom frets about what people in our community will think and i feel like >:( but instead i just become 8) (haha, does he look like hes chilling or what?) and then sooner or later, we end up :D and if not, im :-[ (these icons are great!) but yeah, my point is, its just her personality/nature. dont try to make her change, as only those wanting to change themselves can. just try to adapt to her style. if shes 'bugging' you with all her chatter, bring up a topic youd like to discuss. or make her laugh by telling her, how come youre resembling the bball pole outside more n more each day, mamma? ;) |
| Re: A problem ! |
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| Caraj |
| 06/03/04 at 15:43:27 |
| Sister Yumna, we need to have a little talk ;) :-) (azizah puts her arm around yumnas shoulders and leads her to the chair in a big sisterly fashion) Here, lets talk, (azizah hands yumna [] Yumna I need to tell you a few things so please listen. (remember azizah is mother of 25 and 26 yr/ olds ::) ) First off please know, 1) It is a mothers right and duty to be worried. At all times for both good and no appearent reasons. 2) All of us mothers now what is right for our children 8) We know what is right and what is best ;) at all times 3) Please do not argue with us 4) Please do not be jealous with us as you too will recieve this magical gift, you too will know all that is best upon delivery of your first child :) Last, please know how very much you are loved as the more we fuss and the more we worry and the less we eat is proof how much us mothers love our children. WE ARE RIGHT WE ARE RIGHT WE ARE RIGHT (azizah jumps up and down saying this with great conviction) :D :D :D Now, Little Sis, do you understand and feel better??? Ok now that we have that all straight please go now and give your mother a big hug and kiss and let her know, that you know she loves you very very much. |
| Re: A problem ! |
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| yumna |
| 06/04/04 at 03:15:35 |
| thank u soo much sis azizah ur the coolest! :-* :-* :-*and all others ........me cheered up now |
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