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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| What was the cause of her anger? |
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| Anonymous |
| 06/05/04 at 03:18:58 |
| I told a friend that a brother she introduced me to and I were talking about getting married. She became very angry and refuses to talk to me with no explaination. I am bewildered and shocked. She won't even say what is the root of her anger. I am at a loss for what to say or do. Other than to ignore her and move on with my life. Realizing she may not of been as much of a friend as I thought. She states she was angry cause it was kept from her. I didn't realize I was to inform her of all my lifes details. Was it jealousy? Where does this anger come from? Maybe cause she knows us and introduced us she felt she had a right to know? |
| Re: What was the cause of her anger? |
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| jannah |
| 06/05/04 at 03:33:56 |
| [wlm] sis, ur expecting a lot from us... we're not mind readers!! your friend's anger could be for a million reasons lol however, i don't think it's wrong to expect your close best friends to tell you details about their life, especially about getting married and stuff. not sharing them is sometimes hurtful. perhaps she didn't realize [i]you[/i] were not as much of a friend as [i]she[/i] thought? |
| 06/05/04 at 03:35:10 |
| jannah |
| Re: What was the cause of her anger? |
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| theOriginal |
| 06/05/04 at 10:59:10 |
| [slm] Maybe it IS jealousy. In which case she just needs some time for it to blow over... Some people don't know how to deal with it too well. The only thing I can say is to make sure you remember that your relationship with your friend is completely independent of your relationship with that brother, so don't worry too much about it. She just needs to realize it, that's all. Jealousy, anger... such precious emotions, man. They should be reserved for when they are most needed. Wasalaam. |
| Re: What was the cause of her anger? |
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| Kathy |
| 06/06/04 at 11:07:58 |
| [slm] I think the two sis got it on the mark. I have a very close friend and found out from another that her daughter was getting married. Gosh it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was more stunned that I heard it from a stranger. When I asked her about it she said she thought she had told me. Later on it happened again, when her daughter became pregnant.... I told myself to wake up and smell the coffee! Guess we weren't as close as I thought. Must admit, I held on to the resentment a bit longer than I should have! As far as jealousy... some can handle it better than others. I know when I was single, hearing the news of a sis getting married, was wonderful, but I felt the pang for my ownself. Sometimes I covered it well.... other times.... :'( |
| 06/06/04 at 11:09:07 |
| Kathy |
| Re: What was the cause of her anger? |
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| Anonymous |
| 06/10/04 at 23:57:12 |
| She was an aquaintance type friend not a close friend. The marriage is in the discussion stages. No engagement and no wedding date has been set. It is just in the talking stages. I'm amazed at her over reaction. |
| Re: What was the cause of her anger? |
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| Kathy |
| 06/11/04 at 08:42:16 |
| [slm] Sometimes people have different perspectives of their relationships. Perhaps this sis thinks the world of you and that you are a great friend to her. Meanwhile you think of her as an 'aquaintance type.' This may explain her over reaction. It has happened to me, when a sis tells me how much I mean to her... and I am thinking ::) and vica versa... I think I have a greatfriendship only to find i didn't matter that much.... :( |
| Re: What was the cause of her anger? |
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| Mona |
| 06/11/04 at 09:50:10 |
| [slm] anonymous, i find your whole attitude is rude and arrogant. you first say that she is a friend, then you think that you should "ignore" her. afterwards she is demoted to just an "acquaintance-type-friend". yet you are visibly annoyed about her reaction, that you deem is beyond the expected size. well, if she is just an "acquaintance-type-friend", why did you bother telling her about this this not-so-firm "talk" about an engagement? people certainly don't tell mere "acquaintance-type-friends" about this kind of not-so-confirmed news. did you tell all other acquaintace-type-friends? enlighten us. pray tell, how did they behave when you told them? my guess is that they could nkt care any less and told you that they hoped things will workout for you. now that is a bone fide "acquaintance" reaction. if you want to do the right thing, regardless of how this "acquaintace-bordering-on-friendship" relationship might evolve, you may want to take the person in question a little bit more seriously and do your best to make it up to her, explaining that you did not mean to hurt her (that is, if that was true only - you are gonna have to revise you motives towards that "acquaintance" ). only then might you know why she became angry at you. otherwise, you are free to behave in utter oblivion, disregarding other people's feelings, and dismissing them as crazy when they have the audacity to have feelings that are not agreeable with you. there is a name for people who are like that, who believe it or not, do live on this planet. wassalam Mona |
| Re: What was the cause of her anger? |
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| onemuslimgirl |
| 06/11/04 at 22:35:19 |
| asalaam alakum, Sr. Mona, I think that your reaction was a little harsh *smile*....i think that anon might have said friend earlier bc the word friend is used very loosely. i mean i have people whom i only speak to once or twice a year (probably eid) that i consider friends. i grew up with them and i have been in the same community for years...but in a sense they are my acquaintances. sister anon. it might even be the fact that she wanted this brother. how did she introduce you guys? did she introduce him as a prospective spouse for you, or did she just introduce you as you passed by each other or how? i think that will explain some things. Maybe she is jealous, and the best way to get her to get over this jealousy is to not talk to her about whats going on with you and the brother. But just pretend you don't notice the anger from her side, call her up, go out to lunch, and do not mention the situation. you can ask her if you did something wrong to upset her, but again bring no mention of the bro.... just my humble advice.... |
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