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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Pregnancy Problems...what should I do? |
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| Anonymous |
| 06/05/04 at 03:19:54 |
| bismillah and salam, Alhemdulilah for all His tests and tribulations. I do not complain but i don't know what to do and need advice. I have been married years now and Allah chosen not to give us children yet. I had miscarraiges and I had a tubal pregnanacy. It has been hard on us but thanks be to Allah. In our contract i had told my husband i would divorce if he takes a second wife ever. but now i don't know so much. myabe Allah is just teaching me not to put conditions on things He made halal and maybe i am very wrong to have done that. But that is only the background. My problem is in this..i have finally after one year of waiting an appointment with a female doctor spicalist who will do the next step tests. I am always very worried of these appointments. I don't like regular tests even. They make me cry. I am very uncomfortable even it is female or muslim (which she is not!). I am too shy and it really really hurts me emotionally. I remember one time right when it was happening the miscarriage i said to him i was crying so much the fact the man dr saw me hurt me more than losing the baby. But after a few days I was in pain and too sad from the loss. I really want to try to fix if it is something that can be Allah-willing, but now i don't know if this is really important enogh to want to put myself through this or should i just tell him to get married and not have a rollercoaster year again of every month having the hope and then realizing the cycle was a bust. He loves me very much even though we only married for the sake of Allah. I think he will be angry and sad if i say it. he said he wants me to go to the dr. only to make sure healthywise i am ok. but i know the next tests like the dyes and all that is only about fertility. so then why he wants me to go still knowing how i am after i go? he never says anything except good things to give me patience but i am scared. The mothers of believers didn't expose their awras to strangers to have children! over the years i tried all sorts of remedies, herbs, etc. but i don't know if i want to see specialists and now go through tests and help which if it doesn't work i don't know how sad i will be each month. it is already hard on me worse than before. please give me advice. i also said to Allah i would wear niqab after when i have children when i first got married so maybe this is another reason. Maybe i am doing this all wrong. I am on my nerves the appointment is next week inshallah. what should i do? Or any words that will help me be better Muslima while this is happening please. |
| Re: Pregnancy Problems...what should I do? |
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| jannah |
| 06/05/04 at 03:27:41 |
| wlm, sister, there is an opinion that you can put that in your contract. you can also at a later time re-negotiate terms if you both change your mind, but you can check that with the Imam who made up your exact contract inshaAllah. there's nothing wrong with putting conditions on something halal. for example if you make a business contract you have a wide range of $ amounts, but you choose a certain one that is mutually beneficial. there are also opinions that it is fine to expose your awrah in extreme situations as well as to a doctor if needed. being shy is a good thing, but perhaps knowledge of what is allowed and what isn't islamically would make you more comfortable with the medical procedures and so on. and i have to say that i don't think the mothers of the believers went through labor by themselves, had the baby and cut the cord, etc themselves. there were people around them to help them, like family and friends and perhaps even midwives. maybe you should look into midwives or asking your family or friends to go with you to these appointments. making a qasm or a vow to Allah for something.. perhaps its a good idea to visit a scholar and see what he says about the subject, and about the one you made. take care inshallah and may Allah make things easier for u. |
| 06/05/04 at 03:29:22 |
| jannah |
| Re: Pregnancy Problems...what should I do? |
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| Trustworthy |
| 06/05/04 at 05:01:09 |
| [wlm] WRM WBT.... Sister please don't despair. I know it's easier said then done. My Imam and his wife went through the same thing you did, tests and tribulations and all. Even after 14 years, they still prayed for at least one baby. Then one day, his wife had such bad heartburn, she had to go to the ER. Took urine tests and found out that her heartburn was normal in pregnancies. They were both confused and the Imam said, you sure you got the right patient. Told the dr their story so the dr went to do a blood test, and the Imam still was like....u sure you got the right blood? So the dr was like...yes i'm sure. 14 years sister. So then they kept it hidden from the community because they wanted to make sure the baby was going to go to full term, you know. One day they went to a regular dr's visit and did an ultrasound....technician was like...oh my God, do you guys see that? They were frightened...what? what's wrong? well...it's going to be very expensive for you.....looks like you're having....TWINS. For 6 months, the other baby was hiding. The Imam nearly fell off his chair and called us straight from the hospital to tell us. Masha-Allah, the boy and girl was born healthy. They are now 4 months old and GROWING, Al-Hamdulillah. 14 years sister. Just keep trying and make your du'as. The conditions you made are legal in Islam, but don't put conditions to Allah (SWT) like I'll wear my niqab if You give me a baby and also don't give Allah (SWT) a time limit either. Masha-Allah sounds like you have a good husband by your side. Be patient. Many du'as and Allah (SWT) bless.... Ma-asalaamah.... |
| Re: Pregnancy Problems...what should I do? |
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| onemuslimgirl |
| 06/11/04 at 23:08:24 |
| asalaam alakum, sister anon, if ur husband is being patient, dont put ideas in his head. also, worrying so much can have an effect on you not get pregnant. leave it in Allah's hands, and try not to think about it so much. my advice is "if it ain't broke, don't try to fix it" your husband seems fine, so there really is no need to 'fix' the situation. like the others said; just make duaa and be patient and inshAllah Allah will reward u generously.... |
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