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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Bad Past |
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| SisNur |
| 06/18/04 at 16:39:23 |
| [slm] Alhamdulillah, i had received a marriage proposal from a brother (his parents had came over to meet my parents, and things have been agreed upon, Alhamdulillah) and InsyaAllah, we'll be getting engaged soon. This is brother, is Alhamdulillah, as far as i've known him, (we met during umrah 7 months ago), is a good practising Muslim... However, we've just had a talk an hour ago and he mentioned that he had actually had a bad life (past) during his younger days (he's almost 30), but Allah had grant him hidayah for the past 6 years and Alhamdulillah he had been what he is now since... he asked me whether i would want to know about his past, since we are looking at living live together as husband and wife soon, or would i rather not know about it. So, Should i get to know abt his past? (he warned me that it was really a bad past and that he is taking a risk telling me abt this as this might cause 'hatred' towards him but at the same time, he do not wish to keep anything from me and what if i were to know about his past from other source?? wouldn't i feel used & cheated then?) or the other option is that i do not have to know abt his past...but accept him for what he is now and what the future might hold for us... he also mentioned that if after knowing his past, and i have a change of mind of not wanting to marry him, he would fully understand. Dear brothers & sisters.. What should i do? :( i hope that Allah will give me strength. InsyaAllah |
| Re: Bad Past |
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| Doha_03 |
| 06/18/04 at 17:58:58 |
| Assalaam Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh.. I hope this reaches you in the best of health and the highest of iman. Here is my perspective: If it's in his past, it should stay in his past. I believe there is a hadith where it is stated that whatever sins a person has committed, Allah (swt) has already covered them, and so the person should not resurface them. He should repent, understand his mistakes, learn from them, and move on. If he were to tell you, it wouldn't solve anything. After 6 years, he is probably a changed person and his past doesn't matter. Him telling you would not help anything. And it also might change the way you feel about him, and might influence your decision. Ask yourself: Are you sure you want to know? What would this information do? Would it help you? Would it influence your decision? Is it really necessary to know? And if you learn about it from another source, just tell them, and yourself that it was his *past*, he has mentioned it to you, and that should be enough. Who he is now is what matters. He obviously is not proud of his past. Just make du’a together. Pray that both of you stay on the straight path, pray that Allah blesses you with a blessed, happy, and wonderful marriage life, and ask for forgiveness for everything you have done and continue to do. I hope this helps. Wasalaam Alaikum, Doha |
| 06/18/04 at 18:00:37 |
| Doha_03 |
| Re: Bad Past |
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| onemuslimgirl |
| 06/19/04 at 00:02:37 |
| asalam alakum, ask the brother if what he has done in the past will affect you in some way. for example if he did drugs, he should get tested for HIV and AIDS, which can affect YOU...but for example if its something like hanging out with girls and having girlfriends and stuff like that (obviously with no physical relationship) than tell him since its really not going to affect you, than it doesnt matter for u to know, its probably actually better that you don't know.... and continue making istikhara prayers inshAllah. may Allah do whats best for you inshAllah. |
| Re: Bad Past |
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| buL-buL |
| 06/19/04 at 15:05:22 |
| [slm] He should have never even brought up the fact that he had a past. Now that he mentioned it, you will always be curious to know. Muslims should not talk about their sins. Try to resist the temptation of wanting to know, but if it does come up, just remind yourself that those actions are between him and Allah(swt). And dont take it so personally. [wlm] |
| 06/22/04 at 21:59:52 |
| buL-buL |
| Re: Bad Past |
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| al-ajnabia |
| 06/20/04 at 17:33:02 |
| [slm] you mentioned that he wories that you might hear from another source. I guess it is true that not everyoune rejoices in another's good so they try to put in irelevenat worries and stuff. If you dont ask him about it you will need to be very firm with people who take it upon themselves to tell you about it. Please dont believe what people tellyou unless you ask him about it first. Its a bad situation, but I guess its kinda normal, and happens a lot, so just try not to listen to others without listening to what he has to say. |
| Re: Bad Past |
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| Sunnah_ |
| 06/22/04 at 01:37:38 |
| Salam, Goodluck to the both of you and inshallah khair in the situation. I like that he is being honest with you......maybe he is thinking that what if down the road you find out something from his past and you get upset....he could be just getting it out of the way for that reason. It's up to you really. You might not want to know.........plus like most of the posts here say.....if he tells you, it won't help anything or you won't gain anything from it. The main thing is that he has changed and doesn't go back to his past actions. Even tho there are 'red flags' as someone mentioned.....when one has repented sincerely, those 'red flags' are erased...........Allah is Oft Forgiving, Most Merciful. It took me a while to embed that into my head......but remember that. Goodluck! Love Sis Sunnah_ |
| Re: Bad Past |
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| lala |
| 06/22/04 at 09:50:01 |
| [slm] speaking for myself I would like to know about this brothers' past especially if he mentioned it. However, I dont think it would have an effect on my decision to marry him per say unless like the others said ...it was totally totally bad. But if the bro is good and pious and all of that then knowing just gives you a better understanding of who he is and what problems/obstacles etc have shaped him into being who he is today. I wouldnt want to be married ten years and then find out this stuff. Better to get everything out now. (my opinion of course). Is ignorance really bliss? May Allah bless you two with understanding and forgiving hearts. much love |
| Re: Bad Past |
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| theOriginal |
| 06/22/04 at 17:58:46 |
| [slm] Okay. sister Hur, I am totally, totally sorry for my previous replies. I thought about your situation for a while today, trying to justify myself... All I can say is that, you are the only one who can truly assess this situation correctly. InshaAllah, the sincerity of your fiance is genuine, and I echo lala marcy's duaa for you both. Ameen. Wasalaam. |
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