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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| h. |
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| SuperHiMY |
| 06/19/04 at 01:08:24 |
| i'm tired. it's 12:48 am. I ha ven't been here, at jannah board in a while, I mean, there is the astrology post but, really, I have'nt been here in a long long time. I need to run away somewhere...at the moment... so I came here. I'm s ... hmmmm.... sigh. this is the forum for personal problems... no? yes. does anyone have that hadith, I think it is, about the man coming to Prophet Musa alayhissalam, and the man wanted to know if Allah swt would allow him children. Musa, pbuh, asked Allah and the answer was no. That man could not have children. Musa, pbuh told the man. He heard, and then went away. years later, Musa AlayhisSalam encounters the same man, but this time with children... many children , if I recall properly, anyway, Musa is surprised and asks Allah swt how come He allowed his children even though He told Musa pbuh, that NO, that man wouldn't have any children. Allah swt answered something like, and it is THIS that I need someone to post, the answer was given to Musa (pbuh), that How could Allah not answer when his creation kept on praying and praying and praying.... Allah eventually answered that Man's prayer. As the Catholics say, 'Lord hear our prayer'. As we muslims say, 'Ameen'. Hmmmm sign again.. 12:54 am. It was a hard day. I wish I had a blog up, I do, but I don't post anything to it. So I came here. I'm tired. I'm tired. . . I am tired of being tired. tired of being tried. I can't do this anymore. there is no one here that is able to help. I know that. I just needed to 'go' somewhere... online... where .. I just.. could be... me. HiMY. pronounced Him-Me. from the yemen, Himyarite tribe unitarians who accepted Islam at the hand of the prophet. PBUH. my mom's mom named me. HiMY. my father's father named me, Abul Hasnat. 12:57 am. I really miss emma. h. I just 'previewed' this post.. It ain't done yet. I'm cutting and pasting the last two entries on my blog.... and then this post will be 'complete'. I think... Allah swt knows why I am typing this here... I sure don't... [center] “Even after all this time The Sun never says to the Earth, ‘You owe me.’ Look what happens With a love like that, It lights up the whole entire Sky.” ~ HïMY! ~ Almost Sunset, Tuesday June 8th 2004… answer for Magma… dare ever she asks… Somewhere over the rainbow way up high And the dreams that you dream of once in a lullaby Somewhere over the rainbow blue birds fly And the dreams that you dream of, dreams really do come true Someday I'll wish upon a star, wake up where the clouds are far behind me Where trouble melts like lemon drops High above the chimney tops is where you'll find me Somewhere over the rainbow bluebirds fly And the dreams that you dare to, oh why, oh why can't I? Well I see trees of green and red roses too, I'll watch then bloom for me and you And I think to myself, what a wonderful world Well I see skies of blue and I see clouds of white and the brightness of day I like the dark and I think to myself, what a wonderful world The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky are also on the faces of people passing by I see friends shaking hands saying, How do you do? They're really saying, I, I love you I hear babies cry and I watch them grow, They'll learn much more than we'll know And I think to myself, what a wonderful world Someday I'll wish upon a star, wake up where the clouds are far behind me Where trouble melts like lemon drops High above the chimney tops is where you'll find me Somewhere over the rainbow way up high And the dreams that you dare to, oh why, oh why can't I? himy. 7:31 am, Sunday June 6th....absent is the sacred connection with magma ..... i am morose. :-/ [/center] |
| NS |
| Re: h. |
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| readagain |
| 06/19/04 at 01:39:06 |
| :( :( :( I wish i cld help? can i help? :( |
| 06/19/04 at 01:39:39 |
| readagain |
| Re: h. |
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| timbuktu |
| 06/19/04 at 03:33:30 |
| [slm] it helps to talk it over with friends what are you tired of? don't let it keep you down. |
| Re: h. |
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| SuperHiMY |
| 06/19/04 at 06:48:08 |
| frightening......... maybe now half an hour ago, actually exactly 33 minutes ago now.. I awoke. I had fallen asleep on the prayer mat on the kitchen floor where I've been praying lately. I was on my right side, lying there on the prayermat. at some point I got up and then went to the white couch. I pulled the prayer mat reverse side, so the fluffy part was facing my body. I fell asleep with cbc radio one on, prayer mat on me as make shift blanket, on my right side, on my couch. then that is when I had the nightmare. I actually had a nightmare WITHIN a nightmare. I keep doing dhikr... and became comfortable with a rhythm after trying to find one overnight. I had yet to sleep until this after fajr. the nightmare began with a face in my 2nd floor window, I could see him, and there were people across the street dressed all funny like. like really bad clubbing clothes. I don't club. thank you for thinking the question... The person's face in the window, suddenly I was right there, sitting on the kithcen floor with the prayer mat around me. and the otehr window was open, I was worried that the weird funny dressed people were going to come in my home. I yelled help, HELP... and someone who I disappointed earlier, actually someone ELSE I disaapointed, still came and comforted me, when they came, I looked out the window to show them what had scared me, the gface was gone, the white car where the people were coming oout of, were gone, and the sun or rather the sky was bright, like subh time. but I was still sitting in the kitchen floow area, and I remembered I had moved tot he couch earlier so how could I be in the kitchen still...??? I'm confused.. THAT's when I WOKE UP AGAIN... this time for real on the couch. I was sooo scared. I think I just needed to type this out somewhere. I'm not scared anymore, but there is still something I don't understand. The last time I was this scared after a nightmare, I was maybe 5 or 6 years old, and I was in our house which is actually at the top of the exact same street I am living at right now. Almost 30 years later. we moved out of this neighbourhood a number of times, and our family would move back. this time it is i alone who has moved back. my immediate 'feeling' is to just mo ve. nust get the heck out of this apt. ...it was so REAL. what the heck is going on .. something. I don';t think i need any replies here, I just need a place to type. h. 6:345 am EDT, t.o. |
| Re: h. |
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| yumna |
| 06/19/04 at 07:51:03 |
| :(.......oh i know how that feels ...it happens sometimes during lllooooooooooonnngg vacations ..(to me that is) im tired ...too ...but don't exactly know wat..just ..tired ..wish i could help bro ! |
| Re: h. |
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| theOriginal |
| 06/19/04 at 12:44:17 |
| [slm] oh brother. inshaAllah things will work out for you.. soooo .. who's emma? i've been spending a lot of time walking by the lake in silence...sometimes we drive to the mountain...it helps put things in focus. maybe you just need change. do talk to us, to the extent you feel you can... wasalaam. |
| Re: h. |
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| timbuktu |
| 06/19/04 at 14:34:00 |
| [slm] were you sleeping on your left side? |
| Re: h. |
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| SuperHiMY |
| 08/01/04 at 03:39:24 |
oh... like... i dunno who else to exactly reach out to. 'Oh MY GAWD!" is what I just said like 30 seconds ago. http://www.arc.org/C_Lines/index.html It's not that colorlines is publishing one of my photos, BUT the, sorry mar, y'hafta scroll down, third column at that bottom of webpage, but that it's 'Volume 7 number 3'. 7/3 on 7/31 ???? This sudden burst of unexpectedness energy just kicked me into wakefulness... so em is completely gone this time. blah blah blah... that's not fair. em desrves much better than 'blah...' Ive been sitting here, in front of the compyuter debating whether to hit 'send' or just munch the message.... I'm being weak. i'm wrong. I wasn't honest. I tried too much, i tried not enough. now i'm being dumb,.,.. who am i writing this to? ---- 3:12 am EDT, Three times I tried to send the above text to mar, but I think it wasn't meant for her...she's been a rock for me, like a cousin sister or somethin', MAy Allah s w t reward Mar beyond measure......... 3:14 am... about 12 hours ago now, just under 12 hours ago : me: so is there anything you want to say? em: i think, i want the death of our relationship. ~~~~`later em: you wanna say .....?....? me: did you see Jerry Maguire? em: ummmm...yes. me: 'you had me at hello'. em: me: ~~`` 2 hours later, much is said, with Gabi being neutral third party... em: release me, ...I feel your energy... i should have trusted my instincs.. me: ? 3:19...am now, Fajr approaching, Tahajjud slipping, shahada: there is no emma, only Allah, Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah... emma magma emma terra emma oceana emmasphere emma sulphur emma fugid. emma luna himy no emma. 3:22 am ,,,... i didn't know where else to go... so I came here, to jannah board. i am so tired, this time it is beyond exhaustion, I can't even compose my thoughts into a poem like i ususaly do, i hafta re-use one from when my heart was broken a decade less a month ago, 10 years. dang ... 10 years, and i am back at the same space: but this time it is 10 times harder... I never felt this helpless as I do today My world just fell around me as I watched you walk away There's nothing left between us, Somehow we've grown apart 'Cause I've got it through my head, I just can't break it to my heart I can't believe this is me On the hurtin' side of pain Sifting through the ashes Still trying to find a flame But the flame is turned to embers Left glowing in the dark I've got it through my head, I just can't break it to my heart If I could, Lord knows I would Spin back the hands of time And piece these scattered memories That are cluttered in my mind Pick up where we left off And make a brand new start I've got it through my head I just can't . . . . . . break it to my |
| NS |
| Re: h. |
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| Maliha |
| 08/01/04 at 10:40:16 |
| [slm] himy wassup man??? you are one of the most energetic, humorous blokes around here. What's happening to you? Whatever (or whoever?) it is..its not worth it. Shake it off bro...go to the masjid, hang out with some friends, go to the park, some waterside, work out...pray more...sumthing. sometimes the worst things happen to us, to simply wake us up. bring us into the sole reality, that we may have forgotten, let slip by somehow. Sometimes the painful moments are simply reflections of all the amazing blessings that go unnoticed day in and day out...and sometimes they are hard lessons to chafe our hearts, create the tenderness within to make us cry a little, remember more, and sensitize us to the incredible suffering going on around us. in this world. today. isn't pain the birth of compassion? I pray that you pull through Inshaallah, and may Allah give you the strength and patience to persevere...keep praying, reading, remembering a little more...why you are here to begin with. i will keep you in my duahs. [wlm] |
| Re: h. |
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| jannah |
| 08/01/04 at 14:45:17 |
| [wlm] hey himy.. :( chillax bro u sound suicidal :( (not literal but depressed enuff) what u need is a vaaaacaaaaatiooooooon.... take a break and take a few days off and go somewhere fun.. preferably with friends? visit someone, go to some distant relatives.. heck visit some ppl here on the board... sometimes when ur at the same place at the same low point all u see are low points.. i think they once did a study that depressed ppl only remember the negative things in their life and they forget about the positive. u have alot of positive things and alot of ni'3ma that Allah gave you that are uncountable blessings. The scholars say a human being would never be able to thank Allah or repay Him with a lifetime of service even for just the ni'3ma of sight. So believe, that you are definitely better off than billions. And know that if a relationship wasn't meant to be for you, it wasn't meant to be. And no matter how you changed things or tried things destiny would have been the same. Thank Allah for it and move on inshaAllah. |
| Re: h. |
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| lala |
| 08/01/04 at 14:56:22 |
| [slm] Bro, sometimes things dont work out as we have hoped and dreamed but that doesnt mean life is over plus other things await you...better for you and so forth . Yeh it does take time to heal and to put things that have happend behind us...but you have to look at the end of the rainbow and believe that there is a pot of gold awaiting you. SOmetimes things are really messed up and you get to a point where you cant even feel anymore...but you do begin to feel again...smell the flowers...play with a child..enjoy an ice cream cone, pray. Keep the faith man...smile and I bet you'll feel a lil better...! Just force it! much love bro wasalaams |
| Re: h. |
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| jannah |
| 08/01/04 at 16:54:01 |
| [wlm] himy you are our bro so don't forget that u can count on us when u need to 8) i also wanted to add that i was thinking about this ni'3mah of the eyes recently because 4 weeks ago my uncle in india was walking home from his store and then was surrounded by gangsters who shot him in the head. By the grace of Allah he survived but lost one eye and there is almost no chance of sight in the other. He is in mumbai right now seeking medical help but its very doubtful. He has 7 children. So everyone please make dua for him. Jazaks. |
| Re: h. |
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| timbuktu |
| 08/02/04 at 08:22:10 |
| [slm] bro HiMY I visited your site, and saw the angusih on the passing away of your friend, and your dream before that. Is this the cause of your depression? |
| 08/02/04 at 08:23:57 |
| timbuktu |
| Re: h. |
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| SuperHiMY |
| 08/02/04 at 09:18:29 |
| no that wzs 2 yrs ago, that mean you really didn't read it, it clear sez 2 yrs ago... i am ... sorry, i cannot type anymore. 9:11 am now on mon morng |
| Re: h. |
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| timbuktu |
| 08/02/04 at 10:18:55 |
| [slm] i am deeply sorry bro HiMY, that I caused you more pain :( I have an eye condition, which makes me miss things i see or read. because of this, when I read, I do not read every detail, so i missed the date. and I am old, too, so I forget much of what I read, even when I am reading it. but I could feel some of the pain of your loss. please do not think that i did not pay attention. I try to, but somehow some details are always missed. what you wrote was very moving, but I couldn't think of what to say. I am sorry again. It is Monday evening here. |
| 08/02/04 at 12:03:25 |
| timbuktu |
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