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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| *sigh* I need some serious naseeha |
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| Doha_03 |
| 06/27/04 at 05:22:13 |
| Assalaam Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh... It is 5:00 AM here and I can't sleep. I need some naseeha. I am typing this trying to hold back the tears. The people around me are so... I am getting depressed just thinking about it all. I just had a long fight about fajr. My brother had just gotten home and went to his room and refused to pray. I sat there so long trying to get him to come down. I tried everything. Apparently in those 5 min, she fell into a deep sleep and lost all hearing, when subhanAllah he was just on the phone 30 seconds before. ::) What is it that is so hard to pray? Allah has blessed him so much, but he refuses to stop and thank Him and glorify Him. And my mom telling me to come down and ignore him didn't help much either. Isn't salaah fardh? Why is everyone ignoring one of the most important pillars of Islam? We pray the other prayers together, but apparently 'isha and fajr are "optional." ::) Even my own father wants me to wear my clothes and hijab different. He wants it to be so half of my hair and my neck show, and my clothes aren't all long sleeves. ::) And the way I dress seems to be the butt of his jokes. He wants me to be more "modern." I don't seem to get much encouragement from him. I could take off my hijab and the guy wouldn't even notice. It's not that I dress ghetto or anything, it's the fact that my clothes and hijab cover. My sis is 17. Makeup, hijab, and proper conduct around boys is something we argue about often. And I am the only one who mentions this to her, no one else seems to think this is important enough to mention to a growing and maturing teenager. I try not to sound like a preacher. And I try to practice whatever I may "preach." But no one wants to listen to someone younger than them. In my family's eyes, I am an extremist because I think riba is haram and I wear modest clothes. ::) What is the world coming to? There is way more I want to say. But I can't think straight. And I really can't take this anymore... I know I just sounded like the biggest complainer, and I hate that. But I wouldn't tell you all of this if I didn't really think I needed your advice. So please, anything would be helpful. I know life is full of tests and struggles, but I really want to pass, and help others pass, especially those who are so dear to me. How should I talk to them? anything please.. Wasalaam Alaikum, Doha |
| 06/27/04 at 14:33:47 |
| Doha_03 |
| Re: *sigh* I need some serious naseeha |
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| timbuktu |
| 06/27/04 at 05:47:53 |
| [slm] i understand your pain. how old is your brother? when your father isn't very keen on observing Islam, it is going to be difficult. dua is what you can and should do. and from my experience, people come back to islam later in life. I too stayed away from Salah for a very, very long time, many, many yeras, in fact decades. so don't give up hope, pray and ask your mom to pray for him and the others in the family, too. |
| Re: *sigh* I need some serious naseeha |
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| onemuslimgirl |
| 06/27/04 at 10:37:17 |
| asaslaam alakum sister, build a thick skin, and do what u think is right. ignore the jokes, i know exactly how u feel. they feel guilty when u are doing whats right, and the only way to get over that feeling is to get u to change and be like them. don't! stand ur ground, and be a good role model. do everything that is right and do it to the best of ur ability. even little things like when ur mom asks u to do the dishes, do them right away and dry them and put them away. when they see ur good religion has also made u a good character, they might start reacting differently. advise them once and twice and three times, but do it in a subtle way. for example if u keep telling ur brother to pray, he wont do it. he will become more stubborn, but if u get up when its time for prayer, and pray infront of him without telling him to come, chances are he might think its 'his' idea to come pray. |
| Re: *sigh* I need some serious naseeha |
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| Doha_03 |
| 06/27/04 at 13:37:34 |
| Wa Alaikum Assalaam, JazakAllah Khair for the advice. The brother I am talking about is 22 and I have another who is 24, but he isn't a problem. And alhamdulilah my father is a practising Muslim. So is my mother. But the little things, such as hijab, that don't blend in with today's nonmuslim society is the problem. Wasalaam Alaikum, Doha |
| Re: *sigh* I need some serious naseeha |
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| Medo |
| 06/27/04 at 14:00:25 |
| [slm] You can have styles in your hijab and clothing. Having a style to go with the modest clothings are great and besides they make you look beautiful too. However, I am having sort of the same problem with my brothers praying for Fajr. I think it is because they don't realize how important the salah is. They are old enough to realize this, and I think they do. However, it's the laziness kicking in I guess. Allah will guide them soon InshAllah and you should make dua' for him. [wlm] By the way, that's the best I can do, or think of. |
| Re: *sigh* I need some serious naseeha |
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| humble_muslim |
| 06/27/04 at 21:17:06 |
| AA Get married, get out of the house, make dua and leave the rest to Allah. As long as you are giving the naseeha, you have nothing to fear. |
| NS |
| Re: *sigh* I need some serious naseeha |
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| sal |
| 06/28/04 at 00:20:22 |
| [slm]Sister Doha This happens in many families and even more. some time ago I read about a girl complaining her family are forcing her to not put Hijab, and the situation she stated was much more miserable than yours .Her problem was not how to help her family go the straight way but was how to defend herself from their pitiless attacks due to her Islamic esteem .we all face such things but we should not be surprised since we can not guide who we love unless allah makes the decree The prophet ‘s failure to guide his uncle was meant to remain everlasting instance for all generations to remember in case of need (the situation you are facing now etc) And similarly the prophet NUH his son was sank in the flood in front of his eyes knowing he will still be taken to hell fire So look at how the prophets are given such hard tests being informed who they love are dying as disobedients to ALLAH so bluntly and as a consequence to hell fire To us such things are not exposed,we don’t know who dies how so we live with hope until the last breathe . As you said, you are doing your best and it is not necessary to see the produce of your effort instantly as it might perhaps give effect even after one dies .they might be only mulish however feel what is right and wrong if they are not totally abandoning the whole obligatory salah with such shortcoming they are not out of fold of islam and sinshallah the hope is so big ,if so then you might try to be more flexible with the way of dealing with them when advising for salat What your heart is condemning for the sake of ALLAH to please him is really wonderful and enviable attribute and you are INSHALLAH very beloved person to ALLAH [wlm] ;-) |
| 06/28/04 at 00:23:00 |
| sal |
| Re: *sigh* I need some serious naseeha |
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| Milaya |
| 06/28/04 at 00:35:33 |
| [slm] *hugs* sis Doha we both apparently face the same situation....Sigh! my family... :( so I hear ya! innallaha ma ash shobirin (umm is that correct?), as onemuslimgirl said we gotta build a thick skin ;)no matter how hurt it is what they say, just do the right thing and do the thing right, inshAllah! well I know, speaking is easier than doing (yeaaah sometimes I feel than I can't take it anymore ::)) but...at least we try. sis, all we do is to please Allah and no compromise! soowwy if I'm not being much help *hugs* Wassalam, :-) |
| Re: *sigh* I need some serious naseeha |
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| jannah |
| 06/28/04 at 04:18:34 |
| [wlm] Sometimes your family or friends may be at a different level than you in Islam. For your own benefit sometimes it's better to distance yourself instead of taking on the burden of trying to "fix" them or help them. Work on yourself first, in your deen and your knowledge and strengthen yourself, and in time, your example and your dawah a little at a time will change their views on a few things inshaAllah. |
| Re: *sigh* I need some serious naseeha |
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| aaden |
| 07/28/04 at 18:16:23 |
| [slm] I'm sure almost all families have some form of this problem, so don't feel you're alone. Sometimes hearts are clear and sometimes they're veiled. When clear, they regret how obstinate and hard-hearted they were and this sometimes fuels repentance and becomes the person's strongest and (sometimes) only motivation to do good and abstain from evil. It helps to remember those stages in our own life to help fully appreciate what other people are going through. I once heard a statement attributed to Umar (ra): "One who doesn't know jahiliya doesn't truly know Islam". You can see that in the iman of reverts and Muslims who were away from Allah for a period of time and then repented and now take their deen so seriously. People don't change instantaneously and it may take some time. Maybe his heart is softening so slowly you can't perceive it because sometimes we get caught up in looking for immediate & tangible external signs, so make lots of dua for him so that perhaps Allah may look favorably upon him. If he changes (insha'Allah he will), then this will be the time of his life he will be repenting from for the rest of his life. ('Araaf v. 153) "But those who committed evil deeds and then repented afterwards and believed, verily, your Lord after (all) that is indeed Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. " [wlm] |
| Re: *sigh* I need some serious naseeha |
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| theOriginal |
| 07/28/04 at 19:07:49 |
| [slm] subhanAllah that was very insightful, aaden. Wasalaam... (sorry sister Doha, imaan naseeha is not my place...but my prayers are with you, inshaAllah..) |
| Re: *sigh* I need some serious naseeha |
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| lucid9 |
| 07/29/04 at 06:58:35 |
| [slm] (1) Don't feel like you are the only one like that. Most sincere practicing muslims/muslimas in the US are in exactly the same boat. When we are young we almost always irritate others for being "too rigid" and "too islamic" and "too preachy" by everyone from our mom to the random dude on the street. Its a challenge for us to figure out how to be muslim and cool and not be pushy at the same time. (2) No matter what your brother does, you still have to love him and advise him. Family ties are unconditional, and love must be unconditional. Even if your brother does really bad things, you must never give up. Always be extremely nice and advise him. In the long run all the advices to stick in people's minds and prevent them from doing things they would otherwise do. (3) Don't expect your parents to be muslims who are entirely consistent. Who's parents are? Very few. They all have this cultural baggage which affects the way they think. Instead appreciate that they are not worse than they are, and appreciate that they are a lot better than lots of other people's parents. (4) Don't stay away from your family because they irritate you. Your family is part of you. You OWE them your good advice, the kind reminders to pray etc. It is your duty. There are so many folks who spend vast amounts of time in dawah to others, but have little time for their own families and their families are really off the straight path. If your family is messed up, what is the point of concentrating on other folks? I.e. always make your family your #1 priority. I can tell you a zillion personal stories, but probably they are too personal, so i won't here... If you pray, don't lose hope, and work on your family continuously things always work out....it just takes 10 years sometimes... |
| Re: *sigh* I need some serious naseeha |
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| AyeshaZ |
| 07/29/04 at 07:45:37 |
| [wlm] Alhamdullilah, u must remain consistent in what you are doing insha'Allah and as many have said make du'a for yourself and your family. As bro hyper and others said, we all can share personal accounts on this one ;)... Just the other day, a dear friend of mine and I were talking about, how sooo many aunties in our community have started wearing hijab because of their daughters! So through prayer, patience, perseverance one can change the environment that they live in! |
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