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Going to see my father for first time in 18 yr

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Going to see my father for first time in 18 yr
Caraj
06/27/04 at 13:30:44
I'm heading out east in about 3 to 4 weeks and will be seeing my father for the first time in 18 years :o
He and I talk on the phone all the time and have been in touch but I'm sort of
freaked out about it.
My father is a bigot and I am not. What is realy sad is he is a bigot in a very uneducated way. If he is unkind to anyone in my presence I am going to let him have it good.
He was telling me the other day he was in a store and had to by milk and he said he was so mad it was over $4 a gal he told the man behind the counter,
You ****** Arabs are crooks.

I was like  :o    >:(    :o    >:(

I said, Daddy, how do you even know the man was Arab? How do you even know how to distinguishes any middle eastern person. Could of been a Pakistan or Indian man and besides if you don't like the prices you don't have to buy there.
Daddy are you a BIGOT???

He repiled they are all Arabs  
I was like  ::)   :(   >:(

I am not at all a bigot and I have a VERY low tolerance for ignorant bigots and hatred and stupid stuff like such.
How in the world am I going to deal with this man???
I am not at all the type to be quiet in such matters and will ream him out big time.

Any suggestions on how to deal with a family bigot???

BTW the man replied to my father, You're right we are.  ::)
My mother moved my brother and I away from New England when we were 11 and 12 and I have only seen my father 5 times the last time being 18 yrs ago when I took my sons to meet their grandfather. He is my father and I want to have a minor relationship with him, but how to you educate a BIGOT???
It turns my stomach and angers me so much.
He is so mad about gas prices and hates all other races and hate this and that.
If anyone knew us both I would be ashamed to have anyone know he is my father.
But he is my father and I cannot change this, but maybe gently and slowly and with the Almighty's help I can plant a seed of acceptance and tollerance. Who knows. Suggestons, advice and duas are requested.
06/27/04 at 13:36:51
Caraj
Re: Going to see my father for first time in 18 yr
Medo
06/27/04 at 13:49:05

[slm]

Well, all I could think of right now is dua'. The best thing to do. However, you can get advice from the much wise people on here. They help a lot. InshAllah you'll be ok with your father and all. It's only 3-4 weeks, it will be just fine.  :-X

[wlm]
Re: Going to see my father for first time in 18 yr
Kathy
06/27/04 at 20:17:08
[slm]

Guess it is time for you to pull out the stories on how Prophets Ibrahim (Abraham) and Muhammad  [saw] handled their dads.

Bigots don't usually change. No it won't be easy. Tell him now that you are Muslim. It will give him a couple of weeks to settle down. Bring some info or mail him some. I would stick to the similarities first.... other than the "God" part... never shy away from that.

Took my dad about 15 years.... Alhumdullillah, we are OK now. We just agree to disagree. He prays for me and I pray for him to be guided.
Re: Going to see my father for first time in 18 yr
sal
06/28/04 at 00:33:58
[slm]He is not the only bigot .there are lots like this everywhere and most of them are not dangerous but it is only a bad behavior but as a habit to them it is a sort of relief to act this way,so he will not abandon such behavior so easily unless there is a replacement to this (some new event to change his thoughts as he could have been affected by  some ways )
so as for you after 18years it is difficult to talk about how to teach him what is write and wrong  since there can be no such a  good relation to be put into consideration to give your advice a value as you are almost stranger due to the duration of time you have been far away from each other
It would be better if you after this meeting which should be only a reunion then you plan for more visits  to pave the road so that your words will have opportunity to be listened after wards
In your current position you might lose him for good if you specially tell him you became muslem since as you said he has such hatred for muslems in general ) then  you might face harsh reaction from him such that this will lessen the chance of meeting  him again if he interprets your visit as a preacher .This means closing the door again for the coming 18 years and more
As a new muslem you yourself is in need of support against the difficulties you might face from relatives and friends etc but when you gain good experience in islam then any challenging reaction will be already expected and you will be strong enough for such circumstances. at that time you can start a direct mission
But I think you must make schedule for more visits as much as you can for the reasons
1 –as your father you are obliged to treat him well and obey him (  with in the limit of not against your ALLAH’s command to you
2-if ALHAMDULLILAH (thanks to ALLAH )ALLAH guided you to the right way then  it is your duty to try to show them the same way but  wisely and with patience

MAY ALLAH BE WITH YOU  [wlm]

Re: Going to see my father for first time in 18 yr
Caraj
06/28/04 at 02:49:31
This man is not just against Muslims or Arabs,
last month he was mouthing off about Mexicans.
And oddly enough we have a pretty close telephone relationship.
When he is out of line I am ornery enough to tell him off.
I don't mean to sound disrespectful but I don't put up with much.
He was being mean to his wife (my step mother) one day while we were on the phone she is almost an invalid she has MS and cannot walk or take care of herself very well. Anyway I told him to knock it off and stop being so mean to her.

One of my major personality flaws is I cannot and will not tolerate hatred, meaness and bigots  >:(   >:(   >:(
I also know my father will not disown me, I have enough confidance in this, he may
fuss and yell but he also knows I will fuss back at him.
I'll do alot of praying about this and I will be respectful but if he acts like a fool in front of me with this bigot attitude I am sure I will step in.
I think maybe I'll invite him for a long beach walk and talk to him about all the wonderful people I know and have met from other countries.
I don't expect to change him but I am hoping if we talk things out he will be
a little easier in his thinking, maybe  ::)
Thank you all for your advice.
Salem I don't think I will lose him.
His bark is worse than his bite.  ;)
Kathy, my family like yours is long time Catholics,
New England Cathoilcs so you know what I am facing with his
stubborn, strong headed ways.
My fathers side was so angry when my mother changes our faith/religion
when we were teen-agers,since we had been raise Catholic and went to Catholic school.
Medo thank you for your kind words.


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