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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| She is so smelly |
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| Kathy |
| 07/14/04 at 17:39:37 |
| [slm] We have a new sis in town. About 30 years old with three kids. She is the sis in law of a regular masjid member. Her body oder, aka the pits, is so bad, my eyes tear up after a couple of minutes in the library. When you walk into the masjid, you know she is there, even tho she is on the opposite end of the building. It just lingers..... Who is responsible and how? Some sis have come to me begging me to say something. I don't want to, she is new and i don't want to put her in an embarrassing position. Why do they ask me to do it... Is it because I am an American? Once a sis posted her that she has an uncontollable BO. So because of that I am thinking twice about saying something. Although I really think it is a pit issue and not a fissula one. (different kind a smells) Please tell me what to do. |
| Re: She is so smelly |
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| Mona |
| 07/14/04 at 21:11:51 |
| [slm] Hmm, what a situation, eh? On the one side it would be kinda rude to say hey sister, you smell! Hints might be okay though. A soap and shampoo gift basket from the body shop might do the trick (I recommend white musk or vannilla scented items :) ) throw in some scented candles and creams to make the gift look "innocent". I am sure the other women who are bothered by the smell would not mind chipping in. Alternatively, when you see her, comment on how hot the weather is these days, and how you taking a shower daily makes you feel more refreshed during the day. If this does not work, you'd have to bite the bullet and do something about it. Time for pep talk, I guess. Don't forget the noseclip when it's time to do that :D wassalam Mona |
| Re: She is so smelly |
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| Trustworthy |
| 07/14/04 at 22:49:36 |
| [slm]... Oh dear. YIKES. Here's a suggestion...our Imam once in a while will have a lecture about proper Islamic hygene. Really. He'll tell all of us what not to eat, make sure you smell good before coming to the masjid so that you don't distract other Muslims while praying, etc. Cause it's true. Our Prophet (SAW) said so in the hadiths. We also keep colognes and musk, etc. in the masjid fo rthose who want to apply it to themselves. Ma-assalaamah.... |
| Re: She is so smelly |
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| Marcie |
| 07/14/04 at 22:56:51 |
| [slm] It sounds like a deodorant/antiperspirant problem to me. Why did you get the responsibility? We Americans are already way to direct for many people. ;) What about talking with her sister-in-law? She might know the best way to address the issue and the sister would not realize that other people are aware of it. This is very tricky indeed. Insha'Allah you will come up with a good solution. :-* [wlm] Marcie |
| 07/14/04 at 22:57:52 |
| Marcie |
| Re: She is so smelly |
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| MIT |
| 07/15/04 at 06:49:59 |
| as-salaamu alaikum I read some advice in yesterday's Metro paper about this same problem. The answer was to find a magazine or book in which it talks about how to resolve the problem and send it anonymously. Otherwise you could write a message and send that anonymously. |
| NS |
| Re: She is so smelly |
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| al-ajnabia |
| 07/15/04 at 14:49:11 |
| [slm] hey as it is sandal weather does anyone have any solutions to feet? |
| Re: She is so smelly |
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| sal |
| 07/15/04 at 22:54:25 |
| [slm]I think the way a solution is to be achieved depends on how much she herself is aware of the existence of this smell on herself If she knows this already and is matter of habit or carelessness then although she deserve to be warned openly by any one of you, but it is not bad to give chance and go on the observation indirectly in a form of general announcement that such thing is observed amongst some attendants and this is the last chance before she is to be informed directly Well if she neglects this and insists it sounds she has no sense of caring for her dignity and hurting other means not strange in her view .In this case stopping her is the better option. I mean by this avoiding what seems might hurt her with frank advice should not be on the expense of the majority being hurt be her smell. But If she doesn’t notice her smell which can happen perhaps if she is not good in smelling things, then oh she is poor childlike and I think the closest person to her should be selected for this mission to inform her as if she is the only one who has so far discovering this .She will be embarrassed but she should not be told it became public to reduce any such feeling Any way I think she also needs Duaa SO May Allah give her the sense of observation what is hurtful to others that as result reduces other’s respect to her if she is obstinate And or may Allah also give her the ability of discovering her mistake before she is Told by someone else if she is failing to do this for natural defect she is not accountable for (problem of smelling ) Aameen |
| Re: She is so smelly |
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| eleanor |
| 07/17/04 at 12:40:15 |
| [slm] I hate to say it Kathy but I think they are getting you to do this because they know the sister will end up hating the one who tells her. This is definitely a job that I would not do. I think some of the suggestions are good. Why not have a sisters' get together, coffee morning or something and bring the talk around to personal hygiene. All chat away about what kind of deodorant you use, which is good, which is bad etc. If the sister is not joining in, then as though you are making an effort to include her in the chat just directly ask her "What deodorant do *you* use sister?", making eye contact and being friendly, as if the thought never crossed your mind that she doesn't use any at all. Then make recommendations, give her some that you bought but never used because you are allergic to that company's products etc etc... That kind of thing may give her a kick start. Also talk about laundry, clean clothes, what types of detergent are good, how often you do the laundry etc. Because even if she is using deodorant or washing herself, if she is putting on the same clothes as yesterday, the smell is still on them. Don't do it on your own Kathy, Get the other sisters roped in. If it fails and you notice no difference after a week or so, then get her sister in law to talk to her. Good luck!! wasalaam eleanor |
| Re: She is so smelly |
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| theOriginal |
| 07/18/04 at 08:29:49 |
| [slm] So they used to have this site on the internet ages ago (I just checked it, it's totally selling different things now). It was called gentlehints.com .. and it was precisely used for this kinda thing. These two college students started it. So let's say you had a friend who smelled, and you didn't know how to tell him/her, you could pay gentle hints to do the job for you. A few weeks later, the friend would get a letter in the mail along the lines of: Dear _______: Someone who loves you is concerned about your personal hygiene, and would like to inform you that your BO is creating a distance between you and your loved one. This could be easily avoided... Sincerely, Gentle Hints Now anyway, I know it sounds totally humorous, but let's say someone had a bad case of bad breath, they would send a sample of mouthwash with the letter. It was really a brilliant idea, but I understand why it might have caused problems. Anyway, the point of this whole thing is that maybe you could send her an anonymous letter. How could you possibly walk up to her and tell her she smells to her face? And if you have a lecture talking about personal hygiene or whatever, you don't want to put her in an embarrassing position. It's better to do this without an audience, or without the margin of her finding out publicly that her BO is a problem for everyone. Okay, and in case anyone is wondering, the only reason I remember gentlehints.com is because I did a project on it for marketing class in 11th Grade. ;) Wasalaam. |
| Re: She is so smelly |
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| timbuktu |
| 07/18/04 at 08:59:47 |
| [quote author=JustOne link=board=sis;num=1089837577;start=0#8 date=07/18/04 at 08:29:49] in case anyone is wondering, the only reason I remember gentlehints.com is because I did a project on it for marketing class in 11th Grade [/quote] we prefer to think you wanted to drop a hint to a friend, and were too chicken to tell her to the face, so you tried a search on the nt, and came up with: e http://www/gentlehints.com ;) |
| 07/18/04 at 09:17:11 |
| timbuktu |
| Re: She is so smelly |
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| eleanor |
| 07/18/04 at 10:52:25 |
| ;D no actually I was wondering if J1 got a letter from gentle hints at one stage or another ;D just joking sis!!! |
| Re: She is so smelly |
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| resistance4ever |
| 07/20/04 at 19:01:44 |
| [slm] Yikes! Poor Sister, IF she was to be the victim of some of the advice given here!!! Dont you guys realise that openly discussing BO problems and hygeine etc will get all the people looking in the direction of the main culprit wanting to see her reaction!!!! Kathy, you have been given a task to do. And i will be frank, blunt and to the point. This sister has a BO problem, like most with BO problems, she probably doesnt realise it. So rather than drop hints, sister take a deep breath (breath in through your mouth as to avoid unpleasant odours), approach this sister, and just tell her straight out she STINKS! Kathy: Sister, YOU SMELL BAD! BO sister: WHATEVER!! Kathy: Look sister, i'm being..... BO sister:.....no YOU look sista... Kathy: Sister this is serious... BO sister: Talk to the hand...... Seriously though Kathy, i suggest you pull this sister to one side, and just tell her that she has strong body odour,that its normal (as all women smell bad, hence the need for them to use perfume), and just tell her to use some deodarant and wash more often as its not fair on others. Either that, or you tell all the sista's to stop wearing deodarant, therefore you will all smell, and this poor sista will just blend right in! Problem solved! Its in your nostrils....ehem....i mean in your hands kathy, only you can tell this sista. If you dont, some little kids gona sooner or later shout it out and really embarass this woman. Peace Out! Walaikumasalaam R4E aka Mujaahid4Ever (but i forgot my pasword so changed my name) |
| Re: She is so smelly |
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| eleanor |
| 07/21/04 at 17:30:53 |
| [quote author=resistance4ever link=board=sis;num=1089837577;start=10#11 date=07/20/04 at 19:01:44] ....(as all women smell bad, hence the need for them to use perfume....[/quote] err HELLOOO?? all women smell bad??? Are you for real? Women don't smell bad, stale sweat smells bad. Therefore either you wash every five minutes or you use an anti persperant - not perfume - which prevents or reduces the sweat. And for what it's worth, men can get sweaty and smelly too .... does that mean that "all men smell bad" too?? ::) |
| Re: She is so smelly |
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| Kathy |
| 07/22/04 at 11:09:06 |
| [slm] Thanks Elley... I read that yesterday and considered the source.... ::) I wonder if the Bro knows that women are not allowed to wear perfume outside of the home... and so many do...even to the masjid.... he made a lot of good points tho. The one that hit home with me, was the kid one, Yep, some kid will most likely say something. That was enough to make me consider saying something, to avoid future embarrassement for her. About BO... Grossly i did a test. No deoderant for one day. I was smelly by the end of the day. The next morning it was BO smelly. The thing is... I did smell myself. Everytime I raised an arm I got the whiff :P. So now I am wondering how she could not know that she is smelly? Maybe it is something out of her control. When I hung up the clothes I could smell it on the clothes the next day. Friday the Imam gave a khutba about smelly people, too bad she wasn't there. So now I am baffled. I will see her tonight, Insha Allah and will tell her. Along time ago , as a manager, I had to do this. The FOB, did not know and maybe this is the case. Once she found out, she never smelled again. Make dua for me. |
| Re: She is so smelly |
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| al-ajnabia |
| 07/22/04 at 11:53:58 |
| [slm] I wonder what the sahabi smelled like. ::) |
| Re: She is so smelly |
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| Maliha |
| 07/22/04 at 12:15:48 |
| [slm] [quote author=al-ajnabia link=board=sis;num=1089837577;start=10#14 date=07/22/04 at 11:53:58] [slm] I wonder what the sahabi smelled like. ::)[/quote] Musk??? [wlm] |
| Re: She is so smelly |
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| Yusufzai |
| 07/28/04 at 09:10:57 |
| [slm] Just to add my little bit in, but I once read aa report that using deodrants can be a cause of Cancer. As your blocking up the pores that produces the sweat, which can't be very healthy. Reading that I stopped using it, but as sister Kathy says, bloomin' heck does one stink wen u don't use deodrants. But then I found this substitute. I don't know whether u can get it anywhere else, but here in London there is this crystal that u can get from helath shops and wat you do is u wet it a little then rub it on your armpits. Now it doesn't stop u from sweating but it kills the bacteria that make the sweat smell. Its really good and one crystal lasts for at least 9 months to a year. Now i'm not sure but I remember a story that Back in the Prophets [saw] days people used this stone to smell nice, now i can't remember if it was for sweating purposes or wat, but does anyone know wat i'm talking about Just something to help my sisters :-) |
| Re: She is so smelly |
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| Anonymous |
| 07/29/04 at 17:15:42 |
| Offer her a welcome basket -include a hijab, a book, perfume, and a couple of natural deoderants and some powder. Sometimes people just need to be told sincerely and not in a -"everyone is saying" way. |
| Re: She is so smelly |
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| Anonymous |
| 07/29/04 at 17:18:07 |
| salam, so i was reading the post on 'she is so smelly' and i too have a question. my skin is reaaaally sensitive and whenever i use anti-persperent i get this huge allergic rash. do u guys know of any deodrants that are non-allergic? thankx soo much..it helps a lot:) |
| Re: She is so smelly |
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| Stephanie |
| 07/29/04 at 21:40:09 |
| [slm] This might be a new thread but I'll go ahead and reply to the upove post here. Sodium Bicarbonate (baking soda)is an excellent way to control moisture and odors. I doubt you'd have a reaction to it, but I don't know so start in a small area to be sure. The bacteria that cause odors love acidic environments and the Bicarb is extremely alkaline. Here's a short article on it. Also, sometimes I dust a mixture of corn starch and baking soda between my legs to control that "chafing effect" as well as moisture when I'm wearing a skirt in hot weather. http://www.wexfordhealingcentre.com/odour.htm Body Odour... The smell caused when stale sweat comes into contact with bacteria on the skin. In some cases body odour can be caused by excessive sweating, dietary problems or medication. Treatment - Practical Advice The most effective way to prevent body odour is to wash all over at least once a day, and to use an underarm deodorant or antiperspirant. Deoderants work by restricting the action of bacteria on the skin; antiperspirants reduce the volume of perspiration that is released through the skin (the latter are not favoured by natural practitioners as they interfere with the natural elimination process of sweating). Dusting the body with sodium bicarbonate is a more natural, while effective, deoderant. In warm weather wear loose clothing made from natual fabrics (cotton, linen, wool). Change clothing worn next to the skin daily. Sometimes body odour can be caused by fungal infections. Dietary Improper diet and deficiencies in certain vitamins and minerals can sometimes contribute to this condition: Excess fat can sometimes be a cause of body odour, particularly saturated fats found in meat and dairy produce. Avoid foods which contain saturated fats or which list vegetable oil as one of the ingredients, but fail to mention the type of oil. Replace saturated fats with sunflower seed oil, polyunsaturated margarine, and olive oil. Deficiency of zinc is sometimes related to excessive perspiration: take 20 - 30 mg of chelated zinc daily. Aromatherapy Mix 6 drops of essential oil of lavender in 1 pint of distilled water and keep in the bathroom. Dab onto areas of the body which prespire easily. Orthodox Excessive perspiration, also known as hyperhydrosis, is treated by applying aluminium chloride preparations to the affected areas. [wlm] :-) |
| Re: She is so smelly |
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| Stephanie |
| 07/29/04 at 21:45:45 |
| [slm] Oh yeah, sis Kathy, please let us know how you resolve this situation. Is it backbiting to be talking about the sis without confronting her with the problem? Islamically, it seems like someone is going to have to tell her one way or another. I'd try the giftbasket and hinting first, but if that doesn't work I'd try to be frank, yet compassionate. [wlm] :-) |
| Re: She is so smelly |
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| Kathy |
| 07/30/04 at 11:56:12 |
| [slm] Alhumdullillah, Allah swt took care of it. The night I decided to put on some nose plugs and talk to her, she wasn't "smelly." & hasn't been since! |
| Re: She is so smelly |
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| lala |
| 07/30/04 at 12:13:48 |
| [slm] Things have a way of working out :) At least you were saved from such a confrontation. peace |
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