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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Duas please |
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| safa |
| 08/18/04 at 09:48:10 |
| [slm] I just need you to pray for me. Because I don’t know where I am, I don’t know where I am going. I am depressed, have been for the past 3 years, actually. So much so, that I feel as though every inch of my body and soul are dying gradually. I feel as though everyone I know has their own problems eating away at them, so the last thing they need to hear are my problems. I just feel so misunderstood. I feel as though I am living a dual life. People around me see me as someone who is so confident and so sure of herself. If only they knew of my inner demons battling within me. Mum tells me to pray. She says the closer you try to get to Allah, the closer he will come to you. But God knows I have tried. But when I am praying or reading the Qur’an, my thoughts do stray. I just can’t focus on absolutely anything any more. And I do pray to Allah but sometimes I feel as though I am so bad, even He has given up on me. All the while I was growing up, I felt as though He specifically kept his eye on me, like he had something great in store for me. I mean I was good at so much, now I feel like I am good at nothing. May be even good for nothing… Every little dream and desire and wish and hope I had has died. I don’t even want anything any more, except to be left alone. My mum is freaking out. She feels as though as she has failed me. Fact is, no one has failed but me. And she can’t really understand me. She lives in her ideal little world and I just can’t fit there. She and everyone else have so many expectations of me and I am letting everyone down… And the worst part is, living in a Muslim-minority country, I feel like every little fault of mine is translated as a fault of the entire Muslim community. And that is more than I can bear… The Muslims around think I am some sort of a righteous angel because I wear the hijab and pray all 5 times and fast (which are extremely religious things to do out here). I don’t know why I posted this; I just want you to pray for me. I just needed to let it out. I feel like I might implode any moment. Your sister in Islam safa P.S. And the reason I didn’t post anonymously is, I suppose, because I am tired of putting up facades. So people, this is what I am! |
| Re: Duas please |
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| Maliha |
| 08/19/04 at 07:23:05 |
| [slm] sis Safa:) I would normally *not* give this advice, cuz I personally hate this option..but it has helped people and it may help you. You could be clinically depressed. Which means you can see a professional, get on medications, and when you feel better GET OFF as soon as possible (like gradually too, cuz you don't want your system to go crazy). Or you can try some herbs, but only under the direction of a professional. Don't experiment with any medications on your own. Depression is common, especially in the context you described yourself in. Trying to be a good Muslim without any support is *really* hard. The journey is not easy however, and we know that. Do you have an Islamic center in your town, or somewhere close by?? That's prolly the most happening place, in terms of getting together with likeminded sisters and sharing your struggles and feeling less lonely in this spiritual maze. Or you can start volunteering...helping others like feeding the homeless, habitat for humanity, or mentoring, anything...really really helps. Subhana Allah, the laws of giving are akin to flying...the more you give, the freer you become, allowing your soul to soar amidst the ranks of the righteous. (Inshaallah). Sometimes just infusing more meaning in your life helps..other things you can do are like get away to a nice park, by some water somwhere, mountains..you can even go with family or a friend..once you get there just chill out by yourself and make dhikr. The best Glorification I have made, is when it just tumbles out of my lips pulled from the ache in my soul at the beauty and dazzle of Allah's creation. Just focus on every little detail and allow His Awe inspiring Majesty to engulf you. When its Salaah time, pray right there..steeped in those beautiful moments of heightened awareness. Or after Fajr, when the sun is rising, just go for long walks outside and do your morning dhirk outside...the crisp morning air, the excited bird songs, the fresh dew drops decorating leaves and grass...let the beauty get you in rhythm with the Creator and your soul sing in harmony with the universe. these are just some ideas...get creative:) paint, explore museums, write poetry, go to the zoo with some little children or a theme park or the beach:) thing is when you are depressed your inclination is to stay in a dark room and just let your thoughts and heart fester and eat you up. Struggle against it and once you get into a different grove your soul will go along with it...and eventually forget what was so depressing to begin with. I pray you curve out your tranquility in this chaotic world. Hold fast to the rope of Allah, and keep remembering Him, even when you are distracted. For if you train your lips to Glorify Him, your heart will one day take heed and eventually succumb to the glorious rhythm of dhikr and forever seeking solace in His Rememberance. (amin). your sis in struggle. [wlm] |
| Re: Duas please |
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| timbuktu |
| 08/19/04 at 11:23:49 |
| [slm] i haven't read your introduction, so may be something relevant is there. sis Nur has given very good advice, please take it. and if it isn't a clinical thing, here is what i have to say: no one fails like you think you have, no matter what. One goes through ups and downs in eemaan and taqwa. Sometimes the downs can last may years. and one also goes through ups and downs in one's worldly achievements. don't let yourself down over these things. These are simply tests. Try, if you can, to hold on to faith in Allah, and the prayers, even if your heart isn't in them. and I should know. I have been through both types, many times, and spread over decades, and I am still not out of these, although the time left is very short. |
| Re: Duas please |
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| Marcie |
| 08/19/04 at 12:35:17 |
| [slm] Sis Safa, I just wanted to add to what sister Nur wrote. If you have been feeling this way for so long you need to get help! My suggestion is that you try a more natural route. You should try either accupuncture or homeopathic medicine. They both are very helpful and if you are given anything it won't harm you body. Please IM me if you have any questions. [wlm] Marcie |
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