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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Of Mice and Mothers |
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| UmmWafi |
| 08/18/04 at 12:46:57 |
| [slm] Motherhood..a single word to capture a whole lifetime of experience. Somehow it seems inadequate yet inclusive. Hmmm... A couple of days ago I was lying flat on my back to try and ease the backache that seemed to intensify by the hour and my two kids were eyeing me speculatively. My son in particular was rather shifty as he kept giving sliding glances at me and biting his lips. Finally I couldn't stand feeling like a grotesque insect in a jar any longer and asked him if there was anything on his mind. He ummed and ahhed and finally asked me if I felt pain. I said yes, my back hurt. He asked again if it was because of my pregnancy and I affirmed. He then asked if my surgery is going to hurt bad so I explained the procedure to him. Me and my big mouth ! Did I stop there ? Nooo....I had to recite to him the "other stuff" like post-surgery pain etc etc. He gave my daughter the look and nodded. With the confident look of males who had come before him and those who will be born after him, he sage ly said "See Solehah ? I am lucky that I am a boy. I will never be pregnant and suffer childbirth". (At this juncture my daughter stuck out her thumb long enough to say "So what!" before resuming sucking it again). My mother antennae came up and I thought to myself "Ahha..perfect time for value inculcation". I started by giving a small laugh and told them that I acually pity their father. When they asked why I told them because he can't get pregnant and give birth. My son was very wide-eyed and asked me how come. I told them that Allah SWT is soo Gracious to women that He Blessed us with the ability to carry a life in our womb. "Abah is your father and he loves you but he can never feel how it is like to have a life growing in him. I carried you inside of me, I felt your kick, your movements. Your heartbeat pulsed in rythm to mine and my food became your nourishment. My du'ahs became your hopes and my dhikr your music. When the time came, my body was strong enough to let go and allow you to be who you were supposed to be. Only a woman get to feel and experience all these Wafi and for that I am grateful." After the kids had gone to sleep and I was left prey to my thoughts, I started to reflect on my understanding of motherhood. Subhanallah....truly. Motherhood is a fulltime job, a lifetime commitment, the essence of a woman at the point of conception. Yet, how often have we sacrificed this blessing of Allah with our other preoccupation. I remember the early days of my mother's battle with cancer, I lost track of time and myself. I skipped meals and I pushed myself physically hard, travelling back and forth the hospital and home, doing housework for two houses. I had very little time for my two children and I had lesser time for the little life growing within me. Sigh...who was I? What should I be first and everything else second? It was a question that only I must answer. My mind travelled back to when the two kids were babies. I remembered the times when they had high fever. I stayed up the whole night just staring at them, anxiously looking for signs of danger. Sponging them, making du'ahs. I was alone, my husband asleep from weariness. I was weary, dead tired but sleep was never an option for me. Not once. With motherhood, I developed this amazing ability to negate my self. Memories flitted through my mind. First time Wafi crawled to me and the bursting joy I felt as he held me proudly, happy that he made it. That special dinner when Solehah announced that she will be reciting the du'ah for eating and proceeding to do so in her baby-ish singsong manner. The hurt I felt when Wafi first said no to me. The fear that gripped me when Solehah fell from her tricycle....memories. I know that I will have lots more of them as I travel through this life as a mother. Mothers...teachers, protectors, disciplinarian, nurturers, comforters, playmates, scolders, a warm comforting lap to rest your worried head on, muffin makers, the one person who seem to be able to hear our inner voice. That is why mothers always seem to understand what is it we are not saying..and why we always fail when we try to lie to them. Sometimes I wonder how on earth do mothers through the ages cope with these insane responsibilities and not go bonkers. I do know that there are times when the heartbreak of being a mother is so intense that you double up with it. Of course the answer is rather simple. Allah SWT has Blessed mothers with an infinite amount of strength. The strength to smile after tears, the strength to forego ourselves in the interest of those we love, the strength to make very tough decisions, the strength to do what kills us to do (like spank my daughter), the strength to go on when lying facedown is so much easier, the strength to forgive despite heartbreaks. Most importantly, the strength to realise that we are mothers and that is who we are and what we need be. A wonderful sister who is in her early stage of motherhood once told me of her fears about being a mother, about not being good enough to be a mother. I told her that regardless of what we feel about ourselves, Allah SWT has Chosen us, our womb, to place one of His Creation in. That must mean that we are special enough for Him to allow us to carry this responsibility. Because of this, because we are the chosen one, we must try not to fail Him. How do we do that ? By telling ourselves that from the time we know that little life is in us, we must be sincere in our embrace of our new role, our new life. We must try our very best to do the most important job in the whole wide world. Be a mother to Allah's beautiful Creations. Shukr Alhamdulillah....I have been chosen thrice and await longingly for the newest addition to my life. My third child. Still, despite my happiness, I am always aware of one fundamental fact. I own none of my children. They are mine in so much that Allah has entrusted them to me, as a responsibility, as my amanaat. They are still His..answerable to Him and Him alone. My main job is to help them become Muslims who know Him as their Creator and who live their lives befittingly as His Creation, with the full understanding of what being His 'aabid is. Most difficult part of being a mother ? Not the sleepless nights. Not the frustrations nor anger. Not even the heartbreaks. To me, the most difficult part of being a mother is to be worthy of being a mother. How do you teach honesty when you are not even honest about being His slave ? Sigh...and oh. Did I also mention the pain of letting go and allowing your children be who they are ? ;) To all mothers out there, past, present and future, may Allah SWT reward you for your jihaad and may He make all your decisions easy and wise. Most importantly, may He make you worthy of being that special person, a mother. Wassalam |
| Re: Of Mice and Mothers |
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| Halima |
| 08/19/04 at 03:36:24 |
| [slm] Sis UmmWafi, Thank you from ALL OF US from the bottom of my heart. You made me cry reading what you have written here. How TRUE, How GREAT and How WONDERFUL! Shukran Jaziran. Halima |
| Re: Of Mice and Mothers |
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| Shahida |
| 08/31/04 at 06:36:34 |
| [quote author=UmmWafi link=board=library;num=1092844017;start=0#0 date=08/18/04 at 12:46:57] [slm] A wonderful sister who is in her early stage of motherhood once told me of her fears about being a mother, about not being good enough to be a mother. I told her that regardless of what we feel about ourselves, Allah SWT has Chosen us, our womb, to place one of His Creation in. That must mean that we are special enough for Him to allow us to carry this responsibility. Because of this, because we are the chosen one, we must try not to fail Him. How do we do that ? By telling ourselves that from the time we know that little life is in us, we must be sincere in our embrace of our new role, our new life. We must try our very best to do the most important job in the whole wide world. Be a mother to Allah's beautiful Creations. [/quote] Salam alaikum dear Umm Wafi :-) Jazakillah for such a wonderful post! I used the above quote to help a friend of mine through a difficult time just before her baby was born, alhamdulillah :) Baby and mom are doing well :) Thanks for writing something I could pass onto her, and put her at ease! Salam Shahida :-) |
| Re: Of Mice and Mothers |
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| jannah |
| 09/16/04 at 01:55:09 |
| [wlm] Reminded me of the cutest little song I heard the other day... [url=http://212.67.202.38/~molsite/audio/samples/yusuf_islam/ilis/your_mother.mp3]here's a sample [/url] its so adorable I Look, I See (audio CD) Yusuf Islam, Rashid Bhika, and Friends Featuring 9 lively and inspirational songs for children. With short teaching inserts between songs in a new and melodic approach to helping children learn good morals and love for God and His final messenger Muhammad (PBUH). Yusuf Islam sings the title song and is accompanied by his young friends from South Africa and Britain, including Zain Bhikha's 9 year old son Rashid who is featured on many of the tracks. |
| Re: Of Mice and Mothers |
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| Halima |
| 09/17/04 at 02:34:13 |
| IQRA FM, Nairobi (the Muslim Radio FM in Kenya) plays this song constantly because people just love it! Halima |
| Re: Of Mice and Mothers |
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| modesty |
| 09/17/04 at 10:24:01 |
| [slm] jazaki allahu khairun for that post. i am not yet a mother, but you've articulated some of my internal fears. your post was very inspiring mashAllah. May Allah help us fulfill our responsibilities to his pleasing. [wlm] |
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