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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Religious people getting divorced :( |
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| lucid9 |
| 08/26/04 at 16:34:21 |
| [slm] Today i am sad. One of my friends had a row with his parents and he and his kids and wife have now moved out. On top of that a hijabi sister i know with 3 kids is supposed to now be getting divorced. On top of that a brother i know goes around telling everybody bad things about his wife and may also be getting divorced (everybody says his wife is the bad one -- but what do you expect when you stunt a 19 year old girl's education by saddling her with a baby?). And on top of that my best got married recently and his super religous parents didn't even show up because they vehemently disagreed with his choice. It didn't matter that she's as sharp as nails. It did matter however that she doesn't look like Claudia Schiffer. Figure that?! The thing is all of these folks are very very religious and very educated and they come from very religious families who incidentally probably cause half of all the problems with their snide comments and temper tantrums. You don't expect such stuff from such quarters. I used to think only messed up folks got divorced; that normal sane folks would always act rationally and sort out their problems amicably. But no...even religous pepole ...and sometimes religous folk in particular --- have EGOs. Large egos. VERY large egos -- and so bad things happen. Things are wierd. One of my best friends got divorced. Then another of my best friends got divorced....and then this and that...and more and more...and now this...and so it makes you wonder. If super religious folks, i mean folks so super-religious that that they could wear an S on their chest and their underpants on top their trousers have such problems maintaining family relations -- what hope is their for the muslim world? Particularly since such people are the most active at trying to fix the affairs of muslims. Makes you real pessimistic.... |
| Re: Religious people getting divorced :( |
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| lala |
| 08/26/04 at 17:24:37 |
| [slm] Charity begins at home...and Muslims in general need to learn to take care of their home-life before they go out and fix the problems of the world/society/community. I have found that is easy to direct the affairs of others while neglecting those closest to you. It is easier to be a figure of authority/knowledge to the outside world that doesnt know you than it is to your own family and loved ones. But we must end this cycle- because it just messes up families like the instances you mentioned above, bro. Yeh, like whats the point of giving islamic advice to strangers but you cant even talk to your sister or mother? I dunno either. |
| Re: Religious people getting divorced :( |
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| se7en |
| 08/30/04 at 10:34:39 |
| as salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullah, [quote]that normal sane folks would always act rationally and sort out their problems amicably.[/quote] man, I think in marriage it's hard to act rationally :P Marriage is so wild.. it brings forth such intimacy between two people.. you can't hide any issues that you may have.. these things will inevitably surface with someone you are so close to and with whom you share so much.. your experiences that have shaped you, your insecurities, your personality and character flaws, your temper.. you can't hide them.. and because this person is so close to you, they have the capacity to hurt you more than anyone else.. I know that for those of us who grew up in families in which our parents have not exactly had the healthiest relationship, or who have personally witnessed bad/unhappy marriages, the idea of marriage is kind of scary.. I know it was for me.. just keep in mind that every person comes into marriage carrying the summation of the experiences they have gone through.. everyone has their baggage.. responding and dealing with it in a healthy and appropriate manner is sometimes what makes or breaks a relationship.. and also, don't think that religosity is a guarantee for a happy marriage.. being a good husband or wife takes skill just like any other position :) because we have baggage sometimes we need to re-learn things.. like how to express our feelings, how to listen, how to control our temper, how to forgive someone, how to control our tongue, etc. sometimes we need to totally change our mindset about marriage and about ourselves.. a happy marriage is possible, but I think we need to be willing to struggle to perfect our character and change.. just have the niyyah that you will strive to make your marriage a good, fruitful and blessed one.. the only limitation is in your mind.. and insha'Allah, Allah will grant you taufeeq. and I think it's true also that there are a lot of us in the Muslim community who work on rectifying things outside the home and neglect our families.. I remember a while back Sr. Barr posted this interesting article about brothers who are active in the masjid, attend every meeting there, are on a handful of different boards and committees etc and yet neglect their duty as fathers and husbands, and how this is indicative of an inbalance in our priorities.. that leads to problems also.. w'Allahu a'lam wasalaamu alaykum wa rahmatullah |
| 08/30/04 at 10:57:10 |
| se7en |
| Re: Religious people getting divorced :( |
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| UmmWafi |
| 08/30/04 at 12:06:05 |
| Am just thinking aloud that the term "religious" is so very subjective. |
| Re: Religious people getting divorced :( |
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| lala |
| 08/30/04 at 22:38:20 |
| [slm] I'm bothered by this whole thing. True that.. what is RELGIOUS ANyhow? It is different for everyone I suppose. And as Se7en said, we all do have baggage and we bring that baggage to marriage... People- we all need patience ..the more the better...let's not give up on one another too quickly ..and let us not lose hope in the human race... peace |
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