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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| How do you know if He/She is the right one for you |
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| Anonymous |
| 08/31/04 at 15:21:03 |
| Asalaamu alaikum, How do you know if He/She is the right one for you? Is it good enough to get family to pass him in terms of persona, I even got the peron in question to do 'the personality test' what were the results??? we are 90% similar. LOL Some peopel would say, well he makes me feel at ease, he's like the missing jigsaw piece in my life blah blah. what really shows that you are a mathc made in heaven? Wasalaamu alaikum |
| Re: How do you know if He/She is the right one for |
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| ltcorpest2 |
| 08/31/04 at 18:53:30 |
| as far as a match made in heaven. God will put 2 people of imperfection together and it is up to them to overcome their weaknesses to be the match made in heaven. If you are looking for the perfect match forget it. It begs the question, Do I really want a person just like me? Male and female are complimentary. The bible says love the woman you marry ,instead of marry the woman you love I think for a specific purpose. I am not sure if any of that is usefull or not, but good luck |
| Re: How do you know if He/She is the right one for |
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| jannah |
| 09/01/04 at 01:32:26 |
| [wlm] thats a good question... but begs another question, do we ever actually know if he/she is the right one before actually being married, living together and going through some of life? i think we can do everything we can to find out how compatible a person is, how they match up to what one wants and determine how much we respect/like them - that probably increases the chances of marrying someone that is 'right' :) but more than that? most married sisters i know say they were sure 90% or 60%, etc..so maybe it is about the percentage of how much conviction you have about the person. i have to agree with mike in that being similar in personality may not mean one is compatible.. but they do seem to say that people with similar backgrounds marry more often and are more successful. |
| Re: How do you know if He/She is the right one for |
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| Nadeem |
| 09/02/04 at 10:09:17 |
| Assalamualiakum, I think there probably is nor real formula of success that works in every case. Everyone is different and what may work for one couple may not work for a seemingly identical couple. I think, personally, what helps a lot is a common set of values. If you look at your close friends, you will see that although everyone may be different, with different personalities, the core values each person has will be very similar. Often people can barely speak each others lanaguages, but the partnership works because of these common values. Walaikum salam |
| Re: How do you know if He/She is the right one for |
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| dina |
| 09/15/04 at 10:25:43 |
| [wlm] i think its difficult to know before you get married, if the person you are marrying is suitable. because with time so many things change, personalities change, opionion change, if husband and wife dont change togther, then this may lead to difficulties. i think its really important in this day and age couples talk to each other before marriage, to get to know each other within the guidelines of islam i know this is hard but its important to remain emtionally unattached in the getting to know peroid, so has not to cloud your judgement and perspective its really important on if you are not sure, do not agree to anything, do not just go along with it and hope things work out. because it can go either way [wlm] |
| Re: How do you know if He/She is the right one for |
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| Somaira |
| 09/18/04 at 23:19:18 |
| Assalamualaikum, Are there really matches made in heaven? apart from Ken & Barbie? Hmm... Get to know the person as much as you can. And then, simply put, Istakhara... Hope everyone's doing well inshaAllah. [wlm] Somaira :-* |
| Re: How do you know if He/She is the right one for |
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| Allahuma_Ihdeena |
| 11/05/04 at 15:53:08 |
| [wlm] Sister ! Have you tried praying Istikhara? Not that I'm an expert on matters of the heart, but when you have to make a tough decision, who better to seek guidance from than ALLAH --Indeed Allah knows what we do not! Then, just put your trust in Allah (twakkulee) and ask Him to guide you to do what is best for you in this life and in the next! May Allah guide us all. [slm] |
| Re: How do you know if He/She is the right one for |
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| SuperHiMY |
| 11/06/04 at 03:27:29 |
Heads. |
| Re: How do you know if He/She is the right one for |
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| SuperHiMY |
| 11/06/04 at 03:28:12 |
No! Waitaminute! Tails. |
| Re: How do you know if He/She is the right one for |
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| ummnajmah |
| 11/06/04 at 09:49:11 |
| [slm]This is a question that plagues a lot of sisters when we get married. With the help of your family, do the usual homework and find out about the person, epsecially how he deals with the females in his family.If possible have someone he doesn't know observe him in his natural environment to see how he carries himself. If you sit down and focus on thinking about if or not it's a match made in heaven you may be setting yourself up for some dissapointments.Make istikhara and inshallah Allah(SWT) will guide you. You have to approach all this in a realistic manner, this person is not perfect and neither are you, it will take some work on both your parts to create a marriage that you both want.All of us want some kind of gurantee that it will be a perfect match, but in a realistic world it takes work from both to make it a happy union.But always put Allah(SWT) first in everything and seek His guidance and inshallah all will be fine.May Allah(SWT) guide you to make the right choice. :-) |
| Re: How do you know if He/She is the right one for |
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| Ember |
| 11/12/04 at 10:12:37 |
| [slm] SUMAIRA!!! Did you know that Ken and Barbie split up! She gets a new boy friend. (Barbie! ugh About to throw up now!!!!!!! will not since Im fasting) |
| Re: How do you know if He/She is the right one for |
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| SuperHiMY |
| 11/13/04 at 19:09:48 |
Hear about the new barbie doll? She's called Divorce Barbie. She comes with all of Ken's Stuff. |
| 11/13/04 at 19:12:05 |
| SuperHiMY |
| Re: How do you know if He/She is the right one for |
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| Milaya |
| 11/30/04 at 03:09:31 |
| [slm] Anon, whoever u are, I know how it feels coz lately I've had this confusion. Actually had done istikhara and felt convinced before saying yes to this guy. We had some several talks in the guidelines of Islam to get to know each other and it seemed we had a lot in common alhamdulillah. I also asked some people knowing him on what type of person he is and so forth. Sigh! but then for over past few weeks these "what-if's" keep coming to my mind. I am like what if all he said is not really what he has on his mind? what if he's just pretending to look "good" in front of me? what if he turns out to be totally different when we get married? and many other things. Becoming more confused after this person a few days ago told me all the negative stuff about him. Well yeah... cant believe it just like that and am thinking of having someone observe him.I dont wanna regret in the future. Plzzz, give me some naseeha! A sister in confusion :( |
| Re: How do you know if He/She is the right one for |
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| Sunnah_ |
| 12/07/04 at 01:18:21 |
| YOU JUST KNOW!!!! Of course you have to look at all the factors, such as his family, his values, his personality, his religious commitment, age, whatever else...........but your not going to find that everything is perfect......your not going to find a guy with the perfect family, perfect religious commitment, the best looking guy possible..............................what's most important to you?? Can you live with the downfalls that come along?? and i say way more than 100% chance that there is downfalls.........with anyone!!! Don't let something go because of a little "bug".......but make sure you are prepared to deal with the things you werent expecting to deal with and to enjoy things you wanted and new things to come. understand what im saying?? and the 90% similar thing I don't think has anything to do with it.......sometimes complete opposites are the best for eachother, sometimes someone may need someone exactly like themselves......everyone and every couple are different in how each compare to their partners..... anyone with me on this? agree? disagree? YOU JUST KNOW! luv sis Sunnah_ PS - you should be the one to decide about his persona.......everyones advice counts and of course your parents opinion counts too, but from the begining to the end of life with him if you were to get married....your the one living with him. |
| 12/07/04 at 01:22:37 |
| Sunnah_ |
| Re: How do you know if He/She is the right one for |
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| resistance4ever |
| 12/07/04 at 17:43:09 |
| [slm] You dont just know! You will always have doubts, and questions. Even when you get married you still think "have i dont the right thing" etc, i'm hoping (someone please tell me its normal) that its normal to question getting married after you have got married, i.e. is this person REALLY the right one for me? Obviously because its an islaamic marriage i.e. arranged, you dont really get to know the person that well as you dont spend much time with them, let alone spend time alone together to know what your really like. When i got married i had a lot of doubts! The night before my Nikkah (nikkahs Eve) i couldnt sleep, felt extremely anxious and didnt know if i was doing the right thing so snuck out my house, got into my car and went for a long drive. Than i parked up somewhere and just sat their and my whole life seemed to flash before me. I was thinking to myself "what the hell am i doing"! (my wife would kill me if she knew this!). But i thought about it long and hard, thought about the kind of person she was (she sure isnt perfect) but i weighed up her good and bad points. I asked myself about the type of wife she would be, about how she would bring up my kids, about how important islaam was to her, about she she would care for me. These positive aspects outweighed the negative as in the end these are the things which will be most important in marriage. 7 months later, i do sometimes think maybe i done the wrong thing. My wife can be a nastey peice of work, but hey, she's a woman, they have that thing for one week every month which seems to turn them into snarling beasts one minute, and than tearful the next (although i dont know what her excuse is for the other 3 weeks!!!!). But that aside, i do feel i have done the right thing. I realise now, after speaking to friends, that its natural for newly married couples to argue constantly in the first few months of marriage as you seem to wind each other up a lot of little silly things, silly habits and tendancies, things which when you look back on you can laugh about! But it all comes through expereince. IF you feel this person is giving you MAJOR cause for concern, and you are having major doubts, than do NOT go ahead with it. But smaller doubts are natural. HOWEVER if you cannot TRUST this person,and what they are saying, than this is a MAJOR issue for doubt. Just my humble opinion based on my own experience. [wlm] |
| Re: How do you know if He/She is the right one for |
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| Milaya |
| 12/08/04 at 05:38:13 |
| [quote author=resistance4ever link=board=madrasa;num=1093976463;start=10#14 date=12/07/04 at 17:43:09] But it all comes through expereince. IF you feel this person is giving you MAJOR cause for concern, and you are having major doubts, than do NOT go ahead with it. But smaller doubts are natural. HOWEVER if you cannot TRUST this person,and what they are saying, than this is a MAJOR issue for doubt. [/quote] Ehhh??? ??? those 2 statements imply that wether I trust this person or not, it is a major issue ::) Aaanyway, jazakumullah Sunnah_ and resistance4ever for ur replies! really appreciate them. |
| Re: How do you know if He/She is the right one for |
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| resistance4ever |
| 12/08/04 at 08:56:52 |
| [slm] What i'm trying to say is small doubts are natural, based on what you know about the person. BUT if you feel this person is not being totally honest, and may be hiding things from you, than this is a big problem. The reason being marriage is based on trust. Without trust the marriage will be an unhappy bond, because you will always be wondering what your husband is upto, and what he is keeping from you. Trust me sister, trust is the most important thing. |
| Re: How do you know if He/She is the right one for |
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| Sunnah_ |
| 12/08/04 at 16:30:18 |
| I do agree with resistance4ever......trust is the most most important thing. So you have to be sure with yourself that you trust him. And of course it is normal to be asking yourself questions, but once you answer them all you will know. Sorry resistance...everyone is different tho.........I did know! Once i knew everything about him and HAD THE FEELING...(and yes I believe, in my opinion, that 'THE FEELING' should be there) Is this an arranged marriage?? Arranged marriages are different resistance, i agree with u in that with an arranged marriage you learn a lot thru experience. That is more difficult I would think......im actually not for it at all. (sorry to offend anyone). I think the 2 ppl should have time to spend with eachother until both are certain they are right for eachother. Me and my husband spent 2 weeks talking and getting to know eachother and so we got engaged! that was quick! Everyone takes a more or less amount of time deciding. I have so much to say im sorry im bad at explaining things. I'll be back when i get more thoughts together. sorry if i don't make sense. GOODLUCK! Inshallah khair! Whatever happens with the both of u whether you get married or not........it's all for the best and I do with you the best Sunnah_ |
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