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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Such proud parents! |
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| Shahida |
| 09/02/04 at 07:03:32 |
| [slm] I just realised that there are *many* things that I have just consciously erased from my mind/memory, and have turned a blind eye to in the last few years. The "coffee shop" story, it turns out (after sharing it with several sisters), is *so* common sub7anAllah, I had *no* idea. :( Then last night, I met some ppl from the neighbourhood where I spent my childhood. We spoke, things were good, then I asked where the daughter was, who used to be my friend growing up. The mother, in the proudest of proud voices, said even louder than what I expected: " R. is at a function with her boyfriend! Yes, you MUST know him, he is Y., he's a chartered accountant, you know, and they're having this very to-do function at his firm tonight. You should've seen how mashaAllah lovely she looked tonight! Like a princess!" We were just around Muslims, and the mom was so proud of her daughter going out with her boyfriend. I was :o She saw my face, and just as quickly said: "Ah, you know, we're hoping he will come home and propose, inshaAllah. Such a catch he is, R. is so lucky!" ...yeah, like that makes things ok ::) Deja vu...deja vu...cue the old memories. In my past life I would have told her exactly what was flying through my brain, as I had so many times before. But I already knew the answer: oft-repeated, like bleeting sheep in my ears, I heard the voice say "Oh this is SA! How else do you expect them to get married?? ??" I just walked away...my Imaan is weak enough, may Allah guide them, and all of us. Many parents are very proud that their sons and daughters have unislamic relationships. You are a freak if you have never had a boyfriend. Yes, that *must* be the reason I am not married yet (or several other sisters who do not have boyfriends)... So yeah, i just needed to vent. It's like this show we had on TV, showcasing different weddings from different cultures. Needless to say, the "muslim" wedding was something to behold! :( The couple had been *going out* for a while. They met in a restaurant, she went up to him, decided that he was *the* one, planted a kiss on him right there, and the rest as they say is history...*very* islamic, ::) What are our parents thinking? To be *proud* of such behaviour! I do not want to be there, when Allah will question them about their kids. Sub7anAllah. Ok, I think my little hole in the sand is *the* place for me to be. Reality of this muslim society is too much for me to deal with sometimes. Salam Shahida :( |
| Re: Such proud parents! |
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| resistance4ever |
| 09/02/04 at 07:18:35 |
| [slm] Shahida, may i ask what country you are from and where this incident took place? Where i live, in the UK, unislaamic relationships are frowned upon by the muslim community, especially parents. A lot of people do have boyfirend/girlfriends, but do so in private as they know the backlash they'd face from parents and family. Also, a lot of people who are known to have boyfirends/girlfriends in the past find it hard to find marriage partners within their communities, and so often have to go to muslim communities elsewhere where their past isnt known. From where i come from, most parents would be embarased and ashamed if their kids were dating! walaikumasalaam R |
| Re: Such proud parents! |
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| timbuktu |
| 09/02/04 at 12:39:47 |
| [slm] these type of relationships occur more in societies that have a higher acceptance level. one sister from canada related the issue of a hijabi sister in a pre-marital relationship, not just dating, and the paents being proud of her. In the UK, initially muslim communities were very tight knit, and conservative and perhaps working class, so there was less open relationships, particularly because the English society was also conservative. The sixties brought liberatarian values, and that rubbed on to the muslims now coming into the middle classes, and the working classes also became exposed. I guess now Europe is frimly in the grip of sexual promiscuity. Muslim immigrants to North America were initially middle-class professionals, and many had little contact with the practice of Islam. Then as some went into developing Islamic values, others got divorced completely from these. South Africa, Guyana, India and I hear Malaysia is having this problem, too. there is a world onslaught on moral values - easy access to the net and cable TV. |
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