A R C H I V E S
| RAMADAN DIARIES 1425 - 2004 |
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| jannah |
| 10/18/04 at 13:31:51 |
| [slm] Hmm to organize our little lanterns in the Ramadan Courtyard better, this thread will contain everyone's diaries. So post them in here!! Everyone can use the comments thread to post comments on them. That way we can refer back to this thread for the years to come ;) |
| 09/28/05 at 22:32:29 |
| jannah |
| Ramadan Diary |
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| gift |
| 10/18/04 at 10:21:35 |
| 4:40am It is so difficult to get up this morning – but I really want to pray tahajjud before suhoor. So I role out of bed and do so, knowing that today is going to be a busy day, and wanting to hide my head under the duvet and stay there until iftar ::) 5:10am I begin to wonder whether I should start waking everyone else up for suhoor, but hear someone in the bathroom, so whoever it is will wake up the next person, and they the next, and so on….. until everyone is sitting bleary-eyed around the table :D Suhoor is always interesting in our house because we all eat different things – and sometimes the weirdest things for breakfast. Today we all have croissants with whipped cream and jam – not a normal breakfast for us. All except my sister who has these horrible porridge oats, that look like putty :P . My brother and I make faces about it over a huge vase of lilies that have been placed between us on the breakfast table. It will be back to my usual fare of chocolate breakfast cereal tomorrow – and no snickering >:( . Big people eat those Coco Pops too you know. 6:30am Having read Fajr and one juz’ of the Qur’an I decide to go back to sleep for about 1 ½ hours because we’ll be having an iftar party at our house tonight, so I want some rest. It seems like I just put my head down on the pillow……. 9:10am ….suddenly it’s past 9 o’clock and my mother is pulling open the curtains to my room and telling me to get up – aaaaagh :( . There’s too much to do today to sleep! 12:50pm Zuhr time 3:37pm Asr time 4:00pm Having finished cleaning the house while mum finished off the cooking, the door bell rings. Someone’s arrived 2 hours early!!!!! There’s me fresh out of the shower – with my hair clipped up like a monster :o , sticking out in all directions, and not ready. Everyone runs for their rooms as fast as possible to make themselves presentable. I have to wait until our guests have gone into the lounge and closed the door, before I make a mad dash for my room to make myself ‘decent’, pray ‘Asr and then go to say salaam. It turns out I’ve never met these guests before, so I had to get my mum to introduce me, them promptly return to the kitchen to prepare for iftar and dinner. 5:50pm Everyone *ahem* ‘else’ starts to arrive, bearing a dish each. There lies the importance of today. It is so important for us all to share the wonderful time of iftar with each other. To open our fast with food provided by different people from all over the world. Some people may think such ‘parties’ a waste of time, but as a friend of mine once said, you should be grateful for what you have. When you’re alone, and your family is overseas you wait desperately for someone to invite you to share iftar with them. Alhamdulillah it’s wonderful to be able to pray together – we pray Maghrib in jama’ah before we eat. 10:30pm The last guests have left, the kitchen has been tidied as much as possible (ie we can’t fit any more dishes in the dishwasher!), and although exhausted I don’t feel as though I’ve wasted my day. Even simple things like cleaning the house, and more complicated things like entertaining guests can be acts of ibadah if done with the correct intention right? I read 8 tarawih before going to sleep – inshallah I will go to the masjid tomorrow as I have been doing the last three days. I'm gradually getting to know the different sisters at the masjid - and am looking forward to seeing them all tomorrow inshallah. |
| 11/01/04 at 09:51:15 |
| gift |
| Ramadan diary - 14/15 Oct 2004 |
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| tree |
| 10/18/04 at 10:49:43 |
| [slm] Just thought that seeing as no-one had been put down for the first couple of days of Ramadan, I'd share a few thoughts to get you going. I suppose even if people are itching to write, they're not spending as much time online. Well, seeing as i didn't take lunch at work...... Thursday 14 Oct. I was so excited about Ramadan coming this year that I had forgotten about all the problems that temporarily come at the beginning of the month. Yes, moon fighting was back. I was expecting to be fasting the next day, but when we tried to call around the mosques, or friends we have in the city, no-one was answering. So I went on to the web, and found out that it apparently was impossible to see the moon that night, except possibly in South America. So I thought, cool, we must not be fasting tomorrow. On top of that I phoned home and my family, who live in a different city, told us that all the mosques had agreed to start fasting on Saturday – sorted. Later in the evening, some of the friends we couldn’t get in touch with before called us to say ramadan mubarik, and so they were fasting tomorrow. But, not everyone we knew was?! Confused – yes, so were we. So we decided for a variety of reasons to start fasting on the Saturday. So I go to bed – only to be woken at 2:30am by my husband to be told “tree, we’re fasting tomorrow. Apparently some dude in morocco had seen the moon, and the imams (who had initially said fast on sat) had been sitting for hours deciding if we should fast tomorrow, and finally said yes.” His brother had called him to tell him what had been going on and that he should fast on Friday. So I, half asleep, was like “yeah, yeah, very funny, I may be asleep but I’m not stupid” – Doh! I thought he was trying to wind me up, though why he would do that at 2am, I don’t know! Then my alarm goes off at 5.20am, and I’m like, eh? You were serious? Noooooooooooooooooo, I’m not ready to fast, they can’t do this!! So after a minor tantrum, I decided to get up. :P That morning I also had an exam, and so of course I ended up falling asleep after sehri and over sleeping! So I had to run to the train station, run from the train station to the bus stop, from the bus stop to the centre where I was having the exam. I was roasting by the time I got there. And the exam was over in an instant. So I was back to running for the bus so I could get back to work. A bit later I went to the prayer room, and it was a welcome relief. It just felt so good to know it was Ramadan – I mean, I fast sometimes during the year but it just doesn’t feel as good as it does during this month. Whether it’s psychological or not, but things really do feel a lot calmer. And the trees look more beautiful. And the rain is more refreshing (and we’ve had plenty of it!), and the chill in the air is invigorating. And it’s only the first day of a Ramadan which I almost didn’t know had started! ;) By the time i got home, i was really really really thirsty! And i opened the door to be hit with the smell of sweet, juicy tangarines...mmmmm...i was starting to drool - my husband was preparing fruit to break the fast. Going to tarawih that night was good as well. I hadn't been the year before due to lack of women's facitilities at the mosque ::) i almost didn't think i'd be able to take the pace cos i was so tired and it was so hot, but i wasn't going to shame myself by giving up when loads of older women weren't sweating it at all! :D Over the weekend we had relatives come to stay, which was nice - it's always good to have people to share the fast and iftar with, no matter how quiet i had originally wanted this ramadan to be! anyway, i need to make a mad dash from work now, so insha'allah i'll get home before iftar again, via a stop for asr....if ever i needed the trains to run on time, it's during this month! tree |
| Re: RAMADAN DIARIES 1425 - (post them in here) |
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| Aadhil |
| 10/18/04 at 18:30:34 |
| [slm] My turn I guess. I did'nt post for the first few days cause there was notin interestin to report. Sunday August 18th 5:30Am I hear a bangin on my door and my dad says wake up for Sahoor.... I get up tired (Cause I Slept at 2am the night before). I just lie there drowsy and wishing only to go back to sleep. But after bout 10 mins i drag my self up and stumble...er walk downstairs. I'm never hungry during Sahoor so I dont eat much only to regret it later. Its only the first few Hours that I feel it. Later on when its time to break fast I don't feel thankful that I finally have to eat cause i dont feel the hunger n e more. It just turns into a numb feeling. I eat a bowl of cereal and go back to sleep until fajr, which is about an hour later. When I was a kid in Sri Lanka, I used to fast on a cup of tea and play cricket with my friends all day long :). The T.V station used to air the adhan even though there are only about 8 to 10% muslims among the Population ;). I used to hear the adhan and say is it breakfast already???? ;D 6:30Am I go for Fajr, and immediately after gotta go to work (I sometimes work on sundays workin at a muslim construction company). It rains so im not able to bike there and have to catch tha bus :P. I'm set some CAD drawings to complete. So far during Ramadan i've only done CAD work and no Physical stuff. It'll be interestin to fast and do the physical work :). N e ways i work for about 5 hours and go home. 4:00Pm I go to the Masjid bookstore. (I Used to work here but resigned to work in construction. Alhamdulillah the masjid found a new manager, a couple from Singapore. The're both converts too :)). I go and help them set up for Imam zaid Shakirs class on African muslim slave History in America. The Bookstore, thanks to the new managers influence, has been able to get live classes from Zaytuna via the internet and project them on a largescreen T.V. The Classes are filmed at Zaytuna and put on the internet. Other schools can access it for a fee. The class is wonderful Alhamdulillah. This time Imam Zaid talks about A Slave Called Job Ben Solomon (Ayyub Bin Sulaiman :)). His story is Amazing. Here is how it goes: Ayyub was captured and brought to America. He was the son of a respected Imam in Africa. He used to pray while he was a slave and his masters kids used to throw dirt and waste on him while he prayed. Regarding this he ran away. Soon after that he was captured and jailed. The Sheriff in charge of the jail could not get info of his old master and why he ran away because he could not understand English yet. One day an african met ayyub and ayyub could understand the africans language. The African repeated it to the Sheriff and also told him the reason for Ayyub running away. Then the Sheriff went to Ayyub and gave him a separate room as a Musalla to pray :). Ayyub soon after got sick of being a slave and sent a letter in perfect Arabic to his father wanting him to send money for his freedom. The Letter got sent to the same ship that enslaved him :D. Unfurtunately the ship already had sailed (The ship first went to england and then to africa). Then letter was then sent accross to england by another ship. Unfortunately by the time the ship arrived, the slave ship had left to Africa. The Letter remained in England and made its way to a prestigious university (I can't remember the name). A prof. there got the letter translated, and was highly impressed by its level and degree of knowledge, and sent a request for Ayyub to be Bought. Ayyub then came to England as semi slave as the process of being freed is a long one. This is where it gets interesting. During the trip to England which was for a few weeks, he managed to learn English to a conversational level. During His stay in England which was about a year, he mastered the English Language :). He was treated with respect in england and was asked to join a respectable club where such intellectuals as Isaac newton (Hope i got the correct name) was a member of :D. He was then asked to join the prescence of the Queen. (All this while still being not fully freed). In his (spare time) he wrote the whole Qur'an out from Memory three or four times, and had religious debates with respected Evangelicals :D. He was asked to have his portrait painted. He finally agreed to it, after disagreeing many times, On condition that he was to be painted in his native clothing. The painter told him then that he could not paint him if he did not know what the dress looked like. (Ayyub was wearing western clothes). Ayyub then retorted sayin that then how come Juses (PBUH) was painted in abundence when no one knew what he looked like :D. Ayyub then described the clothes and the painting was done (available in Alan Austins book african muslims in antebellum america). He then managed to go to Africa loaded with presents and cash, and appionted by James Oglethorpe as a member of the Royal African Company, which was the biggest company then, dealing with african imports or something like that. On his way there his father died. He was then reunited with his village. (This is a paraphrasing by me. All the accuracy of it is by the grace of Allah. If i've made n e errors then there all mine and i hope i'll be forgiven. ) 6:00Pm I go and break fast on a date and a cup of milk. Then I go and Pray Maghrib. Every year during Ramadan, theres a bachelors Iftar every day in the masjid. So we get to eat a buffet every day :) (Which of course is unhealthy). I always get lugged in to be one of the guys serving, and this time theres no exception. I go and serve a looooong line. Finally Its my turn to eat. Alhamdulillah there is now a resteraunt adjoined to the Masjid, so gettin ample food is not a problem. I dread Sunday which is a Community iftar and ever so long lines, as far as the eye can see. We have to have about 6 table (Stations of fuel petrol for humans :P). 6:45Pm I'm back at the bookstore for Ramadan as it is sorely in need of Volunteers. So there I am workin the soles of my feet to the limit adding inventory etc...gettin the place ready for the masses after the 8th rakah of Taraweeh. This is where i stay except for the break for Isha' until 11pm. Then I head home (By bike unless its raining like today, where the Bookstore manager gives me a ride instead). 12:00Am Sleeping.... 1:00Am Starting to Snore a Little 3:00Am Snoring full Throttle with grunting noises inbetween :o P.S I was just kidding about the snoring part. I don't really snore.....I think. :D [slm] A narrative of a Muslim ;-) |
| 10/19/04 at 02:45:14 |
| Aadhil |
| Re: RAMADAN DIARIES 1425 - (post them in here) |
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| M.F. |
| 10/20/04 at 09:52:00 |
| Bismillah, Rereading my diary from two years ago was a bit of a shock to me. I know that in the past year and a half being a mother has been my full time job, day and night, that it has taken over my whole life, my mind, my heart, everything. However, it was very saddening for me to remember what my relationship with Allah used to be like, and what it’s gotten to now. Before I became a mother, Allah used to be the biggest part in my life, I made du’aa as though I was really talking to Him and was sure of it being fulfilled. Fresh back from Hajj and a Umrah, my faith in Him was strong and He was Reality to me. I was eager to please Him in all I did. I can barely remember last Ramadan. It was a blur of night waking and nursing. I was too tired to even think about praying Taraweeh for example, and even when I did, Abdullah was sure to wake up in the middle of my third or fourth rak3aa, and I was too tired to care either way. It was like until a few months ago when I started to shake myself up, but my faith was still lacking greatly. Reading my diary, I knew that it was time to get back to Allah, to get my special relationship with Him back and to use this Ramadan as a way to do that. I eagerly await Abdullah’s bedtime so that I can have my time alone with Allah. It’s happening. I can feel myself getting closer to Him, al hamdu Lillah. My Eeman still has a long way to go I'm afraid. I don't know what it's been like for everyone else, but my own has been badly shaken, both by the exhaustion and overwhelming-ness of being a mother, but also, I'm sad to admit, but what has been happening in the world these past three years. It has gotten to me, and it took me a while to realize it but now I know for sure. It's not just the bad press that Muslims have been getting, but it's also because in a way it looks like we did it to ourselves, we're just digging ourselves deeper into a hole. Something else has happened to me this Ramadan. I have almost no desire for food, which is a great change for me. It used to be that I would look forward to the Iftar table but now I hardly care at all what’s on it. I'm full after a few bites, and, here's the big change: I can stop eating when I'm full! :D Right now I’m at my parents’ because my husband’s away and I didn’t feel like being alone. I’m going back home (4 hrs away) tomorrow though, and I’m actually looking forward to being alone. I’m really sad about not being able to go to taraweeh. I mean I could go but I’d have to strap Abdullah to my back. I always used to think to myself: Why do these people bring their kids to the masjid, they just disturb everyone… Now I understand. There’s a reciter in the masjid nearby who apparently sounds like Al Ghamdi but in Warsh recitation. I’ve been praying at home after dinner and before fajr. It’s so wonderful to be able to do that al hamdu lillah. I have also been visiting with my sister and her 2 and a half year old girl. She’s in her second month of pregnancy with number two. Yesterday we thought someone was coming for Iftar and spent about 2 and a half hours preparing food. Then the man didn’t come. It was a cultural misunderstanding. My sister’s father in law had said to him: Why don’t you come for Iftar? And the brother had said: Insha Allah…. In a way that meant he wasn’t coming, but the father in law (who’s not Moroccan obviously) didn’t pick up on that…. So we had a huge Iftar just for us ::) Ramadan is a confused time in Morocco. There are three ways that people spend their nights. There are those who pray the taraweeh, go home and pray some more, read Qur'an and then wake up waaay before fajr to pray again. There are those who pray the fard, maybe a few taraweeh and then spend a lot of time watching TV, playing cards or passing time in other ways, and eating a LOT. There are those who have iftar at cafes or restaurants that offer "Iftar and live singing"... need I say more? I'm looking forward to the last 10 days. I am hoping that Allah will allow me to taste the sweetness of my tears overflowing with love for Him, and with desire to be loved by Him. I want to be with Him and with His messenger, I miss Rasulullah dearly, there was a time when I felt he was part of my life, my friend. I have drifted away from him and my heart aches for him, [saw] salaams mariam |
| 10/20/04 at 10:08:47 |
| M.F. |
| Re: RAMADAN DIARIES 1425 - (post them in here) |
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| se7en |
| 10/25/04 at 13:02:09 |
| Bismillah. I think I used to be a poet. Back, before graduation, before moving away from home, before getting married..when all these things loomed, mysterious and distant in the future, and the heat of restlessness and energy flowed in my system like my blood. Words and rhythms of words collected in my head, sometimes kept internal, and sometimes expressed -- on the margin of social psych notes during class, typed into an opened up wordpad window while I chatted with friends on IM, on the back of MSA fliers during meetings, late night scrawlings in the dark of my room, when they took up too much space inside and kept me from sleep. but now.. when there’s so much inspiration, it’s different. I write, but it’s not a drive. It’s just something I do. Like the whole experience of marriage.. what could be more food for the spirit of a writer? forging one’s soul with another, venturing boldly into new terrains of emotional intensity, spiritual intimacy and just closeness with someone else.. and I got nothing to say? “How’s marriage?” “It’s goin good, alhamdulillah.” Moving. Away from my home town, where it’s not just the people that are familiar to me, but the entire place, so much so that it’s seeped into my bones, like the curve of highway on a stretch of road travelled a thousand times or more, or the scent of food at a certain sister’s house, or the taste of water from the tap, or knowing exactly where to stand in the masjid to avoid the crying children and for the best concentration in salah. :) Not just moving away from home, but moving from New York to Texas :) Quite a difference, and not just in the pace of people’s speech or the sway of their political fervor or the heat of the sun. I was thinking about all these things, driving as we were through the heart of Texas, from my in-laws place to a nice park about a half hour away. As we moved further away from the university at the center of town, the houses started to be situated further apart, and the American flags and the Bush-Cheny signs seemed larger :) but soon these were displaced with huge open fields, so green and lush, fenced in on the side closest to the highway but open til the edge of the horizon. Crops in perfect alignment.. rolls of hay.. cattle grazing.. all under this huge expanse of blue sky. Like a rolodex thought after thought flipped through my head, in a nonsensical flow that happens only when you are really relaxed and cruising.. ..what was it like a hundred fifty years ago when slaves, our brothers, bent their backs in labor under the hot sun for the whole of the day working on these crops.. and they act like Muslims aren’t part of the American experience until the waves of immigration in the 1960’s! .. wonder what it would be like to grow up so far out in the country, in such stillness and quiet and awe-filling nature.. maybe that’s why southerners seem to be more relaxed and laid back.. .. .. maybe I don’t hear this flow of words in my head like before because right now I’m in a state of so much ni’am from Allah.. and there’s no compelling drive of anxiety or anger or fear looming over my head that instills in me the desire to write.. ..it would be fun to run around in the fields like they do in the Indian movies.. .. the blue sky is blue like blue bubble gum.. :) .. I can’t believe Abu_Hamza called Albany a cow town when he lived out here!!! :P After enjoying the park, we headed back and went to the masjid for Maghrib and iftar. There’s such a sharp contrast between small community masajid and city masajid. Houston is home to some of the most beautiful masjids I’ve seen.. yet often I felt like there isn’t that sense of community and brotherhood and sisterhood that adorns the masjid and endears it to a person, more so than any type of architecture. There’s a very independent spirit to living in a big city.. you have to pick and choose which classes to attend, which conferences to go to, which groups to be affiliated with and be a part of; so there’s no real sense of a shared experience, where you and the whole community are learning together and growing together under the same teacher. I think the size of the city and the sheer number of people makes that sense of closeness difficult to develop. The masjid in my in-law’s town is so amazing. That sense of brotherhood and sisterhood is so apparent.. it’s just a pleasure to spend time there, even though I don’t know too many people. After we had the iftar, we performed Isha and then taraweeh. Taraweeh is soo sweet and heart nourishing in this masjid, subhan’allah. The masjid closest to our apartment in Houston decided to bring in a hafiz from the subcontinent to lead the taraweeh -- he does the super-fast, 20 raka’at, al-fatiha-in-one-breath kinda taraweeh which makes it very difficult for me to concentrate and benefit. This tarweeh was eight raka’at slow and piercing. The shaykh is so awesome, just so soft-hearted and such a beautiful person spiritually. The khatirah he gave was about shedding tears in qiyaam ul-layl. He said, just the fact that Allah hides the deeds that we commit in private from other people - that alone is something we should be infinitely thankful for. If people knew what we did in private, people would turn away from us, and they wouldn't even say salam to us. And yet Allah, from His mercy, shields and covers us from others. How can we not be thankful? How can we not shed tears begging Allah to shield and cover us on the Day of Judgement? He quoted a scholar, “Allah has given you the rizq of all the lands on earth -- and yet you hesitate to give back one morsel of food to Him [in sadaqa]? He has given you the expanse of the seven oceans of water -- and yet you cannot give Him even one tear drop from your eye?” After the taraweeh we headed back to Houston. The day was so beautiful, spiritually enriching, and I was content. May Allah make this Ramadan one in which we come close to Him, feel connected to Him, repent and turn back to Him, shed tears in His remembrance under the veil of night, and I ask that He accept our deeds, however little, and weighs them on the scale of our good deeds on the day of Judgement. Ameen! Wa ‘aakhiru da’waana ‘anil hamdulillahi Rabbil ‘alameen. wasalaamu alaykum wa rahmatullah. |
| 10/25/04 at 13:07:58 |
| se7en |
| http://www.jannah.org/board/attachments/greenfields.jpg |
| greenfields.jpg |
| Ramadan to Ramadan: Three Rs to Reflect |
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| jaihoon |
| 10/24/04 at 16:53:41 |
| Ramadan to Ramadan: Three Rs to Reflect ****************************** http://www.jaihoon.com/egoptics/3rs.htm - Jaihoon It is habitual for us to 'regret about the past, complain about the present and worry about the future'. We spend more time thinking about them, than trying to solve them. However, there are certain events in our lives which give us reasons to push ahead in life. They become milestones to ponder about. We reflect about them as we continue to turn the pages of the calendars and dairies. And which other month than Ramadan is the most suitable month to reflect on such events, especially when they happened between last year's Ramadan and the present one? For the writer, three such events transformed into building blocks for future happiness. '3 Rs' that unfolded themselves by the Will of Almighty between the two Ramadans. Experience of Realty The first one happened during last Ramadan itself. Umra, the lesser pilgrimage, was undertaken in the second half of the holy month. I had always 'imagined' what the Ka'aba (the black structure) was like in realty. For almost a quarter century I had performed my prayers facing the same Qibla. But never got a chance to see it with my own eyes. What was it like to stand beside and touch the structure built by Abraham (peace be upon him)? How tiring it must be to run between the hills of Safa and Marwa in the memory of Lady Hajra, the mother of Ismail (peace be upon him)? All those who went there and returned, narrated stories and incidents. But since not used to listening others' experiences and rather having my own experience, I would not listen to them so enthusiastically then. I wanted to know this and more. And what was it like to stand- with legs shaking, heart trembling and soul dancing- near the blessed Rawdha Shareef (burial place of Holy Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam)? I had read about the ecstasy of the saints of past. But no experience is as sweet as own experience. How would the soul contain the joy of the prayer performed in the area marked as 'paradise on earth?' I wanted to know this and more. Since a little child, lips have been accustomed to reciting 'sallallahu…' But the one who had to receive the greetings was always miles away. Angels had to deliver them to the Beloved in whatever manner Creator has designed. But how about standing a few steps far and greeting the Leader of two worlds in a mild tone, loud enough for him to hear it directly without the need of angels? I wanted to know this and more. That was Umra for the writer. An experience of realty for thoughts that were so far imagined in the mind. And the reward of performing Umra during the month of Ramadan is no less than the Hajj performed along with the Holy Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam. Sign of Rahmath The second was the coming of the better half, to fill the remaining second half (of religion). One's acts of worship alone will not complete his status of a virtuous slave of God. He has to find a mate from among his own kind and live in peace with her. And the realization that the love and mercy found between the spouses is not of their own romantic spell, but a gift from God to which they should be ever thankful. Neither the husband's admiration of the wife nor the wife's selfless love for her husband is the ability of either. It is the amazing work of the Supreme Creator, Most Merciful and Most-Loving, in which, He declares his glory and praise. "And among His signs is that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them and He has put love and mercy between your hearts: verily in that are signs for those who reflect." [The Holy Quran, 30:21] Not many who frequently quote the above-mentioned verse in marriage-related articles realize that it is mentioned along with other verses that invite man to the signs of God. This verse is one of the six verses that start with "And among His signs is that…" which has references to creation of man from dust, creation of earth and heavens, diversity of human languages, spectacle of sleep and the phenomenon of lightning which arouses man's fear and hope. Therefore the love and mercy between hearts of man and woman is as intricate and superb as the other fascinating creations of God. The Quranic word for mercy is Rahmath. A word closely associated with the all-embracing attribute of God, including over his wrath. Release of 'The Cool Breeze' If first was of Divine nature and second of social significance, then third was of personal ambition and creativity. A work that took almost four years to complete… sleepless nights engrossed in tearful meditation and prayers, this intellectual endeavor taught me the meaning and interpretation of the word Patience. Written passionately from the bottom of the heart once, its release was a dream come true. It carried a great message - of history and of self-inspection- for the community in which I lived and for the world at large. As a speaker admitted at the release function "The countless happenings around him has influenced his heart. And that is why poetry flows from him without command or demand. It is richly associated with his experience which stimulate an innocent reader like me. Like any other true poet, he announces an ambition of humanism to knit all broken hearts all over the world." The three Rs were great blessings from the Creator. Events of greater magnitude may follow more in the coming weeks, months and years. But these shall remain building blocks, I think. The last lunar year thus deserves special mention and special thanks to Almighty. A million gratitude to the One Rabb for the Three Rs that followed. And for all that shall follow. "Lord! Help me to give thanks for the favors you have bestowed upon me and my parents and help me to perform good deeds which please you and enter us by Your Mercy among Your righteous servants". |
| Re: RAMADAN DIARIES 1425 - (post them in here) |
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| Mossy |
| 10/27/04 at 08:57:52 |
| Diary for 11th Ramadan coming soon.. Watch this space.. *falls over and sleeps at last* |
| Re: RAMADAN DIARIES 1425 - (post them in here) |
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| rkhan |
| 10/28/04 at 06:21:38 |
| There is a hush in the air before every adhaan It's not my imagination….I think. ACs seem to hum a quieter hamd and the sound of shuffling shoppers feet is interspersed with that of shutters veiling the perennially open doors of the riyalain [2 riyal shops] that line the roads to and from the Haram. We plan to go at 'asr and stay for maghrib and 'isha. Accordingly, I pack a hamper of food – crunchies and chocolates, strawberry milk and sippers of orange juice-- and another for diapers and change of clothes. I am Mother Hen to a large, unruly brood and it makes sense to be prepared. Outside, we join the flow of people that gravitates to the Haram as surely as blood flows in one's veins with every prayer. Ruddy, overweight Egyptian grandmas and light-footed Indonesian honeymooners, an ihram-clad family from the Emirates and veteran Pakistani shoppers from Jeddah…we walk with quickened steps. Already we can smell the sweet scent of disinfectant and detergent and the Kaaba's kiswah. At the gate, we are stopped. The bags opened and checked. Ordinarily, we would have been waved on with an impatient hand, but these are not ordinary times. "Why are you carrying so much food?" I gesture towards the brood. I thought it was self explanatory. "There will be plenty in there for iftaar. I can't allow you to take 2 bags." I know there will be plenty. Already the streets are filling up with people who have come to give for the sake of Allaah. Buns and Sesame-studded dates. Fruit and Free Water. Juice and Cake. Aluminium foil wrapped packets of chicken-rice and kebab. Khubz. Miswaak. Even little bottles of scented oil. But none of this will induce a kid to keep quiet. To busily crunch chips and smear melting chocolate over their clothes and sip their favourite juice while Umma prays. How to explain this? It turns out, there is no time for explanations. [i] Hayya alas salaah Hayya alal falaah. Qad qaamatis salaah. Qad qaamatis salaah. Allaahu Akbar [/i] …I nudge my husband to move on and pray with the jamaah while I try to convince them one last time. No. I stuff the bags in our pram and leave it outside. After salaah we look for a vantage point, where I can see the Ka'aba and pray in peace. Already, there are people there. It seems as if every inch of space is full of worshippers. I choose a place squashed between a pillar and a water cooler near Mount Safa. I raise my hands and fold them over my chest. I feel the sunrays on my face and a warm, blessed peace. Alhamdulillaah that we are here today. I bow and prostrate and praise the Lord of this Blessed House. While I am prostrating, I feel a heavy foot on my back. Someone stumbles over me and gives me a slight push and says: There is no prayer in the pathway. Anti izaa. You are a hindrance. My forehead on the cool marble floor, I feel the hot tears well up and begin to flow. In Allaah's House? Wedged between a pillar and one of a thousand water coolers? A hundred footsteps away from the pathway and the marble steps? I am a hindrance to a fellow Muslim. I complete the rest of my prayer in an uncomprehending rush and move away, further in, where there are even more people. I pick up a mushaf and read. Or at least try to, until one of the kids start whining. They're thirsty. I pick up a glass and fill it with water. More whining that threatens to turn into a full fledged crying fit. We count the number of people who pass us wearing white. Then black. Then blue. And so on, until the sunrays slant in prostration over the Ka'aba. Again, there is a hush. Men carrying flasks of hot, fragrant qahwa and trays of dates, the saimeen sitting in patient circles on the red carpets around the Ka'aba, the women in black and the women in white all seem suspended in another soundless space. The muezzin's voice slowly enunciates the adhaan. I am too far from the water cooler or the steps to get myself a tumbler of zamzam. The place is too full of people for me to even try to do this. I close my eyes, drinking in the sound of the adhaan. Someone taps my shoulder. It's a member of the lady police in the women's area. From the distance separating us, she holds out a plastic cup and a white tray of dates. For me. ***** We get all fired up when we read/hear about towering acts of faith: people who saved another person's life in times of danger by risking their own/ settled someone else's outstanding debts/ gave away their life's savings in Allaah's Cause. But, while we wait [sometimes in vain] for the Big Op, there are small acts of kindness that stare us in our face everyday, which we sometimes deem too trivial to bother about. * Holding a fellow worshipper's child while she does wudhu in a mosque * Organizing a children's area in a local masjid where women can leave their kids while praying taraweeh, to be attended by sisters from the community * Writing letters/ cards/ support messages to illegal detainees * Visiting/inviting forgotten members of our communities for a meal , the ones who are invisible because of the insignificant jobs they do to make our lives easier. The woman who brought me a tray of dates and a tumbler of water unasked, was only doing a small act of kindness, but I will always remember her for it. Especially when I read Surah Al Ma'oon. |
| 10/28/04 at 06:35:31 |
| rkhan |
| Re: RAMADAN DIARIES 1425 - (post them in here) |
|---|
| theOriginal |
| 10/28/04 at 15:30:22 |
| Wednesday, October 27, 2004 The last time I spent Ramadhan in a Muslim country, a place full with people fasting for Allah swt, was 8 years ago. That was in Saudi Arabia. And today, in Pakistan, the feeling is rekindled again. Waking up to the sound of the (really loud and scary) siren, knowing that the world around you is waking up, too, has a sense of collectivity, and it certainly provides more motivation and more strength at the early hour. We wake up in waves. My cousins were spending the night, and whether or not the kids are old enough to fast, everyone wakes up. The 3 boys, my two cousins and my brother Ali, sit quiet, a rare sight indeed! They are waiting for their parathas, and cups of milk with crushed nuts (apparently that's a UP thing). The second siren indicates that the athan is about to begin, a herald to stop eating, and in that split second, my Aunt and I watch with amusement as my cousins rush to get in that last drink of water. A few days ago I wondered why the athan sounds louder and more urgent during Ramadhan. Why can I hear more than one masjid calling us to success? I want to believe it's because of some unearthly reason, but the truth is, funnily enough, that the speakers of the masajids are put on full volume during this blessed month. I can hear the athans from at least a dozen masjids, each voice ringing clear in the crisp, cool air. The day has begun. This is my month. This is the only month in the whole year when I don't feel like I stand on the periphery of my deen. And this is the only year when I don't have books, classes, and exams to worry about. Alhamdulillah. I have already read more Qur'an this month than I have in any Ramadhans past, and I have no one but Allah ta'Ala to thank for that. I attend a study circle in the mornings from 9-12. The doctor I bumped into when I needed toe surgery recommended the place. And when the speaker says that Allah brings people together, it hits hard. Who would have thought...excruciating toe surgery (without anesthesia) would lead me to this place, to these people, who are teaching me things about me that I would never have known. SubhanAllah. She talks of being stuck in traffic (10 cars in ISB is a traffic jam) at Iftaar time, and a little boy throwing packets of dates+juice boxes+pakoras into peoples cars. She told us of the two women in niqaab who stepped onto a bus with a basketful of dates at Iftaar time. They pass out the dates, and get off at the next stop. MashaAllah la quwwata illah billah. The ideas, she says, are endless. If we want to do good and reep the benefits of this blessed month, we can find ways. Rumi: "When fasting, good habits gather like helpful friends." It's true how Ramadhan cleanses you, makes you feel brand spankin new. It's true how you miss Ramadhan the instant it begins, as you realize how much time you've already lost. It's all true, and the experience is unreal. And so the day progresses...meeting my grandparents, my khala and khaloo, and doing more job market research...Dhuhr, Asr, and finally Maghrib. As with Fajr, the athans are really loud at Maghrib. ANd there's an atmosphere. It's cold, but it's fuzzy. I can hear the neighbors in their dining room. Our gardener is eating in the kitchen with our cook. People are quiet, but there's a gentle buzzing. Phood Glorious Phood. I know what I've been missing these past 8 years. Fruit Chaat with Guava. What sustains me here? Away from everything that is familiar to me? What sustains me in a town that feels so foreign, even though I can smell my origins here? What keeps me bonded? It's easier to cry at night. And it's easier to feel Allah's presence. But even that which sustains me is not guaranteed. Even this communication with Allah ta'Ala, this duaa...even this I need to pray for. That Allah ta'Ala gives me the taufeeq to make duaa. Taraweeh for women in masjids is very rare here. Not as rare as it was ten years ago, but rare, nevertheless. The two masjids we know of are on the other side of town, and so these days end with everyone in the house grabbing a quiet corner for Ibadah. May Allah swt help us get everything we can from this month. |
| Re: RAMADAN DIARIES 1425 - (post them in here) |
|---|
| timbuktu |
| 10/29/04 at 09:28:01 |
| [slm] Saturday October 23, 8th of Ramadan, was the day I was supposed to write about. I had chosen that day to diary, as I wouldn’t have to go to office. The day passed quite peacefully, and I thought I would be able to write something to post after all after others before me have written theirs, but there were some posts missing. Then my ISPs (I have to go through three connections, as my son’s computer acts as a server for my home LAN, and my daughter has the switch for the hub) :) MY main ISP has been down quite a few times, and this time it is for extended periods, so my apologies for the delay. Islam in my area, is a good topic that jannah has suggested. That could be a historical development, as well as today. Perhaps we could have a thread devoted to this. Another topic could be Ramadan in my childhood, and Ramadan today :) - I mean fasting when mother made the Sehri and the Iftar, and when the stomachs were young. Then compare it when the better-halves were entrusted with looking after these. There is a world of difference, and why is it that mothers feed their children better than wives do husbands? Hopefully, my wife or children will not read this. :) Here in Islamabad, you notice a sudden reduction in humidity from September 15th. Come October, and if you get a shower, the temperature drops remarkably. We had three showers and alHamdulillah, it is now so cold, I cannot go without sweaters and jackets. A new “illegal” masjid has been built near our street, and we are now able to say our 3ishaa and taraweeh with jamaa. That is a plus. For any construction, one has to get permission from the CDA - the Capital Development Authority. And our masjid is now built near a tubewell. Not much chance of getting the permission - hence the illegality. I always have a woolen sweater under my shirt in this season, but for the 3ishaa prayers, I put on an extra jacket, and went out to this “illegal” masjid. Everyone greets me with warmth. Is it genuine? Why don’t I feel any warmth in my heart? These are my neighbors, who have a lot of rights over me. I say the 3ishaa and the taraweeh. One of my neighbors has a good qirat, and it is wonderful listening to him in the 3isha prayer. But the qari for the taraweeh just runs through, and makes mistakes, and there is no one to correct him. I return home after eight rakaa. In fact quite a few people do the same. At the masjid where my brother-in-law prays, there is a similar rush to exit after 8 rakaa. I said the taraweeh there once, and the qari there is wonderful. I had thought I would say the taraweeh there for the rest of Ramadan, and walk back home (about 2.5-3 km), but I felt cold and weak in the legs, and didn’t continue. Actually, we should listen to the whole Quran once in the month in the taraweeh, but we have become soft, and easygoing. Is that one of the reasons for the Ummah’s troubles? The moments in life when I have felt spiritually uplifted have been few. Most of my life has been spent on this world, and alas, Ramadan is no exception. I get on the net. I feel another pang of guilt: I complain of cataract and cobwebs in the eyes, but these only prevent me from picking up the Quran to read, not from surfing the net, or other activities on the computer. To be fair to myself, I have given up on reading other things, too. But in my heart I know I can and should give up the net, and do more dhikr, and improve my understanding and practice of the deen. Why is it “Suhoor” in Arabic, and “Sehri” in Urdu? I woke up at ten to four, my usual in Ramadan, and rang the bell for my servant. We don’t eat much at Suhoor. Until some years ago I ate just roti, and found that around lunchtime, I had this strange pain under the centre of my skull. I was told to eat a paratha, but wasn’t able to digest it. I experimented with a small roti on which a little oil has been put, and this type of “paratha” worked for me. It is sufficient for me to go through the day without that strange feeling. These days the servant makes two of these for me. I eat them, but they are too much. Still, I feel weak and sleepy during the day. The wife used to avoid eating anything at Suhoor, but alHamdulillah, she has learnt better. Daughter has a couple of toasts and a shami kebab or two. Mother-in-Law and son have their full meals. This servant isn’t much help to the wife. He takes off between a 7 to 15 days in a month. And when he is here, he cleans the house [without picking anything up :)], irons my and my son’s clothes, makes roti, and does the dishes. No phainees, no milk, nothing special, except what I have described. Sehri was a special occasion in my childhood, although I cannot recall what we ate. Mother had so much ready for us, even when we didn’t have any servants, and she had to do everything by herself. And we are nine siblings. My wife hates milk, and has passed on this hatred to our children. To be fair, my wife works in a hospital (she is a doctor). The hours are long, and that tires her out, yet she does all the cooking, washing etc. Then Fajr, and the wife read the Quran – at least one juz. I now make mistakes while reading, so I rarely attempt to read the Quran. Wonder if that is the right approach. If one makes mistakes, but keeps trying to read, wouldn’t it gain him merits, rather than punishment for reading it wrong? will someone enlighten me on this, please? Instead, I try to get on the net, but my son has his computer off, so no luck. I sleep so as to be fresh for the dars. I had called my driver to drop me at this academy by 9:00am, so I could attend a dars. The driver didn’t turn up at 8:45, or 9:00, or 9:30 or even 10:00 am, so I gather he won’t be here, and I go back to bed. Suddenly the doorbell (it is so loud, it wakes up everyone) rings twice, and I get up, wanting to curse, but holding myself back. Has anyone else noticed that people always ring the doorbell when one is in bed, or praying Salah. How do the visitors know it is an inconvenient time? Anyway, it is my regular driver who found out his replacement had opted out at the last minute, so he has turned up at 10:15. Good, I will be able to catch some of the dars. So, I go to E-11, Golra, where my acquaintance has established this al-Fawz academy, and where Khalilur Rehman Chishtee gives the dars. Mr. Chishtee has a pleasant disposition, and is quite knowledgeable, and I think he is pious. Golra is where the shrine of a great saint and pir, Mehr Ali Shah, is situated. His descendents have lakhs of mureeds. Golra was allowed to remain private land but be developed by CDA, by the late General Ziaul Haq. The Pir was a famous scholar of the Barelvi school of thought, who studied at Deoband, so as to explain to the Deobandis the Barelvi outlook. Needless to say the place is called Golra Sharif. I have often wondered if I should take up this profession of pirship. Not much needed, and would leave a going concern for the descendents. Only I am afraid of the consequences in the Hereafter. My son went to school with a great-grandson of this great scholar and pir. When my son was young, I used to take him around Islamabad a lot. Once we went to Golra, and to the grave of this pir, and suddenly my five year old son started shouting: “Papa, papa, see what these people are doing! They are making sajda to the grave. Stop them. Stop them!“ I hurried him out of that place. Children are so stupid. They can get grownups into trouble. :) A couplet from this scholar: [center]ßÓÊÇÎ ÇäßåíÇä¡ ßÊåì ÌÇ áÑíÇä ßÊåì ãåÑ Úáì¡ ßÊåì ÊíÑì ËäÇÁ Gustakh anakhyaan kithay ja larrian Kithay Mehr Ali, kithay tayree thana How dare these naughty eyes glance at you Whither Mehr Ali, whither your praise[/center] Beautiful couplet. Who do you think he is addressing? I think it is my first time attending a dars, at least as far back as I can recall. I have attended lectures at College and Universities, but apart from a few, I have usually slept through them, preferring to learn instead from books, journals and reflection. Or rather it is not a preference, it is a failing. This is not to say I haven’t attended some excellent lectures, where I managed to stay awake. :) Before I go into the dars, I meet my acquaintance who prints out a one page summary of how to perform Hajj, and a more detailed document. I have plans to go on Hajj this year, and hopefully this will prepare me for it. The dars is different than the lectures at college. I am not bored and can actually follow what is being said. It feels good to be able to do so, for it means I am not fully immersed in this world. Surah an-Nisa is being explained, and we go through the Munafiqeen, and other misguided groups, among other subjects being discussed. Mr. Chishtee says that the common thing about the misguided groups is that they will insist on a separate identity, like a special type of turban, a different or distinguishing name for their place of congregation, etc. That is interesting. I want to listen and learn more, but cannot keep myself from closing my eyes and dropping off from time to time. Still, I hope something has filtered through, and that my spirit has gained something. Indeed, I feel like coming again next day (Sunday, 9th Ramadan). That, too, is a positive sign. There weren’t many people in the dars – five males, a couple of females perhaps, a curtain between the male and female sectors, same chairs, even equal space for both genders. It is a pity not many people come to these duroos. After the dars, I go home, pick up a shopping list, and go on to make purchases. This is my contribution to work related to the house, apart from payment of bills, and arranging repairs, after much prodding and complaints of my laziness from my wife. :( Came back loaded with a week’s requirements, except for the vegetables and fruit. My servant and my friend will buy these tomorrow from the Sunday bazaar, while I go to the dars. I listen to a tape of the Quran, and the translation of the meanings for a while. It is Saud and Shuraim. I like their recitation. I sleep some more, and feel a little guilt. Why do I sleep and rest so much? Why haven’t I felt thrilled by anything in a long time? Not even the adhan, not even the recitation of the Quran? What has happened to my heart? Is it dead? Why do I not have that passion, I think someone said here? Yes, that is the word, passion. It is missing. But it was I who deliberately killed it when I was young. I decided then I didn’t have a right to life or to a family, or to affect other people’s lives. I wanted to be aloof, cool, calm, collected and wise, above human failings. Have I achieved these? Sadly, no. Despite this deliberate killing of passion, I used to be filled with awe and love and tranquility on hearing the adhan and the Quran. Why and where has that gone away? I miss it. The afternoon is bright and sunny. I love it. I go upstairs where I am building the first floor of my house. I haven’t taken much interest in this either, and the work is just limping along. Then I go out for a walk. This was a favorite pastime. The legs tell me they don’t like it. Am I too old? Can’t be. I have seen 85-year old men who strive to keep their muscles exercised, and who take delight in whatever they are able to do. Why not me? Have you ever stared out of the window at the emptiness outside and felt sad? I have, from my childhood. But it is a strange kind of sadness. You love it and don’t want it to end. Have you ever felt the emptiness within? I have, and it is not loveable. It is frightening. Have you ever felt alone even in a gathering of relatives and friends? I have, and sometimes that feeling too, though sad, is still what you want. Have you ever watched the happenings around you as if you are not part of it? I have, and it increases the loneliness. One of my brothers once asked me: “As an impartial outsider, what is your opinion of the human race”? I was young and passionate then. I retorted with anger: “What do you mean, an impartial outsider?” That was a trick question. :) My father fell out with his brother on the issue of extra money that businessmen charge for late payment. He considered it a type of interest. My brothers have avoided interest – taking and receiving. Me, I have fallen in this trap, and don’t know how to get out. :( Tried reading a little Quran. Said prayers. I don’t watch TV, but wife and children do, even in Ramadan. No use lecturing them. The time for that was when we were all younger. At that time I didn’t fast, I didn’t say my prayers; I brought all these things of enjoyment in the house. Well, considering how much I tried to spoil them, my family members haven’t turned out so bad after all. They do say their Salah; they fast; they don’t tell lies; they give to charity. They have good hearts. Do you remember what the prophet [saw] said? Something like: value youth before old age, and do good deeds before you are unable to. There are three things to be valued thus and made use of. One is youth; the other is prosperity before adversity, the third, anyone? What was my aim in life? Have I achieved it? Was it worth the struggle? What have I achieved? – a fairly large house, with lawns in front and back, cars, and servants to do some chores. Is it any achievement? No, most certainly not. It is all due to Allah (swt). I know that by worldly measures, I shouldn’t have anything at all. But when thinkig of achievements why do I make this listing of worldly goods? What do I have for the Hereafter? Don’t know! Can’t list! :( Nothing of this world will accompany me to the grave and beyond. My wife does so much work, but that is extraordinary in this locality. Once I was trying to remove some weeds from the front of my house. My neighbor, who is also a colleague, saw me, and he felt his grade being insulted. So he told me he would send his gardener to do this work. This comes from a person who has lived and worked in the US for a decade, and whose father is a carpenter. Now I have a gardener. What are my strengths and weaknesses? What is my aim these days? What achievable target should I set now? With this Ramadan has come more involvement in this world that I could have done without. First the bad news - a major disappointment in being denied promotion once again, and asked to take on more responsibility, which means more involvement in the world, and lesser time and energy to improve myself. The good news - a new company car, about which I am not much thrilled. I loved Islamabad when I first saw it - a sleepy little town with modern amenities, and a lot of empty roads and open spaces for walk. This is where I spent most of my working life. And now, I am older, colder, and not much TV, reading or walks for me. Islamabad was a bureaucrat town. People mixed with their own grade colleagues, or danced attention to the boss. Of course, it had traders, and construction workers. It has grown larger, expanded, and now it has nightlife of sorts, I am told. Not that I am interested. I never really enjoyed such things. Living in this city one has no contact with others. Friendship doesn’t exist here, only grades do. But did I ever cultivate friendships? Alas, no. I preferred books and walks to people. It is funny when I reflect on this. It was always others who sought me out, who took me to their houses in their cars, who fed me. Why? I had nothing to offer them. Where was I? Time has passed fast. Iftar is approaching. The wife and daughter go in the kitchen and make pakoras. My sister has sent something for iftar. She is a good cook, but has modified mother’s dishes so much, that it isn’t the same. And her cooking is usually too oily for me. That is because something is wrong with me, not with her cooking. On the TV is Dr. 3amir Liquat Hussain, with his program “3alim-on-line”. Don’t like the way Islam is presented on this program, but it is quite popular, hence I call it pop Islam. The wife prefers this to more solid ilm. It is OK, I guess, better than pop singers and dancers. The dua for breaking fast is being read on TV, time for me to go to the dining table. I forget once again this moment of making dua. Then comes the adhan. We break fast with dates containing almonds. Wife, daughter and I will eat pakoras, and then fruit chat made of apples, guava and bananas. We pray our Maghrib Salah. I pray that Allah changes all of us for the better. After Maghrib, mother-in-law will have roti with salan, and the son will take rice with minced meat as well. And then we have tea. To get rid of this feeling of weakness, I have started taking one fried egg in the morning. Some improvement. So far this Ramadan has been better than no Ramadan, but not much improvement in my spiritual or physical health. ___________________________________________________________ today’s gem from the Friday Khutba: Three people’s dua is accepted: 1. A fasting person as long as he is fasting. This has three further possibilities: o Throughout the day of the fast until Iftar. o Throughout Ramadan until the sighting of the Eid moon. o At the time of each Iftar. 2. A just leader. 3. A person who has suffered injustice. Make a lot of duas when you are fasting, during the day, at Iftar, and during the whole of Ramadan. If the dua isn’t being fulfilled, either some calamity has been lifted from you, or something better has been reserved or you in the aakhira. Rabbana ataena fidduniya hasanaanwwa fil akhirati hasanatanwwa qina adhaban Naar Our Lord! Grant us good in this world and good in the life to come and keep us safe from the torment of the Fire (2:201) aameen |
| 11/03/04 at 06:09:22 |
| timbuktu |
| http://www.jannah.org/board/attachments/rabbana_aataena.bmp |
| rabbana_aataena.bmp |
| Re: RAMADAN DIARIES 1425 - (post them in here) |
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| Altafonline |
| 10/31/04 at 22:22:37 |
| As usual in Ramadan I got up today at 4:00 a.m., Prayed Tahajjud and had bread toast and good hot tea. Imsak is at 4:55 a.m. here in UAE. The time between Imsak and Fajar Adhan, I use for reading one section of the Quran with meaning and Commentary. I prayed fajar in the local Masjid and left for work at 5:50 a.m. I stay in Sharjah and work in Dubai. It is a distance of 19 Kms from my home to my work place, which is 15 minutes drive. I work from 6:00 a.m. to 3:00 p.m. in Ramadan and 6:00 a.m. till Asr prayer in normal days. Al hamdu lillah, it is a muslim environment at work, so we make Jamah for Zuhur. Work in Ramadan is not less, it is more. Infact it is more stressing in Ramadan because we need to complete all our tasks by 2:00 p.m. as the government offices close by 2:00 in Ramadan. I am an Account Manager ( Sales) for an I T Integration Company. I reach home by 4:00. It takes one hour to drive back home than 15 drive in the morning due to traffic congestion which is a major problem in Dubai & Sharjah. By the time I reach home, it is time for Asar. I pray Asar and take a nap till 5. If I have some pending work, I do it soon after Asar. I start preparing for Iftar from 5:30 p.m. For Iftar, I like dates and water. I have learnt in Oman from the locals to take all the seeds out of the dates and make a good soft seedless date roll. They used to have it with Laban. I prefer to have seedless soft dates with water. Sometimes I add banana and orange during Iftar. Or sometimes, when I feel, I get Shami Kabab, Pakoda from a Pakistani restaurant (Karachi Darbar) next to my house. Restaurants in UAE have special iftar stall outside their doors. They sell, Jalebi, Chana, Fruit Chat, Pakoda and many spicy foods. It is a good business for them. I avoid that food daily. But these taste good after Iftar with a cup of hot tea. I have dinner soon after Maghrib. Dinner is either Pulav/Biryani/nothing. After Dinner, I go out for a jog or a drive, till it is time for Isha. I pray Isha in the most attractive Majid's in town. I change Masjid every day to pray Isha. I pray 8 Rakat tarawih. When I come back home, I pray a special Salatul Haajat and I give the list of most wanted things by me to Allah. The list is always short, 2-3 items with priority ones at the first. This list keeps on changing and some items remain same till I get it from Allah. Then, I collapse on my bed by making sure I put the alarm for 4:00 a.m. |
| Re: RAMADAN DIARIES 1425 - (post them in here) |
|---|
| Taalibatul_ilm |
| 11/01/04 at 03:31:21 |
| [slm] Sunday 16 Ramadhan, Oct. 31 Ramadhan is the time when I can go inward, so to speak, and spend time trying to raise my eemaan to a higher level and get the spiritual energy I need for a bit of time. I don’t have to work at my regular job in Ramadhan, and that is a big blessing and something I hold very precious. The time goes quickly in the day and the whole month, and I never feel like I reach the level I would like, even with the extra prayers and dua’. I need to spend a lot time in dua’ in the last ten nights asking for guidance on how to make myself more like I would like during the other months when I am so busy. This Ramadhan is special because we are spending most of it in the City of the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah upon him. There is no place that I would rather be and the feeling of peace here is beyond explanation. I only wish that we could stay closer to the mosque so we could attend all the prayers there, but al-hamdu lillah, we are able to pray taraweeh there nightly. I have never seen Medinah this crowded, even though I have been here for the end of Ramadhan before, and wonder what it is going to be like in a few nights when we enter the last ten. I was surprised that I had to pray Jumua’h outside a few days ago. We got there fairly early, but there were already rows of women lined up in the shade, others coming out of the mosque because they couldn’t find a place. Some women, may Allah guide them, started pushing and threatening each other so that they could get a place in the shade. Taraweeh tonight was less moving than other nights, the first imam read very quickly and although there were many aayaat that are moving, I didn’t feel them as I would like. The second imaan is one I like to pray behind-he often repeats aayaat to wake up sleeping hearts and weeps with especially meaningful aayaat and during the qunoot. He usually makes a dua’ that gives me goose bumps when he asks Allah that we are not of those that the Prophet turns away from on the Day of Judgment, and that we will be blessed with being companions of the Prophet in the highest level of Paradise. Tonight, none of that happened. I didn’t feel as tired tonight after the prayers, but don’t know the reason exactly. My morning was spent reading Qur’an, then surfing the Internet, answering some questions I received on the Internet, and found myself wasting sometime not doing anything particularly useful on the Internet. I have been spending less time on the Internet, and pray that I will keep it up after Ramadhan. I am very lucky that my husband is not demanding when it comes to the iftar food. We have a combination of Arabic and Western customs, so intertwined in our lives that I didn’t realize it until I was thinking about it the last few days. Today was very light in the kitchen as I had made a big pot of beef vegetable soup yesterday and there was a lot left over. I made a huge batch of sambousek with my helper over a week ago and we froze them. The sambousek take a lot of my time with the rolling of the dough, but I found taking several hours out and making these big batches and freezing them is the best way to do it. We will have to make another big bunch tomorrow and I pray it will be the last batch for this month. Fatoush is our daily salad, a refreshing combination of lettuce, tomatoes, green onions, parsley, mint, with toasted bread pieces, and a dressing of lemon juice, garlic, olive oil and the all important spice-sumac. I make Western desserts and enjoy sending dishes to the neighbors and we end up tasting their food too when they send dishes in return. It is a nice tradition. The neighbor here in Medinah has sent some delicious food, even though I have never met her and don’t know her name. I make Arabic coffee sometimes, but we always perk a pot of fresh Western type coffee for iftar. After praying Maghreb, we watch the popular TV show Tash Ma Tash while we drink our coffee. I like some of the episodes, but not all. My husband really liked the episode last night where they did a take off on Star Academy. My husband doesn’t like to eat much for suhoor and usually makes himself a sandwich. I eat leftover sambousek usually and maybe some fruit salad. Probably the hardest thing for me in Ramadhan is the lack of sleep and the changed schedule; it seems I am a creature of habit. I try to sleep some at night and love the mornings and the quiet time it provides me, so don’t sleep that much. The last ten nights are fast approaching and the most difficult for me sleep wise. Even if I stay awake all night, I still wake up three to four hours after praying Fajr and going to bed. If I felt I actually spent the whole night in worship I would feel better about it, but I don’t think I achieve that. I ask that Allah grants us all the best and most complete use of the last ten days and nights of Ramadhan. |
| 11/01/04 at 03:33:34 |
| Taalibatul_ilm |
| Ramadhan diaries |
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| Maliha |
| 11/01/04 at 12:23:48 |
| [slm] [i] my apologies for this is a little too late...[/i] [color=purple] Of the blessings we seldom acknowledge... Did I ever tell you that Fall is my favorite season? Don’t get me wrong I love the chirping brightness of spring, the chilling purification of winter, and even the festive heat of summer. I guess what I am trying to say is that I love the blessing of witnessing the changing of seasons, for His signs of life, death, resurrection are all embedded within these most beautiful and heartbreaking songs of nature. Fall never fails to captivate my heart. Seeing the vibrant colors of the trees and the wildest dances of leaves circling round and round in the winds; sensing the subtle chills of winter coming our way; and savoring the last moments of the most perfect weather (not too cold, not too hot) never fails to awe me into a gratuitous silence. Subhana Allah, Glory be to Him indeed. When this beautiful season is mingled with the healing breezes of Ramadhan, the air becomes even more festive; leaves more joyous, and believers hearts more in tune with the subtle miracles of everyday living. That death for any of us is so close is most apparent in this transient season, but that even this most seemingly agonizing of experiences can be wrapped in such Merciful beauty is a sign of hope; beaconing our aching souls to the Source of the most Majestic of all that is exquisite. To begin to recount His blessings is impossible; and all I am left with is a trembling Alhamdullillah cascading through my lips each time I sigh in wonderment at how simultaneously blessed and undeserving I really am. Like how Ramadhan descended right at the time when my health and energy was restored, thus allowing me the blessing of tasting the sweetness of fasting and the joy of partaking in the daily acts of worship that always gain deeper dimensions during this sacred time. Or how overwhelmed I feel, that whenever I am in the deepest folds of Sujood (prostration), my baby’s heartbeat and movement is the most amplified. How it feels like a little bird has made its way into my womb and is fluttering incessantly to make his/her presence known to their Creator. And how tenderly my husband talks to the baby, and the feelings of Rahma (Mercy) and Mawwaddah (love) between us have been greatly magnified by our mutual awe and reverence for the miracles within and without. Or how we moved homes during the first week of Ramadhan; and what could have been a royal mess was made really easy for us. And how we found a beautiful little place, nestled two blocks from a gorgeous lake with trails and a park, and most importantly about three miles away from my family. How my mother and aunt helped me efficiently pack and unpack and a lot of guys showed up to help us move even when they were all fasting and it was during the daytime. May Allah reward them in all dimensions (Amin). Or how we prayed Taraweeh (night prayers) at different Masjids; and how many teenage Huffadh (memorized the whole Quran) were leading us in prayer. I was awed by a little 11 year old boy or 13 at the very most, whose voice was just about changing as he so valiantly lead a group of us “old folks” in the most melodious of voices. There are about 5 different Masajids that I know personally who have at least one, if not more, young teens leading prayer. How amazingly heartwarming it is, that in the middle of this spiritual desert we have young tender saplings being nurtured into rays of light and illumination for generations to come. I am more settled now in my new home; and I pray that I can make the most of what is remaining of this Ramadhan. The first half flew by as I expected, and the midst of the moving madness I was sometimes too exhausted to do everything I had aspired to do. As usual I feel the depression already settling in, of moments that pass us too fast and am still grappling with the need for change…that deep dramatic revolution within that will leave me a little quieter, softer, and more readily yielding to the Will of Allah. That in essence I truly learn and internalize that beautiful meaning of surrender, that begins within the deepest recesses of my being and emanates into the simple kindnesses of everyday living. I am overwhelmed that even as I struggle, falter, stumble, and too often fall, Allah keeps showering me with such abundance of blessings leaving me so poignantly aware of how undeserving I really am. Sometimes I feel so in tune I know nothing can go wrong in the face such incredible depth of His Mercy. Others I am so terrified to contemplate the notion of accountability, and how on that Day all the illusions will pass save the little that we bring forward with us. And at certain depths in time, I am left with the weighty realization on how short this life really is; and how often we forget. That within that one blink of an eye; we move so seamlessly from life to death. And nestled within that brief twinkle is this Ramadhan; like the precarious dances of autumn leaves; capturing our hearts in awe for but a fleeting moment before they graciously die and wait patiently for yet another year…Leaving us with a mesmerized prayer of gratitude suspended on our lips; and a lilting bittersweet song of hope mingled with fear playing in our hearts. May Allah enlist us and our offspring among His Sincere, Righteous, Truthful slaves; and may He grant us the best of this world and the Hereafter as well (amin). [/color] [color=black] Postscript: A note about communities... Moving from one of the most bustling, happening Islamic communities in the US, to another younger, smaller, nondescript one was really heart wrenching for me. I had to make the decision to be closer to my family, and after my Istikhara, Allah facilitated the move so easily to this new locality. My old community was huge, organized (for the most part) and it really seems like they are light years ahead of other communities in terms of ideas, activities, and an upbeat creative rhythm to it. Due to the sheer magnitude of the community, they began hosting multiple Friday prayers, as well as two Taraweeh prayers. The first Taraweeh prayer is normally filled to the brim, even though they do have large facilities and a huge parking lot. I liked attending the second Taraweeh since there are less children, noise, and bustle…and the reciter is the usual Syrian Imam, whose voice and calm demeanor never fails to infuse a quiet awe in his followers. About 15 minutes away from that big community is a smaller one, that is lead by an amazing Sudanese scholar and Sheikh. We used to attend their last ten nights of Qiyaam last year, and I would love to go this year if possible. The Imam has one of the most piercing, rhythmic recitations that always seeps into my very being. This is what I jokingly dub to be the “Niqabi community”, for I have never seen that many Niqabis congregated in one space. It is smaller, more serious, and they have really amazing Dawah efforts going on from there. There is a strict partition between the men and women, that is almost nonexistent in the larger community. This partition has been one of the reasons why some of the sisters/brothers prefer this smaller community. I enjoyed attending both, for I am pretty much a floater in any community I am a part of…and end up having friendly connections transcending most cliques, nationalities or organizations. The amazing thing about that general area is that Masajids are pretty much spaced roughly about 20 miles away from each other. And each community is well established in its own right. This does not include the fact that they still rent out hotel conference rooms, libraries etc for extra Jumuah prayers (due to heavy traffic), and the many big, active MSA’s in the area as well. As a matter of fact my new place is only about 30-40 minutes from that general area, so Alhamdullillah for that as well. My husband commented that this is how Islam became so entrenched in the East coast of Africa, Subhana Allah. People settled in small localities and build their Masajid and so on, and before long that whole strip is packed with Masjids at every corner and the culture of Islam seeped its long roots into everyone's beings. It is very common to see non Muslims who say "Inshaallah", "Mashaallah" etc and Alhamdullillah many of the indigenous people reverted to Islam centuries ago. Even on a governmental structural level the playing field has changed, for Muslims have their own court, Islamic studies is part of the public curriculum and there are many Muslim representatives in all levels of society as well. The beauty of all this, is that Islam will blossom in these lands as well (the West) for the seeds have long been planted, with or without our own paltry individual efforts...I pray Allah makes us amongst the righteous (amin). This new community I am a part of is much smaller and still struggling at the root level. In my neighborhood, Alhamdullillah, there are plans to build a community center and the land has been purchased already. One sister consolingly told me that perhaps Allah wants me to be in this community, to help in this ground level effort. Perhaps Inshaallah. There is a “parent” Masjid about 15 minutes away from where I live, that has various activities going on. I have only been there twice, and so far the sisters seem pretty friendly and close knit. Muslims in my “hood” have been congregating about 5 minutes from where I live, in an apartment complex club house, where they are hosting Taraweeh prayers. Alhamdullillah, there is enough interest and numbers to facilitate the growth of our own community here. And this is where we were lead by two teenage guys, who were alternating with another guy who can’t be more than 23 and an older gentleman as well. May Allah increase them all in knowledge, wisdom and guidance (amin). A last note on yesterday’s small talk was about the concept of “hayaa/shyness” in Islam. It was really beautiful Mashaallah, as the khatib mentioned that Uthmaan (RA) was so shy, that even Angels were shy in his presence. He also talked of how the Prophet (SAW) stressed that hayaa is part of Imaan. The Khatib pointed out that while some people were born with this most becoming of traits, others need to work on it. The tips he gave included nurturing ones relationship with Allah, and cultivating Taqwa, because God consciousness limits how much abrasiveness/brashness we display. He also suggested that we monitor our actions and make sure that anything we do in the privacy of our moments matches what we would do in public. It really made me reflect on how we live in a society that strips one of this character. That being aggressive, pushy, and loud are all considered virtues. I am very outspoken in nature, and I am constantly praying, especially during these sacred times for that deep change within that my heart sorely needs. May Allah guide us and grant us Tawfeeq on all levels (amin). [wlm] [/color] |
| 11/02/04 at 05:21:10 |
| Maliha |
| Re: RAMADAN DIARIES 1425 - (post them in here) |
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| tree |
| 11/01/04 at 19:44:14 |
| Bismillah [slm] I’ve just started fasting again after a week off, and that week made me really think about the power of intention. I had told myself that even when I’m not fasting I was going to get up for suhur so I can keep the routine, and as I’d have eaten I wouldn’t really have to eat during the day. Not so. As soon as I’d get up (if I’d slept after fajr) I’d be hungry. When I got to work, I’d think about food. Before I went home I’d have thought about it even more…despite the fact that when the first week of fasting I had hardly thought about food, or even water, at all. My stomach had hardly rumbled. So for a week, because there was no intention to fast, I thought about food aaaaaaaaaaaalll the time. The Prophet saw said, “The rewards (of deeds) are according to the intention, and everybody will get the reward for what he has intended. So whoever emigrated for Allah’s sake, his emigration was for Allah and His Apostle; and whoever emigrated for worldly benefits, or to marry and woman, then his emigration was for the thing for what he emigrated for.” I think back to some previous years where Ramadan, and other acts of worship, have felt empty, and I’ve had a feeling of being lost. Now that I think back to it, I see that in part it was related to the fact that my heart had become closed. I had lost the yearning I used to have years before. So although I really wanted to enjoy Ramadan last year and feel the benefits of, in some ways my intentions weren’t sincere…not that they were insincere, but there wasn’t the same purity in my intentions as there had been before, probably as my heart had been corrupted by my state of mind and presence. So when I made the intention of getting up for fajr, there was a doubt in my heart that I may not get up. And that was what often happened. My heart hadn’t gone bad and I hadn’t become evil, but it hadn’t been cleaned in a while as I struggled with my prayers and dhikr. Anyway, I think recently that struggle has started to pay off – there’s always hope…and for the first time in a long time I don’t have those doubts when I make intentions. And you know what, it makes it so much easier. So even when my head says “you’re not going to get up for fajr” my heart says different, and I’m up doing wudu. And it continues to amaze me that something so simple is so powerful. And so I’ve been having a good Ramadan so far, Alhamdulillah. It’s not perfect. I’ve not read as much Qur’an as I’d hoped, or memorised du’a’s or ayats, (hmmm, so was my intention to do those things half-hearted??) but it’s been more positive and filled with hope. Sometimes when I’m fasting I feel a sense of invincibility! I feel a strength as though I can do anything and everything, and nothing is out-with my reach…of course, I don’t do half the things I would want to do, but it’s a nice feeling after suhur when you leave for work to be on a high and feel as though you’re going to accomplish something! I’m feeling quite tired after a weekend of entertaining…we had guests over for iftar on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. So I spent most of my time cooking and cleaning – and there’s lots of food left over if anyone’s interested ;) The city where I live has about 40,000 Muslims (I think) in a population of 300,000. I don’t know many Muslims here, but Islam seems fairly well-established…the mosques have been around for 40-odd years, and there seems to be a lot of activity going on, though it does seem to be concentrated in small communities, (ie, if you don’t live there you won’t know about it!). That’s just my observation. Maybe once I get to know more people, that will change. But the nice thing has been that the area where we’ve moved (just under two months ago) seems really friendly. Our neighbours in the last place we stayed, hardly said hello to us. In fact, it seemed they went out their way to avoid saying it! Here, not only do our neighbours say hello, random people you pass in the street do too! And we’ve met some Muslims on our street as well…which was really nice as the first time we met was when they came to our door at iftar time to give us food! Today I woke up late, as I’ve been suffering a bit of insomnia lately…I managed to get up for suhur, but fell asleep again and was late for work!! But it was a beautiful autumn day so I didn’t care; there was a chill in the air as you feel winter approaching, but the yellow and reds of the leaves as they fall from the trees gives you a sense of warmth. The clocks went back yesterday, so now I have to break my fast at work, as opposed to being able to rush home minutes before iftar. And it was quite strange really, as I went to the student prayer room near where I work and no-one else was there!! I didn’t expect many people as I know the Islamic Society isn’t able to provide food every day, but I thought maybe someone would turn up for maghrib – maybe they knew something I didn’t….i’ll have to find out :) So it was a very quiet day. I got home just after tarawih started, so stayed at home. It’s nice to go to the mosque, even though there aren’t many women that go. I had hoped to go to sleep early today, but it’s midnight, and I’m still far from tired – and my husband’s away for a few days so I don’t have anyone to talk me to sleep :D That’s why I’m still writing this…but I suppose I should wrap it up and *try* to go to sleep, otherwise the Madinah members will have to suffer a loooong narrative about my life! May Allah reward us all for our good intentions in this blessed month, and allow us to make intention with a pure heart. (Amin) ma'salaam tree |
| Re: RAMADAN DIARIES 1425 - (post them in here) |
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| sabri |
| 11/03/04 at 23:56:02 |
| Bismillah ArRahman ArRaheem Ok I know I didn't sign up for today, but when I finally looked at the sign up thread, there weren't any dates for me...get it? dates? :) Anyway...Woke up early today at about 2:30am. Had to finish my lab project so I can catch up (have been falling behind lately). Ate suhoor and prayed tahajjud and fajr, then recited some quran. After writing a lab report (yes, I somehow end up doing homework at the last minute and no I didn't procrastinate, at least not as much as I usually do), I had to get to school in a hurry. Alhumdulillah managed to catch the last bus that would get me there on time...parking is a problem at school, so I'm glad I take the bus. Attended lecture and then spent 5 hours finishing up my lab project. Finally I was able to demo and alhumdulillah I'm back on schedule. I have been staying up 2-5 nights a week doing homework and thus have been unable to finish the Quran. Insha Allah hope to learn from this experience and not take too many time consuming courses in a semester from now on, especially in Ramadan. So after I finished my lab, I went home, prayed, and then went to work. Work has been piling up in the office (I work at the mosque finance office). So I was able to go directly from work to the bachelor's iftar muslim mentioned in this thread. This time I thought I'd volunteer to serve food and ended up serving some kind of brinjal potato curry. It's funny how during ramadan, the month of fasting, food suddenly seems to become more important, not less so. All the special foods come out...samosas, sweetmeats, falooda...etc. It really bugs me seeing the food getting wasted at the masjid iftars. I've seen salad, meat, rice, even falooda get trashed. Why can't people take the food home and have it later? Especially these bachelor dudes! I normally finish my food, but if I can't then I do that. Its a shame...and quite possibly haram. Its as if its like a luxury..."oh I'm not hungry anymore so I'll just throw this chicken in the trash...there's always more where that came from"...what's up with that? :( I feel like a helpless bystander/observer...I guess all I can do is make dua. One of the things I like about Ramadan is the atmosphere...I don't know how to put it in words...it feels different...pleasantly so...I meet and get to know my brothers in Islam at iftars...there's a sense of closeness...of going through this together. Taraweeh here in the bay area is really excellent masha Allah...the prayer is led by Sheikh Seyyid Jibreel, the brother of Sheikh Mohammed Jibreel and his recitation is to put it in a word...riveting. It actually helps me concentrate alhumdulillah. MAy Allah bless him in this life and in the akhirah. It's already the twentieth day of fasting...Ramadan always seem to pass me by so quickly...It's like I've just woken up and I'm still groggy...and something whooshes by and I'm thinking "What was that??" I can never get enough done in Ramadan. One day I would like to experience Ramadan in a muslim country...to be given iftar by a complete stranger...to have pleasant experiences with complete strangers on the streets just because we're all muslims fasting in Ramadan. That would be nice... I think. Just like in Ahmad Thompson's books The Difficult Journey and The Way Back. |
| 11/04/04 at 00:02:05 |
| sabri |
| Re: RAMADAN DIARIES 1425 - (post them in here) |
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| lala |
| 11/04/04 at 21:57:51 |
| salaams all. WARNING before you read this: I am not a writer - so pardon the scattered thoughts and paragraphs that seem to jump from one thought to the next... thanks if you make it all the way to the end ;) -------------------------- A year ago I was beginning to see what was missing from my faith. My mind for the last eight or so years was sort of clouded by stereotypes, ignorance and my heart was blackened with the pollution of this world and the negativity that I easily accepted. Islam up to that point was nothing more than a religion. Religion to me prior to this so called epiphany was something separate from my day to day life. What happened to me is suspect. One can say a shot in the face, reality of my immortality, reality of where I stood in this world, the truth about my relationships and the true realization of my loneliness in this life. I can honestly say a year ago, I realized that even though there are so many people around me day to day, that I would have to face my life and my destiny alone. You see you cannot rely on people to do things for you. You can’t even rely on people to be there for you. And most importantly we are going to face Allah subhana wa ta’ala alone. Ramadan last year was special. For once I was fasting truly for Allah. I hoped to continue and build upon those intentions this year. So a year later I find myself in roughly the same predicament as last year. Same studies, same relationships for the most part, same problems. But one things for sure my iman is stronger, my family stronger. I had high hopes this Ramadan. I wanted to go to taraweh prayers more but luck would have it, time constraints, laziness and studies held me back a bit. I have gone more though. A little change at a time I guess is better than something too drastic. Gradual change is longer lasting. Anyhow, Ramadan in NYC can be a truly spiritual experience to quote Jannah. Each day is a test of ones patience, character, love, and faith. It’s not easy living and working in such a large city. Imagine first of all being the only one in your house of five fasting, praying, thinking about Allah and the hereafter. But blessed I am for my mother wakes up each day to make me food to eat. Bless her soul and bless her heart. But back to living and working in NYC. So basically, the beginning of Ramadan was not that hard. I felt as though that I was just physically fasting and not mentally. However, little by little it got more spiritual. But why is it when a person has to study –it becomes harder to get spiritual? Anyhow, so today is as rainy rainy day here in NYC. I have taken the rest of the week off from work to ‘study’ and focus myself etc. Somehow though, there are not enough hours to the day to do all that I want. So I fasted today, studied, slept, prayed, studied, surfed the net, prayed, ate and so forth. I didn’t do anything particularly cool today (Ramadan wise) other than try and reflect on what this whole fasting business is supposed to do to me spiritually. And what have I found? I’m still searching….. When I am at work, Fasting is a bit harder. However, my coworkers are super nice when it comes to me fasting. One girl was like, ‘We know Marcia’s fasting because she’s a bit more subdued than normal’. Another one yesterday was giving out cupcakes his girl friend sent him and he comes to my cubicle and says that he wants to give me a cupcake but doesn’t want to intrude on my fasting. I tell him, ‘ I’ll save it for later’. I end up having it for iftar ;-). It’s amazing but everyone is truly supportive of my Islam-ness and fasting at work. Perhaps this small minority echoes the intellectual sentiments of most of NY in this past presidential election. I usually hop on the subway right after I break my fast to head home. I try to survey the passengers on the car to see if anyone looks ‘Muslim’, wondering if they broke their fasts already or are headed to a masjid, their house or to work. You see NYers really don’t sleep. It’s not unlikely to see the street vendor guys who sell handbags breaking out their mats at Maghrib on the concrete sidewalk to pray. Much of the fruit vendors on the street likewise are fasting as are the hundreds of cab drivers. It’s very hard to find parking around the 96th street masjid as is any other masjid in Manhattan. Why? Because the cab drivers take up most of the spots. They have their routines, but so do most of us here. It’s beautiful. The chaos, the mess, the stench underground, the echoes, the diversity, all directed towards one creator, one being, ONE. The times that I have gone to Tarawih prayer, I went to the big masjid in Manhattan. Now, there are quite a few women there and some of us pray in the main prayer hall behind the men. I sometimes say salaams to some of the women there and other times I don’t bother. Everyone just has this focused look on their faces. I get there early and survey the masjid. Its beautiful, cool lightening, the minbar area is high tech, some dude videotapes Sheikh Yacoobi, you got all colors of people, I see my friend who’s the water boy for tarwih handing out water, its nice. Yet, I don’t feel spiritual. Outside of the masjid as I enter theres’ this one dude trying to sell cd’s, books, incense, and as usual the old man begging for dollars. I see these things and feel like they just don’t belong. Does the old man ever go in for prayers? I wonder. I give him a dollar as usual. But then I realize that me feeling ‘non spiritual’ is an affect of me actually feeling ‘spiritual’. A believer should always feel like they need to work harder right? Overall, tarawih prayer at the 96th street masjid has been good. Sheikh Yacoobi however is way over my head. I don’t understand what he’s talking about half the time for several reasons. One, the bass is too high on the mic and the echoes in this really large space make it harder to hear. Two, he’s way too scholarly for my simpleton mind. To understand the complexities of what he’s saying one has to really listen attentively. Plus, is it just me or when Arabic names are said our when a speaker recounts sahabi’s names etc, doesn’t it get awfully confusing to follow along? Or when a few Arabic words are thrown in the middle of a talk and then back to English again, I lose it! Sheikh Yacoobi is good at that! MashaAllah he’s there every night giving talks left and right. He doesn’t tire talking about the bounties of Allah subhana wa ta’ala. And with that neither should we. No matter how boring, no matter how tired or hungry we are, we should try and stay energized. That is a challenge but one that we can surely strive for. SO here I am, wrapping up this journal about to hit the books again. I look behind me and on my night table sits my QUran. I am reminded- more so because it is Ramadan that I have to read some of it tonite before I sleep. I’m studying science stuff but my heart is elsewhere at the moment. I keep telling myself that I’ll be done on Tuesday- to have patience. Luckily, all is not lost. I’ll have the last few days to delve deeper into the realms of my heart and pluck out all that needs purification…. InshaAllah.. Last third left- time to really bring it home!!! |
| 11/04/04 at 21:59:04 |
| lala |
| Re: RAMADAN DIARIES 1425 - (post them in here) |
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| tq |
| 11/06/04 at 11:06:38 |
| Assalamo elikuim Alhamdullah I was really looking forward to this ramadan and was planing on going for taraweeh everynight(who knows about next :) ) and Alhamdullah we all have been going to taraweeh every night. We have been going to this masjid which is just 15 minutes from our house, for the last five ramadans(we moved here in ramadan),for jummahs, my son's school and lectures etc(Alhamdullah my kids also love going there, If I want them to do some chore or finish their meal or homework, I theareten them that "ok if you dont do this me and Baba will go alone to masjid and you will stay home :) "). The environment of the masjid is welcoming, the director of masjid is very knowledgeable and for the last five ramadan we have a wonderful Sheikh for taraweeh. His recitation is perfect - slow but not too slow, a little on the loud side but not screaming, something like the reciter in Dawud Wharnsbary tape of "Sunshine, Dust and messenger of ALlah". (I have forgotten his name) . During the last ten days our masjid is having qiyam-ul-layl, starting an hour and a half before the fajr, then they have little sahor and fajr. Inshallah we plan to go on this weekend(because of kids school) but my husband is going these days. On Friday, my husband went to masjid at quater to four, I woke up around 4:45(Actually I set the alarm for 4:30 but I was snoozing if off a lot :)) Since there wasnt enough time for more I just did four rakat of tahajud(I dont know if you can pray tahajud that late), woke my older son for sahur. He told me not to turn on the light so that he can eat while sleeping, but I cannot cook without light :). Me and him had our sahur. It seems like when we grow older, we miss our childhood so much that we try to do the same things as did when we were kids. Like for example sahor, my mother always made me and my sibling ate good sahor, even when we didnt wanted to(I guess becasue of sleep) specially we had to have milk and egg and if we ate paratah(bread) she was always happy :). Now I am doing the same things with my kids. My son didnt wanted to eat anything but just a chocolate chip cookie :) but I told him that no way he can miss egg and milk. I know he was angry(as I used to be :)) but a mother's got to do what a mothers got to do :) (Am I turning into my mother :) ) After we prayed our fajr I asked my son if he wants to sleep since we still had around one hour before his school bus comes, but he said no, now he cannot sleep since we ate with the lights on and he is wide awake now:). My husband came back from majied and went to sleep, asked me to wake him up at 9(he si going late to work these days). My older son left around 6:55 for his school bus, after coming back from his bus stop and I woke my younger one(which was like pulling teeth :)) Alhamdullah I gave him a bath,made him eat his breakfast and took him to bus stop just in time for his bus(I am sure everyday we are breaking our last day record for getting ready in minimum time:) ). I had an hour for myself so I read my morning surahs (Yasin,Rahman and Waqai) adn then went on internet :). After my husband left for work, I got ready since today was the day I go to my older son school for helping the teachers. Went to school, the teacher had some chores for me to do. Then it was time for jummah. The khutbah was about the last ten days of ramadan and how we should not waste them. Today there was iftar sponsored by my son school. All the parents were assigned a dish to cook. I was assigned mixed vegetables. My son told me that he wants to stay at school with his friends and help the teacher. I confirmed with the teacher if it was ok with her, and then called his bus not to come to pick him up(we are lucky here that our school district provide bus service for kids going to private school.) Came back from masjid around 2:30 and started cooking. My younger one came from school around 3. I did my best to make him sleep for atleast half an hour so that he can be fresh for iftar and taraweeh. He did lie down and eventually slept. Left for masjid around 4 with food, my husband cannot come for iftar because of his work so I set iftar for him before leaving. We had iftar at the school gym. I helped a little bit with cleaning. Some of the desserts were left so the teachers were giving them away, I took some for my husband(sometimes I feel like I am the mother of the house not just my kids :) I guess all wives can relate to this). called my husband to know what time he will be coming for taraweeh, he told me that he will be home shortly adn will be eating ALONE, ALL BY HIMSELF and then coming. He put a lot of emphasis on alone so I took my younger one with me and came home (my older one didnt wanted to come, I dont know anybody who loves his school this much :)). We came back to masjid just in time for taraweeh around 7:30. Today the Imam was starting from surah Yaseen. Here at our masjid we do 8 rakat, although when I pray at home I usually pray 20. I guess I am in the group who believes both are correct :) Alhamdullah so far ramadan have been going good. I cant believe they are almost over. Inshallah on Tuesday night our masjid is having qiyam-ul-layl starting at 3:30 so Inshallah I am planing on going since my older son school will be clsoed for Eid starting from Wednesday and younger one, well he is easier to carry so he can sleep the entire time we go to masjid and come back :) Wasalam tq |
| 11/06/04 at 11:16:26 |
| tq |
| Re: RAMADAN DIARIES 1425 - (post them in here) |
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| UmmWafi |
| 11/06/04 at 11:26:50 |
| [slm] Today I celebrate the 12th year of my marriage. 12 years in retrospect seem small compared to my age but in terms of experience it seems like a lifetime. A lifetime of so many shared struggles and joy. Today I reflect on relationships I forged, relationships severed, relationships broken down due to space and..who knows, maybe even caprice. This year has been a really tumultuous year in terms of my relationship with the people I love. The fragility of life, the blessing of birth...the continuation of living. All represented by so many soul shattering events..too many. I tried so many times to capsulate my marriage into an understandable compartment within the sphere of my existence but I now know why I have failed to capture the essence of my marital experience. It is because I have not really reflected deep enough on my mental relationship with my spiritual understanding of my SELF, my ruh. So I ventured to try and forge a stronger relationship with me. The result of that enterprise is disconcerting...to say the least. I have always suspected as much..but now I begin to wonder if I have known all along. The fact that I am a shallow person leading a shallow life. It's not easy to acknowledge that you are the kind of person you would love to despise but that is what I have to do. I don't mean shallow as in I worship materialism. Alhamdulillah, at least I do not rot in that accursed level of existing but shallow as in the courage I display in facing up to my shortcomings and sins. I am shallow because I allow cerebral recognition to overtake spiritual understanding. Well yes, when I see pictures of flies hovering on the face of a starving African baby I istighfar. I cerebrally tell myself that I must have compassion for the poor and suffering. I even shed a tear or too at the sight, my chest tight with what I taught is compassion and grief. Spiritually ? Existentially I still buy stuff I don't need, throw away leftover food and, worse still, allow my son to indulge in his nafs at iftar because of supposed maternal love and mercy. When I do something wrong, cerebrally I know that repentance is not just regret for what is done but care that the sin is not repeated. Spiritually ? Well, I still linger to do my solah, waiting till the last echoes of the adhan has died for an eon of a moment before rushing through my wudhu', recitations, dhikr and du'ahs. And the list goes on... This Ramadhan has forcefully brought home the sad truth of my shallowness. Before the beginning of Ramadhan, I was kinda sad about not being able to fast. I thought that sadness was born of a spiritual desire to enslave myself to ibadaat during this holiest of month. Now..I don't know. 23 days of Ramadhan have left me, never to return. "By the token of Time, Verily Man is in Loss". I am such a person....fettered by my loss. Chained to my grief urged by my regret. True regret. Time wasted no dalliance with me..yet what do I feel. Where is the sadness I felt before Ramadhan ? I feel numb. Ramadhan of yesteryears had always been characterised by sound and the bustling of welcoming Shawwal. The sound of adhan at Maghrib, signalling the end of another day of struggling, the sound of lethargic activities during suhoor, the sound of the adhan at Fajr, sweet yet wistful. As if those words calling us to victory sensed that most of us heed them not. As I have heeded them not, over and over again. This year, there is a deafening silence. It's as if I have enclosed myself in an alienating environment. A sahibatul kahfi, a reversed, twisted and wretched alternative to the ashaabul kahfi. A sick joke. I am struggling to remain positive, very hard. Inshallah, I am beginning to feel, trully feel. The fragile relationship I have forged with my soul will be stronger. There is no other choice for I am nothing except a soul, promised to a reckoning in the Hereafter by my Lord, Allah SWT. My communication with my self has allowed the beautiful sounds and sights of Ramadhan to waft through the pores of my being. This time the sounds are clearer and louder, the sights infinitely more beautiful. The sight of the sky turning from dark to gradually lighten till the sun pours forth the sustaining rays of warmth and hope. Symbolic of the movement of my soul from the dark depth of its ignorance to slowly reach towards 'irfaan, Inshallah, represented by my state of non-fasting at night to my state of fasting with daybreak. My state of sustenance and hope from purifying my soul through denial of nafs. Subhanallah walhamdulillah. As to the sound of Ramadhan...it revebrates loud and clear each time my son makes niyyah before bedtime. "I make niyyah to fast in the month of Ramadhan with the best of my ability because of Allah SWT". This becomes my litany, my confidence that we can still look forward to His Maghfirah. Interpersed with my internal reflections is the sound of Shakir's crying. Demanding for sustenance regardless of the time of the day, unknowing of Ramadhan and its requirements. I smiled, knowing that before long I will share the beautiful sounds and sights of Ramadhan with Solehah and then Shakir, filling every little space of their heart with love for Allah SWT and their Deen. Perhaps this Ramadhan, despite my exhausting difficulties coping with new trials and tribulations, my inability to fast for the large part, I have become less shallow. I am happy, Alhamdulillah. Shukran ya Allah for this amazing blessing you have showered upon us, this obligation of fasting that has turned out to be less of an obligation, more of a spiritual salvation, for me..and I know for many others too. Allahu akbar Allahu akbar Allahu akbar. Laa ilaaha illallahu wallahu akbar. Allaahu akbar walillaah ilham. Wassalam. |
| 11/06/04 at 11:29:57 |
| UmmWafi |
| Re: RAMADAN DIARIES 1425 - (post them in here) |
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| AyeshaZ |
| 11/07/04 at 01:39:05 |
| [slm] November 3rd, 2004 It’s all a blur to me now… The blessed day of Ramadan and a year long planning of Dr.Umar's arrival to our campus. All these mubarak things are happening in this one month, sometimes too much for my body to fathom, every minute of my day spent on contemplating on how empty I am from the inside. Whenever I peak in the depths of my heart I find those hidden dragons sorta like the hidden treasures in the depth of the oceans, but I have dragons instead, when will I taste the sweetness of those treasures. One thing I learned from Dr.Umar was to exert all my efforts, something that I’ve never done in my entire life, how can I change myself after 21 yrs of being lost. I hate being in the spotlight, thus that day I promised myself that I have to go DL (down low) for a long time, outside being buried in the crowd as oppose to standing out.. It is possible, people forget you very soon, all you have to do is just disappear for a moment, life always moves on… Excessive praise doesn’t settle in good with my soul, ostentation is a hidden disease of our hearts and I can feel the riya traveling in my blood. I hate the smell of it, it makes me nauseous. I’ve always had those moments by myself before our big MSA events of either picking up food or driving to get something and those moments determine a lot about my inner state and give me a chance to purify and renew my intentions. The moment of raising my hands and asking Allah(swt) to forgive me, to accept from us and to put barakah. Why do I wait till the last minute to truly feel my helplessness, I am a slave and I need to beg… The entire day went by so fast, waking up for sahoor, preparing for the day, spending time with Dr.Umar before the evening lecture.. The panic attack, anxiety and remorse of not doing enough… The iftar and room filled with beautiful voices of people, salamaats, the hugs, comfort to my soul.. just beautiful.. I love Muslims! The walk to the auditorium, my legs feel as if they are made of jelly, whatttt there are soo many non-Muslims coming from every direction.. So they did look at our flyers, our advertising did work…. Andalusian beats in the background, my heart skips a beat, so why did u attend this event “Rediscovering Muslim Spain”, I muster up the courage and ask many non-Muslims, extra credit for my history 101 class, I had to be here and suddenly something my ears wanted to hear.. I am going to Granada this summer ;).. The Auditorium begins to fill up, I begin to calm down then the signal of introducing Dr.Umar, ahhh does he even realize how much I respect him, he has given me inspiration to reach my potential, sky is the limit! May Allah(swt) bless him and protect him. ameen The event ends, I hug all the sisters, srs from out of town to srs I see everyday, I want to cry but am too empty to show my gratitude… Another blessed day of Ramadan passes by, did I get better or worse.. Allahu Alam |
| 11/07/04 at 09:19:30 |
| AyeshaZ |
| http://www.jannah.org/board/attachments/DrUmar15.jpg |
| DrUmar15.jpg |
| Re: RAMADAN DIARIES 1425 - (post them in here) |
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| Halima |
| 11/08/04 at 03:13:50 |
| [slm] Sisters and Brothers, Well, I didn't book for any date so I am just crashing hoping that the moderators and and the Madinates will be kind enough not to be harsh to me for my inconsideration for taking the date of someone who had the courtesy to book. Ramadan started on two different dates here in Nairobi with some starting on Friday, October 15th, 2004 and some starting on Saturday, October 16th, 2004. My household started on Saturday, October 16 following the Chief Kadhi's announcement for Kenyan Muslims. This year, Ramadan found me in bad health. I was still nursing an injury in my left arm which was a result of a fall. Nevertheless, I fasted, taking my medication at night. Then came a bad cold and still the idea of breaking the fast was not palatable. Then the office decides that I should attend a meeting in Livingstone Zambia from November 1-5. So, on November 1, I travelled and kept my first. My cold was re-curring and I took tons of medicines with me. I was fasting on that Monday on my way to Zambia transitting through Johannesburg, South Africa. I arrived in Livisngstone in the afternoon. Both Livingstone and Johannesburg are one hour behind Nairobi. UNICEF had negotiated hotel rates to cover bed and breakfast with lunch and dinner being paid for by individuals. We booked at the Zambezi Sun Hotel which is resort on the shores of the Zambezi River in located in a National Park. Zambezi River is the border between Zambia and Zimbabwe with Victoria Falls on this river being able to veiwed from both sides. I had already seen and visited the Victoria Falls while in Victorial Falls, Zimbabwe in May 2003 while attending another UNICEF meeting. I had to check with the Hotel on breaking my fast and prayer times. There were two other Muslims colleagues with me, one from our office in New York (a gentleman) and one from our Kigali office in Rwanda (a lady). I guess they were not fasting as the hotel people said I was the only one. They rushed and brought me the Zambia Ramadan Time Table printed by the Zambia Muslim Society in Lusaka, Zambia. Lusaka is the Capital City of Zambia. The time table had prayer times for cities in Zambia including Livingstone. In Nairobi, the fast is broken at 18:27 pm and same for Livingstone except that it is an hour behind Nairobi. The other issue is where to face for Salat. An Asian guy, Rajesh, who is an employee and in charge of the hotel guests showed me where to face. He said that they had a whole delegation of Muslims who were fasting the week before and they prepared a room for them for prayers. Since I was a single person and the only one fasting, I could pray in my room facing the direction given. I had carried my prayer mat and prayer clothes. There was no time to visit the Livingstone city because of our tight meeting schedules. I believe I would have encountered some Muslims there. Tuesday, I fell sick with my cold re-curring and being terrible. I could only attend the meeting in the morning session and had to lie down in the afternoon. Wednesday, I got worse and I had to break my fast and take medication. Thursday, I could not get out of my room. Friday, I was okay but still on medication and it was the day to leave for home transitting through Johannesburg again. At the Johannesburg International Airport, I saw something that lifted my spirits. They have put Muslim Prayer Facilities at the airport. And I saw a lot of Muslims there some travelling and some escorting relatives and loved ones to the airport. What I learned is that, Islam is respected everywhere. No matter where you go, there are people who understand and are willing to help you perform your religious obligations whithout ridicule. If you ask, you will be helped. ALHAMDU LILLAH ya Allah for making us Muslims and for giving us Ramadan. [wlm] Halima |
| Re: RAMADAN DIARIES 1425 - (post them in here) |
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| siddiqui |
| 11/10/04 at 01:00:37 |
| [slm] Tuesday the... , 26th of Ramadan I thought I would write about my typical day in Ramadan (and even had come up with 2/3rds of the plot :P ) but just having returned from Taravih where the Imam Alhamdulillah recited a part of surah Al Dhariyath , Al Tur, Al Najm .Al Qamar,Al Rahman Al Waqi’ah and Al Hadeed I decided to paraphrase and share ( first as a reminder to myself) the Imam’s post Taravih Naseeha(advice) InshaAllah. We live in a time, where a lot of people question the existence of Allah swt and the Aqirah or the day of reckoning. As Muslims even though we do not reject it outright, we either doubt it or are in ghaflah (a state of forgetfulness) which is manifested in our everyday actions for e.g. we struggle to speak the truth, our time is lost in the ‘struggle for existence ‘with no clue of the hereafter, we jest more often than we cry and we laugh more often than contemplating on the seriousness of the truth of the day of reckoning. Allah swt in this set of surahs repeatedly stresses the theme of the day of judgment in many different ways including telling us parables and punishments of people gone by( in Al Dhariyath among others), by describing the day of judgment in Al Waqiah among others, in Al Rahman by describing his gifts and bounties (which we often have taken for granted) and then asking us about them or just appealing to the intellect in very strong words .When a language is no more in use it is forgotten and the majority of us have forgotten the language of Aqirah, InshaAllah we must make an effort to revive the thought of aqirah in our hearts by reading the quraan (especially these chapters among others ) more often , remembering Allah swt in many different ways and taking time out by divorcing our spirits and souls from the worldly attachments for a moment and contemplating on the aqirah so that we work for/ towards it InshaAllah Surah Al Hadeed among many other things also talks about the Ruboobiyah(Lordship) of Allah swt where he swt says “No misfortune can happen on earth or in your souls but is recorded in a decree before We bring it into existence: That is truly easy for God .In order that ye may not despair over matters that pass you by, nor exult over favours bestowed upon you. For God loveth not any vainglorious boaster” ( 23:24) In other words all the calamities that have occurred to me or the world around me (from the beginning of time to the end) be it physical ,financial, emotional, social, political, educational, be it a scratch or an earthquake and has already been decreed by Allah swt , though sadness on loosing something loved , coveted, desired is human , we should not loose focus or loose heart but thank Allah swt for whatever state he has kept us in . In the same surah Allah swt very forcefully address us in the form of an emphatic question. “Has not the Time arrived for the Believers that their hearts in all humility should engage in the remembrance of God and of the Truth which has been revealed (to them), and that they should not become like those to whom was given Revelation aforetime, but long ages passed over them and their hearts grew hard? For many among them are rebellious transgressors” (16) May Allah swt give us the hidayath to remember him more often InshaAllah, May accept our ibadath and forgive our transgressions and May he grant us peace of mind Ameen [wlm] |
| 11/10/04 at 01:44:01 |
| siddiqui |
| Re: RAMADAN DIARIES 1425 - (post them in here) |
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| Trustworthy |
| 11/11/04 at 00:31:44 |
| [slm] wa bismillaah... Ramadan Days or Daze? Ahhhh.....Ramadan Diaries. Beautiful entries...masha-Allah. I'm thankful to be part of this board. Salaam everyone and hope your Ramadan Kareem is a blessed one, insha-Allah. Ameen. The Night Before Ramadan.... Twas the night before Ramadan when through all the house.... everybody was scurring, there surely was a big fuss. Who knows when the first day of Ramadan is? The first day of Ramadan, nobody wants to miss. Everyone is looking at the night sky for the new moon. Ramadan will begin soon. Tomorrow insha-Allah. Tomorrow insha-Allah the Imam calls out. Everyone should know, pass the good news around. I get a call from my Uncle and Aunt...Ramadan will begin tomorrow, insha-Allah. I tell my 9 year old, Baby...Ramadan will begin tomorrow insha-Allah. She runs around the house jumping and screaming, Yeah!!!! Ramadan is tomorrow. Ramadan is tomorrow and turns to me...Mom...don't forget to wake me up to eat, ok? Cuase if you don't, I'll be starving the next day. That night everyone in the community gathered at the Masjid. We need to pick a date to cook dinner for the hungry and tired. That's 200 people, give or take a few men. During this blessed month, certain people show up. "Ramadans", we've nicknamed them. Mom turns to me and says, make sure you pick a weekend so that you could be here, Saturday is good. Insha-Allah Mom. Last Ramadan, all the weekends were taken so I wasn't able to help cook. Though I helped pay for the feast, work got in the way. Not this Ramadan insha-Allah, I pray. Went to the Masjid, and after prayer, people were scrambling to the Ramadan calendar. I patiently waited for my turn and 2nd Sunday was Allah's (SWT) answer. What will be my menu? Oh it will be good insha-Allah. Maybe lamb, or chicken, or beef. Spicy rice and a special drink. Dessert for the children, they will enjoy that. This Ramadan will surely be a blast!! Al-Hamdulillaah, I'm thankful cause a blast it still is. Don't forget to pray for the hungry and needy my brothers and sisters. May Allah (SWT) bless all of us Muslims this Ramadan Kareem so that we could enjoy the next ones to come. Ameen. Ma-asslaamah...... |
| Re: RAMADAN DIARIES 1425 - (post them in here) |
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| Kathy |
| 11/11/04 at 18:58:52 |
| [slm] November 10th :-["It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, ...” My parrot is sitting on my shoulder as I type this. I look at him and cannot help but marvel over his beauty. He is blue like the blue bubble gum sky. His beak is crayola red in color. His feathering shines in the sun and his eyes are actually blue lined with the cutest eyelashes. As I look at him, my eyes tear up because he seems to be a symbol, a reminder of my life. The good and beautiful as well as the disappointments and failures. Earlier this month the MSA asked me to come and give a speech about Women in Islam and more specifically. “Why would an American Woman want to become a Muslim and Cover?” For the very first time, I had to really think and reflect on my passage from Christianity to Islam and the development of becoming a Muslim. My mind has been occupied with these thoughts the entire month. As I did the typical childrens’ programs, Planetarium show- Skies of Ramadan, Lailat-ul Qadr Experience, Puppet shows, Islamic Challenge game- Smarties for Smarties, Kids Nite Out etc... I was focussing on what brought me to this point. How did a very strong Catholic girl end up teaching Islam to Muslims and non Muslims? I bought the parrot with the idea in mind to use him for ‘Dawah’ shows in schools. I even named him Tawheed. At the very least I could always explain his name to the children. You should have seen how crazy I was when I first saw him in the pet store. The first look. I was in love. His mere presence makes me glorify Allah swt. Like many, I have made tons of duas in my life. I actually made dua to get Tawheed. It was a miracle that I got him, as the price for a parrot, cage and accessories were totally out of my budget! Subhannah Allah, my dua was sincere and soon he was mine. Sometimes when I look at him he reminds me that Allah swt does indeed answer our duas, even when it |