A R C H I V E S
Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Why does a women need a muslim wali? |
|---|
| Anonymous |
| 10/19/04 at 23:49:13 |
| = Hi I have a question about walis. My friend is contemplating getting married, she is a revert and of course there are no other muslims in her family to represent her. She does not know any other male muslims. I have read that in such situations many women go to the Imam at their local mosque, however, she does not have a local mosque and the man who has proposed lives in another country. However, this man's sister lives in another state in the USA and all she has done so far is talk to this sister and the man himself on the phone many times. So what does she do in such a situation? even if she finds an Imam, how can he really look after her interests when he doesn't even know her or even her family, how is it possible he can represent her in front of this man when the man himself is in another country? I've said to her not to even consider anything until she meets this man, if he really wants to marry her then he should pay the ticket to go to the USA. The other thing too is that she had an ad on a muslim matrimonial site to which his sister responded, so first contact was with his sister. Would appreciate any suggestions. Thanks |
| Re: Why does a women need a muslim wali? |
|---|
| jannah |
| 10/20/04 at 01:15:58 |
| [wlm] She needs a wali to represent her interests. The wali is the one that should put out the hardhitting questions such as: Why does he want to marry someone in the US? What is his situation currently? How does he intend to treat her? He will put any conditions she wants out there and basically negotiate the best deal for her. The wali is also the one to do research etc.. basically everything a father would do for his daughter. And you are right, it should be someone who knows her and has done all this work for her beforehand and can be assured that her decision is a good one because he is representing her and is responsible for her welfare and must keep up with the marriage when difficulties arise. If she does not have one she needs to find one. It can even be a friend's husband or father etc. Encourage her to find a good wali and perhaps the wali can bring up the questions of concern you brought up to her and the prospective husband as well. |
| Re: Why does a women need a muslim wali? |
|---|
| Caraj |
| 10/20/04 at 14:28:39 |
| In the meantime...... while looking for a wali I would go to the sisters board on here and print off a copy of a post (or copy and paste on pc to email) Akhwat Cafe Post name: 100 marriage q's !!! Momma Mod by AyeshaZ And have this sister email or mail these questions to her prospective hubby. I think they are wonderful and a great tool. By time he finishes the answers and submits it back to her she may have a Wali and can give him the answers. There was a brother who asked me to help him with finding a wife and I introduced him to another brother. (I felt it was more appropriate) I in the meantime sent him Momma Mods questions, he moaned and pitched a mini fit and never did the homework I wasked.... Needless to say the brother and I washed our hands of the situation. If he was to lazy to answer them he was to lazy to be a good hubby ;) (in my opinion) Is there no Islamic center nearby to assist in this? And since Jannah mentioned a friends brother or hubby what about yours? Best wishes to your friend. :-) |
| 10/20/04 at 14:29:47 |
| Caraj |
| Re: Why does a women need a muslim wali? |
|---|
| Anonymous |
| 10/21/04 at 15:33:18 |
| Thanks to the ladies for your replies. I am not a muslim so I cannot help my friend out but I tried to access that post about 100 questions but I wasn't able to, would someone be able to paste it for me? many thanks |
| Re: Why does a women need a muslim wali? |
|---|
| Anonymous |
| 10/21/04 at 15:33:43 |
| Assalamu alaikum and Ramadan mubarak to you all, I don't know which school of thought your friend follows, but one of them (I think it's the Hanafi, but someone please correct me if I'm wrong) allows for a woman to enter a marriage contract without a wali. You may want to look into it -- if she is eligiable, this may solve her problem. wassalam |
| Re: Why does a women need a muslim wali? |
|---|
| Caraj |
| 10/24/04 at 17:05:44 |
| Anon It is on these baords. My copy and paste doesn't work for some reason since I got aol. When you log in to www.jannah.org click on medain boards see all the boards? Click on Akhwat cafe scroll down till you get to a thread titled 100 marriage q's!!!! Momma Mod if not on the frist page scroll down and click to the 2nd page. Can anyone do the link thingy??? I don't know how to do it. Also if you are not a member you can email me I can do the copy and paste and email it to you via email. My email addy is ranchlady42@aol.com For some reason copy and paste will work if I do it via aol but nothing else. The questions are perfect and I would HIGHLY recommend to have your friend copy them and send a copy to the brother and answer then herself and submit the answers to him. But I would get his answers before I would show mine ;) Also have her go to www.islamicfinder.com and she can type in her zip code and find an Islamic center near her. I pray all goes well. |
| 10/24/04 at 17:08:48 |
| Caraj |
| Re: Why does a women need a muslim wali? |
|---|
| Nistar |
| 10/25/04 at 21:54:35 |
| [slm] I've been told by my local community leader, that my father (a non-Muslim) is an acceptable wali. I've also heard of women in the community representing themselves as wali. [wlm] |
| Re: Why does a women need a muslim wali? |
|---|
| Anonymous |
| 10/26/04 at 00:37:29 |
| salaam wali are only suppose to be males so how can the woman be wali? My question is that how come men dont need a walis approval for marriage? I hear of men being married for money ect... |
| Re: Why does a women need a muslim wali? |
|---|
| jannah |
| 10/26/04 at 01:02:34 |
| [wlm] I've never heard of a woman in the community being a wali.. I have heard of the girl representing herself in a certain madhab however. Best to check out the fiqh with a scholar. But in the end, true a guy can end up getting hurt just as much as a woman, but a woman has alot more to lose, in that time and in our times, so its important for her to have as much protection as possible. (ie she is the one left which children and with no one to support her if he turns out wack) Sometimes girls (and guys) when they are very attached to each other don't take into consideration alot of things, so that is what parents and if no parents, a wali is for. Not to stop something if they don't like it based on unislamic reasons, which is abuse of "wali-ship" if you ask me, but to help the girl to make a good decision, support her in it, and support her in the future so no abuse takes place. |
| Re: Why does a women need a muslim wali? |
|---|
| bhaloo |
| 10/30/04 at 02:03:33 |
| [slm] This was actually discussed sometime ago on this board. The hanafi madhab allows it in under certain situations (its definitely in Al-Hediya), weather those situations even exist today is another question. You can search for it on the board and see the detailed evidence and what the scholars said on this matter. |
Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board |