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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Behaviour [snappish to husband]? |
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| Anonymous |
| 11/02/04 at 13:33:17 |
| just recently got married alhamdulillah. I have a very good and understanding husband mashallah! My big problem is that there are one or two days out of a month that I just cannot explain my behaviour.I feel like crying and a little depressed and just feel a bit spiteful and snappish with my poor hubby. He of course is totally sweet and tries to find out if he has done something wrong, I totally feel bad afterwords coz he'll go out of his way to get me a card or flowers or ask how am doing. Do any of you muslimah's go through this and how do you handle this problem? This behaviour is always out of character for me and before that time of the month..sisters can relate to this.It only takes something so small to upset me.Any ideas on trying to control my behaviour? Jazakallah khairan. |
| Re: Behaviour [snappish to husband]? |
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| M.F. |
| 11/02/04 at 18:10:09 |
| Assalamu alaikum :D sounds like a classic case of .... PMS... You know that horrible weepy feeling you get right around your period? Most probably caused by the hormone changes that take place? I think all sisters can relate. Husbands learn to live with it and usually when you start acting snappish they can tell it's "that time of the month" again. I think taking extra calcium and magnesium can help calm nerves a little around that time of month, and doing whatever you usually do to relax, a bath or tea or whatever works. Did you know that around PMS time even your dreams are affected? A psych professor once told us this, and I found it to be true. He said that at that time women dream their husbands are--well-- not very nice people, although he didn't use those very terms. He was right! |
| Re: Behaviour [snappish to husband]? |
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| Kathy |
| 11/03/04 at 08:23:57 |
| [slm] Some of us have it Pre PMS, During and Post. Those are the hubbies I feel sorry for! I can't wait to see what Peri Menopause brings! I would suggest that you be candid with your hubby and tell him about the hormonal changes and your moods. He may have no clue. :o |
| Re: Behaviour [snappish to husband]? |
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| eleanor |
| 11/03/04 at 10:12:41 |
| [slm] Actually I think her husband may very well know exactly what is going on. Masha Allah he sounds so patient and loving. I was reading a women's mag today and found this section - --------------------------------------------------- The Man Files [i]Their Verdict on PMT[/i] 1) My girlfriend does get a little moodier than usual, but it's not too bad, so I can cope with it. I wouldn't say she is that different from normal as women can be moody sometimes anyway - Michael, 36 2) My wife doesn't suffer too badly from it, but I once went out with someone who did. It was a nightmare! She'd get ratty, impatient and irrational around the same time every month. I couldn't reason with her, so I kept out of her way! - John, 32 3) On a scale of one to ten my wife's around a five. She does get a bit impatient and moody, but she doesn't throw things or shout at me. She's just a little less approachable. I've learned to wait until her PMT has passed before I approach any touchy subjects! - Matt, 32 4) My girlfriend is terrible with it. She becomes so argumentative that there's no pleasing her. She cries for no reason, too. It only lasts for a couple of days, but that's bad enough. Everything is always my fault at that time of month. - Chris, 21 5) I had a girlfriend a few years ago who was an absolute nightmare. She became so angry over the slightest thing. I used to get the entire contents of the kitchen thrown at me. She hurled a wooden spoon at me once and gave me a black eye. It was like she turned into a monster. - Danny, 43 6) My wife doesn't suffer, but PMT should be taken more seriously. I work in the medical profession and some women are so badly affected, they even get sectioned for it. People should have more sympathy. - Tim, 41 7) My girlfriend doesn't get bad-tempered but she does want a lot of attention at that time of month. I have to give her lots of "huddles". That's her word for a mixture of cuddles and hugs. - Richard, 29 --------------------------------------------------- I realise this is not exactly islamic, but I wanted to point out that women suffer to varying degrees and men can be understanding and not so understanding. I think next time you notice yourself going over the edge again, apologise to your husband and say it is "the time of the month" and that should be enough to let him know that it is a biological problem and not you being horrible or mean to him. But as I said, chances are he has already realised this. Take it easy on yourself, you are what you are. wasalaam eleanor. |
| Re: Behaviour [snappish to husband]? |
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| workingmuslimah |
| 11/04/04 at 07:54:54 |
| Definitely sounds like PMS. Raspberry leaf tea can help with it. Drink it during the week before the period. It's available in health food stores and some pharmacies.(But check with a herbalist or other health practitioner if you are trying for a baby, if I remember correctly it can stimulate uterine contractions and is not recommended in early pregnancy...) Your husband sounds like a kind and patient man (ma sha Allah!), explain it to him so he understands what is going on. It will make those few days easier for both of you if you both understand why this is happening. And pray to Allah for patience and healing too. |
| Re: Behaviour [snappish to husband]? |
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| Caraj |
| 11/09/04 at 16:47:47 |
| [quote author=M.F. link=board=sis;num=1099416797;start=0#1 date=11/02/04 at 18:10:09] Assalamu alaikum I think taking extra calcium and magnesium can help calm nerves a little around that time of month, and doing whatever you usually do to relax, a bath or tea or whatever works. ![/quote] Excellent suggestion with something added. They are finding PMS can be calmed with Calcium and Mag but it has to be in the right amounts and parts. I can't remember what it is so please do a web search on the subject, it may be 250 mg to 500mg of the other for example. Talking to your hubby about the hormone stuff is a great idea (many young men have NOOOOO idea about such things, but just a little warning, after a while a man seems to become amune to regular behavior outbursts and after a while may not be so sweet to you. (Just FYI and my observations). Soooooooo Keep a small diary, write down when this happens, the day and what is going on and how you feel and also note the dates of your cycle, and after a few months you can look back at it and see for yourself when to expect things to happen. Its ok, its normal and try the extra vits / minerials, but keep the journal cause it may be a help to both you and your doctor at a later date. it's normal so relax.... have no fear, joke with hubby about it and express your appreciation for his tenderness during these times. Welcome to womanhood ::) |
| 11/09/04 at 16:48:57 |
| Caraj |
| Re: Behaviour [snappish to husband]? |
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| HijabifiedSisTa |
| 11/10/04 at 01:07:13 |
| [slm] 1. I recently got married too ( winks at da MOD ) am an OLD user guess who i m 2. ALWAYS SAY SORRY TO HIM like if u think u gone bizarre on him ... apologize insha'Allah 3. Don't let him do any of the house work ... tell him if i do this one more time u don't get to wash dishes ... if i do this to u ... i clean da kitchen while u sit down n chill out. Alhamdulillah for my husband lol i tell him to sit down while i work . he feels sorry for me n helps when i wanna spoil him lol |
| Re: Behaviour [snappish to husband]? |
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| Anonymous |
| 11/10/04 at 13:28:00 |
| Asalaam Aleykum Sisters. Jazakallah for all your replies about my snappish behaviour. Azizah, I will keep a diary, I love writing down stuff, inshallah it will help. Jazakallah to all you who responded. My husband has been very supportive alhamdulillah and although one sister suggested that I tell him that I will do the dishes or something if this ever happens again, that strategy won't work with him. Mashallah, he rushes to do the chores before me because he wants to follow our Prophet(SAW)'s example of helping with house chores that sometimes it takes a lot of convincing to get him to let me do some house work..lool...alhamdulillah am truly blessed by Allah(SWT).As you can tell am doing just fine alhamdulillah.... |
| Re: Behaviour [snappish to husband]? |
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| sisterhood |
| 11/19/04 at 17:56:32 |
| Asalamu Alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa baraaktu, I just wanted to add that you might want to look in to hormone imbalances it may be pms or it may not with me it turned out to be something different and for awhile before we knew what it was My husband thought I was crazy ;D Amena |
| Re: Behaviour [snappish to husband]? |
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| resistance4ever |
| 11/28/04 at 08:42:27 |
| [slm] I got married a few months back in July and this type of snappy behaviour seems to affect my wife also. At first i used to think it was omething i was doing, and always went out my way to find out if i'd done anything wrong and if i could do anything to make her feel better. i'd buy her gifts, flowers, chocolates, ornaments etc. But every once in a while, out of knowhere, and in the most awkward moments, like when out in public, she will snap at me and even start arguing with me in public. I've just come to accept not to disagree with her as she cannot handle not having her own way all the time. Its got nothing to do with PMT as this behaviour is random, it happens all month round. At first i thought it WAS pmt, but i dont any longer as you wouldnt snap all the time, only around the time of the period. Its got to the point for me that i just dont care why she snaps. Now i just ignore her as i know its not anything i have done. If she wants to have a go at me, she can. i just go get on with whatever i'm doing. maybe its not the best way to deal with it, but i dont see why i should continue to put up with her snapping at me over little insignificant issues. Its far too depressing and demoralising to argue back, and leaves me regretting getting married. I dont know if this is the nature of women or if i have sadly just married a bad apple, but its not pleasant. I've spoken to her about it, and she always apologises, but a few days later it all kicks of again. PMT? maybe in some cases, but does/can PMT affect a woman all month? wasalaam |
| 11/28/04 at 10:15:15 |
| resistance4ever |
| Re: Behaviour [snappish to husband]? |
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| M.F. |
| 11/28/04 at 10:48:04 |
| [slm] bro resistance Insha Allah you haven't married a bad apple, and I really hope you don't regret having gotten married. I think there's a lot more that snappish behavior than meets the eye, and my guess is that your wife may have a lot of things that she keeps bottled up inside and then releases a little bit every once in a while. Try to find out if there's something overall that's making her miserable or whether she is resentful or blaming you for any aspect of her life, changes that she's not happy with that happened after you got married or something like that. I think you might find out that this behavior is not as random as it looks, and that there's really something going on with her. It takes a while for women to adjust to the HUGE changes that go along with marriage, and I think most of the time women sacrifice a lot for their husbands, going along with their plan and following them hence possible resentment. The other thing might be, as someone suggested, an overall hormonal imbalance, that might happen if she's on the pill or other hormonal birth control, or might just be an imbalance that she has already. Good luck brother, and don't forget du'aa, whatever you do. |
| Re: Behaviour [snappish to husband]? |
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| Kathy |
| 11/28/04 at 19:23:25 |
| [slm] Resistance... Your wife is going through alot now. If I recall, in an earlier post you said she was a new revert. I am bringing this up because I remember being a new revert, especially at this time of year. It is hard for them. More than you will ever know, as they are afraid to say. Add that to a new marriage, new living arrangements, loss of friends... it is alot of stress. Also, I imagine you are the kind of Bro who would gently try to set her straight on the "Islamic way" to do everything. She may need a breather. No matter how gently you try to persuade her. Take the baby steps. She has given up alot to be with you. If she is young and you are positive you are doing nothing wrong, make it clear in a kind and undemanding way, you find her behaviour unacceptable. :o I know, that does not sound like good advice, but with some hot and head strong gals, they need to be taken down a peg or two. I remember once yelling at my hubby in public (which to this day I feel I was justified). He did not back down and put me in my place. I can tell you I have always thought of that time and it took me down a peg or two. Especially once when i saw a woman yelling at her hubby. It only made her look bad, you can see the public had sympathy for him! So don't take it, unless she is mentally, hormonally challenged. You do not want your kids to hear you treat you this way. |
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