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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Dealing with a sad spouse |
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| cba |
| 11/14/04 at 21:43:00 |
| [slm] my dear brothers and sisters in Islam First of all I would like to extend my heartly Eid Greetings to all of you and hope that everyone is doing well in all aspects of life InshAllah. I have a dilemma and would like some input from the brothers and sisters InshAllah. Any advice is welcome. With the grace of God I am married [It has been about a year or so]. Alhamdulillah I am very happy with my wife but sometimes I find her very sad and it hurts me. When I ask her if everything is ok the response is positive, but I get a strong feeling that something is not right. Something is bothering her. I can tell because, she doesn't talk much, laugh or smile. So my question is how does a husband go about finding out what is bothering his wife, even though she says everything is ok. I am asking for general guidelines. Do you married brothers\sisters experience this type of situation, if yes, what do you do? With this I say Eid mubarak to you all of one more time. May Allah swt bless you all and shower his mercy upon all of you. [slm] |
| Re: Dealing with a sad spouse |
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| theOriginal |
| 11/15/04 at 01:19:05 |
| [slm] Eid Mubarak to you too... Does she live far away from her family? Maybe she just misses them. If she does live far then tell her (yeah, don't ask...tell) to call them every few...days, or whatever you feel is appropriate. And then do fun things with her. To cheer her up. Things like a daily walk or something. InshaAllah she'll be fine :) Wasalaam. |
| Re: Dealing with a sad spouse |
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| Kathy |
| 11/17/04 at 08:52:28 |
| [slm] I agree with Just one. My first year of marriage I was extremely happy and sad. Happy with the hubby, missing my family desperately, especially during the holidays. If your wife is sad all the time... even on outings with you, she may be clinically depressed. Just checking... are you a good husband? (I assume you are~ since, you have asked about your wife!) |
| Re: Dealing with a sad spouse |
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| se7en |
| 11/17/04 at 10:50:01 |
| as salaamu alaykum, awwww poor guy. I think I do this to my husband all the time.. :( sometimes it's because there's something bothering me, but I don't want to make a big deal. or it's because I'm missing my family, but I don't want to tell him and make him feel guilty. Or it could be any one of a million other things. The first year of marriage is such an emotional time and there are so many feelings to work through. Just be patient with her, insha'Allah, and as you gain her trust and you two open up to each other, she'll feel more comfortable sharing with you insha'Allah. A suggestion -- just go up to her and give her a *big* hug.. and look her in the eyes and tell her "I love you. can you please tell me what's wrong? are you sad?" and then stay quiet. she may hesitate, or say 'nothing is wrong', or look/walk away from you, but just stay quiet and maintain eye contact. Insha'Allah she will open up to you. may Allah make things easy for you two and join your hearts, wasalaamu alaykum, 7 |
| 11/17/04 at 10:52:02 |
| se7en |
| Re: Dealing with a sad spouse |
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| Ash010110 |
| 11/18/04 at 10:26:28 |
| Assalaamu alaikum, Usually, this kind of sadness is due to loneliness of one form or another. My wife had two incidents like this. One was Eid, where it was her first one w/o mother and older sisters. The other was b/c she felt kind of alienated from the less-observant sisters around her. The key is persistent kindness and gentle nudging. For example, I asked her what's wrong, and she said nothing. So I talked about my day a bit more, and in the middle of quoting a conversation I'd had, I said: "And then he said, 'so, what's bothering your wife??' I replied, 'I don't know.' He said, 'well, silly, GO home and ask her!' So that's why I asked you, dear; something's gotta be pretty bad when my co-worker who doesn't know you can notice your sad ;)" This kind of approach usually cracks a smile and gets her to open up. If that doesn't work, try pelting her with chocolate mints. Ask her what's wrong, and when she says nothing, say 'MASHA'ALLAH!' and throw a mint at her with a big grin on your face. Repeate until she succumbs to the chocolate. I've found that humor is the best way to a woman's heart; logic doesn't work b/c they have a different set of parameters than we men do. So keep nudging with smiles, jokes, hugs, and other acts of random compassion. Also, encourage her to call her mother or sister or close family and talk to them on a regular basis. . . this acts as a kind of preventative cure. Also be sure that YOU talk to her on a regular basis, too (about your day, your hopes, dreams, fears, peeves, etc). . . that way she gets used to opening up to you. May peace be with you, Ash |
| Re: Dealing with a sad spouse |
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| theOriginal |
| 11/18/04 at 10:55:33 |
| [slm] I think the chocolate mint thing was by far the coolest thing I have ever heard. I cracked a smile just reading it. I think she just needs to know that YOU care for her. Once she can be sure of that, she'll be okay with missing her family minus the tears. Wasalaam. |
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