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| the ultimate muslimah wedding guide!! |
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| se7en |
| 11/18/04 at 12:31:37 |
| bismillah the ultimate muslimah wedding guide by se7en just wanted to share some tips/suggestions/advice about wedding planning, from my own experiences and mistakes :P general advice -- woohoo!! you are getting married :) mabrook and congratulations. this is, insha'Allah, the start of an amazing, beautiful and khayr-filled relationship in your life. your wedding will be, insha'Allah the baraka-filled and joyous occasion on which to embark on this journey :) -- for the wedding, do what you want. as soon as people know that you're getting married, everyone and their mom will have an opinion about what you should have at the wedding, what you should do, what you should wear, how you should have it set up etc. while being diplomatic with people's suggestions, you also have to dismiss them and figure out what it is *you* want. at the end of the day, it is going to be one of the most cherished and amazing memories of your life, while for others it will only be a one-evening event (or three-evening event, depending on your culture ;)). if there's something you want to do or have at the wedding that's not the norm, be courageous, and, with the agreement of your family and your in-laws, just go ahead and do it! and don't care what anyone else thinks. trust me, everyone is gonna have an opinion anway ;) -- be ASSERTIVE. every individual you deal with in the wedding planning -- whether it be the caterer, the florist, the rental hall people, etc -- know that you want your wedding to be perfect and they will try to get as much money out of you as they can. Examples of things people say to get more money out of you: "Oh no, that's just the price you saw in the advertisement. Because it's a wedding, we have to 'special order' the item, so it costs more." "Oh, who told you that price/agreement? Oh no, that person doesn't know what they're talking about/doesn't work here anymore/gave you the wrong assessment. I'll tell you what we can do for you.." It's important that when you go in to speak to such people that you: 1. Write down the person's name and the estimates they tell you. 2. Clarify any agreement, especially about price or time with the person as clearly as possible. 3. If possible, get the individual to write the agreement down and sign it and date it. It sounds like a lot, but with all the millions of details that will be swimming in your head, this will save you soo much stress. also if it does happen (and I'm sure it will) that there is some discrepancy between what they charge you and the price they've told you, or the time schedule they tell you and the arrival of the item/service, it's much easier to show them the written agreement than to go in and say, "You told me something different!!" -- be ORGANIZED! this is super difficult, especially if you are not an organized person by nature, but the wedding has soooooo many details to see to. have a notebook in which you write ALL your wedding stuff that you keep with you at all times (keep it in your purse/bag). And have a folder in which you keep ALL documents, receipts, etc. If you're active in Islamic work, you can think of the wedding as organizing a conference. The only difference is, with a conference you have different chairs for each committee, while for a wedding, it's all you baby ;) (unless you have a really really amazing sister or family members that will help you out.) -- Always price shop. In your notebook keep one page for each heading, ex. CenterPieces, Rental Chairs, Hotel Rooms etc, and then list the different places, phone #'s and prices they give you. It's so much easier to cross reference!! -- Try as best as you can to DELEGATE. For example, have one of your friends/family members "take care" of something. "Taking care" of it means that they will organize it and put it together from start to finish, so you don't have to think about it at all until the day of the wedding. Examples of tasks others can 'take care' of: -- putting together the nasheed soundtrack -- taking care of all out of town guests -- printing out the programs, 'reserved' cards for tables, etc -- taking pictures on the day -- sitting with the non-Muslim guests and making them feel comfortable -- distributing wedding favors -- picking up/dropping off chairs, etc the more you delegate, the easier things will be for you. the invitations -- start working on the invitation list from a looooooong looong time in advance. If you are like most Muslims, there are about 600 more people you want to invite than you can fit in the rental hall :) so it'll take some time to reduce the numbers. Also you'll have time to remember to invite people you would have otherwise forgotten. -- Make your invitation list in an Excel Spreadsheet, with the names and addresses and phone numbers of each guest. This will make your life so much easier when working on thank you cards later on, or if you need to get in touch with a guest about their RSVP. -- order Eid Stamps a LONG time in advance, even before you select your invitations. you will need a ton of them, and if you have any left over from the invites/rsvp cards you can use them for your Thank You cards, or just later on in life. -- order your invites ASAP, as soon as you know what you want them to say, even if it seems 'early'. it is so easy for there to be delays, spelling errors if you have them made overseas, or in the U.S. if you want special printing, like with Arabic, there is also a delay. Also in the U.S. they are accustomed to having brides come in *very eary* so their usual process takes like four months or something like that. -- Keep in mind that it may take some time to put the invitations together. It's like, you have to insert the actual invitation card, the tissue paper, the directions sheet and any other sheets into the inner envelope; then you have to stuff it into the outside envelope; then you seal it, address it and add a stamp. a lot of work! :) consider having an invitation party and getting some of your friends to help assembly line style. -- consider forgetting about the RSVP cards altogether. a lot of Muslims (as far as I've seen) have a pretty hard time returning them, and you end up having to call people and finding out whether people are coming individually anyway, which kinda defeats the purpose. you can save quite a bit of money here, doing away with ordering the RSVP cards and the stamps that you would also have to include. -- if you order in the U.S. they will try to sneak in all kinds of extra charges like: printing of the return address, including an inner lined envelope, etc. you can cut down on the price a lot if you do away with these extra things. BEFORE the wedding -- If you want to do mehndi ask someone who is going overseas/knows someone going overseas to get a fresh tube for you. the color is so much better! -- Squeeze in time for stress-free get togethers with your friends. It'll be very difficult in the coming months to spend time with them, even if you are not moving away, with all the newlywed obligations. Ask your friends to make this a 'wedding-free' time, with no discussion about wedding details. I'm sure they'll be happy to oblige, because at this point they will probably be as tired of wedding planning as you are :) -- Have a bridal shower (hosted by one of your close friends who would be willing to organize it for you :P) especially if you are having a huge wedding, it's a really nice way to spend time with those you are closest to. -- You know how in movies or tv shows when a person finds out they only have 24 hours to live, they always make a list of ten things they want to do before they die? you should do the same before you get married :) for me, there were things in my hometown I've never seen/experienced, so I made sure to go out and do them before I moved away. -- Take time for yourself spiritually. It can be a really draining time. Don't forget the ultimate reason for getting married, and that the wedding is just one day, the start, of this beautiful new relationship. Make good intentions and resolutions for a healthy, happy, and spiritually nourishing relationship with your spouse. Remember the wedding is just a means, it's not an end. -- Don't let the stress of the wedding planning come between you and your betrothed and/or family members and/or future in-laws. often times petty details become the source of huge conflicts and bitterness that last a life time, which is unfortunate. it's okay to compromise on some things, and to overlook things and to forgive. -- don't get all "princess bride" (as my sister liked to call it :P) this is when you start to have the mentality, usually starting about 4 weeks before the wedding, that "IT IS MY WEDDING! EVERYTHING HAS TO BE PERFECT OR ELSE I WILL PERISH!!" hehehehe :) just breathe :) inhale.. peach.. [positive energy] exhale.. lime.. [negative energy] talk to married people who have been there, done that, and that can keep you calm. there's one sis on the message board that would madina msg me every now and then and just tell me to take it easy and breathe.. it helped so much!! :) thanx umm_ibby :) ----- gotta go, more to come insha'Allah.. on the henna, the wedding set up, wedding favors, etc.. feel free to add :) salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullah |
| 11/19/04 at 11:36:39 |
| se7en |
| Re: the ultimate muslimah wedding guide!! |
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| jannah |
| 11/18/04 at 18:06:02 |
| Let me add a few things that my dear sister forgot (or chose to forget) :) Usually a wedding is a fight between the wedding you want (aka the princess bride wedding') versus cost. So here are some tips: - use the talent in your community like sisters who know how to do henna, makeup ,hair, how to decorate, how to do flower arrangements etc this saves some major bucks. ask some local brothers to come help setup and take down the hall, ask someone to do the photography, videography. someone good at calligraphy to do the program flier. - have an invitation making party or a favor making party.. invite all ur friends.. this saves alot of work and u have some nice pre wedding get togethers as well - if you can cut out the middlemen then do so.. there's no need for a florist if you can buy flowers wholesale and have someone arrange them - watch out for all the extra options.. just like when u go buy a car people LOVE to stick you with extra costs and extra "insurance" and things like that without telling anyone. this one rental company all of a sudden charged all this extra stuff.. and i mean what are you going to do the day of your wedding when you need that stuff... so get all the prices and costs clear and up front in the beginning. explain that you have a certain budget and can only spend a certain amount and don't want anything extra. like hotels will add all kinds of extra things without telling you. - for the hall try to avoid hotels as they have major extra costs like price per table for silverware settings, cake cutting costs per slice, punch for $45 a refill! stuff like that.. look for a large hall to rent.. community center, even mosque. the hall is a major expense and if u can reduce that it gives you more money for other better things - organization and timing is the key, it's all about organization and planning out the timeline etc. just like when you do things last minute you end up paying extra fees and not getting the best selection, you need to start early and plan every single thing - utilize all the sisters that have organized weddings in your community, they will be your best friends when ur planning the wedding. - don't be afraid to use all the wedding resources on the web for non-muslims.. you can find alot of good ideas and advice even though they aren't tailored for muslim weddings for a timeline here are the things you'd need to think about first thing ---> booking a hall/mosque/imam for the date then making the guest list, getting addresses, doing the invitations, sending them out then caterers for food then decorations/table settings/flowers then arrangements for out of town guests favors should be towards the end i'm sure there's a ton more stuff.. i'll add to this as i think of them ;) |
| Re: the ultimate muslimah wedding guide!! |
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| Kathy |
| 11/19/04 at 08:34:11 |
| [slm] Wow this is informative! I even learned a few new things... keep it up... never know when you are going to need this info! |
| Re: the ultimate muslimah wedding guide!! |
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| gift |
| 11/22/04 at 09:32:23 |
| [slm] Oh boy... phew! After spending a day looking at clothes, wedding rings, discussing wedding favours, make up, guest lists etc etc I'm starting one of those books like now (or maybe when I get home from work :D ). Honestly guys - please keep posting any tips - it all helps those of us who've never done this before. What I need is a wedding planner similar to the one Jennifer Lopez played in the film 'the Wedding Planner' - now she was super [i]organised[/i] :o :-/ [wlm] |
| 11/22/04 at 09:33:37 |
| gift |
| Re: the ultimate muslimah wedding guide!! |
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| lala |
| 11/22/04 at 11:04:12 |
| [slm] i'm going to start planning my wedding from now ;-) (umm perhaps getting engaged should be a first step ;-) LOL seriously...too much work ..... yikes thanks though:) |
| Re: the ultimate muslimah wedding guide!! |
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| AyeshaZ |
| 11/23/04 at 16:20:55 |
a must send to azizah and other magazines!! sr.tayabba taylor will love this!! *awesome* |
| Re: the ultimate muslimah wedding guide!! |
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| jannah |
| 11/27/04 at 14:35:45 |
| Tips for the Albany Sistahs Mafia on Your Wedding from Jannah Incorporated - On the invitations write the number you are expecting from that family in the blank for the number of people. If you let them write it in themselves prepare yourself for people adding extended family. - Expect that some people might call and ask if they can bring guests or extended family, or they might just bring extra people to the wedding.. so you must set places for at least 15-20 more than invited. - Put 'Bring your invitation' or something like that on your information flier. This will help prevent gate crashers. - When making your invitation list, make a list of everyone you know and then add a number system of who is most important to invite (5 = highest, 1= lowest) and then put the list in order of priority (you can do this in Excel) and figure out how many you can afford to invite, and as you find out who can't come you can continue down the list adding people. - Order invitations by calculating that you need one per family only. A couple living with their family should get their own invitation. - Start searching and picking out invitations wayyy ahead of time after the place is booked. Remember it takes up to 4-6 weeks to print them and almost a month to actually get them to everyone. - Give your favors during dinner, not at the end because a lot of people leave. - Make ribbons and tie them around the vases of centerpieces. Write the names of the people you want to give the bouquet arrangements to. Make sure to tell the people to take them and figure out a way to prevent random people from taking them. - People do not listen to the no kids rule. Your only choice is to not invite them or to have some type of arrangement for the kids like babysitting, a clown room etc. - Do everything you can to avoid renting anything. Beg, borrow and even buy things you'd need. Rental companies are very rude, expect big deposits and do everything they can to add hidden charges. - Always be very clear with the hotel on the charges, how many people, extra costs. Hotels tend to add charges for every little thing, including cutting the cake! - For the Henna don't bother booking a hall or hotel. Try your best to find a free place like a college hall or apt complex center. Or even your house. That way you don't have a time limit or other restrictions - Invite only your friends and your friend's mothers to the Henna. You do not need to invite all the women of the wedding. - Do not give anyone the location of the mehndi until very close to the time of the wedding, and then give it only to your close friends and tell them to please not tell anyone. - Write out a script for the whole evening. What the host will be saying when, what announcements to make, etc. Don't be afraid to tell parents to watch their kids. |
| Re: the ultimate muslimah wedding guide!! |
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| Kathy |
| 11/27/04 at 20:30:24 |
| :D [quote]- When making your invitation list, make a list of everyone you know and then add a number system of who is most important to invite (5 = highest, 1= lowest) [/quote] :oMake sure this file self destructs if it gets into someone else's hands!! :-[ hmmm... wonder where I was numbered.... :-/ |
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