A R C H I V E S
Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| kind words for new converts or for people thinking |
|---|
| phouthasone |
| 11/22/04 at 07:53:46 |
| salaam alaikum, i would like to post this thread because it might be able to help the new brothers and sisters who just converted to islam or to the one's thinking about converting. insha Allah. this is my first time posting of anything like this. This might be long so i hope you have some time to read this. also i hope i don't offend anyone but it's just my truth. well i would like to start off by saying i converted to Islam january 17, 2002. alhumdulillah. a day that i will never forget in my life. the 3rd yr anniversity of converting to islam is coming up and let me tell you it's not an easy ride like i thought it would be. but insha Allah, Allah will make it get easier for all of us. (this was the case for me, might differ from yours but hopefully we can relate in a way). i figured when i converted nothing would change but wow what a shell shock. i grew up in a town where islam and muslims were looked at like, o no trouble. <---(trying to put it in nicer term but we know how some people can get) may Allah forgive them and guide them like he has done for me. it was very hard for me when i converted, i kept it a secret because i thought people would look at me different.(mainly my friends and family) at the time none of my friends or i heard anything positive about islam and with all the negative i heard it frightened me to even mention the word islam or muslim. For the first couple of years i kept to myself and i tried to learn as much as i could. From what i have learned and experienced, i would not suggest to do it this way because you will lose out on all the wonderful benefits from learning from other fellow muslims. Also it didn't make me feel closer to Allah and the Prophet Mohammed [saw] like how i thought it would. Even though i was learning things, like how to pray and proper etiquettes of islam for example, i never fully understood why or how to do things. Also i started coming up with every possible excuse to not get involved in the muslim community. (let me tell you there was alot) Well whatever reason i came up with it, it made me stay away but it always made me feel guilty. But the main reason why i didn't want to go to the musjid and be around other muslims was the fear of rejection. i always considered myself an outsider even with my friends because i didn't like to do the things they like to do. my advice i would give to the new converts or to the one's thinking of converting is "go to the musjid and be with other muslims who can help you(me) and don't be afraid." (this advice is not something i came up with but instead from a dear friend) If your thinking of, easier said than done like i was thinking, please please remove that from yourself because that is just the shataan(devil) whispering in your ear. Recently, when i felt like my life was going in a downward spiral, i started to stop thinking of what people thought and doing things that pleases Allah. Instead of excuses on why i couldn't go to the mosque, i turned it around and said to myself why am i not at the mosque and around other muslims. Also i started to really repent for my sins and seek the love Allah in my life and heart, while following the Sunnah of the Prophet [saw]. As far as family situation goes, it bothered me because i thought they would reject and hate me. this bothered me alot because as human being we need the support around us to make it through hard and difficult times. Family can be really consoling at times of need. but now i look at it like i rather feel their wrath and scrutiny instead of Allah's. Plus we can receive a new family, the muslim family that is(ummah i think it's called, please correct me if i wrong or anything esle for that matter, i would love the right answer instead of going with the wrong one and i promise i won't get offended) For me, my friends and family are starting to except me more because they know i am just trying my hardest to be a good muslim(person). I know if you are trully sincere and just trying to be a good muslim they will come around like mine are. insha Allah. i aslo found that they or people in general say bad things about islam and muslims because they don't know anything about it or their facts are distorted and will draw there own conclusions (and in regards to that we, as muslims can't allow that, we need to stand up for what we believe in and inform the uninformed) now instead of them letting them say bad things about islam or if they do, i try to explain to them what i know and learned or refer them to someone who can assist them with their questions. and if they don't want to hear or listen to what we muslims have to say, i think it's ok insha Allah because atleast we can say we are making an effort to do something about the situation.(oops been typing so much i lost track of time it is fajr time and i am going to pray at the mosque, insha Allah. i will resume when i get back.) ok continueing on...... i can go on and on because there is so much i want to share so that it might help you take that step closer and deeper into islam but i gonna wrap it up with don't be afraid. only have fear for Allah and follow the sunnah of the Prophet [saw] because we all know we can go at anytime.(once read a great book about a situation about when we can go at anytime) anywho i want to extend any kind of help that i can to all converts or thinking about converting persons. i know there are so many people out there that will do the same and gotta appreciate the ones that are doing it already, masha Allah. like the people or person who came up with this beautiful place for all muslims, non-muslims and soon to be muslims insha Allah,to come together . may Allah reward you for your efforts and generosity. also i am the type of person who normally would never type something like this but it is all the nice people on the board who gave me the inspiration to write this. and i just want to say i don't want to benefit any thing from writing this, rather i want it to benefit the cause of ISLAM. for Allah know what my intentions are. you can holla back with replies or IM me at pintennessee. o by the way my name is phouthasone hehe try saying that 3 times fast, (i won't add last name because it's as long as the first name) ;D i be surprised if you can pronounce the name right the first time around. also if other converts or anyone who can share there stories please do because it gives us me more strength on my journey through life with Islam salaam alaikum................. |
| Re: kind words for new converts or for people thin |
|---|
| timbuktu |
| 11/22/04 at 11:24:21 |
| [slm] mabrook on your reversion. Subhanallah and mashallah for your post. I do hope it benefits all of us. We come with our own baggages, so please the reverts, do not be put off by the insensitivty of some of us "born" muslims. To read about other people's journeys, see this section on islamonline.net http://www.islamonline.net/english/journey/index.shtml Here is an article: http://www.islamonline.net/english/journey/jour36.shtml [center] Sense and Sensitivity How To Accommodate New Converts [/center] By Joanne McEwan Scotland 15/10/2002 There are numerous articles on this site, as well as videos and books elsewhere to satiate us Muslims on the growth of Islam, giving us that ‘feel-good factor’ often needed in this Islamophobic milieu. But there is an issue that is too often ignored. What about how new Muslims, and prospective Muslims are dealt with in our communities? After people revert to Islam how do we go about advising, helping, guiding and most of all befriending them?? Is it a case of “You are on your now, you’ve said your shahada!” or, “Come to my house and meet the family, but there are a long list of does and don’ts you must follow.” Aspects of the early years as a Muslim are all too often forgotten and ignored. This article may emerge as polemic outlook on Muslims’ attempts to help those who have entered the fold of Islam. My aim is not to have a good moan at the Muslim community. That would be futile and only widen the gap that may already exist between us all. I prefer to see this as one of those methods of self-development where to improve we must accept our faults, but to accept them we must first be aware of them. I hope that we can reflect on issues or ‘syndromes’ experienced by many new Muslims in the hope that those Muslims who have converts in their midst carefully consider their motives and etiquette when befriending them. But most importantly, all of us must develop some kind of empathy and understanding. I ask every person in this situation to try to put on the shoes of every new Muslim or prospective Muslim. If they don’t fit, then give them to someone they actually fit and ask them to take over this ardent task. I say ‘we’ because it may not only be native Muslims who lack empathy: converts also sometimes have very short memories, myself included at some stage. I would also like to point out that even native Muslims who have been brought up in the west unaware of the Islam that they should have inherited from their parents but who have ‘returned to the fold,’ so to speak, are in some ways similar to converts of non-Muslim family backgrounds. In many ways part of the struggle to exist as a new Muslim has a lot to do with the lack of moderation in the availability of information and help. Very often new Muslims and prospective Muslims are left to either grope in the dark at anything which is seemingly Muslim, or be spoiled for choice with people who smother them with attention and knowledge – sometimes, unfortunately, not the correct knowledge. In this case I will say that for many people it is a case of feast or famine from having no friends, information or help to being overwhelmed with them all. This imbalance is often measured with the person’s stage of learning. Too much information may go over their head and too little may be starving them. After my quiet and personal conversion, 15 years ago, I made many attempts to find out more about Islam. The most obvious place of course was the mosque; the beautiful and rather imposing mosque overlooking the river near the city center. But my visits were never taken with the seriousness they deserved. In fact, I was shown the door on more than one occasion. One event sticks clearly in my mind. I approached the patrons of the mosque: five rather middle aged men, in long beards wearing their traditional dress. There wasn’t a woman in sight. I told them that I was a Muslim and I wanted to know how to pray. They stood in disbelief – “A Muslim! You are not a Muslim.” “But I am,” I insisted, “and I want to know how to pray.” After a few minutes trying to convince them that I was Muslim, one of them said, “Well you need to learn about the basics first.” “But I already know the basics. I want to know how to pray!” I said. The embarrassment was too much for them. They produced an introductory booklet on Islam in English, which cost 50 pence. I delved into my bag to pay for it, but I just was not quick enough. One of them paid for it in the hurry to get me out. I left stunned and completely demoralized not knowing where to go to find out about that one fundamental pillar in Islam. I did pray with the help of that little booklet, but not correctly. It took another ten months to receive the help I needed when I decided to phone the same mosque in a last bid for help. The kind man who answered the phone directed me to his wife and the local Islamic center. I discovered a few years later that another womaen had a similar experience. She eventually went to an Arab country to take the elementary steps as a Muslim only to return to find that the same Islamic center was a few miles from her home all along. Ramadan was a similar experience. Anyone who has fasted for the first time as an adult will be able to understand how difficult it is. In my case it happened to be in the early summer, - that means sunset was after 10 pm – being on my own, and with not a soul to break fast with. `Eid wasn’t much fun either. Well I fasted on `Eid, actually. The Ramadan schedule I got from a halal meat shop said so and I followed it: the logical thing to do it seemed to me at the time. Now for the feast, and I say this both figuratively and literally. My first encounter with the Muslim community was overwhelming. Life as a solo Muslim and ignorance were things of the past. Ramadan was an array of prayers in the mosque and invitations to break fast. `Eid was a multicultural extravaganza. I visited five houses in the one day. I met many friendly and warm Muslims who in many ways became my adoptive families. Two pages of the Qur'an As for knowledge and direction in Islam, it was delivered at a speedy rate. Probably it was a rate that was just right for me at that time. I had been starved enough and I had a big appetite. But this was not the same for others. Many I knew took a wide berth or were never seen again. Over enthusiastic Muslims willing to help would in no time at all time know the life stories of the visitors, and some new Muslims began to feel that their personal space was encroached upon. It is quite understandable why new Muslims or prospective Muslims will be of interest. But we must remember to be moderate in our interest. Too many questions make people feel uncomfortable. What about the contents of this generous information? I don’t think I need to impress upon how preaching Islam often falls prey to dominance of cultural traditions rather than Islam itself. This is a common problem and consulting the ‘appropriate’ books on Islam can remedy this. What is difficult to expound is sifting through what is relevant and what is irrelevant. For example, a new Muslim needs time to get to grips with his/her new faith. It may take a person a day to accept and act upon one Islamic principle and may take another person years. As we are all unique individuals our absorption levels are variable. All Muslims take their time in absorbing concepts and native Muslims are no strangers to this. A good example on the relevance or irrelevance of certain principles and their immature timing is the emphases on the hadith, which states “religion is advice” which means that many Muslims feel the propensity to constantly advice new Muslims. “Marriage is half of faith” is another. Many Muslims are in such a rush to get new Muslims married off either due to the sheer buzz, their good intentions or to keep the sister, as in most cases, on the straight path. Marriage is half of one’s faith but not marrying at any certain stage does not make the person half a Muslim. By all means marriage can be the best step for a new Muslim but it can be the most trying step if the person is still coming to terms with his/her new identity. A measured approach is the key. This is an immense issue and due to its length it cannot possibly be dealt with correctly in rubric of this article. While new Muslims are struggling to grasp their new faith and identity, many people impress upon them to change their name to a ‘Muslim’ name. I have never been able to understand the need for this, particularly when the Prophet only changed the names of those whose names had bad meanings. The non-Arab companions Bilal, and Salman the Persian kept their names. Similarly, his wife, Marya, who was a Jew Coptic Christian before embracing Islam, did not change her name. I know countless of converts who have Muslim names now only because they were told it was a must, and if they had known that its wasn’t, they would have not changed them. I must admit that I did actually accept an Arabic name but only for the sheer novelty and experimental value. It lasted three hours. Compounded with this barrage of knowledge there is sometimes the use of another language. In my case Arabic or Urdu terms were often used instead of English. I often laugh at the following example, but reflect on how typical a scenario it is for many. There was one kind sister who helped my friend and myself in reading the Qur’an. She was also a convert. She did, however, have this tendency to go on about the vices of the devil and often referred to him in the Arabic as ‘shaytan’. She also often spoke about her duties towards her husband. Then one day, she began to mention shaytan doing this and that. With the amount of times she mentioned shaytan anyone would think I would have been well acquainted with him, and I innocently said, “Who is shaytan, again? Is that your husband?” She was horrified. Naturally! This not only typifies the problems in using jargon that new Muslims (and converts whose language has no aspect of Muslim culture) are unaware of, but also indicates how some aspects of Islam are presented in an imbalanced manner. Instead of being reminded of Allah’s mercy, I had to listen to references to the devil, hell and evil. What a turn around to embrace a religion that seems to be as full of hell and damnation as the one I had just left, I thought. Maybe this approach is better for an ex-priest, ex-nun or anyone from a Christian denomination still under the influence of John Knox. But I was previously a lapsed Catholic and, like many, left Catholicism due to its lack of compassion and understanding with the real world. Again, there is a call for Muslims to envisage themselves as that new Muslim in his/her previous life. Not easy! But neither is guiding them if has to be done fruitfully. Whether these examples make up for the cultural clutter, I cannot say exactly. Some aspects will be inherited from Muslim cultures and some will be over-zealous attempts to help new Muslims without that all encompassing empathy and with a taint of ignorance of how Islam should be disseminated. If they were only to look at how the Prophets and the Companions of Prophet Muhammad dealt with new Muslims, it would only enlighten them. Disseminating Islam in its most beautiful form to new Muslims or non-Muslims is an ardent task. With a few examples of my own personal experience I feel I have only exposed the tip of the iceberg. I recommend anyone in this situation to read the book “Even Angels Ask” by Jeffrey Lang. This is an honest and touching account of a man who reverted to Islam but saw himself and others fall into the many pit holes that new Muslims encounter. For feedback contact: MyjourneytoIslam@islam-online.net |
Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board |