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Marriage Huh!!

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Marriage Huh!!
Mohammad_Jasmi
11/26/04 at 13:29:25
[slm]
Praise be to Allah(SWT) All Mighty
Inshallah within the next 2 weeks I shall be married.
Now here comes the problem, my parents are forcing me to shave off my beard or to trim it small, and to wear western code of dress. On the other hand I am insisting that I shall wear my Pakistani dress fulfilling most of the Sunnah as possible.
I fail to make them realize the beard's importance and the importance of its Sunnah and that its Wajib to keep it.
Things do get out of hand, and I feel depressed when sitting among my family members as I am the only person with beard.
Please pray for me to strenghten my Iman, and for my successful marriage.
May Allah(SWT) Bless us all always.
Ma'salama
Re: Marriage Huh!!
Bangachi
11/26/04 at 21:21:25
Salaam brother and forgive me if I seem unsympathetic but Allah has rewarded
you with a wonderful wife to be and you are concerns are somewhat selfish. They
are your parents and the highest respect you can pay them is to honour their
wishes...in a way this is their day too remember! Try a peaceful negotiation....
explain delicately to all involved your feelings now to avoid any long term resentments....and if this doesn't work submission. This is going to be something
that happens long after the wedding day. Ugggh submission....I know I don't like
it either sometimes but it goes a long way in keeping the peace. May Allah
bless your bearded or shaved face a million times on your special day and
In shallah a long and wonderful marriage with some beautiful children that you can
have this same argument with someday!

Wa Salaam
Bangachi ;D
Re: Marriage Huh!!
sal
11/27/04 at 02:00:02
[slm]
I don’t see any selfishness in this brother .He seems sad his parents are reacting this way. There is no right they can be given in this  regard (shave the beard) just as an example,If there is no any logic fear like if his beard can cause danger to him that may be a reasonable request ,but the way he mentioned shows how they feel ashamed of their Islamic look  and culture .There is no a middle option between this matter so I don’t know how they can be obeyed the way they want.
I would say,  
Keep your beard as it is and they will soon or later understand their mistake
[wlm] ;-)

Re: Marriage Huh!!
jannah
11/27/04 at 02:17:09
[wlm]

Ummm... is there something wrong with trimming the beard a little to make it nice and clean for your wedding day???

and is there something wrong with wearing "western dress"??? I don't really understand how "Pakistani dress" fulfills the sunnah "the most possible".

Maybe you can find some kind of compromise in there... like trimming ur beard a little not shaving of course and wearing something like a modern style black sherwani...


Re: Marriage Huh!!
Maliha
11/27/04 at 07:05:47
[slm]
Did the Rasul [saw] wear a Pakistani dress ???

[wlm]
Re: Marriage Huh!!
anon
11/27/04 at 08:57:19
[slm]

:) Wow! Such anti-nationalists here! Not that I am a nationalist but just wanted to repeat what the brother originally said: "pakistani dress that fulfills most of the sunnahs"

I take that to mean he wants to wear a pakistani dress and one of the reasons is that it fulfills most of the sunnahs. Even if he prefers a Pakistani dress over a western-sunnah-dress, for cultural reasons, it should be understandable. It is his wedding afterall.

The kurtah (especially yemeni) (u can rejoice Nur :P) was the Prophet's[saw] favourite dress. (Shamail Tirmizi). So if someone wants to wear a kurtah it should be appreciated I think.
Re: Marriage Huh!!
jannah
11/27/04 at 12:45:42
Wearing a "kurtah" or a "thobe" etc are cultural sunnahs. That was the dress at the time of the prophet [saw] that people used to wear.  you will not be rewarded or punished if you do or don't. This is something that is mubah. As long as you fulfill the conditions of clothing for men... ie covering the awrah any style of clothing modern or old is acceptable.

ie for example the mode of transportation at the time of the prophet was riding camels and horses.. if we ride camels and horses is this a "sunnah"? culturally yes...will we be "rewarded"? obviously not...think about it...

Re: Marriage Huh!!
sal
11/28/04 at 01:38:22
[slm]I don’t think the type of dress be it pakistani or arabian or western is a  big deal to take a wide part of misunderstanding  .Any kind of cloth works but  in this brother’s story the point is he is satisfied with his traditional dress in its  best look .That is  what it seems things are .so the question is why to try to force him wear what he doesn’t like as long as he has chosen it as his favorite wear in this occasion. But any way If he looks better in the way they want him to  this can be given up to please  them  if this makes them stay away of his beard  which is the main issue. :)
Re: Marriage Huh!!
se7en
11/29/04 at 12:13:31
as salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullah,

parents have *so much* emotional investment in their children's weddings.. they want them to be perfect, and because of that they sometimes insist on things that go against their son or daughter's own wishes.

I think the best thing to do in this situation is to remain calm and unemotional in the discussion of these things. keep in good spirits -- this will be the best day of your life insha'Allah :)  and these are just minor things. and try your best to be kind to your parents, understanding that something that seems small or stupid in your eyes may be a very big deal to them.

negotiate with them, to try to make the best of the situation. for example, you may insist on keeping your beard, because shaving it is something you feel is unIslamic.. and at the same time you can try to fulfill their wishes in other things, that don't go against the deen.  

For example, a compromise you may come to is that you keep your beard, and you also wear western style clothing at the wedding (as we know western style clothing is not haram, if it fulfills the basic rules on proper dress for men).  you may prefer wearing something Pakistani, but in this instance it may be more wise and better for you to wear the outfit your parents like, because this will appease them about the fact that you have kept your beard.  Allahu a'lam.

my advice to you is to try your best to be wise, thoughtful and unemotional in your interaction with your parents.  be very soft and kind in the way you speak to them, even if you disagree with their suggestions.  these are the small things that can lead to bad feelings in the hearts, and that's something you want to prevent at such a cherished time in your life.

may Allah make things easy for you and mabrook on the wedding :)

wasalaamu alaykum wa rahmatullah
11/29/04 at 12:26:06
se7en
Re: Marriage Huh!!
anum_khan
11/30/04 at 11:50:46



Congratulations on our wedding brother,may Allah Ta'ala bless the both of you.
I understand your dilema,and urge you to as nicely as you can stick to your guns.
Naturally if you are currently sporting a rather shabby beard you should trim it for your Nikah for neatness sake.But trim is all brother!Trim is all!
As for wanting to wear your national dress(because it is long loose can we say modest)You should.The shivani idea is a good one especially since they are oh so sharp.
By no means should you wear a western suit they just aren't becoming,and in no way are they sunnah cultural(thats a new one on me)or otherwise.
Its very sad that in a Muslim country we actually face these dilemmas.
Good Luck


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