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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board

Do  MEN really know WHAT they want?
Caraj
12/05/04 at 12:34:52
Sisters, there are many wives, mothers, sisters and we all have to deal with MEN. Observing them do you think they ever REALLYYYYYY know what they want? Or have I just been meeting the bottom of the barrell :D During our seperation/divorce talks the following comments have come up. (not trying to be personal or such but these are examples of what I mean) 1) When I asked you to marry me I really didn't think you'd accept. (of course this is not what he said back a few years ago0 To which I thought:..... (you idiot) To which I replied:...Well (laugh) I guess that will teach your *** not to ask someone to marry you if you don't mean it. 2) When we were talking marriage I made sure I told him every thing about me and my past so nothing could rear it's ugly head later. I also explained every thing I could think of that others thought was my weaknesses and downfalls. To which he replied back then ....... you're not getting rid of me thaaaaat easily. 3) Having raised my kids to adulthood and having been married before, knowing what I did and did not want I told him like it was. Before he married I told him I chop my own wood (heat) I sling my own hay (horses) I make my own money. (my own business) If I marry you it will be cause I want you NOT cause I need you in my life and oh BTW You would be my companion, my friend and my mate NO MY FATHER so I will get what I want when I want and I will not ask your permission. You may come home anyday to 20 chickens, 4 dogs or maybe 2 cats or maybe 3 horses. I make my own money I am not going to ask your permission as if I were a little child. NOWWWWW do you still wish to marry me??? Well he did. Now when I remind him of that, he says he remembers I warned him and to which he responde .....I didn't think you really meant it To which I think to mysalf ......DUHHHHHHHH   and I am like  ::) To which I reply.......I wasn't talking just to hear myself talk  ::) I was talking to a sister on the phone yesterday and she thought this frees me up to marry a Muslim man and also to do things in the Muslim manor To which I am thinking If a man knowing all about me and dating me knew these things and still could not deal with them, said he loved ranch and farm life and now does not. (Which I was willing to get an apartment to save the marriage months ago, he was the one to want this ranch job) Then how on earth would a Muslim man not knowing me as well deal with it? Do men really know what they want???    ::) Is any other sister experiencing this? Men making promises cause they want to get married then not wanting to do these things later??? Men acting in a manor not truly their personality just to get the girl??? ::)    ::)    ::)    ::)    ::)    ::)    ::)    ::)   Next time I think of getting married I think I will go buy a horse  :D
12/05/04 at 13:40:10
Caraj

Re: Do  MEN really know WHAT they want?
lala
12/06/04 at 11:51:34
[slm] NO they don't know what they want. THey make promises but find it hard to follow through on them. I think they just dont like to hurt the women in their lives. But c'mon, isnt it better to hear the truth? buy the horse ;) peace

Re: Do  MEN really know WHAT they want?
theOriginal
12/06/04 at 12:04:13
[slm] No.  They need to be told.  And reminded everyday. Wasalaam.
12/06/04 at 12:05:03
theOriginal

Re: Do  MEN really know WHAT they want?
timbuktu
12/06/04 at 12:16:45
[slm] we do actually :) when we are hungry, we want to eat a delicious meal. and when we feel like nibbling, we want our snacks. when we are tired, we want to sleep, and we do not want to listen to any complaints or to any gossip. when our favorite sport is on, we want to sit in front of the TV, and forget the world, apart from a steady stream of things to eat and drink. when we are bored, we want entertainment. when we are in the mood to play, we want the children to be available. and when we want a change, well we want it. we men know what we want, when we want it, and how we want it. :)

Re: Do  MEN really know WHAT they want?
Ember
12/06/04 at 12:33:46
[slm] This has nothing to do with the topic but your post (TIMBUKTU) has a lot of we we we. like when WE are in the mood, when WE want etc. Gosh I hope that even when men DO know what they want some of their 'wants' are more generous like WE want our wives to be happy sometimes so WE want to do special things for them etc.

Re: Do  MEN really know WHAT they want?
timbuktu
12/06/04 at 12:55:10
[slm] [quote]your post (TIMBUKTU) has a lot of we we we. like when WE are in the mood, when WE want etc. Gosh I hope that even when men DO know what they want some of their 'wants' are more generous like WE want our wives to be happy sometimes so WE want to do special things for them etc.[/quote] you are right, but I was explaining  a fact that you will come across. There is a great deal of misunderstanding by the male of the female wants, and if it isn't selfishness, it borders on it. So mothers, learn to educate the male child fom a young age.

Re: Do  MEN really know WHAT they want?
Shahida
12/07/04 at 01:59:01
[slm] I agree with JustOne!  and would add, need to be remided *several* times a day.   [quote author=timbuktu link=board=sis;num=1102264493;start=0#5 date=12/06/04 at 12:55:10] [slm] So mothers, learn to educate the male child from a young age.[/quote] No wiser words have *ever* been spoken.  May Allah make it easier for us to raise the next generation to be *better* than all generations before... Salam Shahida :-)

Re: Do  MEN really know WHAT they want?
sal
12/07/04 at 02:55:16
[slm] Yes all men know what they want even the mad but the question  is ,Is it must what we want is what get ? do women give what the man exactly wants when ever he requires ? I think it is difficult to give what is 100%required (for women to men) so it should also then be sensible what the man wanted should not be what he is given .If we always ask for exact specification we can not get what we want but we know what we want For example if I want to eat meat but there is only chicken or even there is meat but the wife prepared fish , should I react in a way the food on the table is not good because its not what I wanted ? also If for example the wife asks the man what do you want to eat and  the answer is ANYTHING this doesn’t  mean not knowing wanting what unless such  an answer is given when ever is asked as a habbit .It can mean i like any thing you give Some times we want some thing but instead of taking we give and this makes one feel happier than if what he wanted is given to him If a woman asks the man she is thinking to marry what kind of woman do  you want ?,he answers most probably what is positive to his desires .lets say after he is married the wife it is  found she needs a kidney or lost her leg by car accident etc.any thing he is  found  he can donate He is now wanted to give for example a part of his  body to save her  or let her live in a better health , he has to give but remember he said he wanted not give or lose to lose . in this case  his wanting is changed to giving which is still  kind  of happiness to him We can not generalize wanting and promising in specified way Another example on promises IF a man promises that he will buy a brand new car to his wife but after marriage he can only afford used one , generally its seems he is liar but if we go deeper and wisely and see what happened We can take it as the same value as he has promised if some changes has happened to his financial situation , if he has less than he used and this is what he can afford then  he has fulfilled his promise and therefore he is trustworthy  since  this kind of  man  do when he can afford Watch also if a man  has promised the  same way but the woman found he can afford much better then what he has promised and she wants a better thing  which is a  very easy for him to do but he does not , The promise is done  but the value is not there (she feels he is not generous which is true ) but she has taken what she promised with out feeling happy with it ,this kind of man is only making a business deal which can not bring happiness Any way Some times what is said between the man and the woman before marriage causes the divorce .what they said to only get each other will after the true life becomes a cancer in their life They say (specially men)what they are not and what they can not SOOOOOO It is not necessary to ask what he wants 100% before  marriage but give what is available and that is enough .but tell him your conditions  you want him to agree with if you feel this is important If the life is tried to be built exactly  according to what is said before marriage there are things that need changes in reality .this needs a cooperation and  understanding between them :)
12/07/04 at 02:57:17
sal

Re: Do  MEN really know WHAT they want?
Halima
12/07/04 at 05:05:22
[slm] All, Sis azizah, I agree with lala marcy, BUY A HORSE!  It is easier to manage, will listen to you and make you happy! Sis JustOne and Shahida, reminding *several times* a day will be constituted as "NAGGING". Yeah, Bro. timbuktu, we mothers need to teach our boys from childhood.  I hope my sons will respect their 'future' women. And remember, MEN are still LITTLE BOYS at heart.  This is supported by your questions where you were asking several times and not just talking to yourself Sis azizah and the answer that said:  "I didn't think you will accept"!  Oh My! Contrary to popular belief, it is not only women who do not know what they want.   [wlm] Halima

Re: Do  MEN really know WHAT they want?
jaihoon
12/07/04 at 09:46:20
[slm] Oh! Poor men! They'll never be understood!  ;)

Re: Do  MEN really know WHAT they want?
Caraj
12/07/04 at 12:02:19
[quote author=.Jaihoon. link=board=sis;num=1102264493;start=0#9 date=12/07/04 at 09:46:20] [slm] Oh! Poor men! They'll never be understood!  ;)[/quote] ummmm.....errrrr Bro, the problem is we DO understand you men  :P Thats the problem, most are not happy and complain about what they wish they had and when they get what they want the complain about what they have ::) I am not saying all men are like this just 99.99999999999999999999999999% :D What a topic  ;) :D
12/07/04 at 12:03:35
Caraj

Re: Do  MEN really know WHAT they want?
Musafir
12/08/04 at 03:35:36
[slm] .......... and Allah Appoint 'man'  ;-) as His 'Khalifa' on earth;        Lets start the story again after this  ;)     99.9999999999999999999 % man spend time trying to find solutions to 'women's problems, who have an endless lists of complaints and complaints with lots of  :'( :'( :'(  and thus men does not have time for him self, u see, thus u can say we Men really do not really know what we want becasue we men are busy serving others.... by the way as we all know women population is more the 10 times the men  ::) and its hard to please all (mother + sister+ wife +daughters+Aunts +cousins+........)  :o May Allah Help ;-) and Guide us x 1  .....  and women toooooooooo x 10 [wlm] --------m.u.s.a.f.i.r--------

Re: Do  MEN really know WHAT they want?
Caraj
12/08/04 at 23:51:43
[quote author=.M.u.s.a.f.i.r. link=board=sis;num=1102264493;start=10#11 date=12/08/04 at 03:35:36] [slm] .......... and Allah Appoint 'man'  ;-) as His 'Khalifa' on earth;        Lets start the story again after this  ;)     99.9999999999999999999 % man spend time trying to find solutions to 'women's problems, who have an endless lists of complaints and complaints with lots of  :'( :'( :'(  and thus men does not have time for him self, u see, thus u can say we Men really do not really know what we want becasue we men are busy serving others [wlm] [/quote] Goodness!!!!!!!!!!!! I waited to calm down to answer that post. I don't know about the women in your life Bro, but I don't need a man to find solutions to any of my problems and most of them this last year (problems) were due to a man. (Not solved by a man) Hmmmmm I bet the other sisters are holding their tongues. Men serving others? In reading your post I am assuming you are talking family??? I work, I clean the house, I cook, I pay bills and I run a business. I have yet to find any man who can keep up with me. Maybe lift something heavier but not keep up with me. I have 2 aunts, no man is solving their problems. My grandmother was widowed and never dated for something like 22 yrs before she passed on. My grandfather died in 1968 and she died 1991. No man solved her problems. She lived alone all those years and took care of herself. Guess I came from a long line of TRUE GRIT women. (there is smoke coming from my nostrils as I type.  >:( Hold me back sisters hold me back   :-) I find men (not all as I have not know all) to say they want one thing and when they get it don't want it. This could be an 'American men' things, who knows. I find most to not have any skills other than to work a 40 hr a week job (and some not even that) to come home and sit on their butts whining how hard they worked and expecting to be waited on hand and foot. While their wives are dancing circles around them cleaning, cooking, caring for the children and some even with jobs on top of that. My ex would sit on his butt while I unloaded hay and 50 lbs sacks of grain (after I worked all day and cooked his meal and had the house clean) grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr BTW what is Khalifa???
12/08/04 at 23:55:31
Caraj

Re: Do  MEN really know WHAT they want?
Khariya
12/09/04 at 02:06:20
[slm] from http://www.islam101.com/selections/glossaryKL.html Khalifah Khalifah or vicegerent is one who exercises the authority delegated to him by his principal, and does so in the capacity of his deputy and agent. This term has been used in the Quran with reference to man: 'Just think when your Lord said to the angels: Lo! I am about to place a vicegerent on earth...' (2:30). At certain places in the Qur'an, khulafa (pl.) also means (a) people with power to mobilize all that is on earth (27:62); (b) successors or inheritors who will inherit the earth and succeed one after another (24:55; 38:26). In the political history of Islam, khalifa became the title of  the successors of the Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W.), notably the first four Rightly-Guided Caliphs known as al-Khulafa al-Rashidun (11-35 A.H., 632-655 C.E.). With the establishment of the Umayyad hereditary rule immediately after this, the institution of the Caliphate changed into monarchy. Yet the rulers called themselves Caliphs. Formally the institution of the Caliphate came to an end in 1924 C.E. when Kamal Ataturk of  Turkey arbitrarily declared its abolition.   I think the bro was just joking, we all know women tend to be stronger mentally and physically ( bearing children, need I say more?). Allah knows that we usually get the short end of the stick in life, thats why he has given us the ultimate reward: heaven at our feet.  :)
12/09/04 at 02:16:06
Khariya

Re: Do  MEN really know WHAT they want?
Musafir
12/09/04 at 02:31:29
[quote author=azizah link=board=sis;num=1102264493;start=10#12 date=12/08/04 at 23:51:43] Goodness!!!!!!!!!!!! I waited to calm down to answer that post. I don't know about the women in your life Bro, but I don't need a man to find solutions to any of my problems and most of them this last year (problems) were due to a man. (Not solved by a man) Hmmmmm I bet the other sisters are holding their tongues. Men serving others? In reading your post I am assuming you are talking family??? I work, I clean the house, I cook, I pay bills and I run a business. I have yet to find any man who can keep up with me. Maybe lift something heavier but not keep up with me. I have 2 aunts, no man is solving their problems. My grandmother was widowed and never dated for something like 22 yrs before she passed on. My grandfather died in 1968 and she died 1991. No man solved her problems. She lived alone all those years and took care of herself. Guess I came from a long line of TRUE GRIT women. (there is smoke coming from my nostrils as I type.  >:( Hold me back sisters hold me back   :-) I find men (not all as I have not know all) to say they want one thing and when they get it don't want it. This could be an 'American men' things, who knows. I find most to not have any skills other than to work a 40 hr a week job (and some not even that) to come home and sit on their butts whining how hard they worked and expecting to be waited on hand and foot. While their wives are dancing circles around them cleaning, cooking, caring for the children and some even with jobs on top of that. My ex would sit on his butt while I unloaded hay and 50 lbs sacks of grain (after I worked all day and cooked his meal and had the house clean) grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr BTW what is Khalifa??? [/quote] i amused by reading ur reply and like i wrote b4 more and more complaints about men and there was nothing new in your reply, same very attitude of a typical women Whether u accpet or not MEN run the WORLD and they will till the day of Judgement from Sky scrapers to the pin u use in your hair or cloths is made my MEN. i'd be wasting time and space and i can give countless examples and remember i am not underestimating the contribution done by women here.   the answer to all the problem lies in finding the right man and accepting him as Allah's 'khalifa' and none of the female members including yourself in your 'story'  found 1, sorry 2 say  - for this you'd have to find a Right sister on this board who is married and has found her 'Companion' who is the right 'khalifa' and follows the Sunnah of Prophet Muhammad  [saw]. In the most purest sense Prophet Muhammad  [saw] is taken as the 'Khalifa' of Allah who is the Best example to man kind (and entire creation) in every sense and walk of life. [saw] description's of Aysha Siddiq' RA as  fragile as glass denotes that women by nature is delicate and should be treate like wise with kindness and gentle (and she  have to take care of herself too ) my mom used to say to my sisters to pray special dua to Allah for their future spouse with better Iman, understanding and kindness. (4 all sis who are looking 4ward to settling down) u might be doing all the work while the men u know just sit and eat. i know women who work 10 times harder yet not compalin a single word all their life and expect  the 'Ajar' for patience from Allah. and i am sorry to say the American Scenario  of life is 'dumb' take care have fun [wlm] -----m.u.s.a.f.i.r------ btw "Khalifa" literary mean Literary means ‘RepresentativeÂ’ and in Quranic term it is 'MAN' KIT KSG

Re: Do  MEN really know WHAT they want?
Caraj
12/09/04 at 14:38:53
[quote author=.M.u.s.a.f.i.r. link=board=sis;num=1102264493;start=10#14 date=12/09/04 at 02:31:29] i amused by reading ur reply [/quote] Well I am so happy I amused you  ::) and made your day [quote] the answer to all the problem lies in finding the right man [saw] description's of Aysha Siddiq' RA as  fragile as glass denotes that women by nature is delicate and should be treate like wise with kindness and gentle (and she  have to take care of herself too ) my mom used to say to my sisters to pray special dua to Allah for their future spouse with better Iman, understanding and kindness. (4 all sis who are looking 4ward to settling down)[/quote] Tell you what Bro, you find such a man for me & he will be treated like a King. Loved, cooked for, clean home, loving compassionate wife who would do nearly anything for his happiness, you find one who can live up to that discription you let me know. The vegetables he eats I will not only of cooked I will raise them in my garden, the meat he eats I will have loving tended to raising them till slaughter, his bed will always have fresh linin, the house clean, I will treat each time he comes home from work as if it were a special occation (which it would be) He would never be denied wifely comforts unless i was ill. And I will still care for horses and my business. I shall cook for his family and to take things to other sisters to help them PLEASE, I beg of you find me such a man who will treat me as you describe above. [quote] u might be doing all the work while the men u know just sit and eat. i know women who work 10 times harder yet not compalin a single word all their life [/quote] Harder that caring for 70 horses, running a business in 8 states and keeping the home clean, laudry done and cooking meals??? I am totally impressed I would love to have their names and numbers, we are hiring here and would love to have such workers. [quote]and i am sorry to say the American Scenario  of life is 'dumb' [/quote] I couldn't agree with you more
12/09/04 at 16:22:28
Caraj

Re: Do  MEN really know WHAT they want?
Mona
12/09/04 at 21:03:32
[slm] azizah, i sympathize with you but i am also glad that you are standing up for yourself.  i don't know what to say except just hang in there and try not to misjudge all men.  at least now you know that mere words/promises mean NOTHING for some people!!! i think it is just human nature to cop out and become careless and lazy.  oh well, it sucks doesn't it? just like jo and shahida said, remind, nag, remind, and nag.  that's how to get many men to do what you want.  politics shouldn't hurt either. also, it would not be a bad idea to take a course in neurolinguistic programming (NLP).  i have read very impressive things about it.  it will enhance your ability to influence others in the way you want.    i am serious, if i had the money right now, i would sign up for an NLP course.   anyways, try to get the anger out of your system one way or another.   take care wassalam Mona

Re: Do  MEN really know WHAT they want?
Caraj
12/09/04 at 21:19:47
Mona, I looked up NLP and I gotta be honest. I don't wanna influence people. I want them to come already grown up and with some work ethics and morals . I am actually not an angry type person. Most who have known me 10 and 15 years have said I am handling things quite well considering. The anger here is some man telling me men are to busy solving womens problems. ::) As to nagging and reminding? If I wanted a teen-ager I would of adopted a kid,  not got married. I am not into nagging, a grown man with some common sense should not need nagging to do what he is suppose to do. I ask once, (occationally remind a second time) and then I go off and just do it myself. The energy spent nagging is better used to just get the job done to begin with. About 2 years ago hubby said I worked to hard and should let him help. I though ok and said, Dear you go to work so early and should be able to relax when you get home. Besides the horses don't need to be fed at 5 am. (I would get up, makes his coffee and breakfast, see him off to work and after dishes and making  the bed go feed about 6:30 am) I said how about the week-ends? He said GREAT!!!!!!!!! First 2 week-ends, 8 am he is in bed, 9 he is still in bed 10 am I have breakfast ready and wake him,  11 am I slip out the door and feed the poor horses, come in and get asked,,where were you? I reply feeding the horses. He says I was gonna do it.  ::) It was much easier to do it myself than to nag and cause hard feelings or an arguement. I am not a nagger. I use to fire men on the ranch I use to work on for not getting the job done, my boss would come around and see me doing something someone else was suppose to do :D look at me and say......You fired another one didn't you?
12/09/04 at 21:33:23
Caraj

Re: Do  MEN really know WHAT they want?
Musafir
12/11/04 at 08:46:47
[quote author=azizah link=board=sis;num=1102264493;start=10#15 date=12/09/04 at 14:38:53] Well I am so happy I amused you  ::) and made your day Tell you what Bro, you find such a man for me & he will be treated like a King. Loved, cooked for, clean home, loving compassionate wife who would do nearly anything for his happiness, you find one who can live up to that discription you let me know. The vegetables he eats I will not only of cooked I will raise them in my garden, the meat he eats I will have loving tended to raising them till slaughter, his bed will always have fresh linin, the house clean, I will treat each time he comes home from work as if it were a special occation (which it would be) He would never be denied wifely comforts unless i was ill. And I will still care for horses and my business. I shall cook for his family and to take things to other sisters to help them PLEASE, I beg of you find me such a man who will treat me as you describe above. Harder that caring for 70 horses, running a business in 8 states and keeping the home clean, laudry done and cooking meals??? I am totally impressed I would love to have their names and numbers, we are hiring here and would love to have such workers. I couldn't agree with you more [/quote] [slm] can i apply for potential candidate  ;) (a king)  and just want kindness and understanding. (in actual we need a wife who can cook,care and understand like mother but not be mother. warning ---too much nagging can lead to potential negligence from hubby side-- i'd also like you to know i am really happy for you and very much appreciate ur hardwork.  :) May Allah give u all the best Blessings for a happy/healthy life full of Iman  :) [wlm]

Re: Do  MEN really know WHAT they want?
Kathy
12/11/04 at 15:35:35
[slm] :-[Momma Mod Says: Hmmm... he is a good age too....  ;)better take the rest of this conversation off boards and to IM's....but keep me posted!!!

Re: Do  MEN really know WHAT they want?
Musafir
12/12/04 at 01:03:16
[slm] does age matter ??? I am going to start another discussion on 'AGE' pls do chip in... [wlm]

Re: Do  MEN really know WHAT they want?
Halima
12/12/04 at 01:26:36
AGE doesn't REALLY MATTER so long as you are both comfortable with it and each other.  If you let other people tell you it matters, then it will matter.

Re: Do  MEN really know WHAT they want?
Caraj
12/12/04 at 23:25:03
[quote author=Kathy link=board=sis;num=1102264493;start=10#19 date=12/11/04 at 15:35:35] [slm] :-[Momma Mod Says: Hmmm... he is a good age too....  ;)better take the rest of this conversation off boards and to IM's....but keep me posted!!! [/quote] Wheres a blushing smiley when you need one. I'll settle for this      :o PS Age does matter, I don't wanna have to train one  ::)
12/18/04 at 02:56:35
Caraj

Re: Do  MEN really know WHAT they want?
Maliha
12/16/04 at 10:03:17
[quote author=.M.u.s.a.f.i.r. link=board=sis;num=1102264493;start=10#14 date=12/09/04 at 02:31:29] i amused by reading ur reply and like i wrote b4 more and more complaints about men and there was nothing new in your reply, same very attitude of a typical women Whether u accpet or not MEN run the WORLD and they will till the day of Judgement from Sky scrapers to the pin u use in your hair or cloths is made my MEN. i'd be wasting time and space and i can give countless examples and remember i am not underestimating the contribution done by women here.   the answer to all the problem lies in finding the right man and accepting him as Allah's 'khalifa' and none of the female members including yourself in your 'story'  found 1, sorry 2 say  - for this you'd have to find a Right sister on this board who is married and has found her 'Companion' who is the right 'khalifa' and follows the Sunnah of Prophet Muhammad  [saw]. [saw] description's of Aysha Siddiq' RA as  fragile as glass denotes that women by nature is delicate and should be treate like wise with kindness and gentle (and she  have to take care of herself too ) -----m.u.s.a.f.i.r------ btw "Khalifa" literary mean Literary means ‘RepresentativeÂ’ and in Quranic term it is 'MAN' [/quote] [slm] I don't have too much time right now...but i am kinda shocked that this thread has gone on without someone screaming "what are you talking about Bro?"  :o A Khalifa according to the Quran is only relegated to "MAN" ? What is the purpose of women again? To cook and clean according to your interpretation? I would also like a verification of the Hadith you are talking about...that women are like "glass"  ??? I am sorry bro, I don't know what sources you have been referring to, and seeing that you caused Sr. Azizah confusion on what a Khalifa is...(Btw, sr. Azizah I will respond to your other post or IM you on sources as soon as i get a minute). Last thing, whatever your mysoginistic views on women i could care less about..but when you speak in the name of Religion/Quran or start vicariously quoting non existent Ahadith..i think that's where we need to draw the line. May Allah grant us all Wisdom and Guidance in all we do (amin). [wlm]

Re: Do  MEN really know WHAT they want?
bhaloo
12/17/04 at 20:28:08
[slm] Men know what they want, we are very logical.  Women on the other hand, can't be understood.   They are not logical, as Mr. Spock of Star Trek fame would say. Please ready, John Grey's book, Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.  It will help in understanding the other gender.  Any further confusion about males can be referred to my estemeed colleagues, Professor .M.u.s.a.f.i.r. and Dr. Timbuktu.

Re: Do  MEN really know WHAT they want?
Caraj
12/17/04 at 20:58:17
Bhaloo, I cringed when I saw you posted here  :D I thought OH NO us sisters were really gonna get it now  :) I was wrong. I truly think my situation is a bit unique and the rolls are a bit reversed. I am being told that anyway by those who actually know us.

Re: Do  MEN really know WHAT they want?
Musafir
12/18/04 at 01:30:50
[quote author=Nur_al_Layl link=board=sis;num=1102264493;start=20#23 date=12/16/04 at 10:03:17] [slm] I don't have too much time right now...but i am kinda shocked that this thread has gone on without someone screaming "what are you talking about Bro?"  :o [wlm] [/quote] [slm] :-)     Harek baat pe kahte ho tum...ki tu kya hai... Tumhi kaho ki ye andaaz-e-guftagoo kya hai.. [wlm]
http://www.jannah.org/board/attachments/my_pet_bird2.jpg
my_pet_bird2.jpg

Re: Do  MEN really know WHAT they want?
Caraj
12/18/04 at 02:32:53
Brother, I believe Jannah has asked people many times over to post in English. Would you be so kind as to translate? Thank you I think this post went in the wrong direction. And I am beginning to see this may very well be an American male issue. Bro Musafir, I don't agree with you And I accept you may find me a bit on the rough side in my opinions.
12/18/04 at 09:44:08
Caraj

Re: Do  MEN really know WHAT they want?
georger
12/19/04 at 11:04:50
[quote]Re: Do  MEN really know WHAT they want?[/quote] Generally.....no. Many men who aren't married are best compared to little boys in a big body. Often still selfish and immature, and therefore quite afraid of responsibility. Unmarried guys like to be free of ties, only seeking their own pleasure. I'm not saying it's good or bad. Just saying that it is. It's a cultural thing - remaining as juvenile as possible for as long as possible. The whole rock and roll culture thing feeds into it as well - "Money for nothing and your chicks for free" - quote from "Dire Straits". And some guys who do marry simply can't accept change. They eventually take off and get divorced. I've been married almost 15 years now. Have a 7 year old boy too. And there ARE times when you feel the tug at your heart strings, the independence, the freedom of responsibility. Then you think about missing your child and the comfort your wife brings you. The funny times, the oddities of raising a child. Just now I got up to tend to my son. He is in the bathroom and complaining of something, calling my name to come and help him. Mission accomplished. The other night my son wakes up around 11 p.m., feeling very sad and crying. He still mourns the death of a family dog that lived with some friends of ours and their children. He was mourning and hoping the dog was in "doggie heaven" as he says it. The dog died about a year ago. But my son is still very sensitive and tender-hearted. I love that about children - their innocence. If a guy doesn't see the value of these moments, he's simply not fit for marriage and children. He's fit for other things in life instead. Will a man change? Who knows? Some people change for the worse. Some are pure psychos and addicted to various things. Work, substances.....from watching the news some people feed their addiction with the social contact organized religion offers, turning them into tyrants. Addiction and weakness comes in many forms. Age, loneliness, aches and pains, cold......these all do subtle changes to a person's perspective for better or for worse. My advice? Be patient and keep looking. There's NOTHING worse than being married to the wrong person.

Re: Do  MEN really know WHAT they want?
lala
12/19/04 at 13:09:02
[slm] Bro that was deep... Kind of makes you think. Do any of us know what we really want ..really ???? ahhh life! Keep on keeping on... peace n love

Re: Do  MEN really know WHAT they want?
jannah
12/20/04 at 00:08:03
[slm] Musafir please post in English I believe the translation to what he said according to our resident urdu expert is: "For every thing I say you always retort what/who are you, can you please tell me what kind of conversation is this" Although I don't quite understand how this relates to the discussion. As to "men ruling the world" this is clearly wrong, as Muslims we all know that ALLAH rules the world and he gives khilafah to whom He chooses and he takes it away from whom He chooses. There are examples to women ruling and bringing goodness and khair to their nations (Bilqis) and there are examples of otherwise (the nation in the famous hadith ppl take out of context). And we need not get into the examples of people in our times Muslim men and NonMuslim men and the disaster and evil they have brought to our world and the examples of those who were good and established divine guidance on earth. And I have to say I don't understand how marrying someone can solve all your problems. It really doesn't... And as to Azizah speaking about all the things women do, it is so true...and the interesting thing is that women of old.. such as the very Aisha (ra) you speak about did all those things AND were scholars.. and taught men.. and did community work and were the best ibaad of Allah's creation.

Re: Do  MEN really know WHAT they want?
timbuktu
12/20/04 at 01:42:50
[slm] Subhanallah åÑ Çß ÈÇÊ Èå ßåÊì åæ Êã ßå Êæ ßíÇ åì Êã  åì ßåæ   íå  ÇäÏÇÒ  ßÝÊßæ  ßíÇ åì [quote author=jannah link=board=sis;num=1102264493;start=30#30 date=12/20/04 at 00:08:03][slm] I believe the translation to what he said according to our resident urdu expert is: "For every thing I say you always retort what/who are you, can you please tell me what kind of conversation is this" Although I don't quite understand how this relates to the discussion.[/quote] The translation by this non-expert :) is: for whatever I say you retort "who do you think you are?" do  ask  yourself  what  manner  of  conversation this is?" I agree with sisters Nur's and jannah's posts. The leader of the Khilafa has to be a man, among other requisites; but the khilafa for the world (and the Universe) is given to mankind, not the male of the species alone. :)
12/20/04 at 02:52:35
timbuktu

Re: Do  MEN really know WHAT they want?
sal
12/20/04 at 02:14:07
As a man I don’t believe we solve problems for women. Its very strange to say this.I wonder under what basis this is said .If we see the saying  BEHIND EVERY SUCCESFUL MAN THERE IS A WONDERFUL WOMAN .This saying is believed by men its  true which  seems we men need women to encourage us .we need their opinion and support  in many cases .if we believe in this then as me we know what we want   If we think because men are holding most high positions that we are superior this is a weak belief in this case we can call we don’t know what we want as men  because we need to trace our steps how a man could reach to a position he believes is high ,he will find a woman was behind him pushing him forward ( in most cases ) .Should we deny their rolls then? I think they are generous by giving us more than we do give them .As muslems there are obligations a man has to do for his wife and this is not a favor at all but is a part of our job then how come to call it’s a solution we are doing as a men for women ? When a man believes he is giving  I think that shows the weakness of his personality Its like when a child gives a piece of candy  to his friend he mentions that  often since in his little facility that small candy is a big thing but a man mentions no what he gives so in this I do differ in point of view with men who say or think they give or solve women’s problems . we give only what we have taken  and if so we know what we want  :) ;-)
12/20/04 at 03:26:19
sal
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