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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| How do you react to bad behavior??? |
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| Ember |
| 12/09/04 at 11:58:55 |
| [slm] I was at the grocery store and there was a lady with a huge load of stuff in front of me. I waited patiently, reading the tabloids. When her stuff had emptied a bit and there was half of the belt visible I placed the divider and started to place my things on the belt slowly, as not to be in her space. As I was placing my stuff the lady behind me (who was on the cell phone) started placing her stuff even before I was done. Even though that was kind of rude, I placed a divider so that there would be no mixing. Then I continued loading my stuff but ran out of space and had to move the divider back very slightly, so that I could place my items. IMMEDIATELY, she snapped. She used all kinds of profanity from female dog to all kinds of four letter words, to tell her friend standing with her and the friend on the other end of the cell, that I had pissed her off, by moving her 'stuff' which I had not since the divider was way ahead of her 'stuff'. She went on for the entire length of time I waited for the lady in front of me to get done and then when I was being attended to. This entire event was viewed by two men behind her, the people behind them, her friend who found it to be funny, the cashier who ignored it and the lady in front of me. The only person who did anything was the lady in front of me who sympathetically moved some of her stuff and told me to put my stuff there. I did not say anything since I felt it would be wrong to indulge in a battle with someone who was clearly not a worthy opponent. Plus, I wear the Hijab and felt it would make people get a bad impression of muslims if I did so. How do you react? I told myself of the Hadith where Abu Bakr was being cursed by a person and he stayed quiet and prophet (SAW) said that the Angels were praying for him when he remained silent. This consoled me some but not enough. (I know my IMAN is not strong enough :) ) It annoyed me even more that I felt that this was the kind of person who would not even reflect later and feel bad since even her friend thought it was ok (seen by her laughter) and thus she would feel no guilt but I was quite offended and hurt by a mere stranger using such abusive language. In my family we don't even yell at each other so it felt worse for me I guess. Later I told my self I should have said this or that but I knew that it would not make the situation better. But staying silent did not help either. See yelling back never helps. How do you make a person repent, truely? No matter what you say they will become defensive, so what do you do??? |
| Re: How do you react to bad behavior??? |
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| yumna |
| 12/09/04 at 12:36:57 |
| ..wow! i wud have just smiled at her calmly (she mite think im crazy ) and ignore all her abuses and just continue putting my supplies on the counter .....um..(mayb ..ok NOT) i wudn't have done that i wud have felt terrible ..i wud have been too stunned to react (like always )and ..just reamained silent or mayb ..wud haev shouted at her (a BIG mayb not really confident around ppl u c...) |
| Re: How do you react to bad behavior??? |
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| Mona |
| 12/09/04 at 12:47:02 |
| [slm] you just needed to say : -" hey lady, there is no need for this kind of language here" by the way, there is nothing wrong with defending yourself when someone transgresses upon you. don't feel guilty about wanting to react to such situations. i too get tongue tied when faced with such situations. it is in my nature. but it does ruin my day (or a couple of hours of it). then alhamdolellah, my short attention span kicks in and i totally forget what heppned. so don't feel bad. start practising for the next time someone says something similar. take care wassalam Mona |
| Re: How do you react to bad behavior??? |
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| nouha |
| 12/09/04 at 15:32:10 |
| wow ember... ur too nice... i would have gone buck wild on her.. hijab or no hijab... lol ok maybe not... but i would have said something.. liek mona said... dont just sit there when u are transgressed upon.... its ok to say a few words like.. "excuse me... but i needed more space and u put ur divider/items before hand.... " something easy for her thick head to understand..... or u could be like.... "God bless u"... who can go on cursing after someone says that :) |
| Re: How do you react to bad behavior??? |
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| Caraj |
| 12/09/04 at 16:17:30 |
| I would of polietly said, Excuse me, but I haven't gotten all my things in the counter yet, could you please move your things further back? The I would of moved the divider back. One thing I do to people who are rude to me is. Now to make this work you have to put on your best, sweet, innocent and sincere/compassionate look. OH!!!!! You poor thing, you look like you've had a rough day!!!!!!!!!! It usually warms most up and some makes them feel like a jerk for taking their frustrations out on a stanger. I get comments like. You know, you're right I did, Or.... Actually yeah I did next thing you know we are stiking up a conersations and they are walking away smiling cause they feel someone cared and understood. |
| 12/09/04 at 16:18:49 |
| Caraj |
| Re: How do you react to bad behavior??? |
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| Kathy |
| 12/09/04 at 22:25:56 |
| I would have said "me no speaka englizi!" |
| Re: How do you react to bad behavior??? |
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| yumna |
| 12/10/04 at 06:43:39 |
| [quote]"me no speaka englizi!" [/quote]... :Dnot a bad idea! |
| Re: How do you react to bad behavior??? |
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| Ember |
| 12/10/04 at 09:34:05 |
| [slm] ha ha ha some of them are funny. I did consider the 'god bless you' idea but I was so shocked. I come from a family where saying 'shit' is considered really really bad. My father's very formal English ways have made my sisters and I live by the 'you never loose your cool in public' rule for so long it’s impossible to shirk it. Thus, it is quite hard to fit into American society, where there is a lot of volatile display of emotions. Anyway, Allahu Aa'lam, Insha Allah I will behave in a manner that would change some people. Note: The woman's body language and 'language' would not make me even croak out 'you poor thing' :) Sorry, I know it sounds hard hearted but when I think of poor things, I think of animals in the cold rain or wounded birds. I must be a bit of a misanthrope since humans very rarely come to mind :) :) :) |
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