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In marriage - does age matter ???

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In marriage - does age matter ???
Musafir
12/12/04 at 01:17:21
[slm]

does age matter ??? esp when we talk about Groom being younger to Bride - not by 1,2 5 years but by 8,10 or 15 yrs. so does age matter? to have a smooth, undestanding relationship and specifically when  ;-) is younger the  :-)

[wlm]
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Re: In marriage - does age matter ???
Fozia
12/12/04 at 07:17:20
[slm]


Wasnt Khadeeja (ra) about 15yrs older than the beloved Prohet (saw)???

Wassalaam
Re: In marriage - does age matter ???
Kathy
12/12/04 at 12:22:45
[wlm]
Mu hubby is 8 years younger than me. No problem here.

Only once there was a possible concern. When he was 35, he was considering having more kids and I was not. Subhanna Allah, after he watched a baby... he remembered the tough times and never brought it up again!
12/12/04 at 12:25:03
Kathy
Re: In marriage - does age matter ???
sal
12/12/04 at 14:05:27
NO matter who is older than the other
Re: In marriage - does age matter ???
Mona
12/12/04 at 16:38:23
[slm]

i have a different perspective.  age matters in many cases although not all.
it just depends on the person.  

the situation of the prophet  [saw] and sayyidah khadijah radia Allahu 'anha should be taken in context.  he,  [saw], was/is the best of creation, al-sadiq, al-ameen, from noble roots in makkah. she, radia Allahu 'anha, was a noble and very pious lady who sought a righeous husband.  for them, age didn't matter.  and age also didn't matter when the prophet  [saw] married sayyidah sawdah radia Allahu 'anha.  

while the prophet  [saw] is and should be our best example, many (but not all) men simply don't and just can't accept the idea of marrying an older woman because:
- age usually signifies leadership and authority and this bothers them
- an older woman may have a lesser chance of having children and this may defeat the purpose of marriage for them
- an older woman may be less physically appealing to them and this turns them off

some men do marry ladies who happen to be older than them.  these men don't have the above insecurities.  it is all subjective.  but statistically speaking, these men are rare.

so bro mufasir, while age should not matter if you live in eutopia, in reality and on this planet it usually does.  and this is just human nature that transcends religion and culture.  but remember one thing, it is us humans who make it matter and us who can make it not matter.  

in jannah, may Allah make us of its inhabitants, everyone is at the age of 33 and never ages. it is there that age really doesn't matter.

take care
wassalam
Mona
Re: In marriage - does age matter ???
onemuslimgirl
12/12/04 at 21:33:59
just make istikhara prayers and pray that Allah does whats best for YOU. each situation is different adn each person is different that the other. take care....
Re: In marriage - does age matter ???
Fozia
12/13/04 at 05:18:45
[slm]

Agree with onemuslimgirl. The reason I'd have no qualms is because my family has a lot of younger men married to older women and the gap is pretty significant. The thing is though a tall brother with a beard doesn't neccessarily look like the younger one. So unless my aunt goes around with a sticker on her forehead going I am older than my husband nobody outside the immediate family knows.
It does of course depend on the man and his strength of character.....


Wassalaam
Re: In marriage - does age matter ???
resistance4ever
12/17/04 at 08:05:54
[slm]

"I guess it is as Fozia says.....depends on the man and his strength of character."

I dont agree. Strengh of character does not have anything to do with it. Its a personal preference. Most men would prefer a younger wife, some men prefer older wives, but its not down to how strong a mans character is. Its down to what he wants.

For example if he wants a large family, why marry someone in their forties?

Its all down to personal choice. I'm sure someone who marries a younger wife has just as strong a character as someone who marries an older woman.

:)
[wlm]
Re: In marriage - does age matter ???
Fozia
12/17/04 at 09:52:24
[slm]

By strength of character I meant whether the man could handle being younger than his wife some guys find it difficult to get over (dont ask me why).

As for children many women could probably have babies into their fifties whether they choose to or not is another thing. One of my very good friends had her first child at 40 she wants her second before she hits 43.


Wassalaam
Re: In marriage - does age matter ???
Ameera15
12/17/04 at 18:28:23
[slm]
I think everything depends on your choise. I am married and my husband is 7 years older than me, which I find good age difference(5-10years). It never crossed my mind to marry somebody younger then me, because first of all we the girls are more clever ;)so we need older man to be on our level and second with each pregnancy we become a little older. In my opinion till both of you are young the age doesn't matter much, but as you grow older it might cause some problems and missunderstanding.  But off course if you feel confortable having younger husband or older wife-why not, go for it!


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