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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Am I being to sensitive? |
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| Caraj |
| 02/22/05 at 18:30:03 |
| I hope this doesn't sound silly, But I am offended and wondering if I am being overly sensative. I have only ever watched my granddaughter at my sons home. I was told until he 'inspected my home' to make sure it was baby proof I could not watch her here. I have ran to their home almost everytime I was asked to watch her and many times at a minutes notice literally. My son has not been in my new place. (I moved early last month) Realizing frist time parents are a royal pain in the butt and think us mothers know much less than them, I am actually ticked off. I raised 2 sons in the 70's when people were not "Baby proofing' their homes to death. And neither has lost limb nor life nor has any scars or broken bones. MY DIL's mom can have her and watch her over night but I have not yet been allowed to. I don't drink, nor smoke, nor take drugs not have ever hurt anyone. I was just called today to watch her as they are going away for a week-end. Me Fri days, her mom Fri night and my mother Sat daytime. I'm just kind of fed up with playing 3rd fiddle and having to be 'inspected' I don't mind it is just the manor in which he speaks and handles it. I feel like telling them to take their daughter else where if I am not respected enough to be trusted. This in my opinion is getting rediculous. She is now 17 months old. Be honest even if I will not like it, but am I being to over sensative? |
| 03/12/05 at 01:59:13 |
| jannah |
| Re: Am I being to sensative? |
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| onemuslimgirl |
| 02/22/05 at 21:51:06 |
| ur not being sensitive, but like u said, first time parents are overly protective. just wait until their 3rd or 4th kid, they will be like here, take her, take all of them, take them where ever you want to *smile*.... and u don't know if the other grandma's house has been "inspected" it probably went through the same thing.... |
| Re: Am I being to sensative? |
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| Abdullah-Ibraheem |
| 02/25/05 at 06:06:39 |
| In the Name of Allah, Ar Rahmaan Ar Raheem It is vital that in all matters we refer to the guidance from Allah swt. As Allah swt states: "But no, by your Lord, they can have no Faith, until they make you (O Muhammad SAW) judge in all disputes between them, and find in themselves no resistance against your decisions, and accept (them) with full submission." [TMQ 4:65] And Allah swt revealed in the Quran: "This is the Book (the Quran), whereof there is no doubt, a guidance to those who are Al-Muttaqoon (the pious and righteous persons who fear Allah much and love Allah much)." [TMQ 2:2] For us to have true Imaan (Belief and Actions), we must refer to the Quran and Sunnah in all matters. It is often all too easy to try and make our own solutions based on society, culture and intellect etc, however success lies in the obedience to Allah swt. Allah swt has made an open challenge to all mankind, "This is a book in which there is no doubt", prove that there is anything within the Quran that is doubtful if you believe it is not from your creator. It is then followed up by "a guidance", not for all mankind but for, "to those who are 'Al Muttaqoon'", the God fearing, righteous person. First of all my advice to you would be to speak to your Son and Daughter in Law. Address how you feel and remind them of their duties to Allah. Allah swt has placed parents (and mothers even more), in a very high status. Muslims are not allowed to say "uff" to their parents and must be obedient to them (as long as it does not conflict with obedience to Allah). It is apparent that they are over protective of their child, however we must never forget that life and death lies in the hand of Allah swt alone. As it is emphasised in the hadith, "If the whole world gathered to benefit you but Allah did not wish it then they could not benefit you in any way. And if the whole world gathered to harm you but Allah swt did no wish it, then they could not harm you in any way". The best protection they can give the child is an Islamic understanding and upbringing. They must fulfil their responsibilities and give the child all of its rights as stipulated by the Quran and Sunnah. It is also important that the child has a healthy relationship with all family members and that there is an Islamic environment within the family. You must all work together to build a family based on Islam, a family that enjoins the good and forbids the evil and a family that is subservient to Allah in all matters. And as you have stated, for centuries now there was no such thing as "child proof" and "baby proof" etc. However, maybe some balance can be made by addressing the concerns of the parents to and working out some compromise. |
| Re: Am I being to sensative? |
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| sal |
| 02/26/05 at 14:37:26 |
| Azizah this happens and even more but its very normal as onemuslem girl said. [quote author=onemuslimgirl link=board=madrasa;num=1109115003;start=0#1 date=02/22/05 at 21:51:06]ur not being sensitive, but like u said, first time parents are overly protective. just wait until their 3rd or 4th kid, they will be like here, take her, take all of them, take them where ever you want to *smile*.... and u don't know if the other grandma's house has been "inspected" it probably went through the same thing....[/quote] |
| Re: Am I being to sensative? |
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| Sunnah_ |
| 03/02/05 at 00:59:12 |
| Your have every right to be ticked, that's just plain silly.............inspection on ur mother's home??? WHAT? Doesnt matter if they are first time parents...........it's your mother who raised you. sorry but silly thinking (by ur son) like that makes me ticked as well... sunnah__ |
| Re: Am I being to sensative? |
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| timbuktu |
| 03/02/05 at 10:25:24 |
| [slm] baby proofing ??? >:( :( :o I feel all of the above: huh? angry, sad and shocked how does one baby-proof one's home? and how can a son say to his mother that he has to inspect her home to see if it is baby proof? |
| Re: Am I being to sensative? |
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| Sunnah_ |
| 03/10/05 at 04:51:03 |
| there is no way to completely baby-proof ones home.....a child can get hurt anywhere........... it's all in God's hands no matter what What has happened since, have you talked to yourr son again?? Curious...only if you want to share |
| Re: Am I being to sensative? |
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| ummnajmah |
| 03/11/05 at 15:59:23 |
| [slm]Ooh Azizah, I do not think you are being too sensitive.I think you should address this issue with him alone and tell him, it made you feel offended and the reason why.Just keeping it bottled up may cause you more anger and resentment, common! afterall that is your little grandkid and you take care of her all the time when they need you! |
| Re: Am I being to sensative? |
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| Kathy |
| 03/11/05 at 16:39:16 |
| [slm] Me, I think you are being too sensitive. Yes, It is most likely true that you know how to raise a child, your home is safe, no harm has ever come to the children you raised. Times have changed. I had the opportunity to be on a governing board of the Head Start program. As a result I was able to see first hand the 'childcare programs.' Things they worried about and wrote about are things my parents, nor i would have ever thought of. New moms are bombarded with so much material on tv, magazines, doctors,etc... that seriously you start to wonder if you should go out and buy the bubble!! it can make the most sane parents paranoid. Your daughter in law is probably going through this phase. if I was you I would throw my house key to my son and let him house proof! When my brother had his child, he and his wife felt the same way. I looked at my neices, whom I practically raised, my son and countless neighborhood children who were safe, loved, and protected while under my care. All of them respectable with straight A's. Still i wasn't good enough. Years later I found out it had nothing to do with my home.... ....It is because I am Muslim. Cara, this may be their deep seated concern also. |
| Re: Am I being to sensitive? |
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| Trustworthy |
| 03/17/05 at 18:07:48 |
| [slm]... Inspect your house! What is he some hot shot PI for Babyland Security? The nerve! If I ever told my mother that, she’d smack me upside the head and then some. Then she’d yell at me and then she’d cry and then she’d disown me. Yes, Mamma is dramatic like that. So some Mom’s are too sensitive, but that’s her right to be. That’s why she’s so cool. One time, I was just kidding around and I softly said smiling to her that she made a mess on the patio swing. (She was eating bread and left some crumbs.) Oooooooh…..she looked at me from across the room with those hawk eyes and said sternly, “I made a mess? I watch your girls and watch your house while you are away and you’re complaining to me about my little mess like I’m not allowed to have one. The nerve…” She said it in our native tongue so it was a little more harsher. She said a lot more too, but I’m not going to mention it here cause it’s a little embarrassing on my part. I told her I was just kidding and she said, “You can’t kid with your mother like that. I know you’re a clean freak, but where do you think you got that clean freakiness from?” And I really was just kidding. Could you imagine if I told her to child proof her house and I’d have to inspect it as well? As long as I am still breathing, I owe my mother my life. There’s a saying in our culture and mothers use this a lot to get her point across, “You will owe me my breast milk.” Meaning, it’s something you can’t ever repay so you have no choice unless you want that debt in your records. This saying is seriously taken. You just don’t say this generically, you say it because you mean it. Al-hamdullilah, my mother has not said this to me but she’s threatened my brother once with it. She said to him, “I did not raise you to be unloving to your wife. If you do not love her, then don’t put her through this crap or you will owe me my breast milk.” Then she went on with marriage etiquettes in Islam, etc. The next time, your son asks you to babysit, tell him to bring the baby over to your house. And if he asks if you’ve child proof your house, you tell him “I am your mother! Enough said!!” You don’t need to explain yourself. You’re his mother and if your daughter in law loves your son then you must’ve done something right to raise him that lovable. Poor baby have to go through this drama. Allah (SWT) bless…. Ma-assalaamah….. |
| Re: Am I being to sensitive? |
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| Sunnah_ |
| 03/25/05 at 01:46:04 |
| Trustworthy is absolutley correct!!!! Please tell me you have taken the advice that Trustworthy has given. Let us know how the situation unfolds or has unfolded. Sis Sunnah_ |
| Re: Am I being to sensitive? |
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| Caraj |
| 03/27/05 at 01:14:37 |
| Assalaam Allaikum Brothers and Sisters. I have great news !!!!!!! As I type guess who is snuggled in a blanket asleep across the room in her grandmas home ;D First I would like to thank all of you who answered. Now I know it is not 'just' me. I was so hurt and confused, I am not wanted, I do not drink, nor smoke, nor take drugs nor ever hurt anyone adult or child. I was so hurt. Sister Kathy, in your post, guess what??? I was not my daughter-in-law. She would say ok and my son would veto her. She was even upset with him. It was my son acting like the child proof inspecter. Tonight I was called to come to their home to babysit. I told them I was willing to watch her here. He finally agreed. I am so happy to have my beautiful granddaughter in my home. What a beautiful and wonderfully sweet guest. We had homemade chicken soup for dinner. Manderin oranges. And ice cream for desert. We snuggled and played. Grandma even brought a new baby bunny in the house for her to play with. Of course we washed our hands with soap and water after. She became sleepy and snuggled up in my arms and fell fast asleep. Mom and Dad should be here in a couple more hours to pick her up. My heart is so happy and filled with love. Thank you all for your encouragement and support. It has been hurtful and upsetting the way my son has been. And with no reason at all. I wish I knew how to say in Arabic. Praise God, Thank you God. There are actually no words to express my thanks to Allah for this dear dear child. |
| Re: Am I being to sensitive? |
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| Fozia |
| 03/27/05 at 07:20:16 |
| [quote author=azizah link=board=madrasa;num=1109115003;start=10#11 date=03/27/05 at 01:14:37]I wish I knew how to say in Arabic. Praise God, Thank you God. There are actually no words to express my thanks to Allah for this dear dear child.[/quote] [slm] Perhaps the words you require are; SubhanAllah Alhumdullilah Allah Hu Akbar I'm so pleased it worked out for you Sr. children can be completely insensitive towards their parents, but thats because we know we will be forgiven. Wassalaam |
| Re: Am I being to sensitive? |
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| Sunnah_ |
| 04/02/05 at 01:08:38 |
| Alhamdillah things have worked out positively for you :) I'm glad Sis Sunnah_ |
| Re: Am I being to sensitive? |
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| Trustworthy |
| 04/02/05 at 21:02:12 |
| [slm]... Subhanullah. Al-Hamdulillah. Allahu-Akbar. Masha Allah. I'm glad to hear that things are the way it should be. The world is right again. ;) Allah (STW) bless... Ma-assalaamah..... |
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