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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Looking for a sense of self |
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| findingme |
| 03/16/05 at 23:40:11 |
| [slm] I'm a muslim woman who is currently staying in a foreign country. Married for five plus years and still waiting for a child and in an effort of achieving this. I come from a solid muslim background, have good and open relationship with parents and husband. Have a good career as an educator in a higher learning institution. I'm thankful for everything that I have, yet I sometimes feel lost and everwhelmed in the roles that I play for the world and lose grip of who I really am. At other times, I just feel like I'm not really doing the best I could for myself, my parents, family and husband. How can find a sense of peace and be happy with who I am?? |
| Re: Looking for a sense of self |
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| Trustworthy |
| 03/17/05 at 12:58:14 |
| [slm].... How can I find a sense of peace and be happy with who I am?? Hmmm…tough question and I’m no psychologist, but I assure you - you are not the only one that goes through this journey. Many mothers, wives, daughters, women and men go through this never ending journey. Never ending….. I am one of those people. Sometimes you’ll find me with excitement, joy, and smiling big, but it doesn’t last forever. If it doesn’t last forever, it’s not peace is it? I talk to Allah (SWT) a lot. I read the Qur’an at times. I look at the world and my heart aches. I look at the people of the world and in the world and question their beliefs and principles and what went wrong. I get angry then I look at my Mom, she’s reading Qur’an, looks at me and smiles, my heart eases a little. I look at my oldest daughter who’s quietly making necklaces from beads, she looks at me and smiles, I look at my youngest daughter who’s taken one the beaded necklaces and just holding on to it wherever she roams in the house, she looks at me and smiles. I stop to listen to the bird that’s chirping, and things will be all right insha-Allah, Al-hamdulillah. It’s ok. Things are ok. I’m ok. Allah (SWT) is here and He’s (SWT) with us. Thank you Allah (SWT) for your blessings on me. YOU want that sense of peace and happiness with who YOU are? Look at YOUR world around YOU. Is there anything missing? If there is nothing missing, then what are you looking for? Look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself…what is missing in me that I need to look for? Nothing was missing in my life, but my Iman was slowly fading in me that’s why I’m on this journey. I was like a little girl asking WHY questions all the time, never satisfied with the answers. These feelings of needs comes from the Shaitan and if you desparately need something, it steers you away from the most important, Allah (SWT). That’s the problem. You may have everything you ever wanted in life, but it’s not Jannah, it’s not Allah (SWT). You just proved to yourself that without Allah (SWT), everything means nothing which will help you through this journey to find that peace and content you’re craving for. And being a true believer should give you that sense of self of being content with who you are because who are you if you don’t believe in your Creator (SWT)? You know, people speak of the seven wonders of the world forgetting the greatest wonder of all, YOU. YOU make things happen. YOU are accountable for your own deeds. YOU will have to answer to Allah (SWT). You can’t find peace and happiness in this world, that’s why you work for the next. Ma-assalaamah..... |
| Re: Looking for a sense of self |
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| sal |
| 03/17/05 at 17:27:10 |
| [slm]It seems to me you have no problem that makes you unhappy as long as you have good relation with your parents and husband but what you have is you want to run faster than walking .This is not bad then *If you are not satisfied with your current role whilst you can do better this means you have the desire and the ability .so do that and you will find yourself you are a wonderful person *But if you mean you want to do, but do not know why you are delaying things for tomorrow and after etc. this happens when we do want to do everything at once So why don’t you do things gradually so that you will find yourself occupied with good deeds all the time, There will no be time for thinking of being unhappy as you will have the assigmnet continues.You can just call it not satisfied but you must have the happiness inside yourself if you go ahead with doing more Good luck |
| Re: Looking for a sense of self |
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| findingme |
| 03/17/05 at 20:58:40 |
| [slm] "Nothing was missing in my life, but my Iman was slowly fading in me that’s why I’m on this journey. I was like a little girl asking WHY questions all the time, never satisfied with the answers." As I read this, I honestly felt my heart skipped a beat and the hairs on the back of my neck stood. I think I'm starting to realize why I had felt so empty in spite of the more than fortunate life Allah s.w.t has granted to me. I've been too preoccupied with all my that I don't have, that I've lost track of what I have. maybe because I've been too dissapointed with the fact that i've not been successful in my efforts to have a child of my own and the fact that the "fault" was mine as I've been diagnosed with pcos. As the months passed by, turning to years and as my age increases, I've started to become more and more hopeless. Astaghfirullah-al-azim... Jazakallahukhair for both of your and my other sister's in Akhwat cafe's "reminder", I'm starting to see some light at the end of this road. Believe it of not, I am shedding tears as I'm typing this msg. and keep ishtighfar-ing & humbly hoping that Allah will accept them as I've been so blinded to all His blessings on me, Subhanallah... Hoping and praying that I'll continue towards that light and arrive at the destination. Pls pray for me too. Nauszu-billah. Wassalam |
| Re: Looking for a sense of self |
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| Trustworthy |
| 03/18/05 at 15:28:25 |
| [slm]... Dearest Sister Fiddeen, please wipe away your tears…. My heart goes out to you and my duas are for you. Please don’t lose hope and don’t ever despair. It is not your fault. Allah (SWT) is the Greatest and Most Merciful: Allah (SWT) Most High said, a servant who advances towards Me by a hand’s breadth, I advance towards him by an arm’s length. And if he advances towards Me by an arm’s length, I advance towards him by the span of outstretched arms. And if he comes to Me walking, I go to him running. (Related by al-Bukhari according to Anas). "God is with those who believe." (Qur'an 3:68) What is it that we say “Unconditional love”. Ibn Al-Qayyim said with regards to what one should do to cure his weak Iman using the Quran, "First you should remove your heart from the life of this world and settle it in the Last Life. Then, pay your full attention to pursuing the meanings of the Quran, and try to comprehend and understand them and what they were sent down to accomplish. Then, offer these meanings to the sickness that your heart feels, and when they touch the disease, they will cure the heart, Allah willing." In Finding Happiness: There was a young couple who led a very happy life together. The only thing that they worried about was, whether their happiness would last forever or would they too would have to face problems. One day, they heard that a wise old man had come to town; he could solve all kinds of problems and guide people. So the couple decided to visit the wise old man and tell him their source of worry. The wise old man told them; "Travel around the world and seek a man and a woman who are perfectly happy as a couple. When you find such a couple, ask them for a piece of cloth from the man's shirt, then keep that piece of cloth with you, and you always remain happy." The young couple began their journey, to find the happiest couple in their world. In one place they heard that the governor and his wife were the happiest people, so they went to their palace and asked them, "Are you the happiest couple?" The governor and his wife replied, "Yes, we are happy in every way except for one thing; we do not have any children." Well that didn't make the governor and his wife the happiest couple. So they continued their journey. They arrived in one city where they had heard that the happiest couple lived. They went to their house and asked them, "Are you the happiest couple?" The couple replied, "Yes, we are really happy in every way except that we have too many children which make our life a bit uncomfortable." No, this couple did not sound to be the happiest. And, so they continued their journey. They visited many countries, cities, towns and villages asking the same question but they did not find what they were looking for. One Day the young couple came across a shepherd in the desert. The shepherd was grazing his sheep when his wife and child came along. The shepherd greeted his wife and gently patted the child she was carrying. She laid the mat and started to eat contentedly. The young couple came to them and asked them, "Are you the happiest couple?" The shepherd and his wife replied, "Nobody is unhappier than the king." The young couple immediately realized that they were the happiest couple and asked them for a piece of the shepherd's shirt, so that their happiness too would last throughout. The shepherd said, "If I give you a piece of cloth from my shirt then I will be left without any clothes since I own just one shirt." The young couple at once understood that it is very difficult to find perfect happiness anywhere in the world. The couple decided to return to their own country. They went to the wise old man and related all that had taken place. They also complained that his guidance was difficult to abide by. The wise old man laughed and said, "Was your journey useless or did you learn something from it?" The young man replied, "Yes, after this trip I have learnt that in this world, nobody is perfectly happy, only that person is happy who does everything to please God." Holy Quran says: "And whosever follows My (Allah's) guidance, on them shall be no fear nor shall they grieve". (2:38) The wife said, "I have learnt that in order to be happy it is important to remember two things; first, all human beings should be thankful and contented with whatever they have." Holy Quran says: "And your Lord declared publicly: if you are grateful, I will add more favors unto you". (14:7) "And secondly, for ultimate happiness one must always practice patience." Holy Quran says: "Seek help through patient perseverance and prayers". (2:45) After that, young couple thanked the wise old man for his guidance and returned home. The wise man prayed for them and said, "Indeed the sign of happiness is in their heart and they have good manners and if the lifetime is spent in pleasure of God there would be no differences in the existence of mankind." Holy Quran says: "Whosoever follows My (Allah's) guidance, will not loose his way nor fall into misery. But whosoever turns away from My message, verily for him is a miserable life". (20:123-124). You are priceless: A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20 note. In the room of 200, he asked, "Who would like this $20 note?" Hands started going up. He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this." He proceeded to crumple up the $20 note. He asked, "Who still wants it?" Still hands were up in the air. "Well, what if I do this?" He dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty and asked, "Who still wants it?" Still hands went up into the air. My friends, we have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what was done to the money, it was still wanted because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20. Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We may feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or will happen, you will never lose your value: dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who love you. Allah (SWT) loves you and always has a reason for everything that happens in the world and with you even though you don’t understand it. You don’t need to understand His (SWT) reasons. I asked my Uncle once, “I don’t understand why all these things happen to me. Is it something I did to make Allah (SWT) punish me? Why doesn’t He (SWT) show me what I need to do to make things right with Him (SWT) so that I could have a good life? I just don’t understand what wrong I did.” My Uncle said, “Why do you need to understand?” I replied, “To ease the emptiness that I feel in my heart.’’ Then he asked, “Do you believe in Allah (SWT)?” “Of course.” “With all your heart?” “Yes.” “Then how can your heart be so empty?” “Because I don’t understand.” “Allah (SWT) is not enough reason for you to understand?” I was silent. “Cause if He (SWT) is not, then nothing and no one can help you. Until you understand that Allah (SWT) is enough for everything in your life then you will never be satisfied with the answers that are right in front of you.” Allah (SWT) bless…. Ma-assalaamah….. |
| 03/18/05 at 20:07:10 |
| Trustworthy |
| Re: Looking for a sense of self |
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| findingme |
| 03/18/05 at 21:01:09 |
| [slm] 'Allah (SubHana Wa Ta`ala) loves you and always has a reason for everything that happens in the world and with you even though you don’t understand it.' You know what I've suddenly figured out. The past few months up to when I posted my first msg, I was really down and was looking for somewhere or someplace to just load off this heaviness in my heart and the frustration. Although my husband and parents (& in-laws) are really understanding and supportive, I don't want to worry them further as they are already disturbed with my medical condition re the conception (esp. my parents). I'm the one who'll usually put up the strong front and and give them encouragemnt whenever they express their worries abt my situation. But when i'm by myself, i'll just be overwhelmed with all this frustration and disappointments. Maybe Allah swt has been guiding me that day and somehow brought me to this site where I've found some solace and hope again and guide me back to His path. Subhanallah...Thank you again and may Allah bless you & your family always.. Wassalam :-) |
| Re: Looking for a sense of self |
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| Anonymous |
| 03/24/05 at 20:13:44 |
| Subhan Allah Sister, when I read this message i thought that this is exactly how I am feeling. I am also feeling overwhelmed with all the roles that I am playing in my life. Sometimes i think...i really need to make changes before its too late. I want to spend more time in dawah and for my family and friends but it is so hard. I always feel tired and don't feel that I am giving my deen the full potential that it deserves. My imaan is weak on occasions and this makes me constantly on the edge. Alhamdolillah Allah SWT has blessed me with so many things in my life that I don't know where to begin, but still I feel sad. I know I need to do more but just don't know where to start.... I have been thinking about this for days now and you have managed to get here before me. I am also looking for answers. |
| Re: Looking for a sense of self |
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| findingme |
| 03/24/05 at 21:24:18 |
| [slm] sis/bro since I've posted my last message on this, I've been doing a lot of self reflection and Alhamdulillah this particular site has been extremely informative and inspiring for me in bringin me back to all the things that really matters. I've found several quotes, hadiths and excerpts of Quran that really tells me what I needed to hear, i.e "Trqly in the heart there is a void that can not be removed except with the company of Allah. And in it there is a sadness that can not be removed except with the happiness of knowing Allah and being true to Him. And in it there is an emptiness that can not be filled except with love for Him and by turning to Him and always remembering Him. ---Ibn Qayyim al Jawziyya " I've realized that this was exactly what lacking in me, I've been too pre-ocupied with ME that I've kind of lose touch of the simple joys that I have in my life. I've been so in despair coz I thought that I'm insignificant and meaningless, now, I've suddenly realized how Allah loves ME, coz He brought and guided me back to Him and that He has always been close to me, Subhana-Allah. It was me who refused and unable to see this before. Every time I perform my salats now, I can really feel this sense of peace and contentment because I know for sure with all my heart that Allah is listening to my prayers. At the same time I've also been paying more attention and be more on guard of my thoughts, speech and actions and am on Ishtighfar as much as I can. All this has brought me back my self-esteem and I've become more content to who I am, what I can and cannot do. I've also found some really insightful articles in this website by the eminent Harun Yahya: www.harunyahya.com that have reminded me of certain things that I've forgotten and needed to know. Dear Sis/Bro, pls pray to Allah and unload yourself and your sadness entirely to him and Insya-Allah, you'll feel better, as I have. Will humbly pray for u too ;)... "And whosever follows My (Allah's) guidance, on them shall be no fear nor shall they grieve". (2:3) Nauszubillah... Wassalam :-) |
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