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| Texas Chili Contest |
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| Kathy |
| 03/25/05 at 00:04:47 |
| Ever wonder how we American’s feel at a community dinner? When i read this... it reminded me... A Texas ( aka Desi) Chili Contest For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time. Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named Kathy, who was visiting from NY. Kathy: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Dawah Center, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free bebsi during the tasting, so I accepted". Here are the scorecard notes from the event: CHILI # 1 - BHALOO'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI... Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick. Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild. Judge # 3 (Kathy) -- Holy cr--, what the heck is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two bebsies to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Desi’s are crazy. CHILI # 2 - SE7EN'S AFTERBURNER CHILI... Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of goat. Slight jalapeno tang. Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously. Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimloch maneuver. They had to rush in more bebsi when they saw the look on my face. CHILI # 3 - UMM WAFI'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI... Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers. Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more bebsi before I ignite. Waitress pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting bloated from all of the bebsi! CHILI # 4 - M.F.'S BLACK BEAN... Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing. Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili. Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the bebsimaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. Is this nuclear waste I'm eating? CHILI # 5 JANNAH'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER... Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive. Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement. Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I tooted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring bebsi directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really kisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. CHILI # 6 - AZIZAH'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY... Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetar ian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers. Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb. Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I messed on myself when I tooted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my bottom with a snow cone. CHILI # 7 - JUST ONE'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI... Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers. Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3. She appears to be in a bit of distress as she is cursing uncontrollably. Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing it's too painful, I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach. CHILI # 8 - SIDDIQUI ’S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI... Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence. Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 tooted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of herself. Not sure if she's going to make it, poor gal, wonder how she'd have reacted to really hot chili? Judge # 3 - No Report |
| 03/25/05 at 00:05:22 |
| Kathy |
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