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Direction in life - help needed?

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Direction in life - help needed?
Anonymous
04/01/05 at 14:41:56
Aalaamualaikum
I've had an illness for half my life now, since i was a teenager. It has affected my
appearance and made me lose all self esteem and confidence. It has restricted me, what I can
do, wear, and even where I go.I can't make friends, or at least i don't want to get close
to people as they will want to know more about me and I don't know what to say about this
illness. Sometimes I do get funny looks from people. It can be embarassing as well and I
don't like it when people start getting sympathetic. Not once have i woken up and felt
good about the way i look or my life, not once. I would love to go out with friends
especially now with Spring here to the park, shops, meet people but I've lost contact with my
friends and only speak to 2-3 people on msn. My father passed away a few months ago and i
really miss him. now i spend more time with my mum.I don't want my family to know what I
am going through as it will only make them more worried. I am always putting on a happy
face to mask what is really going on inside. Most of my time i spend on my own and I often
just sit in my room staring out the window and wondering what could have been if this
didnt happen to me.I daydream a lot about things i don;t have. It actually puts a smile on
my face. Everyone i knew, even people many years younger than me have moved on in life and
are very happy and content and i feel left behind and stuck in a time warp.
Sometimes people say why i am not married when its so obvious why. Its so frustrating and
painful that i can't do anything with my life. I know i have sunken deeper into
depression but don't want medical treatment as it won't get rid of the actual problem. I see no
point in feeling good when you cant even do anything with life. I've now started to lose
concentration at work. I've lost nearly all my faith and no longer pray. Mentally and
physically i feel totally exhausted. I've surfed through many websites through the years
looking for answers but can't seem to find any. Life is a test but how much is one supposed to
endure being worthless? My faith is shattered and I find the islamic approach quite harsh
sometimes. It feels like i have to just grim it and bear it with a reward in the
afterlife, but i don' have faith and find the afterlife hard to believe in now. I'm so desperate
I even asked a christian to give me a prayer that would help me. I'm probably just typing
this to vent with no hope in getting a real answer, why this. please help give me some
direction or prayer.anything.
<+tr>
Re: Direction in life - help needed?
timbuktu
04/01/05 at 15:44:40
[slm]

I can relate to almost everything you have written, for I have gone through a great deal like you, and felt like you, and restricted myself like you.

Would it help if you knew others have had similar expernece like yours, and felt the same, and became social outcasts, yet Allah (swt) was kind to them, and helped them?

I can mention duas, and make them for you, but don't you think we need to know more to advise and help you.

Males and females have different pressures in life.

But there is one cure common to all -  the remembrance of Allah.

Perhaps you are lonely. Talk to us here.

And don't worry about your shortcomings, or about what people say about you.
Re: Direction in life - help needed?
onemuslimgirl
04/01/05 at 16:02:04
asalam alakum,
please email me at mihhg99@yahoo.com
Re: Direction in life - help needed?
Trustworthy
04/01/05 at 20:08:27
[slm]....

Dearest Anonymous….

Don’t try to find answers to questions that weren’t meant to be answered else you’ll go on living a life that wasn’t meant to be lived by you.  You say you don’t want people to feel sympathy for you so quit feeling sorry for yourself and stop trying to figure out how life would be like if….  

You may not believe it or see it now but your life is a blessing.  Everyone’s life is a blessing whether how long or short lived it is.  Whether you’ve been here or nowhere.  No matter how many times or people you’ve lost.  It’s hard to understand and realize when all of you’ve known is despair and everyone around you is content.  

You may question Allah’s (SWT) method of mercy but you said it yourself, you hide your unforgiving emotions from your family so that they don’t feel any enmity towards Allah (SWT).  That’s your mercy to them and that’s mercy from Allah (SWT).  Your affliction is His (SWT) mercy upon you.  Look into the history of the Prophets (PBUT).  Any Prophet (PBUT).  One (PBUH) lived in the stomach of a whale.  Another (PBUH) had to live in a community full of homosexuals.  Another (PBUH) was told by Allah (SWT) to sacrifice his only son.  Another (PBUH) had to be born from a virgin.  Our last Prophet (SAW) lost a wife that was with him through tornado of things.  And our first Prophet (PBUH) went from Jannah to Earth.  That has got to be the worst.  You know where they are all going in their next life.

They may be Prophets but they are also human just like you.  Allah (SWT) works His (SWT) mercy in various and mysterious ways.  I know of a mother who birthed a healthy baby girl and at 4 months, the baby started having seizures.  A seizure is basically an attack of the nerves system, it’s a PAIN attack.  No doctor or specialist could figure out why she was having seizures.  All the tests that the poor baby girl went through and nothing came out of it and she still has seizures once in a while.  Insha-Allah she will grow out of those seizures like the doctors says she should.  Please keep her in your duas.  She’s now 4 yrs old and still is dependant on being fed and wearing diapers and can’t speak a single word.  But looking at her and watching her play and laugh, you know she’s a happy baby.  But her parents especially her mother always questioned….what kind of mercy is that?  It’s a question that shouldn’t be asked because it’s from Allah (SWT) and you don’t question the Creator, the Most Merciful.

I know you’re tired of hearing so live for the life after, but really, that’s the only reason why everyone’s life is a blessing.  What better life can you live then a life with Allah (SWT) in Jannah?  Jannatul-firdaws!  I know there are hadiths and duas where you should ask Allah (SWT) for the good life here and the hereafter and I’m sure you’ve prayed for that forever, but Allah (SWT) knows best and you should keep on praying until something happens.  You don’t know the future and your life hasn’t ended yet.  You still have time to pray for forgiveness, for your life, and pray for your family and for your friends.

You have us here as family and friends.  IM me and we can talk about anything and everything.  Forbidden_heartz@yahoo.com now try to figure out why my heart is so forbidden.

Allah (SWT) bless…..

Ma-assalaamah…..
Re: Direction in life - help needed?
sal
04/04/05 at 05:23:27
Anon
The main part of a person is his/her soul, he /she can be  attractive in every one’s eye if that soul is pretty
We can not call some one ugly or beautiful or observe any defect unless there is a chance to let us open our eyes.This comes from the person’s manner to wrap  any imperfection with good manner or expose it .That is why we say the beauty is beauty ness of soul which is true .

The reason we care or think we are strange in the community when we have certain problem is because the community itself has very rare beauty itself. Everybody tries to find error over the other to feel his blunder is right, so no one will ever feel he is totally being liked  unless there is a reason other than the physical look

It can be either a good behavior we can invest among the people to give us good esteem or false respect based on wealth etc

Some people with good look, health and wealth still complain of being honestly being loved personally but what they have is what people like which makes them more worried since this is the only way they can live in the community with respect
They are always concerned of losing a little part of their wealth as it leads to the disrepute. This kind of illness is the true illness that cannot be cured. Hence if you compare yourself with such type of people you will find yourself not needing much to dispose of your sensation .It is just a feeling you need to chunk out and not a real problem out of your hand
For instance
There are tribes in Africa who intentionally ruin their faces as a kind of beauty before she is married or other wise she is not pretty in their point of view
Well this is funny may be but lets take the meaning of the vision in the human being itself, aren’t they human being with their own way of outlook over beauty?
That is why we find very ugly married to very handsome/or the vice versa also in the civilized countries
We can not judge who likes and who do not our look or defect since different people have different point of view
Just live with the truth of  what you bosses is what ALLAH has wanted for you which can be beautified with patience and self confidence  for yourself and good conduct with who you want to see it beautiful


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