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| Very confused ...about a boy? |
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| Anonymous |
| 04/13/05 at 16:46:12 |
| Salaam, I am a 21 year old female college student in California. I don’t go out or anything of that sort and if I do, it’s like to dinner with a girl friend of mine anyways or with a bunch of people (female and male) as a part of our professional chemistry fraternity. However, these past 3, 4 months have been different. I have started to have more than just friend’s feelings for a friend of mine who is the same frat as I am. He is a very nice person, good morals, doesn't drink or smoke or sleep around or anything. He is Egyptian, but Christian. I don't know what to do. My parents are both traditional to an extent and conservative. They let their eldest daughter, a young woman live in the dorms by herself, despite the commotion going on between the other family relatives, yet I have come into contact with some arranged marriage proposals, when I was like 16. I am not betrothed to anybody or engaged, yet we do have a person in mind, but this was when I was a sophomore in college (I am a senior now, Mash Allah) yet, it seems to me things are still in the 'Maybe" section. Anyway....I REALLY like this guy friend of mine and my emotions and feelings are going wild and crazy. I don’t have a boyfriend and never did; I don’t sleep around or anything of that sort. Please help. It has come to a point where I have dreams about this guy....not like anything sexual or anything, just dreams...what should I do? He is going to dental next year; therefore this is his last year...and...He is 2 years younger than I am...which I really don't care. But please help. I'm looking for him to be my boyfriend, which is haram...so I want that to be clear. He is however TOTAL MARRIAGE POTENTIAL. |
| Re: Very confused ...about a boy? |
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| sal |
| 04/13/05 at 18:48:12 |
| [slm] According to what you are saying it seems what you feel for this boy is just a vision since it is not based on solid sensible reason which you can easily give up if you think well before it becomes a problem You said he doesn’t smoke and drink etc,but Christian. If you are Muslem. These attributes are not reasonable features to let you marry a non Moslem guy You for instance can marry (and not haram )to a person who drinks or smokes or sleeps around if he has his other basic Islamic obligations being performed but even in that case it is recommended not to marry such a man But can not marry as you know non Moslem what ever his positive characteristics are Thus this guy is not allowed for you as a Moslem to marry or make any relation with And also as none Moslem not allowed to make relations other than marriage How ever if he has fear from ALLAH with his conscience but doesn’t know why? it might be easy to convince such a person what is Haram (prohibited) and Halal (permissible ) and what is right and wrong and teach him islam )since he already practicing refraining from bad things (but not you face to face for this mission with your current feeling for him) You can help out that way by hooking him to people who can rally round toward ISLAM Your desire to be girl friend will be a big harm than helping or happiness Because it seems he most probably has no girl friend now so you are going to be his first right ? well if so Once you open the road of such relation for him he will go ahead with some more trial other than you which may destroy him more and your role and turn will stop in certain period so you will not be able to run to the end .This age is hard to control from such things so do not try to open this door I think you better try to help him toward Islam and think of marriage rather than temporary relation ship This would be the best way you can find the true feeling you are looking for What ever ?Moslem or non Moslem this will work for all Good luck |
| e: Very confused ...about a boy? |
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| sis |
| 04/13/05 at 19:22:28 |
| Wa alaykum alsalam wa rhmat Ullahi wa barakatuh, My dear sis in Islam, alhamdulillah you're searching for a way to clear your confusion. May Allah ta'ala guide you and grant you what is khayr for your dunya and akhira. Please, take this advice as if it were to come from a close friend. The matters of the heart are delicate and you need to take care of your heart. Your feelings are understandable and i'm sure hard to contain. They are normal, and are a result from looking at and spending time with this person. What matters, is how you act upon these feelings. In Islam, a Muslim woman is only allowed to marry a Muslim man. And, for many important reasons. (you have Islamic rights as a woman, wife and human being, that must be fulfilled, etc ...) The person you marry will become the leader of your home. You want to find the person who will help you make it back home (to jannah). The best person for you to marry is the one who is the best for your akhirah. Does this boy fit that description? He may have a good character and what not, but believe me, the best type of a husband is one who believes in and fears Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.. This life is short - i'm sure you know this. But, also know that feelings based and focused on other than what is pleasing to Allah ta'ala, will not last. I pray this doesn't come across in a harsh way. I know what i have said is short, but i pray it helps you in your struggle. There's a hadeeth below this sentence which will also calm your worries about you finding the right person. The Prophet, sal Allahu 'alayhi wa sallam, told his close companion: “By Allah! Whoever gives up something for the sake of Allah, Allah will replace it with something better than it!” Put your trust in Allah, seriously... This is an aside to the issue but taught me SO much: About a year ago, i was hiking with a group of bro's and sis', with a sheikh leading us. We all had walking sticks to helps us keep stable on the path. At one point, we reached a steep incline. There were two paths to take, a muddy almost vertical path, and then a steap rock. I chose the rock and began to step up. Half way up the rock, i began slipping (the fall down was high and probably had something to do with me living/or dying). The sheikh was at the other end of the rock and put out his walking stick for me to grab on to. I did, but i kept holding on to mine using it to help me and as to not put too much of my weight on the sheikh's end. Doing so, my walking stick was actually making it easier for me to fall. The sheikh then kindly ordered me to only take hold of his walking stick. SO, i listened (i wanted to live). I was completely shocked, I took a hold of his walking stick and it was like i was leaning on a strong ledge. Alhamdulillah, i'm typing this message, so i made it safely across:). Anyways, what i learned from that little adventure: To put all of my trust wholeheartedly in Allah ta'ala. Think of it, my walking stick was extra baggage that was going to encourage a downfall. Instead, letting go of it and relying on one stick, is what helped me through it all. Of course, in doing so, i did put my trust in Allah ta'ala to rely on the sheikh. I hope that story made sense. I shared it because, i wanted you to see that if you put your trust in Allah ta'ala and obey Him ta'ala in the way you carry out your life, you won't be disappointed. About the boy your parents have in mind...Pray to Allah ta'ala to guide you in this matter. Put your trust in the One Who knows what's best for you , and insha'Allah ta'ala He will provide for you with what you could never imagine. Insha'Allah, you're in my dua's. May Allah ta'ala grant you a husband that you will dwell with in tranquility and mercy. And, may He ta'ala make you and whoever your future husband is, among the residents of the highest levels of jannah. |
| Re: Very confused ...about a boy? |
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| Fozia |
| 04/14/05 at 05:06:42 |
| [quote author=Anonymous link=board=madrasa;num=1113425172;start=0#0 date=04/13/05 at 16:46:12] My parents are both traditional to an extent and conservative. They let their eldest daughter, a young woman live in the dorms by herself, despite the commotion going on between the other family relatives, [/quote] [slm] You probably do not wish to hear this. However; Keeping in mind the above, you know your parents have allowed you the freedom to live on campus, and study further (a very good thing, all muslims should be well educated imho). Despite family opposition. What do you think your parents will go through, should you act on your feelings for this person?? Keeping in mind (as Br. Salem says) this person may not be as wonderful as you perceive. Are you willing to put your parents through the agony and hurt of seeing their daughter stray from the path of rightousness in such a spectacularly public fashion?? You know that the relatives who objected to your studying further and living away from home are awaiting you to fall into this very temptation don't you?? Sr. you are nearly there, you're in your final year. Concentrate on your studies, bring home the best qualification you are capable of (something you will not be able to do should you start a relationship). Make your parents proud and show them they were justified in trusting you. You will be rewarded double Inshallah, firstly for making your parents happy, and also for staying within the boundaries Allah(swt) has set upon us all. I pray inshallah that Allah will reward you with a handsome, intelligent, well educated, husband who is strong in deen, and who will love you so much that you will never think back with regrets to living life as a rightous Muslimah even in the face of temptation. Always remember, your actions will hurt your family a whole lot more than you can ever imgaine. Izzat once lost cannot be returned, people will look down on your entire family, not just [i]you[/i] for your actions, if you have sisters they will be the ones to suffer more!! Wassalaam |
| Very confused ...about a boy? |
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| Anonymous |
| 04/14/05 at 18:19:14 |
| asalam alakum, one thing you have to understand about alot of egyptian guys is that the language adn the culture especially usually causes these guys to always be sweet talking. all their words are sweet words that make the person feel very special. i know this from experience from living in egypt for a while. also, christian egyptian guys don't have a problem with fooling around with Muslim girls----trust me he has absolutely no intention of marrying you. age is a huge factor too because most egyptian guys would rather marry someone younger than themselves, atleast a good 4-5 years younger if not more (yah you see guys who are like 32 years adn eagerly proposing to girls under 20).....girl, he is doing nothing but playing you and ur falling for it and he is probably laughing at you...........i don't mean to be mean, but yah, that is whats happening..... one more things though...that is not to be mean to him, but to put a distance from you. remember that every word adn action we do as Muslims is either dawaaa or anti dawaa |
| to the post above this one... |
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| Sunnah_ |
| 04/19/05 at 02:01:55 |
| To the Anonymous poster who posted above me......not trying to start an argument......but ur rude........Your reply actually upset me. Just because you had a bad experience, are you everyone else? Are all the guys the same?? Ummm lemme think...NO I am not egyptian...but there is no way You can't say all egyptian guys are like that....how can you?? That's so rude to make a stereo type like that! And it's pretty darn silly to say there language helps them to be sweet...what the heck.......anyone can be sweet, the language doesn't make them that way........did u think he just might have feelings for her?? UMM Ya he just might! Don't make her feel bad by saying he is laughing at her! Do u know him personally?? Maybe he is being sincere towards her......maybe not....I know he is christian and that doesn't really work, but maybe he will convert, how do u know. I don't have any advice for u, but you should really keep your options open. The religion is an issue tho........do u know if he is will to convert? Is he thinking of marriage? I wish I had more advice for u.... Goodluck By the way, my cousins husband is Egyptian and he is one of the best men I know. ps - those were the guys in egypt, THIS ONE is in America Sis Sunnah_ |
| 04/19/05 at 02:43:36 |
| Sunnah_ |
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