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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Divorce or Take care of husband? |
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| Anonymous |
| 04/26/05 at 13:10:32 |
| Salaams I've made a hard decision and I need to ask for duas and maybe some encouragement. I became legally seperated (to maintain health insur) and was due to divorce the end of the year. It's been a hard road with moody behavior on his part and also passive aggression. To the point where it almost ruined my emotional health. In less than the last month I have had to rush him to the emergancy room twice. He is due to have surgery this week. And he now has another medical condition. He has no family or friends nearby and cannot afford to move closer to them at this time. If this was me I'd not want to be deserted during such a time, even if I had been big jerk and deserved it. I had wonderful plans that need to be put on hold. BUT WAIT!!!!! There's more. After the divorce was final this year I am/was to marry next year InshAllah to a wonderful man. I decided due to medical reasons I would not abandon an ill man. I can't be happy totally if I exercise uncompassionate behavior. So I am going to talk to the person I am to marry next year. Ask for his patience and understanding. And take care of the ex to be. I don't feel right deserting an ill person. Yet my heart is sad cause I was really looking forward to new start and beginning in life and with a future husband. Am I being stupid? Please make duas for my future husband, he is such a kind and compassionate man. And if I may ask, duas for me. I hope I am doing the right thing. If the shoe was on the other foot I don't think the same curtesy would be given. But I have to be kind no matter what I am treated like. I think? |
| hmm |
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| theOriginal |
| 04/27/05 at 03:31:35 |
| [slm] Like I'm trying to sympathize here... Why didn't you divorce him at the end of the year? Here's what I think...whatever relationship you choose at this point...be completely committed to it. I don't think you should stay married to this guy if you're going to continue planning your marriage with the other dude. I don't think you should continue planning your marriage with the other dude if you're planning on staying married to this guy. Pity is probably not the best thing to base a marriage on. Ask for guidance from Allah ta'Ala ... (istikhara might be really good right now) Wasalaam. |
| re |
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| Fozia |
| 04/27/05 at 16:14:00 |
| [slm] I agree completely with Sr. JO. Must ask have you been divorced Islamically?? Because if so, there's not much point hanging around nursing your ex. Observe your waiting period and move on. His friends and family will find a way to travel down and be with him. A word of advice; your fiance may not be too pleased playing second fiddle to your ex, you may lose him if you dont choose him. Wassalaam |
| re |
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| Anonymous |
| 04/27/05 at 23:31:21 |
| Assalaam Allaikum wa Rahmatullah wa Barakatu I appreciate your advice and wish to clearify things Iam Muslims and my ex husband 'to be' is not. We have legal seperation so I can have medical insurance and cause he had no money to move. It was a room mate situation. We sleep in seperate rooms, he was due to leave when he started to have medical issues. We were not due to divorce until the end of this year so I can maintain medical insurance as I have some medical issues. His family is far away, he will be unable to work. It is not right to be happy in my opinion when another is in such need. I have spoken with my (inshallah) future husband. He is a very kind, wise, compassionate and a level minded man. May Allah bless him for his wonderful qualities and kindness to others. He thinks it is right thing to help this man till he is better and to treat him as guest. He understands. Maybe this shows him I will never be unkind to him. And be a good future wife.(inshallah) As you can see I am very blessed to have such a man consider taking me as his wife. Please, if you feel it upon your hearts to do so, duas for me and my future husband. And even for the ex to be. May his heart find the right path. Salaam |
| 04/27/05 at 23:36:53 |
| jannah |
| Okay... |
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| theOriginal |
| 04/28/05 at 00:53:56 |
| [slm] Sister, if he's not muslim, you're not legally married anymore. Your duty to stick around and live in his house (in separate rooms) and take care of him is officially over. Not only that, but I think you're crossing some religious lines by continuing to be there and be "wifely" towards him. If you really want to help him, out of the goodness of your own heart (mashaAllah)...you can find other ways to do this...but please make the divorce legal in civil court, it's completely 100% okay in this situation. The bottom line: 1) do not abandon an ill person...there are plenty of ways to help. 2) do not remain married to a non-muslim man, that's haraam. Divorce him, I think your iddah still applies in this situation (but please check), and then marry the other guy in due course (4 months later...1 year later...whenever). I will pray for you, inshaAllah. Wasalaam. |
| Topic: Divorce or Take care of husband? |
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| onemuslimgirl |
| 04/30/05 at 08:44:20 |
| asalam alakum, i agree with those who said get the divorce, wait your iddah (waiting time between divorce and a new marriage) and get married asap! good guys only come once in a blue moon, don't waste him. than help your ex-husband by finding him someone to come in and help him. even if you have to get a part time job at a gas station (one with no beer or lottery of course or anything else haraam). you can hire a college student for the summer now that summer is up and offer them free room which would cut down on the salary you would have to pay him. one thing in Islam is that we should not do something wrong (ie, stay with a guy you are not married to) in order to try to get blessings for doing something right (ie, helping someone who is sick). there are ways to go around it inshAllah. |
| Divorce or Take care of husband? |
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| Trustworthy |
| 05/03/05 at 20:04:44 |
| [slm]... Forgive me but I am going to be harsh….. What are you doing with him WOMAN? First of all, he AIN’T Muslim. Who cares? Secondly, this marriage sounded like it was some kind of compromise and not love at all so again WHO CARES? Thirdly, it also doesn’t sound like he wants you around. Again – who cares? Lastly, you have a great man (you think so. hope he’s Muslim else I don’t care) waiting for you so this is where you should care. Cause if you don’t want him (now), I’m sure there are a lot of Muslimahs here who are looking. And again, your ex, he’s not Muslim. I guess it’s understandable to feel some sympathy towards his punishment (I mean test) because he was your husband. But think about it….Allah (SWT) may be giving you a second chance of having what every Muslimah wants, a wonderful husband because your first husband was a test to you. And for your patience and perserverance, you now have found a good man. I don’t want to say too much cause it is not my place nor is it my decision, but really think before you do and ask Allah (SWT) for guidance like you always have right? Remember though, whatever ailment he’s got, there are caregivers, nursing homes, nurses that come to your home, live in what nots. There are other solutions. You’re not abandoning him. How can you abandon someone that has already abandoned you? Du’as for you….. Allah (SWT) bless….. Ma-assalaamah... |
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