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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Rishta confusion? |
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| Anonymous |
| 05/14/05 at 15:37:27 |
| I am past the age when you feel left out because all your friends are getting engaged. or married. or having babies. or having siblings for their babies. or sending their kids off to kindergarten. -- ok ok i am only aunty to one beautiful girl in kindergarten. (i'm 24) basically it doesnt feel too good. although i think i'm used to it by now. recently a casual male friend of mine (we attend the same muslim pro lunches), started showing some interest in me. he's really the perfect guy, but his daily emails, daily text messages, weekly phone calls, and questions to mutual friends about me, seemed to suggest that maybe he was sizing me up for marriage. i did my best to avoid his emails, texts, phone calls, because i wasn't sure what hes up to. anyway, out of the blue one day he calls to ask if his parents can come over to my house to see me, and if his mom could call my mom to ask for permission. which she did. they came over, had chai, everything looked good. they even called back twice, but then it died there. except, his daily emails, daily texts, and weekly phone calls have not stopped. i don't want this to continue, so i stopped receiving his calls and replying to his texts. i do e-mail him though, because i don't want to be rude. anyway he's just carrying on as if this is the most natural thing in the world, as if he didn't REALLY come over with his family, and as if he's my best friend who needs to tell me about his day through an e-mail. i dont even think he thinks it to be abnormal that he's doing this, and i am really bugged by it. some of my friends told me that i should just be direct and ask him what this is about. personally i don't want it to affect me this much that i have to ask him. i just want him to go away. i'm being patient, i really am, but i think i just feel kind of exposed because his behavior is so confusing. i also can't eat or sleep or concentrate on anything, and i guess that feels unhealthy. any suggestions? |
| ?sheesh |
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| jannah |
| 05/14/05 at 15:47:14 |
| slm, if you think you're old at 24 i really don't know what to tell you... anyhow.. as for ur 'friend' do yourself a favor and make it clear the next time he calls/texts/emails that you are not comfortable with him contacting you since there is no relationship (rishta get it... a lil joke ;)) between you. just say "I don't feel comfortable talking to you when there's no real purpose to it." and hopefully he'll get the message... either he'll say 'oh well i thought we were talking for marriage' or something or he'll get it and leave u alone guys have this tendency to talk to every girl for emotional support. to them its purely friendship... and to us our hearts just work differently we easily get attached emotionally and believe its for a purpose... so again for ur own benefit make it clear its either for one or the other.. and if he's just chatting for friendship do yourself another favor and cut it off completely,and stop kidding yourself that you are writing back to be polite.. block his email, phone and screename and concentrate on finding someone else who is ready for marriage1!!! |
| re |
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| Fozia |
| 05/14/05 at 16:04:06 |
| [slm] Isn't one supposed to keep mixed-gender relationships with non-mahram males on a purely business like level?? Tell him that, you are not comfortable with this chitchat, it's not allowed in Islam. Sounds rather strange to me, I would imagine his family would have sent an official proposal if that is what they were after by now..no?? Wassalaam |
| Rishta confusion? |
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| onemuslimgirl |
| 05/14/05 at 17:53:27 |
| good advice from the sisters, just make sure you are clear and firm with him. explain that you think he is a nice brother mashAllah, but that you are trying to do the best you can to be a good Muslima and that you feel that unless he wishes to continue this with the goal of marriage, than it is best to discontinue your discussions. do istikhara and may Allah do what is best for you inshAllah. w'salam. |
| Re: Rishta confusion? |
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| Abu_Hamza |
| 05/17/05 at 12:59:30 |
| [slm] my advice to you, dear sister, is to be straight with him. ask him if he's interested in marrying you. ask him why his parents came over to see you twice? ask him what happened after that? tell him you feel uncomfortable carrying on conversations with him unless there's a purpose for them. don't hide things inside you. open up. show him what you feel, and what you want. don't let him do with you whatever he wants. you're above that. may Allah (awj) gives you strength, and protect your heart. keep us posted on your progress. wassalam. |
| Move on... |
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| momineqbal |
| 05/18/05 at 20:21:21 |
| [slm], I would suggest you parents directly confront his parents. It might be easier for you and you should stop talking to him in the meanwhile until there is some reply. After that if nothing happens, forget everything and move on. Thats what I would advise my sister. |
| Think |
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| iowais |
| 05/18/05 at 23:16:52 |
| [slm] I really don’t think you are too old….for God’s sakes you are only 24 I am sorry, but I think you are in LOVE with this brother as well…..if….(you think he is in love with you). All of these brothers and sisters are giving you the best recommendation but I think you new all this before them telling you… I would say be open to YOURSELF + to him. Lastly make Istikharah (Seeking Allah’s Counsel) <~~~~~ this is the best advice anyone can give you. I hope I have not offended any1 ;-) |
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