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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Marrying an ignorant man? |
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| Anonymous |
| 06/29/05 at 16:19:25 |
| Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatahu, For the sisters, why would you ever consider to marry someone who, while a practicing Muslim, was much less versed in Islamic knowledge than you? Could you ever truly respect such a person as a leader in the family when you are of so much better character and know so much more than him? More importantly, for the brothers, if you were the ignorant man in this situation, other than trying to increase your knowledge and improving yourself, how would you deal with insecurity within you knowing that your wife is so much better than you? I am the "ignorant man". I love the fact that the sister is so knowledgable and of upright character, and inshallah she will help me become a better Muslim. What bothers me is my male ego and the insecurity that results from it, because I feel that the sister could never really respect me or have confidence in me as a husband. Any thoughts or advice would be helpful! Jazakumallahu khayrun. |
| Treasure her... |
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| ummnajmah |
| 06/29/05 at 17:36:48 |
| [slm]Bro.Let me say one thing bro, alhamdulillah am already married but if I was in such a situation, Yes I would marry the brother. And I will tell you one reason that will play a major role in making my decision. I would have to know that the bro is doing his best to learn and practice islam and his character is good, inshallah with time and encouragement he may exceed me in knowlegde! The most important thing is that is he making the effort, not just to be with me but sincerely for himself and what is his character is like. Since you are already in the marriage, have patience, alhamdulillah Allah(SWT) has blessed you with a good woman who as you state knows more about the deen. Chuck the ego at the door, because it may end up causing you a good relationship with a God fearing muslimah. ::) Ego goes hand in hand with pride, remember bro Allah(SWT) says noone will enter Jannah if they even have a speck of pride in them. Are you too proud to learn from her or seek a brother who you may learn from or any other means? Discuss this with her, ask her how she feels about this, it may be that you are beating yourself over nothing. Let her know, just be frank tell her how you feel. You may not know this but she may be very happy with your efforts to learn, and it may be a way for you get even closer to her by learning from each other.She must have known all this from the get go and she still chose you, bro take it easy on yourself.She is inshallah going to be the future mother of your kids too, so who but your kids inshallah will also benefit from her? From all you say, this is what you really love about her but now it is causing you insecurities, common bro, shake this feeling and in turn create an even greator bond with her by seeking knowledge and Allah(SWT) will reward all your efforts. To me, this does not make any man a lesser man but by trying to work on their insecurity, they become the bigger man.Ummnajmah. |
| Other reasons to earn respect |
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| Caraj |
| 06/29/05 at 20:37:30 |
| and with all the above post in mind there are other reasons to be respected for. Supporting your wife / family Helping her in the house Being a kind and good husband to her. I realize Islamic knowledge is important but You can be the most Islamically knowledgable man and if you are not kind, compassionate, helpful, treat your wife right and support her. Who would respect you anyway? |
| RE |
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| siddiqui |
| 06/29/05 at 22:47:11 |
| [slm] Knowledge does not have any gender barriers nor does learning. Iam sure that InshaAllah my spouse will know certain things better than me and vice versa I would personally treat it as a god given opportunity and learn from a spouse, sibling freind or stranger InshaAllah [wlm] |
| I Agree... |
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| Lovin_Niqaab |
| 06/29/05 at 23:38:59 |
| I just had to voice my agreement with Siddiqui. His post is of much knowledge. A man will have more knowledge, in somethings, than his wife. A woman will have more knowledge, in somethings, than her husband. So they complete each other. To the brother who posted this topic: You have nothing to worry about. If she is as you say, a knowledged and pious person, she will not only have great respect for you and your mind and the things you do know, but she will help you along in ways where your ego is not compromised ;) . So don't worry. Really. Just pray Salatul Istikhara, and have fun getting hitched. :-* [wlm] |
| ignorance and the ignorant |
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| jannah |
| 06/30/05 at 00:14:59 |
| wlm, i think the closer you are in your level of islam the better it would be for a marriage.. just like having similar backgrounds.. its just one less contentuous item in the mix. however, its very very rare for a couple to be at the exact same level of knowledge/practice. and why beat yourself up.. i'm sure you have good qualities too.. it may not be the same as what the sister has but that is what life is about, sharing and learning from each other. personally i would rather marry someone who had good chracter and less knowledge, than someone who had alot of knowledge but bad personality traits - like treating women harshly or not listening to their views. i'll even say something controversial.. i think some brothers who are not as "knowledgable" are more responsive and caring towards women than some who "claim alot of knowledge". |
| hey |
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| theOriginal |
| 06/30/05 at 01:08:14 |
| [slm] Humbleness, good manners, haya....for me these things are possibly more important than actual 'ilm, because if the brother is willing to work on gaining knowledge, that's all that counts. Ah, this is such a good topic! Recently this guy showed some interest in me, but he told me up front...I'm not very religious. That was great, because then I just asked him all sorts of questions trying to figure out what he meant (can we say heat?), and he answered it with so much grace, I was very impressed. Anyway, I realized very quickly that even though he struggles with prayers and the Qur'an...he is most probably a better muslim than I am. MashaAllah. Oh btw, it didn't work out lol. I think you should tell her up front...honesty is impressive :) It's also important to note that he did say he "stuggles"...as in he makes an effort. That makes a difference, as long as there is willingness on your part, I'm sure the ego shouldn't be an issue. Wasalaam. |
| 06/30/05 at 01:12:40 |
| theOriginal |
| marying ignorant man |
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| sal |
| 06/30/05 at 16:37:01 |
| A woman teaching her husband what she knows better than him itself is a kind of respect .It is a true confidence in him that he has a mind to understand and learn than neglecting him as useless creature Marrying him knowing he is ignorant but reliable man is a kind of positive attitude toward him and this is a respect as a husband despite his knowledge After that it is the husband’s responsibility for any reaction she shows to continue her respect or not But any argument that occurs for any reason outside this circle of knowledge and ignorance should not be related to her knowledge as superior woman Otherwise the ignorance is the problem and not her knowledge In common during the life journey there are moments you feel you are not respected just because you fall short in very silly test such as forgetting to buy salt or sugar from the grocery on your way for the kitchen. She might call, you the biggest lazy ever seen for what seems very childish reason in your point of view whereas it is very serious for her because she has invited her mum, sister etc.. and the time is running So if she tries to teach you how to not repeat the same mistake for a similar issue and you do not take it roughly as a kind of domination because she is right in her field then things will go smooth and successful Such things happens where we learn from women what we do not know after we realize that knowledge in her mind is more than the husband’s Therefore learning from a woman about religion and any other education is appreciable than only learning how to cook and clean if she is the better in knowledge And jazaha allahu khairan for her ILM |
| the decision |
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| se7en |
| 07/01/05 at 12:12:04 |
| as salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullah, I hope everything is going well, insha'Allah :) bro, I can understand your hesitation, but perhaps you are too quick to make the decision for her :) I would suggest, if you have genuine interest in the sister, that you propose to her and let *her* decide whether you are good enough for her. it's difficult enough to determine one's *own* level of eman and God consciousness.. and it's even more of a challenge to determine someone else's :) so your perception of her level, and your own, may not be exact. it's interesting that I think, sometimes, excellent sisters do not get proposals because brothers have these ideas that they may not be up to standard. while the sister may simply be looking for a good brother! let her make the decision. Insha'Allah, your lives will connect if that is what is best for both of you. wasalaam, 7 |
| 07/01/05 at 12:14:11 |
| se7en |
| re |
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| Anonymous |
| 07/04/05 at 10:56:30 |
| Assalmualaikum, Personally speaking, it would not bother me to marry a man who is less knowledgeable in Islam then I am. I think that any pious sister, like the one you have mentioned having interest in, would not reject a person based on that. The most important thing that I would consider is if I really noticed that the person is truly striving to seek knowledge and to improve themseleves. If not, then that might be the real problem because if they are really striving, they will inshAllah become very knowledgeable in due time but if they are not really going out of their way to become better, then what is the sister supposed to think? One cannot blame a sister for seeking someone more serious as her and her husband have a future together and he will be the head of the household so she needs to be keen on choosing someone dedicated and serious. Just my two cents. |
| Why Not? |
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| zenelle |
| 07/06/05 at 01:41:55 |
| [slm] First I must say that I am rather new to Islam. I have been practicing for about two months now. My fiance has been Muslim for almost fifteen years. Although he has been practicing much longer than I have it is a great opportunity for both of us. I have learned an immeasurable amount from him, but because I am very serious about it and want to learn everything I can I have actually taught him a lot. I am the one who is constantly reading and studying, but it does not upset him at all. He accepts that it is good for me, him and our daughter. If you are doing your best to learn and practice, then no one has the right to judge you or your efforts. Allah knows what is in your heart. You should not be so worried about your ego and accept the blessing ( your wife ) that you have. Learn as much from her as you can and know that she does not think less of you, but probably wants the best for you in this life and the next. I think that by her taking time to teach you what she knows it shows how much she loves you. There will be plenty of things that you will be able to teach her throughout life too. zena |
| why? |
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| Trustworthy |
| 07/06/05 at 02:41:39 |
| [slm]..... You're not ignorant if you're seeking help. May Allah (SWT) reward you for your triumphs. Ameen. Allah (SWT) bless... Ma-assalaamah..... |
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