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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Signing marriage contract |
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| afgsister |
| 07/29/05 at 16:31:24 |
| Asalaamu alaikum sisters, I was wondering if anyone could give me the islamic perspective on a question I had: I have been married alhamdulilah for over a year, however something still comes up from the day we had our marriage contract signed and officially "married" and is causing problems in my marriage. For anyone who has the time and can give some naseeha, I would appreciate it. The problem occured because my father in law asked my family about me leaving with my finance/husband that night after our engagement party/marriage contract signing was over. In my culture this was unheard of and only does the bride leave the parents home until a proper wedding party is held and she leaves her parents home with honor. So when this question was posed to my mom, she said it is up to our daughter (and I didn't want to go and was embarassed to be asked this question infront of the guests) and then suddenly things were interfered by a guest (who was drunk that night I should add). He was speaking out of line saying we (my husband and I) are married now and I need/can go, and finally my cousin (male) spoke up and said something to the effect that in shariah you need to get the permission from the parents or something... so since then, my father in law does not acknowledge my family and has been disrespectful to me & my family b/c of that night. Now my question is this: although we were technically married, my intention to having the ceremony done wasn't for me to go that night with my husband, but just protect us when we spoke on the phone (since he was in another state) or when he came to visit me, we could go out and be alone, etc. Afterall, 3 months later we had planned our official wedding reception to be held. My father in law feels apparently that my parents and cousin did not have a place to make that decision that night to prevent me from leaving w/ my husband. I want to know what was done wrong according to the shariah so that I can once and for all end this ridiculous grudge my father in law has with me and my family. Jazak Allahu khairan for your time spent reading all the way and for your responses. |
| Re: Signing marriage contract |
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| Kathy |
| 07/29/05 at 18:36:30 |
| [slm] I am not a scholar and usually after I post, people will jump in and add their comments. My understanding is that once the contract is signed with witnesses, all rights between a hubby and is wife are allowed. You do not have to wait until there is a party. Read this: http://63.175.194.25/index.php?ln=eng&ds=qa&lv=browse&QR=3215&dgn=4 |
| 07/29/05 at 18:46:01 |
| Kathy |
| Re: Signing marriage contract |
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| jannah |
| 07/29/05 at 23:21:32 |
| wlm, once you fulfill the conditions of marriage... ie mahr, witnesses, wali, contract you're married period. you can go with your husband alone. culturally there are a lot of customs... like in desiland they have a rukhsati (girl leaving party) thing and then the bride goes off to the husbands home... and sometimes in arabland they like to pretend the 'katbalkitab' (nikah ceremony) just means you are "engaged with more leeway". so... disregarding culture... to be fair your father-in-law was probably trying to say that it was fine for you to go with his son, but your family might have gotten upset because it is not culturally done/custom in your family. it would have been better if he respected those customs because they are not "un-islamic".. i mean you can choose whatever time you want to start living together.. there's no rule it has to be one minute after you sign the contract... hopefully inshaAllah you can forgive each other and just try to come to compromises beforehand next time something comes up |
| Re: Signing marriage contract |
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| Fozia |
| 07/31/05 at 03:10:12 |
| [quote author=afgsister link=board=madrasa;num=1122669084;start=0#0 date=07/29/05 at 16:31:24] and then suddenly things were interfered by a guest (who was drunk that night I should add). [/quote] [slm] Think that may have been why things went a teeny tiny bit wrong. As the sisters above say, you are legal to your husband once the marriage contract is signed and the nikah ceremony performed. Think you may need to get your husband to sit down and ask his father nicely to forgive your family as this tradition (of the bride leavign her family after the reception) is a big thing in your culture and for your marriage to look respectful you needed to do it the way you did. May you have a long, loving and properous marriage, may Allah put love between your heart and your husbands heart, may your in-laws love and respect you for being such a wonderful and understanding daughter in law. Ameen. If all else fails remember conduct yourself with good manners towards your in-laws and this too shall pass. Wasslaaam |
| Re: Signing marriage contract |
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| Abu_Hamza |
| 07/31/05 at 15:21:00 |
| [slm] [quote author=afgsister link=board=madrasa;num=1122669084;start=0#0 date=07/29/05 at 16:31:24] Now my question is this: although we were technically married, my intention to having the ceremony done wasn't for me to go that night with my husband, but just protect us when we spoke on the phone (since he was in another state) or when he came to visit me, we could go out and be alone, etc. [/quote] Marriage in Islam has a specific meaning, and that meaning is to make a non-mahram man and woman halaal for each other [u]immediately.[/u] By "making halaal," what is meant is the allowance of conjugal relations between the two. That is what the contract means, and that is the well-known and understood consequence of the marriage contract. Anything else is an exception, not the default, and thus needs to be specified. If you had any other intentions in your mind, you should have made them clear (preferrably through your father) to the groom and the witnesses. Otherwise, in the absence of any such stipulation from you in the marriage contract (either verbally in front of the witnesses, or in a written form), the default ruling takes effect - i.e. the right of the husband to demand that you live with him. Of course the way things happened is unfortunate, and even if your father-in-law was right in his demand, it would have been better if he conducted himself more wisely. However, what has been said above by Jannah and Kathy is correct. And my suggestion to you is the same as Sr. Fozia's. Communication between you, your husband, and your in-laws is key. Without that, resentment only grows. May Allah help you, and bring your hearts together. Wallahu a'lam. |
| 07/31/05 at 15:23:11 |
| Abu_Hamza |
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