A R C H I V E S
Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| ICNA lecture notes from marriage stuff ;) |
|---|
| jannah |
| 08/01/05 at 00:10:51 |
| These were written by Adi28. She's on the board but *cough* never posts so i have to do it for her ;) Ok so this past weekend i attended the ICNA convention it was amazing alhumillah im soo happy Allah blessed me with the opportunity to go...and go in style i might add ;) we stayed at the hilton <http://www.hilton.com/en/hi/hotels/index.jhtml;jsessionid=SY5Q1XDGI4AYWCSGBIWM22QKIYFC5UUC?ctyhocn=HFDHHHF> and mannn it was soo cool inside ...and the rooms...and the beds ...hi comfy down pillows :wave: Anyways the lectures were soo amazing so i feel the need to share my notes with all of you... Ok on friday nite the first main session was Labeled Achieving Spousal Peace and they had diffenent Imams talk about different topics in order to achieve this, the first topic was: Couples Communication 101 by Imam Shamsi Ali he outlined the Basis of Communication; 1.)sincerity 2.) knowledge of one Another ( espeically in regards to culture, family history, likes/dislikes etc..) 3.) Openess (the lack thereof leads to no connection to your spouse and no unity within the marriage) 4.) Know the situation of the spouse ( like for example know what the wife/husband day consisted of, or how your spouse is feeling) 5.)Dont forget the Sweet Words ( honey, sweetheart, the importance of saying " i love you") - we should learn from the Prophet (saw) who used to call his daughter "humayrah" 6.) Be Apperciative -dont forget to say thank you - The Quran mentions Shukr, You thank Allah but you should also thank your spouse 7.) feeling of equality 8.)LISTEN! (and yes he stressed that hahaha ) The next topic was, Bringing Families Together: Relations with In-Laws by Dr Basheer here Dr. Basheer outlined sources of Problems with realting to living with your in-laws 1.) Privacy 2.) Respect 3.) Interfering in Childerens Upbringing 4.)Favoritism 5.)House logistics and then he outlined some guidlines to make realations with your in-laws pleasant instead of strained. 1.) repect to both sets of parents 2.) give advice in private 3.) in-laws should treat new family as independent and separate 4.) be fair 5.)Son or daughter should deal with their parents (for example if your living with your in-laws and a problem arises it should be your spouse who talks to their parents to try to work it out) 6.) realize that problems are a part of life The third topic was Handling Conflicts: Protecting your Marriage The prophet says he garentees a house in paradise for someone who knows he is right but for the sake of Allah drops the argument. Conflict Resolution 1.) fear Allah 2.)Soften your heart 3.)Feel for the Other 4.) do for othere waht you want unto you 5.)remeber the best times -when the bad times come pull out of the mercy of Allah 6.)Alwways keep in mind that a conflict in the faimily is the celebaration for the shaytan 7.)Soften your words 8.)fear the wrath of Allah ( thinking that you right when you could be dead wrong) 9.)keep Allah always in your mind Next to come "Common mistakes in Selection Crieteria" |
| 08/01/05 at 00:13:50 |
| jannah |
| Icna notes continued... |
|---|
| jannah |
| 08/01/05 at 00:11:42 |
| Icna notes continued... On Saturday morning after a debacle with getting out of bed on time and then waiting for people to get ready we got to the session a little bit late ..but i was in time for Marriage Fundamentals 101 and Sh. Ali Sulieman Ali started out by talking about Common Mistakes In Selection Criteria in which he urged us to first view marriage as a life journey and then some of the common mistakes he talked about were, 1.) neglecting the sunnah of the prophet (saw) when it comes to looking for a spouse - he reminded us that a woman is supposed to married for four things her property her family her beauty and her deen ...and that to marry a woman who is religious is to insure that your marriage will be blessed. another common mistake he mentioned was when you take marriage solely as a form of sexual gratification. He also urged that you dont rush into accepting some your parents suggest but first find out if your compatible with that person. what someone in the audience asked the question: " How do you really find out about a person in only one or two vists?" he suggested that before a couple marries that they should seek out muslim family services and go to counseling ( if thats availble in your area) he said that in his community he suggests 6 sessions ...or was it six weeks? of counseling before a couple should marry..(if only these kinds of services were offered everywhere) and he stressed that the first two years of marriage were very crucial. waht i found extemely intresting in this lecture was that Sh. Ali Sulieman Ali said that 71% of divorced couples in muslim communites happens when doctors marry each other! and that succesfull marriages in muslim communites occur when both individuals are active in islamic work, reporting only a 2% divorce rate .....extremely intresting i must say ( if anybody has the numbers to prove this let me know) then after that session i attended the sisters session featuring our very own albany raised Iman Badawi she talked about family in islam and she mentionded that the ultimate goal for a family should be, to be together in jannah and that every family should have a mission statement so taht every day your a re remininded of the purpose and the goal you want your family to achieve. She also said that each couple should help each other in there obedience to Allah like say for example you should encourage each other to pray fajr in the masjid or to give sadaqah or to pray jamaa' salah. Also that if your husband is the type of man who perfers that you stay at home and learn islam instead of go to the mosque for halaqas ( ....ill leave my comments on that one out of it) but that you should then reminded him that it is duty to then teach you the deen if he prevents you from learning it on his own. Iman also stressed that Sunday school and full-time islamic school are not enough and that you shouldnt depend on those two institutions to soley rely on rasing your child as a good muslim. Also that if you you do put your child in public school its your job a parent to become involved with the school and iwth the adminstration and the teachers and to educate them on islam so that by fifth grade you child dosent get the idea that he/she needs to hide the fact that their muslim just to blend in. ok folks enjoy! oh and here are some helpful sites i found http://www.reliefonline.org/mfs/ |
Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board |